Yes and now is one of them. But id never get to the point where Id ever consider suicide. Life is hard and sometimes its harder than that but you deal and cope and fight back. Suicide is never something Id consider
Yes, briefly after my wedding. My husband was being very difficult. Went to the doctor for anti-depressants to deal with it when I realized I couldn't get through it myself. Helped me to balance out for a month or so and then I was able to get back to my normal positive self. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. And I understand how overwhelming it can feel.
Really? After the other 2 posts where people basically answered this question already? Here's a suggestion for you Enty, Entern, whoever runs this site and is profiting off this post:
Donate all ad revenue from the last 24 hours to NAMI.
Thank you! NAMI is an incredible organization. I highly recommend any of the NAMI walks across the country. It is amazing to see how many people's lives are touched my mental illness. You truly never know what goes on behind closed doors.
No problem, I also recommend AFSP, I do an Out of the Darkness walk every year for my brother, looks like I'll be doing it for Mr Keating this year too.
Lolz. Needed a little laughter there. I better get my mirror out and check on mine.
Which reminds me. - laughter is awesome medicine. I'm not saying it can cure clinical depression, but it sure can help a case of the blues. So thank u Lady H!
Once, I was taking medicine and one of the side effect's was depression. It caused me to cry constantly for no reason at all. It was so bad, I quit taking the medicine.
Would it not be easier to establish who has never experienced depression? May be easier to count the numbers.
I have, it was utterly savage and near uncontrollable. And when, if you are lucky enough to, emerge it is like emerging from the most horrendous battle ever fought. When I finally return to sanity I often wonder how I survived while someone else has not.
I feel for Robin Williams. He fought hard undoubtedly. His death is a huge loss.
There's not a person in the world who hasn't been depressed at one time or another. Like Robin, I have some family members who suffer severe clinical depression and I think it's hard for the typical person to comprehend how someone who is in that condition can't just get over their feelings. Someone I grew up with committed suicide this past February and his family is still trying to come to grips with the guilt and senselessness of it. He felt a complete sense of loss and helplessness and truly believed his family would be better off without him. Unfortunately, I think that is the way most suicidal people feel.
Like a monster tied to my ankle. Some days there's slack in the rope. Some days it's close enough to latch on. It never leaves, but sometimes it's easier coping.
I have severe depression disorder and I am currently on medication. Without it I can cry over any set back big or small. It physically hurt at times, making it difficult to get out of bed just to take a shower.
Even with my medication I have suicidal thoughts almost daily. I don't have a plan nor do I actually want to do it, but the thoughts don't go away.
First suicide attempt at 10 years old. Does that answer the question?
Sorry, I don't mean to be snarky. Here's a cut and paste (sorry for the length!) from my blog regarding it all:
I've never really hidden much about my life. Most people know that, like Robin Williams, I've fought the uphill battle of mental illness (in my case, major depressive disorder with suicidal tendencies and a bunch of other mental health issues) for almost my entire life. My first suicide attempt was at age 10.
Until 8 years ago, I used alcohol to "self-medicate" those feelings of worthlessness into submission. I *get* how easy it is to pick up a glass of scotch or beer or wine or whatever it takes to make life seem a little more worthwhile. And it seems to work... for a while. Until the next time... or when "just one more" becomes not enough to make the grey cloud go away. I get it.
I also know all too well how easy it is to have everything slip and to think there is only ONE solution, to make it all go away and to make the hurt stop. Lucky for me, I have someone (my beloved husband) who won't let me go into the darkness alone. He's fought for me, forced me to get help when I didn't want it, made me see that (despite all the dark, twisty parts of my psyche) my life really is worth SO much more, and that I need to be here. For that, I'm grateful and thankful.
I just wish Robin had that person in his life. RIP Mr. Williams. Peace, love, and light to your spirit and all those who knew and loved (and still love) you.
(And for those who bring up all the wonderful, positive things in the lives of people struggling with Major Depressive Disorder and suicidal tendencies: it's really NOT that easy. The greyness permeates every corner of our brains. We could have EVERYTHING going for us... happy family, great job, nice home, amazing friends... and we still feel like this. It's a chemical imbalance in our brains. Drugs and alcohol only mask it. Telling us to "snap out of it" and to "enjoy all the great things we have" doesn't help. Really, medication and therapy and a trusted loved one who can recognize the symptoms and isn't afraid to force us into treatment are really the only things that help. For more information, please visit NAMI's website.)
I have not only been depressed but stood on the edge of the abyss of suicide. To this day I am not sure why I'm still here, but I managed to crawl out of the pit of darkness and have stayed out. It's hard for some to understand why, I do understand, hopefully I won't ever be on that edge again.
You all know you can email Enty with your suggestions, right? Instead of posting them in comments where they might not be seen. Goes the same with articles. I know he does read email.
Yes. It's difficult to learn how to divert away - especially when anxiety drives the "brain chatter" that leads you down the spiraling rabbit hole.
For me, learning techniques of how to stay present in the moment and use meditation to stop anxious thoughts from creating "scenarios".
Real life at hand is difficult to navigate as it is.
I want to share something else. What I have found (as a Cancer) is that folks with my astrological sign are extremely sensitive to others - meaning the vibes and feelings they project. I'll speak for myself in saying I know many of my anxious - depression scenarios turned out Not to be my issues. They belonged to others but I took them on as my own. To deal with the overwhelming projected feelings, one if 2 things would happen: I'd internalize and believe it was my problem to solve and get depressed when I couldn't. Or, I'd get anxious and overtly hyper compassionate in trying to save others from the situation. I'd like to suggest that in some small part, this may also have affected Robin Williams (who was also if the same sign).
Wow for everyone who's felt suicidal or attempted suicide and deal with this horribly crippling affliction I send you a hug. I cannot imagine the pain you fight every day. My heart goes out to you.
And I only felt depressed when I was around 14. My husband suffers from depression and when the black dog arrives it's all I can do to pull him out. I hope I am able to do so. Life would be shitty without him.
All the hugs to those dealing with MI issues. The one thing about Robin Williams' death is that I've not read one horrible thing about him and so many people are rallying around getting help and destigmatizing MI. I want to stand on a desk! :)
@Sherry, I've heard that "black dog" phrase before, but I can't remember where. A very apt description.
Thanks Vera for helping out there. I couldn't remember who said it. Seems like someone else used that term as well. Or maybe it's so apt it's been adopted by many.
I don't know if it counts as depression, but when I was a teenager I had terrible panic attacks. It was like watching a stained glass window shatter in slow motion. Haven't had any of these in years though. I'm - so - stable - now - it's - sick.
terrible deep suicidal depression. I consciously make myself be positive so that I don't sink into the mire. it's very easy to get down. if I focus on gratitude, what's good, my blessings, then I can go on in a happy way But, the darkness is always there. the world has a lot in it to be sad about. its a matter of focus for me. what I focus on becomes the center of my attention and sets the tone. there are two sides to everything. the good and bad. but yes I have experienced major suicidal depression. I just told myself I couldn't do that to my family, and forced myself to have faith that life would get better, that things pass. which is true. nothing stays the same forever.
Yes. A mood stabilizer really helped me, and still does. I can function without the wild mood swings. Thank god. I tried illegal drugs, but nothing ever worked as well as medication.
Eleven years and counting. Finally finding the appropriate medication and receiving Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped enormously, but it's still a daily struggle.
Yes, depression since my teens; I also had severe anxiety as a child, but amazingly no one knew but me (good actress). I now am grateful and thankful for SSRIs to keep me stable.
Reading what all of you have shared is very enlightening. I feel for everyone here. A few times life has overwhelmed me and I've asked myself "What's the point?" But I could never do it to my loved ones, nor my faith; at least I like to think so anyway.
I don't know if I'd realized how many people suffer from such deep depression.
I do know that what helps some doesn't always help others. Like other illnesses too, when you feel like crap it's so hard, to impossible, to help yourself.
Laughter almost always helps me, that's one reason Robin will be missed
Situational depression. I work at a mental health clinic for individuals diagnosed with mdd, bipolar and schizophrenia, so I see it on a daily basis. I don't claim to know or even understand but I empathize. Its hard a battle.
Yes and anxiety. If I am unemployed or between jobs during the summer etc. it can get really bad. Then anxiety kicks in with regards to finding a new job or worrying about the next school year. It is terrible and I can see how people just give up.
Ever since I was 13 and I still struggle with it now (I'm 47) and I tried to kill myself 3 times. Prozac literally saved my life. I now take 40 mg a day and it changed my life.
Yes, since I was a child. The one "good" thing that's come of Robin's death has been the discussions. They won't last, but at least they're happening! http://hatetosaytoldyouso.blogspot.com/2014/08/robin-williams-is-bullshit.html
I've been diagnosed with severe depression for 13 years. Finding the proper anti-depressants, doctor, coping mechinisims are all key. With doing all of the above I still have days where I just think "it would be so much easier if..."
Yes. Have been on medicine for 20+ years. It's a condition you deal with daily, and what has helped me most is realizing my limitations and not being too hard on myself.
Not depression. PTSD and panic disorder, though. Often the panic wears me out and I "feel" somewhat depressed and exhausted, but that isn't the same as being biochemically depressed. It's just a concurrent symptom of PTSD and Panic Disorder.
Yep. Several suicide attempts. Several hospital inpatient admissions. Almost a decade of counselling. Intensive therapy for 2 years (5 days a week, then 4 days, then 3). Feeling pretty good at the mo, but I still have self destructive tendancies. One of them is answering this question which is a painful reminder on what started out as a nice morning. Sheesh! I'm going to have to buy shampoo now, lift my spirits hehe
One time. My ex husband had severe bipolar and my nerves just could take it anymore. Got put on an antidepressant and weaned myself off 1 year later. Been good since.
yes, but for me my deep depression lessened when I stopped drinking and using opiates. For a while I went on an anti-depressant (while still an addict) Welbutrin, and it was the only time in my life that I thought seriously about killing myself. Thankfully I realized what was causing it and got off. So heartbreaking that he was in so much pain :(
Every day for the past 25 yrs or so. I've been on every med known, therapy is a crock, it's just something you have to deal or die with. Sometimes you don't know if you'll want to be bothered with waking the next day.
Everyday you make it through is an accomplishment. Most people will never go through that though.
My husband committed suicide 4 years ago last Friday. Since his death, there's this weight that's settled in. Some days I cant even get out of bed. I've seen Grief Counselors, tried the meds, but its still here. Everyone says I should be MAD at him, get ANGRY, because he didnt care enough to stay. He LEFT me. I get that. but I cant be angry because I UNDERSTAND where he was when he did what he did. I know those feelings, that bleakness where there is no light, all too well. I live with it daily, and the desire to join him, wherever he is, grows stronger every day.
It is interesting what we all share here and what we have in common. I love this community and everyone who posts here, we all fight battles. I hope that we can keep reminding one another that life is good. It is. Even when the darkness creeps in, there is light.
And, yes, I've fought it for years. Thought of taking my life many times, gave it a pretty good go on several occasions. When #1 came, I understood why I was never successful. And as I sit here, with #2 sleeping peacefully on my chest... I am so, so glad I never was.
Anyone in this country, who watches CNN and works in the tech industry has been or will be on mood disorder drugs at some point. Between taxes, our government and the world crisis - kids, college education bills (ours and theirs) food, clothes, household bills, insurance premiums, and cars for everyone feels the pressure and sometimes feels like drowning themselves in their own pools. Lucky these things are transitory if you get treatment. Health scares are just the shitty topping on the sundae that is our lives if you are middle class in this country. Which means you make a little less than 250k. More than that, you are on easy street being upper middle class. Yeah everyone is depressed, with moments of joy and satisfaction.
good grief---no never---life is just sunshine and lollypops 24/7....
ReplyDeleteYes and now is one of them. But id never get to the point where Id ever consider suicide. Life is hard and sometimes its harder than that but you deal and cope and fight back. Suicide is never something Id consider
ReplyDeleteoh gawd, lets not turn today into a weepfest.
ReplyDeletegiving chicks an open forum to be overly emotional wont end well.
@fancys. Lol! (U make a point, but then again what would the world be with out a woman's emotions? That's a rhetorical question btw)
DeleteYes, briefly after my wedding. My husband was being very difficult. Went to the doctor for anti-depressants to deal with it when I realized I couldn't get through it myself. Helped me to balance out for a month or so and then I was able to get back to my normal positive self. If it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. And I understand how overwhelming it can feel.
ReplyDeleteYes. TODAY!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNo but my favorite uncle did…it's pretty awful
ReplyDeleteYes several times but most recently after that passing of my mom 2years ago after a long battle with Parkinson's
ReplyDeleteReally? After the other 2 posts where people basically answered this question already? Here's a suggestion for you Enty, Entern, whoever runs this site and is profiting off this post:
ReplyDeleteDonate all ad revenue from the last 24 hours to NAMI.
Thank you! NAMI is an incredible organization. I highly recommend any of the NAMI walks across the country. It is amazing to see how many people's lives are touched my mental illness. You truly never know what goes on behind closed doors.
DeleteNo problem, I also recommend AFSP, I do an Out of the Darkness walk every year for my brother, looks like I'll be doing it for Mr Keating this year too.
Deletehttps://www.afsp.org/
Yep. Every winter.
ReplyDeleteYep. Every summer.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete#teamrivent
ReplyDeleteSupport NAMI
Charlotte York's vagina even suffered from depression once. True story.
ReplyDeleteLolz. Needed a little laughter there. I better get my mirror out and check on mine.
DeleteWhich reminds me. - laughter is awesome medicine. I'm not saying it can cure clinical depression, but it sure can help a case of the blues. So thank u Lady H!
I had a period of depression back in college. It was enough for me to understand that if you've unever experienced it--you have no idea.
ReplyDeleteOnce, I was taking medicine and one of the side effect's was depression. It caused me to cry
ReplyDeleteconstantly for no reason at all. It was so bad, I quit taking the medicine.
Would it not be easier to establish who has never experienced depression? May be easier to count the numbers.
ReplyDeleteI have, it was utterly savage and near uncontrollable. And when, if you are lucky enough to, emerge it is like emerging from the most horrendous battle ever fought. When I finally return to sanity I often wonder how I survived while someone else has not.
I feel for Robin Williams. He fought hard undoubtedly. His death is a huge loss.
There's not a person in the world who hasn't been depressed at one time or another. Like Robin, I have some family members who suffer severe clinical depression and I think it's hard for the typical person to comprehend how someone who is in that condition can't just get over their feelings. Someone I grew up with committed suicide this past February and his family is still trying to come to grips with the guilt and senselessness of it. He felt a complete sense of loss and helplessness and truly believed his family would be better off without him. Unfortunately, I think that is the way most suicidal people feel.
ReplyDeleteU REALLY SHOULD REALLY GIVE A KINDNESS REVEAL RATHER THAN A TRIGGER ENTERN!!! IM BEING SERIOUS & I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT 4 CHRISSAKE
ReplyDeleteLike a monster tied to my ankle. Some days there's slack in the rope. Some days it's close enough to latch on. It never leaves, but sometimes it's easier coping.
ReplyDeleteI have severe depression disorder and I am currently on medication. Without it I can cry over any set back big or small. It physically hurt at times, making it difficult to get out of bed just to take a shower.
ReplyDeleteEven with my medication I have suicidal thoughts almost daily. I don't have a plan nor do I actually want to do it, but the thoughts don't go away.
First suicide attempt at 10 years old. Does that answer the question?
ReplyDeleteSorry, I don't mean to be snarky. Here's a cut and paste (sorry for the length!) from my blog regarding it all:
I've never really hidden much about my life. Most people know that, like Robin Williams, I've fought the uphill battle of mental illness (in my case, major depressive disorder with suicidal tendencies and a bunch of other mental health issues) for almost my entire life. My first suicide attempt was at age 10.
Until 8 years ago, I used alcohol to "self-medicate" those feelings of worthlessness into submission. I *get* how easy it is to pick up a glass of scotch or beer or wine or whatever it takes to make life seem a little more worthwhile. And it seems to work... for a while. Until the next time... or when "just one more" becomes not enough to make the grey cloud go away. I get it.
I also know all too well how easy it is to have everything slip and to think there is only ONE solution, to make it all go away and to make the hurt stop. Lucky for me, I have someone (my beloved husband) who won't let me go into the darkness alone. He's fought for me, forced me to get help when I didn't want it, made me see that (despite all the dark, twisty parts of my psyche) my life really is worth SO much more, and that I need to be here. For that, I'm grateful and thankful.
I just wish Robin had that person in his life. RIP Mr. Williams. Peace, love, and light to your spirit and all those who knew and loved (and still love) you.
(And for those who bring up all the wonderful, positive things in the lives of people struggling with Major Depressive Disorder and suicidal tendencies: it's really NOT that easy. The greyness permeates every corner of our brains. We could have EVERYTHING going for us... happy family, great job, nice home, amazing friends... and we still feel like this. It's a chemical imbalance in our brains. Drugs and alcohol only mask it. Telling us to "snap out of it" and to "enjoy all the great things we have" doesn't help. Really, medication and therapy and a trusted loved one who can recognize the symptoms and isn't afraid to force us into treatment are really the only things that help. For more information, please visit NAMI's website.)
Daily
ReplyDeleteI have not only been depressed but stood on the edge of the abyss of suicide. To this day I am not sure why I'm still here, but I managed to crawl out of the pit of darkness and have stayed out. It's hard for some to understand why, I do understand, hopefully I won't ever be on that edge again.
ReplyDeleteYou all know you can email Enty with your suggestions, right? Instead of posting them in comments where they might not be seen. Goes the same with articles. I know he does read email.
ReplyDeleteNo...but I'm a little depressed right now. My boyfriend is being stupid.
ReplyDeleteYes. Attempted suicide twice. Still here. Still fighting. Will probably always be fighting.
ReplyDeleteYes. It's difficult to learn how to divert away - especially when anxiety drives the "brain chatter" that leads you down the spiraling rabbit hole.
ReplyDeleteFor me, learning techniques of how to stay present in the moment and use meditation to stop anxious thoughts from creating "scenarios".
Real life at hand is difficult to navigate as it is.
I want to share something else. What I have found (as a Cancer) is that folks with my astrological sign are extremely sensitive to others - meaning the vibes and feelings they project. I'll speak for myself in saying I know many of my anxious - depression scenarios turned out Not to be my issues. They belonged to others but I took them on as my own. To deal with the overwhelming projected feelings, one if 2 things would happen: I'd internalize and believe it was my problem to solve and get depressed when I couldn't. Or, I'd get anxious and overtly hyper compassionate in trying to save others from the situation. I'd like to suggest that in some small part, this may also have affected Robin Williams (who was also if the same sign).
Wow for everyone who's felt suicidal or attempted suicide and deal with this horribly crippling affliction I send you a hug. I cannot imagine the pain you fight every day. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I only felt depressed when I was around 14. My husband suffers from depression and when the black dog arrives it's all I can do to pull him out. I hope I am able to do so. Life would be shitty without him.
Debilitating, no will to live, hurts just to breathe...been there; hated that.
ReplyDeleteI love that idea, @Riven. Love it hard.
ReplyDeleteAll the hugs to those dealing with MI issues. The one thing about Robin Williams' death is that I've not read one horrible thing about him and so many people are rallying around getting help and destigmatizing MI. I want to stand on a desk! :)
@Sherry, I've heard that "black dog" phrase before, but I can't remember where. A very apt description.
Black Dog is what Churchill called it. He also struggled with depression.
ReplyDeleteI deal with depression and anxiety/PTSD. Some days are better than others.
Wishing strength and love to all of those fighting the good fight.
Thanks Vera for helping out there. I couldn't remember who said it. Seems like someone else used that term as well. Or maybe it's so apt it's been adopted by many.
DeleteI don't know if it counts as depression, but when I was a teenager I had terrible panic attacks. It was like watching a stained glass window shatter in slow motion. Haven't had any of these in years though. I'm - so - stable - now - it's - sick.
ReplyDeleteterrible deep suicidal depression. I consciously make myself be positive so that I don't sink into the mire. it's very easy to get down. if I focus on gratitude, what's good, my blessings, then I can go on in a happy way But, the darkness is always there. the world has a lot in it to be sad about. its a matter of focus for me. what I focus on becomes the center of my attention and sets the tone. there are two sides to everything. the good and bad. but yes I have experienced major suicidal depression. I just told myself I couldn't do that to my family, and forced myself to have faith that life would get better, that things pass. which is true. nothing stays the same forever.
ReplyDeleteI do suffer from depression, and I have nil social skills, just like Robin Williams. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteMe? No. But a few friends and family. One suicide.
ReplyDeleteIf there's anything I've learned from bearing witness to their struggles, it's that depression doesn't care who you are or what you have.
Yes. A mood stabilizer really helped me, and still does. I can function without the wild mood swings. Thank god. I tried illegal drugs, but nothing ever worked as well as medication.
ReplyDeleteEleven years and counting. Finally finding the appropriate medication and receiving Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped enormously, but it's still a daily struggle.
ReplyDeleteYes, depression since my teens; I also had severe anxiety as a child, but amazingly no one knew but me (good actress). I now am grateful and thankful for SSRIs to keep me stable.
ReplyDeleteReading what all of you have shared is very enlightening. I feel for everyone here.
ReplyDeleteA few times life has overwhelmed me and I've asked myself "What's the point?" But I could never do it to my loved ones, nor my faith; at least I like to think so anyway.
I don't know if I'd realized how many people suffer from such deep depression.
I do know that what helps some doesn't always help others. Like other illnesses too, when you feel like crap it's so hard, to impossible, to help yourself.
Laughter almost always helps me, that's one reason Robin will be missed
Situational depression. I work at a mental health clinic for individuals diagnosed with mdd, bipolar and schizophrenia, so I see it on a daily basis. I don't claim to know or even understand but I empathize. Its hard a battle.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do have Major Depressive Disorder amongst other things. I always wonder how much is genetics.
ReplyDeleteI think @StewMcG described it very well. It is so hard for people who have never experienced it to understand.
Yes. Just yes.
ReplyDeleteYes and anxiety. If I am unemployed or between jobs during the summer etc. it can get really bad. Then anxiety kicks in with regards to finding a new job or worrying about the next school year. It is terrible and I can see how people just give up.
ReplyDeleteEver since I was 13 and I still struggle with it now (I'm 47) and I tried to kill myself 3 times. Prozac literally saved my life. I now take 40 mg a day and it changed my life.
ReplyDeleteMost of my life...
ReplyDeleteYes, since I was a child. The one "good" thing that's come of Robin's death has been the discussions. They won't last, but at least they're happening!
ReplyDeletehttp://hatetosaytoldyouso.blogspot.com/2014/08/robin-williams-is-bullshit.html
I've been diagnosed with severe depression for 13 years. Finding the proper anti-depressants, doctor, coping mechinisims are all key. With doing all of the above I still have days where I just think "it would be so much easier if..."
ReplyDeleteFor very brief periods of time, yes. I would never want anyone to feel that way all the time.
ReplyDeleteYes. Have been on medicine for 20+ years. It's a condition you deal with daily, and what has helped me most is realizing my limitations and not being too hard on myself.
ReplyDeleteNot depression. PTSD and panic disorder, though. Often the panic wears me out and I "feel" somewhat depressed and exhausted, but that isn't the same as being biochemically depressed. It's just a concurrent symptom of PTSD and Panic Disorder.
ReplyDeleteYes. For the last 17 years. Some days, I just can't.
ReplyDeleteYep. Several suicide attempts. Several hospital inpatient admissions. Almost a decade of counselling. Intensive therapy for 2 years (5 days a week, then 4 days, then 3). Feeling pretty good at the mo, but I still have self destructive tendancies. One of them is answering this question which is a painful reminder on what started out as a nice morning. Sheesh! I'm going to have to buy shampoo now, lift my spirits hehe
ReplyDeleteI'm 22 fyi
DeleteOne time. My ex husband had severe bipolar and my nerves just could take it anymore. Got put on an antidepressant and weaned myself off 1 year later. Been good since.
ReplyDeleteyes, but for me my deep depression lessened when I stopped drinking and using opiates. For a while I went on an anti-depressant (while still an addict) Welbutrin, and it was the only time in my life that I thought seriously about killing myself. Thankfully I realized what was causing it and got off. So heartbreaking that he was in so much pain :(
ReplyDeleteEvery day for the past 25 yrs or so. I've been on every med known, therapy is a crock, it's just something you have to deal or die with. Sometimes you don't know if you'll want to be bothered with waking the next day.
ReplyDeleteEveryday you make it through is an accomplishment. Most people will never go through that though.
My husband committed suicide 4 years ago last Friday. Since his death, there's this weight that's settled in. Some days I cant even get out of bed. I've seen Grief Counselors, tried the meds, but its still here. Everyone says I should be MAD at him, get ANGRY, because he didnt care enough to stay. He LEFT me. I get that. but I cant be angry because I UNDERSTAND where he was when he did what he did. I know those feelings, that bleakness where there is no light, all too well. I live with it daily, and the desire to join him, wherever he is, grows stronger every day.
ReplyDeleteyup. and robin williams' death finally made me "come out" about it in my blog: http://www.wrekehavoc.com/2014/08/someone-saved-my-life-tonight/
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting what we all share here and what we have in common. I love this community and everyone who posts here, we all fight battles. I hope that we can keep reminding one another that life is good. It is. Even when the darkness creeps in, there is light.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, I've fought it for years. Thought of taking my life many times, gave it a pretty good go on several occasions. When #1 came, I understood why I was never successful. And as I sit here, with #2 sleeping peacefully on my chest... I am so, so glad I never was.
DeleteAnyone in this country, who watches CNN and works in the tech industry has been or will be on mood disorder drugs at some point. Between taxes, our government and the world crisis - kids, college education bills (ours and theirs) food, clothes, household bills, insurance premiums, and cars for everyone feels the pressure and sometimes feels like drowning themselves in their own pools. Lucky these things are transitory if you get treatment. Health scares are just the shitty topping on the sundae that is our lives if you are middle class in this country. Which means you make a little less than 250k. More than that, you are on easy street being upper middle class. Yeah everyone is depressed, with moments of joy and satisfaction.
ReplyDelete