This openly gay singer turned actor turned singer is cheating on his significant other. The significant other knows but was told he could leave any time he wanted but this is how it was going to be.
I think Ricky's marriage is an open marriage, at least from statements on the Versace show PR interviews. Maybe it's not as mutual an agreement? Or, a matter of him not telling his husband about certain hookups?
I don't understand how open relationships and thruples work. I get the concept, and have no issue with them, but I don't understand how one of the involved doesn't always end up feeling left out.
Also, regarding past blinds. The one a lot guessed was marriage problems between Ellen and Portia seem to either have been wrong, or they worked things out. The selling of property makes sense now, after finding out Portia bought Ellen a Gorilla preservation center in conjunction with the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund, along with starting The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund. Regardless, that's an amazing birthday present.
@Don that is a phenomenal birthday present. I really do hope they make it as a couple.
That said, as one half of a married couple that is 100% women, if we had paparazzi following us for the last 10 years and reporting we were on the rocks every time I said something insensitive*, we had a serious-looking discussion, or my wife cried**, everyone would be on tenterhooks waiting for our divorce.
As is, we’re great. Totally solid. Communication is the foundation, and so on, so forth.
*Mouth engages a lot faster than brain and I’m not as funny as I think I am.*** **she’s a crier. A good sappy commercial will do the trick. No judgment from me. ***But she still thinks I’m pretty funny. That’s love.
plot - That really did seem like a deep deep love when Portia was explaining why the gifts were so special. I wish I could find a companion that knows me that well and can merge the things I love the most all into one huge, and I'm sure almost impossible to keep secret, surprise.
"Normalize open relationships"? After marriage? What's the point of getting married then? The gay community fought hard for marriage equality, which I supported, but is there now a movement to redefine how a marriage is ideally supposed to work?
Not saying Ricky Martin speaks for the entire gay community. But the movement of goalposts feels hypocritical. I'm all for two people in a committed relationship getting that commitment recognized and honored by society. I'm off the train at "normalization of open relationships" station. Then don't get married, whether you're gay or straight.
@Ddonna I’m where you are on this one for the most part. I don’t personally get why one would want an open relationship, but apparently, a lot of men** do.
The only real difference I see between gay men and straight men (plus bi men on both sides) is that gay men are more frequently on board with the open relationship all around while straight men have had mistresses for as long as marriage has been a thing.* And That has been varying degrees of socially acceptable and expected for just as long.
I guess my point is the gays**** don’t seem to be doing anything new, only being more open about it.
*Yes, yes, not all men. I never said ALL men and I sincerely do not think it is all men.** **Or that it is no women or f/f couples ever doing that.*** ***Footnote disclaimers will be the end of me some day. ****Of course not all gays. 🤦♀️
I would assume open marriages are something gay and straight couples both have - not all, but some. While it does sting a little to see a same-sex marriage break up, simply as a gay man who has fought for the right to marry, I don't think it hurts the movement or need to have that same right in every state. If anything, it goes to show same-sex marriage isn't so different from straight marriages. Some work, some don't, some have a very loose definition of marriage, and some very strict. But the majority are just 2 people who want to share a life together, and do their best to overcome any relationship struggles they have.
Gay or straight doesn't matter at all, you all know this deep down. People are people. They cheat, don't cheat, agree to open marriages, seperate and divorce all the same. The gay community fought hard for marriage equality and divorce equality too donna I'm just happy we don't hear the phrase "sanctity of marriage" much anymore. That was downright embarrassing
Why do open relationships need to be normalized?? Isn’t the taboo/secretive nature of many open marriages (i.e., swinger clubs, etc) part of the excitement that draws them into it in the first place? Can everyone please just do what they want without having to label or opine about every damn thing just to suit their own self-serving issues? Ugh.
Well, I'm glad Portia de Rossi is happy. I've love her because of her character in Better Off Ted. She was freaking hilarious (as was the entire cast). RIP Better Off Ted.
People continue to move the goalposts. The key word here is "NORMALIZE." In other words, to make cheating no big deal for EVERYONE's marriages.
Yes, some people are going to cheat. Some people may even have "open marriages." That's their business, not mine. It's the question of "NORMALIZING" open marriages, so everybody thinks it's okay to cheat on your spouse because that's the "NORM." And when it becomes the "NORM," then to stay loyal is NOT the norm.
@Ddonna: if normalizing means “look, this is our business as consenting adults and you don’t get to judge how we choose to live our marriage,” I’m cool with that.
But if normalizing means “hey, everyone cheats. You don’t get to be mad at me for cheating on ya,” sprung on unsuspecting spouses who thought they were in a monogamous marriage, yeah, I’ve got issues with that.
I’m not sure the second scenario could come to pass in a legal sense, and I don’t think anything would stop cheaters who really want to cheat.
Thinking about it, if society allowed people to talk openly about what marriage meant to them and what level of sexual/emotional/financial (whatever) fidelity they were looking for in a marriage, there might be less divorce.
Springing a taste for infidelity on an unwitting spouse who was under the impression marriage meant monogamy is never ever cool.
Just as long as the professionals don't get pregnant on purpose, right? And just as long as the supposed "best friend" didn't have anything to do with that...
@ddonna, you just don't get it. Period. You clearly don't even understand what cheating or normalizing mean.
People can be committed/married, but not monogamous, whether gay or straight. It's not cheating, just because you can't understand the appeal.
Normalizing it means educating people that it's not as rare or novel as some may think, and demonstrating that it doesn't need to be scandalous, taboo or secretive.
Ricky's husband is a huge catch - there' no way he went into the relationship not knowing what the deal was. I hate when enty makes it out like people are forced to do something that is obviously a choice. Total filler blind, no pearls need clutched here.
Han Niam - Congratulations on 10 years! That's wonderful.
I don't see how any relationship cold survive the constant public scrutiny and opinions on what strangers think is happening in their private life. The gay men having open relationships vs straight men keeping a secret mistress point is also well said. I had never heard of a thruple until Derrick Berry (gay guy) said the word. Before that all I heard was threesome or swingers, which is still an open relationship, just maybe not as long lasting or personal.
But, again, congrats on 10 years! I love hearing of couples that have gone through both good and rough times, but still stayed committed to fighting to make it work. I don't know you, but my love to you and your boo.
And regarding Portia, she won me over in Ally McBeal. I loved that show and her in it brought to an even higher level of insane and fun (issa compliment)
Aw, thanks, Don! I won’t deny it takes work at times, but we’re in complete agreement the work is 100% worth it and makes us a better couple. (If a couple NEVER does work on their relationship, I tend to think that’s ominous.)
And this is Derrick “Britney” Berry, yes? I think that may have been the first time I heard “throuple” too. It seems like a recipe for someone to end up out in the cold, but if it works for some people, I guess it works.
Finding the right one to take advantage of marriage equality with after fighting hard for it is the best. I hope you get to experience that soon.
YASSSS! Britney. come through, references! I first heard that term when he was cast on Drag Race and couldn't imagine how there someone does't feel left out. But I guess they make it work, and I'm currently single, so who am I to say what works?
Hey, if you have the sense to be single rather than in a BAD relationship, you’ve obviously got some idea of what works and doesn’t. :)
I’ve never personally known people in a three person relationship who worked out in the long run as a three person relationship.
I’ve known people who cheated and had their marriages destroyed by it and I’ve known some Greatest Generation couples where the husband had affairs the entire marriage, but as long as he came home at the end of the day, the wives tolerated it as “normal.” None of those couples divorced.
And I’ve known couples who came to loathe each other deeply but neither divorced nor cheated.
Different times and expectations, I guess. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a straight woman looking for a husband with the knowledge that nobody would find it odd, cruel, or even disrespectful for him to have affairs.
I remember an alleged quote of Prince Charles’ that he would be damned if he was to be the first Prince of Wales who didn’t have a mistress.
Now that I think of it, maybe we can conclude that there’s really no such thing as a universally “normal” marriage.
Well it is obvious Enty and most readers commenting are heterosexuals. I agree the blind is Ricky Martin. Ricky is NOT cheating because his husband knows. The problem for heterosexual men their sex lives are CONTROLLED to an extent BY WOMEN. Gay men we do not need women therefore gay men sex lives MORE HONEST. The ideology of monogamy is a heteronormative idea. It is stupid and does not work. Gay men realize as men we have strong sex drives. Ricky Martin husband is probably involved with Ricky when he has sex with other men. Many gay male couples have this arrangement. The difference here is men gay and straight can separate LOVE from SEX. Most women cannot do that. Gay men we KNOW a man having sex with another guy can just be sex. The boyfriend or husband know this what bonds the two men is an emotional connection. The blind is clearly not written to understand gay male culture.
Hey there. As a gay woman, I agree that gay couples, male or female, can often have more honest conversations about expectations within marriage, but that doesn’t make monogamy itself heteronormative.
The “ability” to separate sex from emotion is part of the more nuanced sexuality and identity which, while heavily skewed vis a vis gender in our time and culture, does not appear to stem from gender or sex.
The gay men I know who personally WANT monogamy (whether for emotional or health reasons* or both) do have a harder time finding partners, that said.
And I would be lying if I said I have never known f/f married couples with an open sexual relationship. Or who have been cheated on.
While we, as LGBT do have a culture, its not monolithic across all regions and members.
But then, there’s always been a rift within the LGBT culture over the subject of monogamy and marriage and whether they’re human ideals, women’s ideals, or heteronormative.
*Seriously, can we all at least agree finally that there are health advantages to monogamy? I thought we put that one to rest losing so many to the AIDS crisis in the 80s.
Ricky Martin. Just because it's not a closeted blind, not that I want it to be him
ReplyDeleteyea ricky martin
ReplyDeletewasnt that blind about hooking up with his ex-beard about him too???
I think Ricky's marriage is an open marriage, at least from statements on the Versace show PR interviews. Maybe it's not as mutual an agreement? Or, a matter of him not telling his husband about certain hookups?
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how open relationships and thruples work. I get the concept, and have no issue with them, but I don't understand how one of the involved doesn't always end up feeling left out.
pneumonia related death in 3...2....1...
ReplyDeleteAlso, regarding past blinds. The one a lot guessed was marriage problems between Ellen and Portia seem to either have been wrong, or they worked things out. The selling of property makes sense now, after finding out Portia bought Ellen a Gorilla preservation center in conjunction with the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund, along with starting The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, that's an amazing birthday present.
@Don that is a phenomenal birthday present. I really do hope they make it as a couple.
DeleteThat said, as one half of a married couple that is 100% women, if we had paparazzi following us for the last 10 years and reporting we were on the rocks every time I said something insensitive*, we had a serious-looking discussion, or my wife cried**, everyone would be on tenterhooks waiting for our divorce.
As is, we’re great. Totally solid. Communication is the foundation, and so on, so forth.
*Mouth engages a lot faster than brain and I’m not as funny as I think I am.***
**she’s a crier. A good sappy commercial will do the trick. No judgment from me.
***But she still thinks I’m pretty funny. That’s love.
Incredible gift. Nah, they aren't breaking up. That's love.
ReplyDeleteplot - That really did seem like a deep deep love when Portia was explaining why the gifts were so special. I wish I could find a companion that knows me that well and can merge the things I love the most all into one huge, and I'm sure almost impossible to keep secret, surprise.
ReplyDeleteSo ....... 90% of gay relationships
ReplyDeletefilfanb - I have no witty comebacks - which proves your statistics are wrong
ReplyDeleteRicky Martin 100%
ReplyDeleteSee today’s article splashed across the gay press:
http://www.newnownext.com/ricky-martin-wants-to-help-normalize-open-relationships/02/2018/
"Normalize open relationships"? After marriage? What's the point of getting married then? The gay community fought hard for marriage equality, which I supported, but is there now a movement to redefine how a marriage is ideally supposed to work?
ReplyDeleteNot saying Ricky Martin speaks for the entire gay community. But the movement of goalposts feels hypocritical. I'm all for two people in a committed relationship getting that commitment recognized and honored by society. I'm off the train at "normalization of open relationships" station. Then don't get married, whether you're gay or straight.
@Ddonna I’m where you are on this one for the most part. I don’t personally get why one would want an open relationship, but apparently, a lot of men** do.
DeleteThe only real difference I see between gay men and straight men (plus bi men on both sides) is that gay men are more frequently on board with the open relationship all around while straight men have had mistresses for as long as marriage has been a thing.* And That has been varying degrees of socially acceptable and expected for just as long.
I guess my point is the gays**** don’t seem to be doing anything new, only being more open about it.
*Yes, yes, not all men. I never said ALL men and I sincerely do not think it is all men.**
**Or that it is no women or f/f couples ever doing that.***
***Footnote disclaimers will be the end of me some day.
****Of course not all gays. 🤦♀️
@Han Niam - love your footnote disclaimers! Need to work some of them into my own repertoire.
DeleteI would assume open marriages are something gay and straight couples both have - not all, but some. While it does sting a little to see a same-sex marriage break up, simply as a gay man who has fought for the right to marry, I don't think it hurts the movement or need to have that same right in every state. If anything, it goes to show same-sex marriage isn't so different from straight marriages. Some work, some don't, some have a very loose definition of marriage, and some very strict. But the majority are just 2 people who want to share a life together, and do their best to overcome any relationship struggles they have.
ReplyDeleteDdonna. Totally agree. Why bother getting married? Omg can we honor and respect some values, morals, traditions and commitments?
ReplyDeleteUm, no? In a free world, it's not up to you or anyone else to condone how people behave while married.
DeleteJust because marriage may correlate with certain values for YOU, it's a civil right FFS, and not up for your approval.
How narcissistic are you to think that YOUR traditions, etc should be universal?
Is it anyone's business, other than the couple involved, why people get married?
ReplyDeleteI sure as shit see no reason to sniff the sheets of any married couple to ascertain their arrangements.
Beside married guys being creepy as hell, my tastes don't matter.
Last blind said he’s into women as well. Let my Ricky live!
ReplyDeleteGay or straight doesn't matter at all, you all know this deep down.
ReplyDeletePeople are people. They cheat, don't cheat, agree to open marriages, seperate and divorce all the same.
The gay community fought hard for marriage equality and divorce equality too donna
I'm just happy we don't hear the phrase "sanctity of marriage" much anymore. That was downright embarrassing
Why do open relationships need to be normalized?? Isn’t the taboo/secretive nature of many open marriages (i.e., swinger clubs, etc) part of the excitement that draws them into it in the first place? Can everyone please just do what they want without having to label or opine about every damn thing just to suit their own self-serving issues? Ugh.
ReplyDeleteAdam Lambert?
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm glad Portia de Rossi is happy. I've love her because of her character in Better Off Ted. She was freaking hilarious (as was the entire cast). RIP Better Off Ted.
ReplyDelete@chicken I will always love her for her role in Better off Ted. One of the few half hour comedies I have ever loved.
DeletePeople continue to move the goalposts. The key word here is "NORMALIZE." In other words, to make cheating no big deal for EVERYONE's marriages.
ReplyDeleteYes, some people are going to cheat. Some people may even have "open marriages." That's their business, not mine. It's the question of "NORMALIZING" open marriages, so everybody thinks it's okay to cheat on your spouse because that's the "NORM." And when it becomes the "NORM," then to stay loyal is NOT the norm.
@Ddonna: if normalizing means “look, this is our business as consenting adults and you don’t get to judge how we choose to live our marriage,” I’m cool with that.
DeleteBut if normalizing means “hey, everyone cheats. You don’t get to be mad at me for cheating on ya,” sprung on unsuspecting spouses who thought they were in a monogamous marriage, yeah, I’ve got issues with that.
I’m not sure the second scenario could come to pass in a legal sense, and I don’t think anything would stop cheaters who really want to cheat.
Thinking about it, if society allowed people to talk openly about what marriage meant to them and what level of sexual/emotional/financial (whatever) fidelity they were looking for in a marriage, there might be less divorce.
Springing a taste for infidelity on an unwitting spouse who was under the impression marriage meant monogamy is never ever cool.
Open marriage isn't cheating.
DeleteHaving destructive secrets and lying because of hidden liaisons will probably always be frowned upon.
Just as long as the professionals don't get pregnant on purpose, right? And just as long as the supposed "best friend" didn't have anything to do with that...
Delete@ddonna, you just don't get it. Period. You clearly don't even understand what cheating or normalizing mean.
DeletePeople can be committed/married, but not monogamous, whether gay or straight. It's not cheating, just because you can't understand the appeal.
Normalizing it means educating people that it's not as rare or novel as some may think, and demonstrating that it doesn't need to be scandalous, taboo or secretive.
Ricky's husband is a huge catch - there' no way he went into the relationship not knowing what the deal was. I hate when enty makes it out like people are forced to do something that is obviously a choice. Total filler blind, no pearls need clutched here.
That's tough. Hopefully the significant other is mentally stable or this couple could really be livin la vida loca.
ReplyDeleteElton John, for the block...
ReplyDeleteHan Niam - Congratulations on 10 years! That's wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI don't see how any relationship cold survive the constant public scrutiny and opinions on what strangers think is happening in their private life. The gay men having open relationships vs straight men keeping a secret mistress point is also well said. I had never heard of a thruple until Derrick Berry (gay guy) said the word. Before that all I heard was threesome or swingers, which is still an open relationship, just maybe not as long lasting or personal.
But, again, congrats on 10 years! I love hearing of couples that have gone through both good and rough times, but still stayed committed to fighting to make it work. I don't know you, but my love to you and your boo.
And regarding Portia, she won me over in Ally McBeal. I loved that show and her in it brought to an even higher level of insane and fun (issa compliment)
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, Don! I won’t deny it takes work at times, but we’re in complete agreement the work is 100% worth it and makes us a better couple. (If a couple NEVER does work on their relationship, I tend to think that’s ominous.)
ReplyDeleteAnd this is Derrick “Britney” Berry, yes? I think that may have been the first time I heard “throuple” too. It seems like a recipe for someone to end up out in the cold, but if it works for some people, I guess it works.
Finding the right one to take advantage of marriage equality with after fighting hard for it is the best. I hope you get to experience that soon.
YASSSS! Britney. come through, references! I first heard that term when he was cast on Drag Race and couldn't imagine how there someone does't feel left out. But I guess they make it work, and I'm currently single, so who am I to say what works?
ReplyDeleteHey, if you have the sense to be single rather than in a BAD relationship, you’ve obviously got some idea of what works and doesn’t. :)
DeleteI’ve never personally known people in a three person relationship who worked out in the long run as a three person relationship.
I’ve known people who cheated and had their marriages destroyed by it and I’ve known some Greatest Generation couples where the husband had affairs the entire marriage, but as long as he came home at the end of the day, the wives tolerated it as “normal.” None of those couples divorced.
And I’ve known couples who came to loathe each other deeply but neither divorced nor cheated.
Different times and expectations, I guess. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a straight woman looking for a husband with the knowledge that nobody would find it odd, cruel, or even disrespectful for him to have affairs.
I remember an alleged quote of Prince Charles’ that he would be damned if he was to be the first Prince of Wales who didn’t have a mistress.
Now that I think of it, maybe we can conclude that there’s really no such thing as a universally “normal” marriage.
People get married for all types of legal reasons. What happens within that marriage is none of our businesses.
ReplyDeleteWell it is obvious Enty and most readers commenting are heterosexuals. I agree the blind is Ricky Martin. Ricky is NOT cheating because his husband knows. The problem for heterosexual men their sex lives are CONTROLLED to an extent BY WOMEN. Gay men we do not need women therefore gay men sex lives MORE HONEST. The ideology of monogamy is a heteronormative idea. It is stupid and does not work. Gay men realize as men we have strong sex drives. Ricky Martin husband is probably involved with Ricky when he has sex with other men. Many gay male couples have this arrangement. The difference here is men gay and straight can separate LOVE from SEX. Most women cannot do that. Gay men we KNOW a man having sex with another guy can just be sex. The boyfriend or husband know this what bonds the two men is an emotional connection. The blind is clearly not written to understand gay male culture.
ReplyDeleteHey there. As a gay woman, I agree that gay couples, male or female, can often have more honest conversations about expectations within marriage, but that doesn’t make monogamy itself heteronormative.
DeleteThe “ability” to separate sex from emotion is part of the more nuanced sexuality and identity which, while heavily skewed vis a vis gender in our time and culture, does not appear to stem from gender or sex.
The gay men I know who personally WANT monogamy (whether for emotional or health reasons* or both) do have a harder time finding partners, that said.
And I would be lying if I said I have never known f/f married couples with an open sexual relationship. Or who have been cheated on.
While we, as LGBT do have a culture, its not monolithic across all regions and members.
But then, there’s always been a rift within the LGBT culture over the subject of monogamy and marriage and whether they’re human ideals, women’s ideals, or heteronormative.
*Seriously, can we all at least agree finally that there are health advantages to monogamy? I thought we put that one to rest losing so many to the AIDS crisis in the 80s.
Was Ricky Martin an ACTOR turned SINGER though? I thought it was the other way around for him...
ReplyDeleteHe's living la vida loca.
ReplyDeleteFunny because his character on American Crime Story doesn't like Versace wanting an 'open relationship.'
ReplyDelete