At 1:06 this morning, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Adrian Peterson turned himself into police in Texas after being indicted and charged with child abuse for using a switch to discipline his son. Thirty minutes after Adrian Peterson walked into jail he was released after posting a $15,000 bond. The Vikings announced earlier in the day that Peterson would not be active for the game tomorrow against New England. Peterson had cooperated with the grand jury investigation and testified for seven hours in front of them before being indicted. This is going to be an interesting case because teachers in Texas, with the permission of parents are still allowed to use corporal punishment against students. It is definitely a state where belts and switches and paddles have been used by parents for generations. Lawyers for Peterson say he never meant to hurt his son. The injuries, from the photos I have seen look pretty horrific. I can't even bear to look at them. My parents used to use a paddle on me and there might have been the occasional belt too. I just don't think you need to use that kind of discipline but there are going to be a huge number of supporters for Adrian Peterson and if the case goes to trial, which I don't think it will, I'm not sure they would find him guilty.
There's a difference between disciplining your child and just straight up beating them. I saw the photos and that looks like abuse to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree ducky. My parents are from the south and they used the occasional switch and belt on us, but we never bled or had bad marks on us. I haven't seen the pics and I don't want to.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Reno, leaving huge marks and making your kid bleed is not how you discipline. I mean I never got spankings or anything like that and look how awesome I ended up being :p
DeleteYeah his other son was beaten to death buy another guy, they are going to go hard at him.
ReplyDeleteHe's a professional athlete so no they won't. He will get off with probation at most.
DeleteI was raised on spankings - my brother got the paddle on many occasions, to the point that his skin wept and blistered. There is a better way, people. In retrospect, those beatings were a byproduct of my mother's anger and frustration with her life, manifested on my brother.
ReplyDeleteI believe in spanking, as a parent and an educator. But only in certain situations, with young children whose behavior is out of control or dangerous, when they need to be brought back to reality ASAP. And by spankings, I mean on the bottom, with a hand, through clothing. And maybe just one or two swats. To get their attention and immediately extinguish the dangerous behavior (running into the street, for example).
The rest of the time, parenting means DOING THE WORK. Giving the neverending lectures, having the patience of Job, and conducting yourself in the manner that you'd like your kids to emulate. It ain't easy, and it doesn't happen quickly. Don't have kids if you don't like the idea of saying the same thing, fifty times a day, for approximately 18 years.
Truer words were never spoken fru. My mother hated her life and how it turned out and took it out daily on me. She still does to both it's like she just lives to torture and punish me because she didn't end up with Rhett Butler in a mansion on the hill having garden parties every night...we have never gotten along.. She's always mad at Something and it's always someone else's fault.. Narcissism personality disorder..so glad you could verbalize that
Delete"My mother's anger and frustration with her life.."
This is a huge topic for me. Please excuse the lecture. It took me many years to understand my mother's behavior and to find a better way for myself, both personally and professionally.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree Fru and thank you for sharing your story.
DeleteFru-agree with jazzy, thanks for sharing sad story.
DeleteWent to see news article on this and saw the pics anyway. That was bad. I read this child was only 4 years old.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what photos Enty referred to. The one I saw didn't look even remotely "horrendous." It looked like the kid had gotten his butt switched, and he probably had it coming.
ReplyDeleteWant to know why the schools in this country are such a mess? Why we have kids killing kids in school? It's all because of well-intentioned do-gooders who equate any kind of physical discipline applied to children as abuse, and the so-called "experts" who support that view. People who don't learn discipline as children grow up to be spoiled, self-centered adults who see no reason they shouldn't follow through with any impulse they happen to experience--rage, for example. All of this has been obvious as this anti-discipline movement's grown more and more powerful over the past forty years or so.
A lot of football players doing horrible things these days---maybe if society worshiped idiots that can throw a ball and slam into each other a little less and paid them a lot less they would act like productive people in society!
ReplyDeletei was spanked with switch/belt as a youngin' too. i don't follow in my parents foot steps. im over corporal punishment of children.
ReplyDeletei tend to:
grab arms
machine gun a finger (rapidly pointing it at their face whilst yelling--heheheh)
i find that walking around with aloof air while they are uber pissed about not getting something (being able to do something) is far more torturous and makes a good enough point.
Yeezus, i totally just made this about me.
ReplyDeletesome painter did something to his nephew, right? ((looks around))
This is ridiculous. The marks on the child are not horrendous. They aren't even bad. He was spanked, not murdered. Texas should use their resources better and track down real criminals. And people like Enty should stop judging people without having full knowledge of the situation.
ReplyDeleteHow are multiple lashes on a 4 year olds leg not horrific? Many of those lashes broke skin & bled.
Delete... And the photos must have been taken at least a few days after the beating since the child was back in Minnesota when he saw the doctor. Four years old!
DeleteThe pictures of the marks were taken when the marks were over a week old so yeah they were bad if they still looked like that after a week. The kid is 4. What does beating a 4 year old accomplish? Not a fucking thing.
ReplyDeleteNever spanked my children-never will. I'm hard core on this. You don't put your hands on another person. Period.
ReplyDeleteAmen! Do you hit your co-worker when they disagree with you? No, it's assault. So then why is it ok to hit a defenceless child?
DeleteLet's remember children's brains aren't fully developed so their impulse control is usually non existent
Amen Mama Bear!
DeleteCompletely agree, witwritergirl!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNeeds to ban for life.
ReplyDeleteI think his son is 11. Even so, Adrian Peterson is a big guy and should know that he is capable of inflicting some serious injury. He obviously went too far and should be held responsible.
ReplyDeleteAll the articles I've read says the boy he beat is 4.
DeleteI think Adrien has 4 children.
DeleteWhat's a switch?
ReplyDeleteAnd @Frufra, best parenting advice ever - Don't have kids if you don't like the idea of saying the same thing, fifty times a day, for approximately 18 years.
A switch is a tree branch.
DeleteAll lace - branch is not clear enough. Usually a part of the branch about 1-2 feet long, skinny but with a little flex to it. Akin to a small cane used for caning. Closer to a whip or riding crop than a stick.
DeleteThanks @ Jacks & Texas.
DeleteLike others from the south it woukd be a hickory switch. Mama would make you pick it yourself and God love the young'un who brought back a whimsy one.
DeleteMy mother went at us with her scuff, rubber bottom slipper. But she said she hated spanking us so badly she just couldn't go with what was considered the norm of the 50's / 60's. She devised other means of punishment. We had the cleanest woodwork for two years.
Truly kids do not need corporal punishment and a 4 yr old NEVER needs a beating. A quick swat in extreme instances (say when they bolt across a busy street) as Joy S says but there are truly other means of discipline that work much better. MUCH
I do not have kids BTW.
Brought back a flimsy switch.
DeleteOne of the 'heroes' of marriage inequality.
ReplyDeleteDiscipline/Spankings and beating are not the same thing. That was a beating. And I also do not think much of the mother for releasing the pics & his text messages. That seems to have had to come from her.
ReplyDeleteI believe in some light physical punishment for children but if it is leaving marks or drawing blood like a switch then that is too much. (That is not to say you look for ways to cause pain without leaving marks.) What is stupid about this is in this case as an alternative to indicting and arresting the parent a visit from CPS or sheriff's office is probably in order to inform the parents what the State finds is excessive or actionable punishment for the child. If it takes several months to make a decision probably ambiguous enough to give a warning. I wonder if the NFL's domestic violence situation had an impact in the decision to indict? Politics.?
ReplyDeleteI don't care if you are from Texas or not, beating your 4 year old like a runaway slave is not corrective punishment. The kid was only 4 and may have scars. If a grand jury in Texas indicted him, that kid is probably going to have scars. How did the authorities find out about what he did to his son. Usually the go to plan for child abusers is to pull them out of school and keep the kid at home until he heals up. The kid must live in terror of his own father. What a horrible man.
ReplyDeleteUnknown - the exwife in Minnesota has custody. When kid got back after stay with dad the mom reported it. You can see pics if you google him.
DeleteAdrian called the kids mom himself to let her know that he felt bad because he might have hit the kid harder than he first realized. Adrian is cooperating because he 100% believes he did the right thing. But 4?
DeleteAnyone who hits a child is an asshole. If you can't figure out how to parent without physically hurting them, then don't become a parent.
ReplyDeleteHow moronic to teach kids that hitting is the solution to anything.
Nothing to see here. Dude disciplining his child. For a pro athlete, it is probably safer to use a switch, cause it has give compared to his hand.
ReplyDeleteIf the kid has any brains, you only have to do something like this once, so they get the fear in em.
I tell you one gaddam thing, the many belt and switch generations never shot up their schools, like the time out and don't keep score at tee-ball generation.
I'm sure it is a cash grab attempt by the kid's mother. AP aint known for planting seeds in bright ones.
So true
Delete4? The kid is a preschooler who had welts on his scrotum.
DeleteSo your answer to people with serious mental health issues is to use physical violence?
DeleteThis whole topic brings out so much ignorance.
"Like others from the south it woukd be a hickory switch. Mama would make you pick it yourself and God love the young'un who brought back a whimsy one."--sherry
ReplyDeleteoh the mind fuck of picking out your own switch! and you are CORRECT you'd better pick out a worthy one.
This guy has 7 kids with few different females. He doesnt live with any of his kids, so he doesnt know what its like to raisechildren. This is how he was raised. Having said that, beating a child is inexcusable. Period.
ReplyDeleteBut a much larger and interesting question arises: is it up to your employer( in this case, NFL) to police your actions when u arent at work? Should a school fire a teacher if she has out of wedlock baby? Should the drunk driver be canned? And why are they going to the nfl with their personal problems? I never discussed mine with my employer. Its like employer is big brother. Do we want them to have that much power? Certain things, obviously, shld be acted upon by your employer right away- stealing, sexual abuse, drugs on the job. But everything? What if u go home from work and smoke a joint? Shld u be fired? I dont know, we may be, opening a door we may not be able to close.
I was spanked with a switch many times and never, EVER, looked like that kid's pictures. My goodness. That went far beyond a swat with a switch.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was an Irish farm girl (who happened to look like Grace Kelly, moved to London and went out with Sean Connery a couple of times back in the day!) ... she would whack me when she felt I deserved it.
ReplyDeleteOne time she swiped at me with a broom and I got little prick marks from the - what are those things called, I'm drawing a blank? - anyway I milked that like an Oscar winning actress and she was mortified and apologized.
Another time she went to spank me in the kitchen, she had hold of my hand and I pulled away and ran straight into the kitchen sink with my mouth. I was 6 years old and had just gotten my grownup tooth in the front. So my entire childhood it had a massive chip. I didn't get a piece put over it until I was maybe 18.
Got out of the spanking that time too!
But about Adrian Peterson, don't hate me but I think he was just doing what was done to him as a child. He went way overboard - I think if you break the skin, that's child abuse. And if you leave visible welts days later ditto.
ReplyDeleteBut I think this is a teachable moment for him. He didn't deny it, communicated with his ex about it, testified honestly about it ... I can't see him losing his career over this.
This is not comparable to what Ray Rice did, IMHO.
My parents do foster care for medically fragile and therapeutic children. I've seen what some people consider to be discipline completely fuck up and ruin their children's lives. My little sister was wrapped in a blanket until she asphyxiated and had a stroke by her birth father because he was trying to teach her not to cry. My little brother was shaken so badly that he'll never be "normal". So I never believe in hurting a child and especially a child so young that can't even comprehend why he's being beaten in the first place. Parents have to learn to be patient and deal with their children in non violent ways.
ReplyDeleteOh Ducky, I am so sorry. That's just awful.
DeleteThanks, sherry. It is awful what parents are capable of doing to their kids. Thankfully both of the children we have are recovering and doing well though they'll both have permenant brain damage.
DeleteWhat an ass he is.
ReplyDeleteAnd thIs is probably some mind game screw he was doing on the baby mama. To intimidate her too.
Too bad it BACKFIRED on him.
ASS.
Texas does seem to be a country onto itself.
ReplyDelete"The beating allegedly resulted in numerous injuries to the child, including cuts and bruises to the child's back, buttocks, ankles, legs and scrotum, along with defensive wounds to the child's hands. Peterson then texted the boy's mother, saying that one wound in particular would make her 'mad at me about his leg. I got kinda good wit the tail end of the switch.'"
ReplyDeleteNOPE.
I think I am still feeling uncomfortable with the NFL being arbiters of anyone's morality at this point. To give someone one chance to clean up their act - the law can look after the legal consequences but wouldn't the NFL look better if they actually took a real interest in the lives of their players rather than just seeing them as $$$$$$$ and helped them change. It would be an example to others that a) their behaviour is inappropriate - I was stunned how many men were still defending Ray Rice online saying she lunged at him first b) and that you can change if you want to and you get the proper help.
ReplyDelete@chopchop
ReplyDeleteJesus H. Christ. If my little boy showed up with cuts and bruises all over those places I would want to KILL who did it, father or not.
Those saying it's just discipline in this case are crazy. Read the facts.
I got the belt a handful of times & grounded & had to make apologies where warranted..each time I deserved them-I did terrible things..but I learned my lesson & never did them again...ever.. I clearly tested boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out the mindset of someone who can look at a little four year old and think "I want to hit this little person".
ReplyDeleteOh and I can absolutely guaranteed that despite the lack of beatings my sons will not grow up to be spree killers.
Ah, the NFL: a repository for animal abusers, child-beaters and women-beaters. How much of this is due to steroids and head injuries? How much is due to the league going for the most aggressive, violent men they can find?
ReplyDeleteI think it's a combination of all these things. This sport is SUCH a credit to America!
@Jackyducky,i just read your comment. god bless you & your parents.brought tears to my eyes & is just SOO unfathomable to me that parents can look upon an innocent lil'child & harm them like that!
ReplyDelete&just to clarify my experience,i was 11+,I was never hurt,just more surprised-it was more a symbolic gesture that i'd done something really unacceptable-nothing like what I've read above
Would we ask questions if he did this to his wife, girlfriend, baby momma? It's a very small defenseless kid.
ReplyDeleteThese suspensions keep up and there won't be anyone to play the games.
ReplyDeleteGo Hawks!
My father beat us with his belt. My mother used him against us as a threat to control us into doing what she wanted, if we didn't we knew dad would punish us. One of my earliest memories is being chased through my house by my dad and his belt.
ReplyDeleteNow if you asked my dad, he never did any damage or hurt us. It was just like the fucking ignorant posts above. No scars so not abuse right? Well let me explain how exactly his punishment permanently damaged his child:
I was molested for nearly a decade by a relative who lived with us. I never spoke up, because he said he'd tell my dad it was my fault, my dad would never believe me anyway and he'd beat me with his belt for being a liar. My father did the most damage to me through punishment by making me terrified of getting in trouble. I was in elementary school the first time this guy raped me and I fucking knew I couldn't let my parents find out because I'd get in trouble. And getting in trouble was terrifying. I was terrified of him but I was also terrified of my parents. I couldn't trust them because they hurt me too, how could you ever tell a 7 year old that that hurt is different than this hurt? It's all fucking pain.
How's the corporal punishment now?
Hugs to you, riven.
DeleteI'm so sorry this happened to you. If you can't trust your parents/caregivers, then who can you turn to?
DeleteHugs to you riven. And im sure u know this, but none of what happened to you is your fault.
DeleteJust looked at the photos of the beatings. Peterson has an anger problem and maybe a little perversion too......hitting a child's scrotum is sick. He needs help.....Peterson, not the child.
ReplyDelete@Robert- Way to politicize this
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't believe in using corporal punishment/physical discipline on my own girls, it's none of my business how other parents choose to parent. You may do as you wish, and I will as well. But what good does it do to tell other people to think as you do?
@jack ducky. What a beautiful family you have!
ReplyDelete@Virginia Staley. How dare you make me LOL on such a serious subject! I'm totally stealing your m.o., by the way, for dealing with my colleagues.
There is a lack of discipline in society, but that's not down to less corporal punishment in homes and schools. Discipline involves far more than punishment. It's about teaching respect, how to show it and how to earn it. That has to be learnt over several years, preferably from very early childhood. I'm by no means judging those parents who resort to a light slap on the bottom, but I'm sure even they would admit that it's the last resort. Unless an authority figure takes the time to explain to the child why they shouldn't do something, the only lesson the child learns is not to get caught next time.
We have gone too far to the other extreme in Western society, in that parents are now afraid of earning their child's disapproval. They're so busy trying to be friends with their children, that they won't be parents. My mother always said "I don't care if you like me. I love you too much to not help you do better."
Yoj-and its about right and wrong. You dint have to rich, smart or a college graduate to learn and know the difference btwn right and wrong.
Delete@Rivenisahasbeen
ReplyDeleteMy God, Riven. I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could hug you right now.
Thank you for trusting us enough to share your story.
That is awful Riven. I guess that explains some of your behaviour and anger issues. I truly hope you get the help you deserve and find the courage to heal.
ReplyDelete"I guess that explains some of your behaviour and anger issues."
DeleteYou are a piece of shit. Worthless piece of shit with no decency or kindness or compassion. I know exactly what you're attempting to achieve, to disregard the way your bullying and hateful words about my gender identity made me feel by passing it off as a consequence of being sexually assaulted as a child.
Fuck. You. Derek. Harvey.
And I'm done.
Ya, he could of gone without the second sentence- that was just STUPID- definitely deserved an FU.
DeleteMy only child is now 32. Yes, he got a smack on the butt in extreme circumstances i.e. going in the water without supervision (nothing like the sound of a smack on a wet hiney), but he never did it again. I grew up in the 60's, corporal punishment was still allowed in schools. Worst was when you got home, you'd be in even more trouble. Never happened to me but I witnessed plenty.
ReplyDeleteOh Riven, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteRiven, what a desperately helpless/hopeless situation you were in. You must have a great deal of inner strength.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever tell your Mum & Dad?
People make me stabby sometimes. How does anyone hurt a child? Why was this little boys scrotum hurt?
Why do some people think it's ok to hit a child? & with a stick? Someone 4x their size should hit them with a stick!!
Thoughts to you Riven
A four year old child never deserves to be beaten
ReplyDeleteI was never hit as a child and I couldn't fathom even putting my hands on a kid like that
There were definite consequences to my actions but they were never physical
Some of these stories here make my heart hurt
Thank you to everyone else for your kind words. I speak up because I will not allow anyone to silence me very again through fear or shame. And because if I won't then how can I ask anyone else to? And if no one speaks up, kids will continue to be abused.
ReplyDeleteSo again thank you everyone who showed me compassion. Catch y'all on the flip side.
" to disregard the way your bullying and hateful words about my gender identity made me feel by passing it off as a consequence of being sexually assaulted as a child."
ReplyDeleteDon't put your drama queen mentality thoughts in my words---I was being compassionate and truly hope you seek help for your issues. and you said so yourself you identify as female and always have so--what is your point? You lie A LOT when it is convenient to come across as some victim---we all see it and all see through it (and I am not talking about that horrible story you just shared)
To maybe lighten the mood and still be on topic, I'm going to give you a true story about corporal punishment in school circa 1991.
ReplyDeleteI was in Jr. High and my shop teacher (that had been there for a decade BEFORE my Mom had gone to the same school 20 years earlier) was on my case. The guy was old, short and legit looked like the Elf on the Shelf. I called him an elf and he went ballistic and sent me to the principal. The principal was a former Marine that looked like Jim Cornette.
He had been having a bad day and threatened me with a paddle. My parents never signed the forms that said he could paddle me and I let him know that. I told him that he could suspend me, give me detention, anything but the second he touches me with that wood board, I'll be on the phone to not only my lawyer but to my cousin who at the time was president of the school board.
Well, someone standing up to him was something new to him and he didn't like it and he just lost it. He started knocking things off the wall and his desk and started beating the side of his desk with the paddle leaving huge dents in it. I got him so flustered he told me just to leave his sight and get back to class. The girl that was working in the office was biting her nails when I walked out and asked me if I was OK. I told her I just pissed the principal off so bad he went psycho on his office and got sent back to class (years later I found out the girl developed a crush on me right at that moment).
Well, cut to about 2000 and my brother has gotten sent to the principal and was being sent home for the day. Since I was over 18 and my parents couldn't be reached, I was his legal guardian so I had to go talk to the principal. I walk in and it's the same principal. I look at the desk and those huge dents are still there. I start cracking up and all of a sudden he remembers where he knows my brothers last name from. He starts getting pissed and just tells me to take him home and he can return tomorrow.
I tell my brother the story of the desk and a few weeks later he goes to the principal and asks him about it. He verifies everything I said and my brother then pisses him off by saying "You must've really hated being shown up by a student, huh?" There was nothing he could do since he hadn't broken any rules and it was after school, but the principal tried his best to make the rest of the year bad for my brother so my brother acted like a saint the rest of the year just to fuck with him.
Poor @sugarbread maker. Your mother should be proud of you. You're so lovely.
ReplyDeleteYou, Derek..thank you for your kind words.. Really and truly..
DeleteRowdy you're my hero too!!
Riven.. Sometimes shit happens to us and you know no matter what your parents won't take your side, or anyone else, so you just have to eat it until you want to die.. Feel better girl... A lovestruck Romeo got a serenade.
@sugarbr---that is awful--I am so sorry. You seem to have a very together personality though---so nice and fun! It is strange how some victims of abuse can pull it together and others cant. The ones that are always mad at someone or something and blaming others I truly feel sorry for. What a miserable life they must live. I am fortunate and never had abuse etc. and learned when I make a mistake to own up to it and not blame others--you seem to be the same way-you are one of my fav posters --so sad to hear xoxoxox
ReplyDelete@RowdyRodimus is a badass!
ReplyDelete@Rowdy---when you write a post you really commit! that is pretty funny --and shop teachers are the worst and needless to say I hated shop class (too bad there was never a SHOPPING class--I could have gone to Harvard if that was the case..)
ReplyDeleteDon't generalize this kind of punishment to the South. My Scottish grandmother and mother both took switches to me until I was a teenager and they NEVER left marks like these.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother use to send my male cousins out to pick their own switches. I kept me on the straight and narrow, watching them pick the instrument for their punishment. My grandmother was tiny and the boys were going to be huge. Later she told me, she needed to make sure they were terrified of her, so they would obey her later. I am for the South and switches and belts were commonly used on boys. I can't remember any marks being left.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in an extremely abusive, violent household. My sister is 10 years younger than I am. We would get in knock-down, drag-out fights. It was like I didn't know when to stop. I was simply repeating the behavior I had grown up with, what was acceptable or "normal" in my house. I realized that I was repeating the cycle. I decided not to have children partially for this reason.
ReplyDeleteLove and high-fives to everyone who lived through hell and made it to the other side. Juniper, I totally get what you're saying. I had no clue how to react to anger and stress except to lash out physically. My brother and I fist-fought like that, too. It was just what happened in our family. I'm happy to say that we've both worked through our shit and are successfully raising boys (we both have two sons) who will never dream of reacting to their anger physically. Thank God, the cycle CAN be broken.
ReplyDelete@Riven your story is awful but I think the dynamic is more complicated than that. Many kids with loving parents are molested and don't tell, and it's not because they're afraid of their parents.
ReplyDeleteLots of people spank their kids. This guy went WAY too far (on a 4 year old? my god) ... but he thought he was doing the right thing. He's from a state where corporal punishment is legal, and he was probably whupped when he was little, and he considers himself a success in life, perhaps BECAUSE of the whupping.
I think this could be a teachable moment for this man.
As opposed to Ray Rice who knocked out his fiancee for no good reason. Not that there's ever a good reason to knock a woman unconscious.
spanking is about a parent losing control. Children know how to trigger us. They shine a spotlight on our perceived short comings. When we brush up against that we get mad, shamed, vulnerable. I was beaten as a child. Some people would call it "discipline" now a days it would be considered abuse. Thank God for that! It was abuse. An adult putting their hands on a child, what does that teach? How will that show and model for a child self discipline, self regulation, self control? That boy was 4. 4 people. What could a 4 year old possibly do to deserve a professional football player beating him with a switch until he was bruised and bled? I was the pics, there was broken skin and bruising a week later. Makes me sick. To all those who said this was how you were raised, know that when you grow up, you're supposed to do better! I was pressured by my mother to spank my kids to keep them from being "monsters" I did it a handful of times until they were 3. I couldn't stomach it anymore. I hated it. I finally realized my past did not have to dictate the future. I spend time with my kids, I listen to my kids, we work together to figure out what's appropriate or not, what was done poorly and what can be done better. Except for the 2-3 spanks they got when they were 3 or 4, talking and observing is how we correct behavior now. My kids are amazing! So well behaved that people have asked if they are robots or if I "spank them a lot". There are far, far, better ways to parent and discipline, it just takes effort. I am so happy that my children will never live the childhood I did.
ReplyDeleteLet's get real. This is BLACK thug culture. Ray Rice, Chris Brown, Peterson, shooting Suge, etc. all of these no good thugs and their thug lifestyle getting mainstream attention because one of the losers gets in the NFL, a record deal, etc.
ReplyDeleteWe were hit, whipped and beaten with just about everything growing up (belt, switch, homemade paddle, razor strap, boat paddle, fly swatter, wooden spoon hand even kicked on occassion). My dad had anger issues and it was completely exceptable back in the day (thank god he didn't drink). All my cousins caught the same from their anger challenged dad's. One of many reasons I never had kids.
ReplyDeleteM, that's a good point. But consider this - and it's just a hypothesis. If you get a spanking from your parents ... but all your friends get the same type of spanking from THEIR parents ... then maybe there isn't that sense of victimhood, but rather "this is how parents discipline their kids."
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think how a child feels about that is related to his relationship with his parents on an everyday basis - when he's NOT being spanked. Are the parents accessible, affectionate, interested in their children? I mean, my mom spanked me (NEVER like Adrian Peterson did, never even close) ... I can't say I was afraid of the spankings, they certainly didn't hurt enough that I feared the pain, but I did fear my mother's displeasure as expressed by the spankings... and she WASN'T out of control, she never seemed to enjoy spanking me.
But I knew that of X billion people on the planet, I was hands down the most important thing in my mother's life, and I was 100% loved and cherished. She dragged me around everywhere, never seemed bored by me ... she ENJOYED having a child. And I didn't sit there wondering and fearing when she'd go off on me - her anger/spankings were always appropriate to my misbehavior.
So ... there are a lot of factors, I think, in how a child relates to his parent - and whether or not the parent spanks (assuming they're not doing real physical damage - and bruises and lacerations ARE damage) ... that's not the most important factor IMO.
@M: You lost me at "spanking is about a parent losing control" I never lost control when I've spanked my son. It is a consequence of his actions, not a way for me to vent anger, and he gets the choice to remedy them before he gets spanked.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lose control, I yell, and that will scare the shit out of him and make him cry waaaaay quicker than spanking.
@count you seem like the type who always hits his target.. take that anyway you want boo!!
ReplyDelete