The week of my moms wake and funeral, my uncle, her brother told me about her being physically abused by their father beating her constantly. It explained a lot, because she did the same to me. Now I understood that abuse carries over generations. I don't have kids, so it ends with me.
I learned from my mom a year after Dad passed that they put up with a lot of flac over their "mixed" marriage in the 1950's. Dad was half American Indian and mom was Caucasian. It just wasn't discussed when I was a child or young adult.
Mine is not a bombshell revelation, but at some point I realized my mother had some type personality disorder - she told me once she probably shouldn't have had children, and I have to agree. Not so much physical abuse as emotional abuse, which can be just as bad in a different way.
That my mother had a child out of wedlock in her teens, and she and my dad (who was not the father) spent years trying to locate her. It made me more sympathetic of my mom, and more loving of my dad, who went to all kinds of trouble and expense to help my mom with this. They never were able to find her, sadly.
That my parents were idiots? When I was in third grade I had a great crush on the principal's secretary, whose brother was a grade ahead of me. One day I came in and everyone in school is whisper whisper whisper and strange quiet. It didn't take long to find out what was up. Over the weekend the secretary had been out of town and she was raped and murdered. It was horrible -- and I wasn't even family! I read all about it in the newspaper and the worst part is that the guy who was arrested was acquitted. (Several years later he was arrested again charged with rape and attempted murder, found guilty, and drew a life sentence.)
Anyway, flash forward many years and I'm having dinner with them. I don't recall exactly what we were talking about but I mentioned the name of the girl who was murdered and my parents were shocked I knew anything about it. I'm like, what the hell are you people thinking? I go to school with her brother, I see her all the time and then one day she disappears, you know I read the newspaper practically front to back every day anyway -- Jesus, how stupid do you think I am?
That really appalled me. Parents, don't hide shit from your kids, they know a lot more than you think.
That my mother is a pathological liar. She tried to tell me that I was the surviving child of an abortion attempt and that I would have had a twin if she didn't have an "abortion". Both my parents emotionally tortured me in my life, but this was the worst story I had heard. They divorced and constantly told stories about the other I never knew the truth. Thankfully I have one child who I love dearly and am honest with him about everything. We are nothing like the dysfunction of my past.
That all the horrible things they said I was were just lies. That there is nothing wrong with me, they're just horrible people with no conscience. From there my life became my own. My rock bottom as an adult was still easier than my childhood. But that lead to seeing this life and the world as much grander and more beautiful than they could.
My parents got married by a justice of the peace a year before their formal wedding because my mother's parents didn't think my father was good enough. My grandparents allowed the formal wedding because the marriage was a fait accompli. My parents were married over 40 years, until my father's death.
...that they smoked a ton of weed and hash. When I smelled it for the first time, it smelled like their friend's basement and brought back memories of my mom playing hours of Barbies with me (and enjoying herself).
My mother used to go wild with credit cards; buy herself dresses she wouldn't even try on, claiming she would "fit into them later" while we were stuck with North Stars from BiWay and Jade Jeans from Woolco because she "couldn't afford" to let us shop in nicer stores.
When I was 18 she was convinced I had a stroke or something because of the way I walked (and also because I started to stand up for myself more often). She made me get an EEG done. (I had one when I was 6 because I would mix up left and right and I still remember that horror.) I was told this doctor didn't do the needles in the head, that it was different. It wasn't. The physical pain and the memories that came flooding back were too much for me. My mother really did feel bad about that, so she decided to take me tv shopping because ours was starting to go. She told me I could pick whichever one I liked. I chose the most expensive one, thinking I was getting revenge. She even hemmed and hawed about it.
Years later I found out my father paid for everything. All the credit cards were his, and she was supposed to get us whatever we needed with them. She ran them all up mostly for herself, yet he never said anything to her about it. I felt bad about the tv.
Oh yeah, she managed to get me an appointment with a top neurologist in Toronto. It lasted less than 10 minutes. She basically told my mother she was wasting her time. There wasn't anything wrong.
Thank you to everyone who has answered this. I got a lot of the same experiences by the looks of this. Mother who was a narcissist. My mother ran away from her parents to marry as they didn't approve of my father who was both divorced and not Catholic. She was 39 for god's sake. Married in a registry office, not the church they told me. And no photos at all. My aunt told me she used to get but all the time by my mum, and they didn't fully appreciate what she was like with me- yeah ok. And the night before the wedding my uncles all told my dad not to marry her because it would be a disaster. True.
My mom was once married to an ADA in NYC, and was being wooed by the head of the blood bank of Beth israel Hospital (also in NYC) while dating my father.
The Beth Israel guy was a former Moussoud (sp?) agent who was on the run from a prominent family in Uruguay. He had killed this family's son in self defense, so he high tailed it to Israel and was a spy.
My mom was raped by her brother-in-law when she was 12. She didn't tell - it was the mid 1940's and she was too scared. My dad was considered by his side of the family to be the outgoing and wild one because he joined the military, saw the world and lived all over the country. I'd always thought he was the opposite. He was not interested in socializing and not really interested in his kids until he became terminally ill. Never any physical or sexual abuse, though.
Thst my Mama was a bad Ass Biker Chick in the late 60's in California!! I was helping her clean out her closet (she's 78) and a shoebox fell down with all kinds of polaroid pictures dropped out with her dressed up in leather biker attire on the back of a Harley Davidson I asked her and she told me it was with her BF in the 60's.. wow.. who would've thought my Straight laced go to Church every Sunday was a Bad Ass Biker Chick? She even giggled and admitted they smoked weed on their travels.. As she put it " it was the 60's" I adore her more now than ever
If it's a maternity pun you want, I promise to deliver.
ReplyDeleteDuring WW2 my father was the bandleader and host of a Sunday night radio show from his Army base on WBBM AM, before he got shipped overseas.
ReplyDeleteThat my mother was 16 years older than my father.
ReplyDeleteOffice politics (competition at work) can ruin households and marriages. I found out from my brother (he remembers what happened, I don't).
ReplyDeleteThe week of my moms wake and funeral, my uncle, her brother told me about her being physically abused by their father beating her constantly. It explained a lot, because she did the same to me. Now I understood that abuse carries over generations. I don't have kids, so it ends with me.
ReplyDeleteI learned from my mom a year after Dad passed that they put up with a lot of flac over their "mixed" marriage in the 1950's. Dad was half American Indian and mom was Caucasian. It just wasn't discussed when I was a child or young adult.
ReplyDeleteThe date they really got married. Six months before my older brother was born, not nine months as they claimed.
ReplyDeleteThat my dad's father committed suicide when my dad was very young, leaving the family destitute.
ReplyDeleteMine is not a bombshell revelation, but at some point I realized my mother had some type personality disorder - she told me once she probably shouldn't have had children, and I have to agree. Not so much physical abuse as emotional abuse, which can be just as bad in a different way.
ReplyDeleteThat my mother had a child out of wedlock in her teens, and she and my dad (who was not the father) spent years trying to locate her. It made me more sympathetic of my mom, and more loving of my dad, who went to all kinds of trouble and expense to help my mom with this.
ReplyDeleteThey never were able to find her, sadly.
That my parents were idiots? When I was in third grade I had a great crush on the principal's secretary, whose brother was a grade ahead of me. One day I came in and everyone in school is whisper whisper whisper and strange quiet. It didn't take long to find out what was up. Over the weekend the secretary had been out of town and she was raped and murdered. It was horrible -- and I wasn't even family! I read all about it in the newspaper and the worst part is that the guy who was arrested was acquitted. (Several years later he was arrested again charged with rape and attempted murder, found guilty, and drew a life sentence.)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, flash forward many years and I'm having dinner with them. I don't recall exactly what we were talking about but I mentioned the name of the girl who was murdered and my parents were shocked I knew anything about it. I'm like, what the hell are you people thinking? I go to school with her brother, I see her all the time and then one day she disappears, you know I read the newspaper practically front to back every day anyway -- Jesus, how stupid do you think I am?
That really appalled me. Parents, don't hide shit from your kids, they know a lot more than you think.
That my mother is a pathological liar. She tried to tell me that I was the surviving child of an abortion attempt and that I would have had a twin if she didn't have an "abortion". Both my parents emotionally tortured me in my life, but this was the worst story I had heard. They divorced and constantly told stories about the other I never knew the truth. Thankfully I have one child who I love dearly and am honest with him about everything. We are nothing like the dysfunction of my past.
ReplyDeleteThat all the horrible things they said I was were just lies. That there is nothing wrong with me, they're just horrible people with no conscience. From there my life became my own. My rock bottom as an adult was still easier than my childhood. But that lead to seeing this life and the world as much grander and more beautiful than they could.
ReplyDeleteThat my mother is neither the person I thought she was, nor the mother I deserved. Let's leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how ridiculous they seemed, they are a lot wiser than I suspected. I should've listened more
ReplyDeleteJesus, you people have some horror stories
My father cheated on my mother all. the. time.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has a different father than I do. Mom had an affair. She blurted it out at a big family Thanksgiving dinner, after a few glasses of wine.
ReplyDeleteThat I love them more than I thought.
ReplyDeleteMy parents got married by a justice of the peace a year before their formal wedding because my mother's parents didn't think my father was good enough. My grandparents allowed the formal wedding because the marriage was a fait accompli. My parents were married over 40 years, until my father's death.
ReplyDelete...that they smoked a ton of weed and hash.
ReplyDeleteWhen I smelled it for the first time, it smelled like their friend's basement and brought back memories of my mom playing hours of Barbies with me (and enjoying herself).
My mother used to go wild with credit cards; buy herself dresses she wouldn't even try on, claiming she would "fit into them later" while we were stuck with North Stars from BiWay and Jade Jeans from Woolco because she "couldn't afford" to let us shop in nicer stores.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 18 she was convinced I had a stroke or something because of the way I walked (and also because I started to stand up for myself more often). She made me get an EEG done. (I had one when I was 6 because I would mix up left and right and I still remember that horror.) I was told this doctor didn't do the needles in the head, that it was different. It wasn't. The physical pain and the memories that came flooding back were too much for me. My mother really did feel bad about that, so she decided to take me tv shopping because ours was starting to go. She told me I could pick whichever one I liked. I chose the most expensive one, thinking I was getting revenge. She even hemmed and hawed about it.
Years later I found out my father paid for everything. All the credit cards were his, and she was supposed to get us whatever we needed with them. She ran them all up mostly for herself, yet he never said anything to her about it. I felt bad about the tv.
Oh yeah, she managed to get me an appointment with a top neurologist in Toronto. It lasted less than 10 minutes. She basically told my mother she was wasting her time. There wasn't anything wrong.
Thank you to everyone who has answered this. I got a lot of the same experiences by the looks of this. Mother who was a narcissist. My mother ran away from her parents to marry as they didn't approve of my father who was both divorced and not Catholic. She was 39 for god's sake.
ReplyDeleteMarried in a registry office, not the church they told me. And no photos at all.
My aunt told me she used to get but all the time by my mum, and they didn't fully appreciate what she was like with me- yeah ok.
And the night before the wedding my uncles all told my dad not to marry her because it would be a disaster. True.
That they were/are always right ....especially about people (they are from Hell's Kitchen,NYC).
ReplyDeletethat they really disliked being parents and were thrilled when i turned 18 because their job was over.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was once married to an ADA in NYC, and was being wooed by the head of the blood bank of Beth israel Hospital (also in NYC) while dating my father.
ReplyDeleteThe Beth Israel guy was a former Moussoud (sp?) agent who was on the run from a prominent family in Uruguay. He had killed this family's son in self defense, so he high tailed it to Israel and was a spy.
ReplyDeleteMossad
ReplyDeleteSadly you are not alone. Society needs to stop badgering people to have kids.
ReplyDeleteBoth were crazy.
ReplyDeleteMossad.
ReplyDeleteCool story.
My mom was raped by her brother-in-law when she was 12. She didn't tell - it was the mid 1940's and she was too scared. My dad was considered by his side of the family to be the outgoing and wild one because he joined the military, saw the world and lived all over the country. I'd always thought he was the opposite. He was not interested in socializing and not really interested in his kids until he became terminally ill. Never any physical or sexual abuse, though.
ReplyDeleteJesus!
ReplyDeleteThst my Mama was a bad Ass Biker Chick in the late 60's in California!! I was helping her clean out her closet (she's 78) and a shoebox fell down with all kinds of polaroid pictures dropped out with her dressed up in leather biker attire on the back of a Harley Davidson I asked her and she told me it was with her BF in the 60's.. wow.. who would've thought my Straight laced go to Church every Sunday was a Bad Ass Biker Chick? She even giggled and admitted they smoked weed on their travels.. As she put it " it was the 60's" I adore her more now than ever
ReplyDelete