Blind Items Revealed #37

February 29, 2024

To call him a comic implies that he was funny. He really wasn't all that funny. He did standup all over the country to sold out clubs, but he was never really all that great at it. He didn't care about being great at it. All he cared about was finding new women in each town he played. Literally from the first month he was performing, women were throwing themselves at him and in that first month, he got a showgirl pregnant. He was barely out of his teens and now he had a wife and daughter. His act wasn't getting any better. Then, one day he wrote a bit down that he heard an A list comedian do. He changed it up a bit and did it for a crowd who loved it. There was also another comic who loved it and thought they would make a great team together, so the pair hit the road leaving the wife and kid at home. 

One of their first stops was Miami and our comic couldn't help himself and soon took to bed another showgirl. Six weeks after he left home he served his wife with divorce papers. Well, his wife didn't take kindly to that and went down to Miami to confront our comic. Instead, when she got there she saw the new woman in his life.

The wife confronts the mistress in the bathroom and gets her on the floor and starts beating her. The mistress smashes the wife across the face with a mirror from a compact and then does a Mike Tyson and bites off the lobe of the wife's ear. She then breaks the wife's knee cap and manages to escape. The cops come and both are arrested. In court, the comic testifies in support of his very young girlfriend and she is found not guilty. 

In the aftermath, the club in Miami wanted nothing to do with our comic. They fired him. But, it doesn't end yet. The mistress gets very angry at our comic one night at their place. They have a huge fight. She throws a big mug at him and then heads to the bathroom and locks herself in. Our comic threatens to break the door down and does. By then, the cops are there and they come in and find our comic covered in blood. He said his mistress tried to kill herself with razor blades. She lived and the police believed the comic and the mistress was committed to a mental hospital for her safety. 

Meanwhile, our comic continued to try and work but no one would hire him. He changed his name to try and get work and to keep his wife from finding him and getting alimony and child support.

Bert Stone