In light of Sean Connery's death today, I thought I would pull out these old Sean Connery reveals. They were originally revealed in 2014 and were posted in 2006.
My Week With K
I guess it is time for another long story. Thanks for being patient as it takes a great deal of time to make sure not too much is revealed, but at the same time making sure everyone is still entertained.
This story revolves around an A list actor. I know we have arguments about who is and who is not A list, but this actor who is 60+ (very broad here, but think more on the + side) is A list forever. Many, many movies, some television and awards and accolades from everywhere.
Litigation usually involves many documents and in this case both sides had demanded and produced tons of documents. K and I went through many of the relevant ones together so there would be no surprises at his deposition or at trial if it came to that. Having K there to help sift through all the documents was supposed to be helpful because he was aging and so looking at the documents again was supposed to refresh his memory and he could also advise me if something is missing, etc.
For one solid week I had this actor in the same room with me and thus learned way more than I wanted to about him, his social life, his vices, his hygiene, and his women. I am not predisposed to be awestruck by any celebrity, but this actor’s presence screamed "you will notice me and bow down before me."
The very first thing I noticed about K was that he enjoyed swearing and did so frequently. He was extremely fond of swearing loudly while I was on the phone or while I was trying to get something completed and needed to concentrate. His words were not limited to the basics, but were part of a much larger association of words that all flowed together into one large cuss word. The swearing was usually interjected with how K was smarter, funnier, better looking or thinner than the offending party.
K wanted to start each morning by about 7am and he was drinking steadily by about 7:40 or so. He kept a flask on him and would start each day with a swig straight from the flask and then just use it as "cream" for his coffee the remainder of the morning. Generally at lunch he would wander out of my office, look for the closest person and order them to the liquor store for a bottle of Midleton Very Rare whiskey. Never heard of it? Well neither had any of us. It is about $140 a bottle and is not easy to find. Of course K did not offer any money at all to the poor person assigned this task. I guess he assumed it would be added to his bill. In any event someone would get it for him and all afternoon he would give up any pretense of a flask or "cream" and just drink it straight, although from the coffee cup instead of a glass. Incidentally when I went to his hotel room one evening in response to a call which I will discuss shortly he had 4 or 5 empty Glenfiddich 40 year old bottles lined up on a desk. Each of those is about $2500 and I hate to think who paid for those.
Beginning about 2pm or so, K would start using the phone. He was looking for who he would "get the honor of sleeping with him that night." Well apparently no matter how much he paid, the honor was not something most of them wanted to repeat, hence the calling which often lasted several hours. I should clarify that as far as I know he actually never exchanged sex for money. In fact, most of the time women wanted to sleep with him the FIRST time. It was after the first time that he would end up having to buy them gifts or something else to convince them to join him again. K did not have a Blackberry or a cellphone. K had a big black book. A very big blackbook with all types of comments and notations next to entries. He either made very good notes, had a great memory or was full of shit, because he always had a comment about each person in the book. There were several hundred names in the book and considering his shaky memory, handwriting, and drinking it astonishes me to this day to think he could remember them all. His comments were not the "oh she was a nice girl who loved the opera." They were all related to the various parts of their anatomy and how they behaved in bed. K was and is married, but as he put it the first time I asked how his wife was, he said she is great but her pxxsy is not.
K’s calls also included those to everyone he ever knew on any movie no matter where they were located in the world. He would start telling a story about someone and then forget a detail and have to call that person to get the detail and then would call back the original person to finish the story. If someone was unavailable to take his call, he would harangue them to the extent that whoever was on the other end of the phone always gave in and did whatever they could for K. Calls were made to his bookies. He had more than one because he enjoyed them competing for his business and also if one did not accept his call immediately, he was on to the next bookie.
Since K did not live in LA, this week with me was his time of freedom as he put it. He needed something fresh and new as he was tired of what he was currently getting. When women would come into the office it was so embarrassing watching him and listening to him, but most of the women seemed to enjoy the attention at least the first time. It was not even that they enjoyed his attention. They loved it and were very flattered at first. As the week wore on though, everyone grew weary of his behavior and after 3pm everyday the women all knew to stay out of his reach as well.
After 7 hours of drinking, he was not generally very quick, but he was still strong. If he caught you, you were going to spend some time sitting on K’s lap enjoying his eau de whiskey and his horrific body odor. At the end of the week, the office needed to be cleaned. He would change clothes everyday (his clothes and tailoring were impeccable) and that was about the limit of his hygiene as far as I could tell. K acted inappropriately almost every second of the day, but because of who he is and was, no one was going to say anything.
The problem, especially in his case is that times have changed but K has not. All celebrities to some extent suffer from this issue. The higher on the list you are, the more you suffer from it. Celebs just become so accustomed to having their whims granted and it is constantly reinforced after years and years that they really know, no other behavior. Combine that with how Hollywood was when K was in his prime and the problem is just magnified. When K was in his prime he could do anything, commit any crime short of murder and probably get away with it. When the roles stop coming, the learned behaviors do not also stop and so what was tolerated before becomes almost offensive. K had age on his side and his legacy which really helped.
While he was in LA, K felt free to call me at anytime of the night. He continued this habit even after returning home which resulted in a cell phone change which I have said before is not unusual for me. On his third night in LA, K called me in a panic at about 1am. He told me I needed to hurry over because he had a big problem and had no idea how to fix it. I tried to ask him what was wrong and if it could wait until the morning, but K would have none of that. He wanted me over there now and started to swear at me and only stopped when he took a breath.
As I got dressed and drove over my imagination was in high gear. Had he killed the girl he was with that night or did he have the cops there? What was I going to see when I got there to the hotel? The drive only took a couple of minutes as I lived very close to this hotel choice unlike his choice of the previous night. On this particular night he was staying at the Wilshire Grand. K changed hotels every night depending on what he was hungry for. On that night he had wanted Korean food so had stayed there because they have a Korean restaurant in the hotel.
The previous night he had a craving for snails and Norwegian salmon and there was only one place to satisfy his craving. The problem was it was in Malibu. This would not normally be a problem for me. However, K hated limos and thought they were pretentious. (He of the $2500 bottles of whiskey) He wanted someone to drive him from the office. He was dissatisfied with his first driver and so he volunteered me.
For those of you not familiar with LA and who think Malibu is right next to everything, you are wrong. It is a really long drive from downtown LA and made so more by the fact that every hour in LA is rush hour. I spent many, many hours in the car that day with him and still wake up sweating thinking of it. He had comments about every person and car he saw and how they reminded him of so and so. He never wavered and just kept talking non-stop. The only bright spot was in the afternoon, he wanted to sit in back and sprawl out because he had been drinking all day. The next morning, everyone in the office was under instructions to talk about food and hotels within a 5 mile radius of my place.
When I arrived at his suite he was wearing only a robe, his hair was wild, and he had for him a terrified expression on his face which was really pale. The girl of the night was not to be seen which only raised my anxiety about what was going on here in the middle of the night..
To be continued...
My Week with K -- Part 2
When I arrived at his suite he was wearing only a robe, his hair was wild, and he had for him a terrified expression on his face which was really pale. The girl of the night was not to be seen which only raised my anxiety about what was going on here in the middle of the night..
I asked what the problem was and for his answer he opened his robe completely. Not something for the faint of heart, and definitely not for viewing at 1am. Again, still have the nightmares.
The problem was that K had taken some type of Viagra alternative at about 6pm and the reaction he was hoping for was not quick enough. Therefore at 630pm he had taken another one. Still nothing. Thinking this alternative was weaker than Viagra, he then proceeded to take several at once. He was unsure how many, but perhaps 4 or 5 more which were in addition to the original two. 7 hours after his first pill, he was still good to go as he proceeded to show me repeatedly as he never tied his robe again. (Thanks for sharing) He thought a depressant might work, but having none, he proceeded to quickly drink four or five tumblers of whiskey. Nothing happened and the matter was becoming more painful.
What made K call me was the girl’s suggestion that he call a doctor. He had no intention to call a doctor and instead wanted me to call and pretend I was suffering from the ailment. So, I called down to the concierge who wanted to know why I needed a doctor and if he could be of any help. He then wanted to know my affliction so he could direct me to a doctor who handled that type of case and was still available. Meanwhile I have K right next to me and I am inhaling his essence while he keeps asking me what the concierge and then doctor are saying. After I told the concierge I overdosed on Viagra he gave me the number of someone who could help. The number went to an answering service and so I had to leave a message explaining my problem and give my cell # because K did not want it coming to his hotel room.
So we waited. And waited. First standing, and then sitting. He went to check on the girl who I later saw. She was about mid twenties but no matter of darkness or makeup could hide the fact she had a hard life and being with K was not going to make it much smoother. We waited until 2am still without the problem going down so to speak. Finally the doctor calls and I have to pretend I am some hopped up Viagra freak who has had an erection for 8 hours. Meanwhile I again have K constantly asking what the doctor is saying. I am having trouble hearing and so turn to K and say the doctor thinks they may have to stick a needle in your dick and drain the blood. Seriously, the look on his face was priceless. Yes, those MasterCard commercials talk about priceless, but this one was the best. I will never see quite that look again in my life, but it really made the whole week worthwhile.
I let K off the hook and tell him it is possible but unlikely that a needle will soon be draining the blood from his member, and that the solution is actually five feet away. The ice bucket. I tell K to soak his private areas in ice and it should go down. He asks me to do it for him, and I tell him absolutely no way. He does make me stay though to make sure the remedy works and to take him to the doctor if it does not. He grabs a washcloth, fills it with ice and then proceeds to ice himself down. The first touch brings out a scream from him and the girl from the next room. She is dressed, takes one look at the situation and tells K she needs to go. For once, K is basically quiet and thanks her and she leaves. Within 15 minutes the swelling is down and K is back to normal.
Normal in this situation means blustery, arrogant and drunk. I tell him I will see him in the morning and leave.
The next morning I was exhausted, but K was actually looking healthy. It was amazing to me that he could drink as much as he did everyday and night and go through what he had the previous night and still look ready to do it all over again. Have I mentioned his breath? Toothbrush? Not so much. The breath was either coffee or liquor and when he had neither, I got a morning hello to end all morning hellos. By this point in the week I had already discovered this toe curling fact and so came prepared with coffee.
K begins to launch into a spiel about how he learned something from what happened the previous night and that he was going to have to reassess things. I assumed he meant that he would maybe cut back on the indulgences and just being so over the top. The situation was almost like a parody. It was something you had to see to believe. Instead what he said was something like he was going to have to explore this further.
Originally this day was supposed to be the last day he spent in the office and so arrangements had been made for lunch. People wanted to be with him, but most important in LA, be seen with him. This was a situation K thrived on. As disgusting as he could be in close quarters or in private, he was completely the opposite in public. Lunch was at The Ivy, and if you are not familiar with The Ivy, look back at my old posts and there is a description of it. The entire party was on the patio and K was charming and gracious and showed remarkable self-control when it came to his drinking. I realized later that this was about the only acting K did anymore and to him it was a performance. Most of the people in the group had not been with him all week and so this is what their image of K was. He played it perfectly and you could just see and feel his presence and knew right then how he had been such a huge star. He was portraying his own stereotype and it really was enthralling to watch. He was a star again, if only for a lunch.
The fun started after lunch on the way back to the office. On the way to lunch he had acquiesced, and had traveled with the powers to be in a limo. Now, however he was back in my car, and the drinking began immediately. Prior to lunch he had ordered me to buy his afternoon bottle of whiskey and to bring it with me in the car. By the time I sat down in the drivers seat, it was out of the bag, uncapped and the first swallow had gone down his throat.
The ride back was surreal. He basically replayed lunch out loud for me even though I was right there the whole time. After every sentence was a swallow of whiskey and by the time we got back to the office it was gone. He was flying now, and since he knew he was going to be back for one more day just wanted me to return him to the hotel, AFTER we stopped by the liquor store. In the morning one of the secretaries kept talking about sushi and tempura (she got a raise) and K was hooked. Japanese was on the menu that night and what do you know there was a lovely little place inside his hotel.
I was ecstatic to drop him off. A whole afternoon of his calls and molesting of the females in the office was not going to happen. Only one more day, and a trip to the airport and he was gone. What could go wrong? 2am phone calls are never good. It is generally when people stagger out of bars and drunk driving arrests made. I dread these calls because invariably someone is either in jail or needs a ride or both.
The noise on the other end of the phone was deafening and K’s voice was even louder. He always came close to yelling whenever he spoke on the phone and because it was so loud in his hotel room, this time his voice was reaching epic proportions. He needed me he said to come right over because there was an emergency and that since I had done so well last night, I should be able to help tonight. And on my way over I should pick up some booze as well. I told K everything would be closed and he screamed booze was needed and to use my imagination.
This week I am talking about happened a couple of years ago now and so I would probably not take this kind of abuse anymore. I say probably, because you just never know sometimes what you will do. Sometimes you just smile and play nice and sometimes you just choose to not represent that person anymore or not even start in the first place. If I could go back in time to the guy who got the 15 year old pregnant, I would probably choose not to represent him and when they came back the second time, I did say no. Anyway.
I ransacked the bar at my place and gathered up my liquor bottles. Somehow a bottle of brandy broke in the car and actually the smell was quite pleasant until it had a chance to soak into everything. When I got to the hotel, there was no valet around so I had to park my car on the street and then lug these grocery bags filled with liquor down the street while the smell of the brandy wafted off of me just like K and his whiskey.
I could hear the party while still IN the elevator. I cannot imagine anyone on K’s floor being happy about the noise, but he would have just told everyone off if they came to the door and the management was not going to call the police. The door was propped open with a shoe and when I walked in, the temperature was about 20 degrees warmer than the hallway and the smell of smoke was everywhere. There were about 10 people there. Six aging men in various stages of drunkenness and undress were there along with four women who were MUCH younger and who looked as if they might do this type of event for a living.
As I looked again at the men I recognized two of them immediately. One had been in a movie with K that I remembered and the other was someone whose presence floored me. (And really no matter the condition I saw him in, it was someone I had always wanted to meet. Even more A list than K. That person has passed away now, but I still remember seeing him there for the first time) I did not really comprehend what I was seeing because it was as if I stepped back twenty years before when they were all in their prime. That night they were definitely not in their prime and not suitable for film at all. The other men I did not recognize but they were all people from K’s past who were still in the business (although I did not know them) or had been.
The "emergency" was simply that the bartender the hotel had provided had gone home and they needed a replacement. Yes, that is right. K called me at 2am to have me come over and be a bartender. (And of course bring the liquor) Further, I was to be the chauffeur for the six men at the end of the night and whatever of the men chose to bring one of the young women home with them. Why should they call a cab when I was there to take them home. The fact that my car would be lucky to hold four of them at a time was irrelevant. One man even suggested I take him home in his car and then call a cab and come back to the hotel and repeat until everyone was home. Luckily no one really thought that was necessary except for him. I was actually just shocked that they were concerned about drunk driving.
So from 2am until about 4am I played bartender and then chauffeur. I also watched a bunch of old men grope, fondle, and make fools of themselves around women that were in some cases a third their age and also a third their size. It turned out that some people did not need a ride home because they did not have wives to go home to and so they just wanted to remain at the party with the booze and the ladies. When I came back from my last trip at about 430am or so, K, one of his cronies, and the "hero" were all sitting around in their boxers and t-shirts eating breakfast. Here were two screen legends eating plates of food with hardly any civility at all. Spilling it on themselves, swearing, telling stories and looking nothing like a screen legend while also saying how much the women had loved them that night. There were just such a range of emotions that night about what I was seeing and hearing.
I left shortly thereafter, and when I back to the hotel about 7am, K was there waiting, looking dapper in a fresh suit, but the rest of him was still K. We spent all that day together and at the end of the day I gave him a ride to the airport and made sure he was taken care of by someone from the airline. I then said goodbye and really never expected to hear from K again. This lasted about a week.
For the next year or so I was on K’s calling list about once every two weeks or so. The calls could come at any time of the day or night depending on where in the world K was and what he was doing. Now I was part of his stories. I am still on his call list, but now the calls are probably once every 4 or 5 months. I think when I changed my cell number one time he took it personal. Also he has other stories and other calling friends now. But when that phone rings and I hear him yelling at someone before he even says hello I kind of think about that week and how it is kind of a microcosm for all things Hollywood.
Everything is fake but at the same time everything is real and sometimes you really just want the illusion to remain and not peek behind the curtain and see the wizard or in this case a guy with fried egg yolk all over his clothes while he is smoking a cigar and drinking. That week was my first up close and intense look at the reality in Hollywood and I have shared with you other stories that just have reinforced that shattered image of it that I deal with on a daily basis.
Sean Connery
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