Except for some light editing and adding the blind clues, I kept it the way the tipster wrote it.
While living in Los Angeles back in the day, one of my co-workers asked me one day if I would be willing to work a side job with him over the weekend. Of course I would love the cash!
Turns out the side job he did for private security (which was compromised of all off duty LAPD) was for the funeral of this former A list mostly movie actor. (#1). I was floored! Here I am in my mid twenties, newish to LA and a lover of old Hollywood.
So the day comes and we have to get to Westwood two hours early to ensure all logistics are ready. Since I have tons of experience with big (and small) events with celebrities I know the drill. This lovely gentleman who works at the cemetery offered to give me a private tour since they were closed to the public for the actor's funeral. We had plenty of time so I took him up on the offer. It was super interesting since it was my first visit there.
*As a sidenote, he told me a horrific story. As you probably know, this former A list mostly movie actress (#2) who was murdered by her still living former A list actor husband (#3) is buried there. This tiny cemetery is surrounded by tall office buildings. Lots of people come to visit the famous graves. One day this man came to visit #2's grave and pulled out a gun and shot himself in the middle of the day right at her grave. Tons of witnesses from the office buildings. Pretty shocking and horrible. I can’t imagine. ☹️
I digress...
So we wrap up the tour just in time for #1’s publicist to arrive. I met with her and she gave me the guest list. It had about 25 people. #1's family, the family of his most famous co-star (#4), and the family of a former A list actor (#5) who recently died and once raped #2.
She gives me her cell number (back in the good old days of Razors and Blackberries) and told me that she will communicate any changes to the list directly to me. She told me that if anyone shows up who is not on the list I must call her directly since she will be inside with the family and she will let me know the status. She was clear it was a VERY strict list and might or might not have an update.
A little while later a limo driver arrives. He’s way early so I asked him what he needed. He said he was just scoping out the area to figure out where to park because he would be coming back later with this former A list mostly television actor (#6) who was also a big co-star of #1. I showed him the parking area and then he pulled around and left. Of course I assumed #6 would probably be one of the additions to the list that #1’s publicist had mentioned. Well you know what they say about assuming.
Guests start to arrive and the publicist confirmed that the list I had was the final list. Meaning no one else would be permitted in. I thought to myself that #6 might have been an oversight and I would deal with it when he arrived (it was getting busy). I’m checking people in and everything is running very smoothly. Then the limo driver comes back. Rolls down the window and I can see #6 sitting in the backseat. I’m completely uncomfortable because he’s not on the list so I step away for a moment to call the publicist. I tell her who’s waiting and she informs me that he is not allowed in under any circumstances.
Shit! Now I have to tell him. Cringe.
I grab a security guy and fill him in real quick. (Mind you we are all dressed in our funeral best to be respectful, so it’s not like some intimidating security dude.) We approach the limo and I ever so gently inform him that “I’m sorry #6 isn’t on the list and they have informed me that I must stick to the list”. The driver was about to say something when #6 cut him off and said fine let’s leave now!
I kinda got the impression he wasn’t that surprised.
Anyway, they left and it was so awkward because by this time the narrow driveway had filled up with cars and the limo driver had to make about a 1000 point turn to get out of there. It was at that moment that I really wished I had a flask of tequila with me.
I’m dying to know the backstory on this. Perhaps a question for Mr X if you don’t know?
Ok back to the guests:
-The son (#7) of #5 drove his dad and #7's wife (#8). #5 looked almost dead even then. #7 was extremely nice and when he pulled up said “Hello, I’m #7 my wife and father”. No assumptions made at all. Very nice!
-This Old Hollywood A list director (#9) came with a driver and looked so freaking sad. Like he was about to lose it at any second.
-#1's son was so gracious and nice. Came and thanked each of us one by one for making such an awful day run smoothly. Lovely man.
-#4's family was equally as nice.
But my FAVORITE of all...
-This permanent A list mostly movie actress who is an Oscar winner/nominee from an acting family where she is arguably lesser on the list pulled up in a filthy 90’s Ford Taurus with tissue boxes and beanie babies inside the windshield. It was amazing to witness. She was super cool too and I was wishing I could do that tequila shot with her. We all laughed about that for weeks. Love her.
#1 - Jack Lemmon
#2 - Natalie Wood
#3 - Robert Wagner
#4 - Walter Matthau
#5 - Kirk Douglas
#6 - James Garner
#7 - Michael Douglas
#8 - Catherine Zeta Jones
#9 - Billy Wilder
#10 - Shirley MacLaine
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