Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Sex Spreadsheet

Yesterday a couple made headlines after a husband e-mailed his wife a nasty little note about why he wouldn't miss her while she was gone for ten days on a trip. In that note he attached a spreadsheet detailing her excuses why she didn't want to have sex with him over a seven week period. In that seven week period he asked his wife 27 times and she declined 24 times. When the wife received the spreadsheet she posted it to Reddit where it has since become viral. I'm wondering if the guy thinks to himself that perhaps she is saying no because he is the kind of guy who would do something like this. They do tend to drink a lot, but it also looks like she works out almost everyday. There are 49 days in seven weeks and he asked 27 times. Did she ask the other 22 days? What if she felt like having sex those days, but he was too drunk or gross?

Posted by ent lawyer at 6:15 AM

97 comments:

  1. CoBe6:16 AM

    Team Hubs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Frufra6:17 AM

    Jackass.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kelly6:17 AM

    Hmmmm. So who's the asshole here? Evens?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beetlejuice6:17 AM

    doesn't matter, had sex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tillie6:23 AM

      Doesn't matter? Three times in 7 weeks?????

      Delete
    2. Tillie6:24 AM

      Not choosing sides either but there is something clearly wrong if they're only having sex 3 times in 7 weeks

      Delete
    3. Beetlejuice6:40 AM

      Doesn't matter, was referring to a song

      Delete
    4. KMS from down under6:41 AM

      Yes 3 times in seven weeks seems extremely low

      Delete
  5. Frufra6:18 AM

    Wait - I'll amend - passive aggressive jackass. Good luck with all that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LottaColada6:19 AM

    I believe she's the one who posted this on reddit, no? She wants the sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Frufra6:19 AM

    They're both nuts, clearly. He's the passive aggressive jackass, and she's the weirdo who put the whole thing on display on reddit.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Frufra6:20 AM

    And everyone knows that the way to a woman's heart is a mean spreadsheet, right, ladies?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Meanie Rhysie6:21 AM

    Gee, they're both winners, aren't they?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steampunk Jazz6:31 AM

      Rhysie, You could say they deserve each other but No one deserves this kind of behavior ( from each of them)

      Delete
  10. audrey6:31 AM

    I don't see either of them having sex with one another for a very long time---if ever again. Unless of course someone like Ellen puts them on her show and gives them a car and $10,000 then they will have sex to celebrate their celebrity status.

    ReplyDelete
  11. HeatherAM6:33 AM

    Guess what guys? Being married doesn't entitle you to sex. They are individuals and they should only have sex when they BOTH want to.

    Telling his wife that he won't miss her because of the lack of sex is emotional abuse. She doesn't owe him sex but he does owe her respect and understanding.

    Team wife

    ReplyDelete
  12. Breezer6:33 AM

    Am I the only one who thinks it's weird she didn't shower until the next morning after working out? Eww.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Frufra6:34 AM

    Heather, ^5! Very well said.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dena6:39 AM

    My husband knows better than to expect sex if I'm watching a good show and I leave him alone during his sports. Plus I shower at the gym before I leave. Pretty simple.

    ReplyDelete
  15. JenX6:39 AM

    I would guess from the fact that he sent her this, he may be emotionally abusive in more ways than one. The "still tender" makes me wonder if he's really rough with her and not in a good way. It's also possible that he sucks so bad in bed that she doesn't even get turned on anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Topper Madison6:42 AM

    Team @HeatherAM!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Henriette6:43 AM

    I'm impressed he could work an excel spreadsheet 'cause excel baffles me.

    I never say "no" to the hubs (not that he asks that much) 'cause sex is liking banking. Put some into savings so you can take it out later.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Henriette6:47 AM

    There is no point in being married without sex unless you are committing immigration fraud. As for being emotionally abusive to the wife, well it's emotionally abusive to keep rejecting someone too and that is what this woman was doing. I don't think the guy's method was great and he showed he was immature, but the wife obviously has some issue she is not disclosing to her husband.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AKM6:48 AM

    @Ray - HA! "She kept looking at her watch...and I cried the whole time..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beetlejuice6:50 AM

      Doesn't matter, had sex!!

      Haha thank you AKM, i was hoping someone would understand.

      Delete
    2. Trilby6:55 AM

      FUNNY!! :)

      Delete
  20. Jordan T6:49 AM

    Total relationship envy here

    ReplyDelete
  21. Trilby6:52 AM

    Not to judge either of their sex drives (although when I was 26, once daily was a minimum requirement!); but if they put this pair on a "reality couples show", it would be the first I'd ever watch. Promise.

    ReplyDelete
  22. smn19857:05 AM

    I imagine I wouldn't want to have sex with the kind of guy who keeps a spreadsheet either. Or the kind of guy that asks to have sex. Or is that just how marriage works?

    ReplyDelete
  23. __-__=__7:06 AM

    Why are they married?!?! At least they're both off the market!

    ReplyDelete
  24. 8====D KermitGossnellKnobjob7:14 AM

    She should go on escorts (or whatever the name for male hookers is) searching for a rooster (cock) that makes her happy.
    Dudes do it when their wife doesn't give them pussy, she should do the same instead of whining for compassion.

    ReplyDelete
  25. CoBe7:17 AM

    Anyhoo, my guess for this couple is Emma Roberts and Evan Peters.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Sarah7:32 AM

    Sounds like they have some issues feeding into the dry spell.
    Sex within committed relationship relies on your feelings of connectedness.
    It's definite not as simple as the kind of sex you're having when you meet someone and just find each other attractive .

    ReplyDelete
  27. auntliddy7:35 AM

    Tacky. Him for writing it, her for posting it.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ari7:52 AM

    props to him for not cheating

    ReplyDelete
  29. rajahcat8:15 AM

    well I wonder how he's asking?

    Clearly they have different needs.

    I really can't have a team here-this is no way to solve anything.

    Marriage has ebbs and flows-its a mystery. And its really between them.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Count Jerkula8:16 AM

    After a month of no sex, I told my ex that I was done getting shot done, was going back to jerking off to porn, and if she wanted sex she could ask me. We didn't have sex for another month, when I told her, "We haven't had sex in 2 months, I have to go to Atlantic City this weekend. If you want to come, you need to start fucking me. If not, I'm going to fuck anything that moves this weekend." She came to AC.

    She moved out 2 months later, but atleast I got to fuck her a couple more times.

    Moral of the story: If a chick starts withholding sex, don't cheat behind their back, that is probably what they want, so they can play the victim wile walking out the door. Be upfront about it, give them choices, and you blow their hole game. 99% chance the relationship is over anyway, so who cares about hurt feelings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greengrl9:19 AM

      Props to you count for not cheating & beating her at her own games.

      Ladies are always complaining about the lack of communication in relationships but make up excuses instead of stating the issue. Stop playing games! If you're not feeling it then let him know & either work it out or part ways.

      Delete
    2. __-__=__9:25 AM

      Very nice Count! I agree with get out, it's time to move on. Things like this don't get better. And you can never replace time.

      Delete
  31. girl770078:18 AM

    I think he's making his move at the wrong time of day!

    #teammorningsex

    ReplyDelete
  32. Eric8:21 AM

    Funny how a lot of the women responding to this think that it's totally ok for a wife to only have sex with her husband 3 times over 49 days. Guess what men need sex. If you aren't providing sex to your husband someone else will. Don't cry if your man cheats on you or leaves you for someone who is willing to give him some attention. It seems that once women get married their husband becomes last on this list. Meanwhile divorce rates are 50%+

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elisha9:55 AM

      I agree men need sex, so do women. The reason I dint find it odd that they only had sex 3 times in 7 weeks is because clearly there is something wrong in the relationship or his way of asking and neither are addressing it. If the guy would stop worrying about what the relationship can do for his junk and more about what he could do for the relarionship, he might get more.

      And notice I said relationship, not what he can do for her. A relationship benefits both people.

      She also needs to be honest though and if she is just as passive aggressive she will never tell him what is wrong any way.

      I would have just left his ass and gotten some non score keeping peen else where.

      Delete
  33. rajahcat8:24 AM

    gotta give the Count some credit here

    at least he was honest and up front-she made her decision knowing

    ReplyDelete
  34. AListDiva8:32 AM

    Either he expects sex way to much, or she's uptight, either way, bad deal! Maybe her "business trip" is with her boyfriend, and taht's why she won't give it up?!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Seven of Eleven8:35 AM

    It's a passive aggressive move keeping a spreadsheet, for sure, but her posting it on Reddit was pretty stupid. What did she think, some Reddit knight in shining armor would come and rescue her from this life of debauchery? What if she had been the one not getting sex and he posted the spreadsheet?

    ReplyDelete
  36. CanadianMiss8:40 AM

    Boy, he sounds like a gem. Maybe he's putting too much work into making spreadsheets, and not putting enough effort into getting his wife into it.
    Sorry, guys. "hey, let's screw" just doesn't cut it.

    ReplyDelete
  37. SugarTitz8:45 AM

    I smell fraud and a reality show in the works. . People see how much attention tori and Dean got and they want a quick paycheck. Cue interviews all over TV in next few weeks then accidental reality show to fix their broken union

    Don't fall for this or support the fakery and tricky crap. We don't need more tori and deano.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Relin Nolt8:45 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Relin Nolt8:47 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Relin Nolt8:47 AM

    I bet if they read more erotica like Fifty Greys in the Shade: http://www.amazon.com/Fifty-Greys-Shade-Red-Lounge-ebook/dp/B00KYDK2QA/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406043897&sr=1-4, then their sex lives would be much more fulfilling! I wish them both happy sex for a very long time! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  41. RowdyRodimus8:49 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  42. RowdyRodimus8:49 AM

    Remember when the internet was the greatest repository of knowledge in human history? Yeah, that is over. The lowest form of humanity have once again ruined what was once great in a desperate attempt for 15 minutes of fame (Which will work, they will be on talk shows and get a book deal out of it, then be forgotten the next time a 13 year old sings a bad song on Youtube)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Kat has left the building8:54 AM

    I'd like to see what her version of the spreadsheet would look like. These two drama queens sound made for each other.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sherry8:57 AM

    SugarTits is probably correct about their motives.

    Honestly if I didn't get sex in a week I might be making a spreadsheet too. JK!

    It could be in the way he was asking..Feeling sexy at 11PM when I'm starting to fall asleep isn't welcome but neither do you have to make it a dedicated date night either. Plenty of times I've said yes with the promise of a little more notice the next time and a little more foreplay than, "wake up sweetie, look what I have for you".

    LAME excuse that you're watching something on TV. There's reruns and the show will be over in an hour. Compromise! Need a shower? Viola! Excellent time to shower together. Who can't have fun with that?

    And sex 3 x in 49 days is NOT a positive indicator of a good relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Brenda L8:59 AM

    He went all Excel on her ass!

    ReplyDelete
  46. M. Brown9:00 AM

    I think the official defenition of sex deprived is less than 12 times in a calendar year. 1x per month and you're good :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. Count Jerkula9:09 AM

    @M.Brown: LOL! Maybe if yer 70.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M. Brown12:35 PM

      I knew you'd like that Count! I've been trying to find where I read that and I swear it was a legit source. Not that I'm advocating for that low a #.

      Delete
  48. rajahcat9:09 AM

    well there were a lot of issues with feeling gross and showering or lack of on this spreadsheet...that's pretty obvi an excuse

    these two don't sound like they have any kids.....what happens if they ever do?

    of course they might have to up their activity average to ever achieve that though no?

    ReplyDelete
  49. Dena9:11 AM

    Where's all the period excuses?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elisha9:58 AM

      In the 50 ' s where they belong.

      Delete
  50. Unknown9:41 AM

    Hmm if wife is working out every day maybe she is having sex with someone at the gym. Seen that happen a lot.

    They always say one possible sign of an affair is if your significant other suddenly starts spending a lot of time at the gym, losing weight, spending more time on their appearance yet seem to be avoiding you.

    We had married neighbours, married to other people, having an affair.

    You'd think the husband and wife would wonder who works out for 3 hours or more at a time. Of course someone we know worked out at the same gym and saw them arrive, stay 30 minutes and then leave. But then come home several hours later.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Wen9:43 AM

    Too drunk???? DRUNK sex is the BEST sex!!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Unknown9:45 AM

    Yeah just re read that spreadsheet, she's either having sex with someone after the gym or instead of the gym.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Unknown9:48 AM

    Or husband needs to buy wife a PVR.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Evil Kumquat10:20 AM

    Bullshit.

    Part of the marriage pact is sex.

    If a wife won't provide, the husband is justified getting it elsewhere.

    I've lived through a sexless marriage once so he absolutely has my sympathy.

    I never cheated myself, but thinking back to my first marriage, I wish I had.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Diana10:31 AM

    I guess she won the asshole contest. Hope she enjoys her trophy of shit.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Jordan11:10 AM

    Women are whores. He should make her sleep outside sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seven of Eleven11:14 AM

      Oh sugar, no one wants to get into your van.

      Delete
    2. Trilby2:33 PM

      Jordan, shouldn't you be shopping for a TrapperKeeper or getting your Senior pictures taken?

      Delete
  57. Sincerely,Your Friend11:17 AM

    Can't she let him crawl on top of her while she watches her show? If you lay the right way it works.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Sincerely,Your Friend11:26 AM

    She skips the shower hoping that will deter him.

    And, sex in the shower is good clean fun. But, not if you're showering with a numnuts who actually "asks" for sex. Don't ask, take it!

    Yeah, she's got a side piece. And she'll have another one after that. The Excel nerd is NEVAH gonna get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trilby2:37 PM

      The part that cracked me up was the night she came home from the gym and trapped herself into going to bed yicky after giving him the showering excuse. If he didn't see the handwriting on the wall after reading his: "... didn't shower until morning" entry, he's deluded. What a pair these two are.

      Delete
  59. AppleThief4Elliot11:36 AM

    It seems pretty crass to write it but I am guessing the drought wasn't just the seven weeks he tracked. Probably, he started ~2 months ago, in part to reality check himself, as well as be able to present evidence in a discussion.
    That said, that discussion should have been handled in a mature way, at an appropriate time, and maybe by two completely different people.
    Her posting it... well, frankly I guess her point is, look how crass my husband is, but she doesn't come off well, imho, either for denying him sex, or for whining about his crassness in handling that.

    ReplyDelete
  60. crila1612:24 PM

    Those excuses are because she's just not that attracted to him, and she gets grossed out when he touches her. She only will sleep with him once in a blue moon, out of guilt and she feels obligated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1:32 PM

      I thought the same thing @crila

      Delete
  61. NateM12:26 PM

    Ah so new Entry is definitely a woman

    ReplyDelete
  62. Zsa Zsa12:42 PM

    Urrrrrggghh this reminds me of my ex! He'd make spreadsheets detailing when we should be intimate and how often - he even offered to pay my share of the rent if I promised to stick to his timetable. This being the same guy who'd invoice me for his time, like if I asked him to help me write my resume or move some furniture. He was a total whack job. Consequently it made him so unattractive to me I just shut off completely and moved into a different bedroom (and eventually out of the house).

    ReplyDelete
  63. Michael1:20 PM

    This marriage is clearly not working. She does not want to have sex with him and appears that she does not want to tell him why. He clearly is an ass hat who is not handling this like a man. Time to sit down and have a talk or go to therapy or just leave the marriage

    ReplyDelete
  64. Anonymous1:45 PM

    Technically, shouldn't this be called a "Refuse to Spreadsheet"?

    ReplyDelete
  65. PJ4:09 PM

    I think whoever this dude is is a genius. I have seen and known far too many women who act like rabid oversexed p*rn stars during the courtship/dating/engagement period only to close up shop the minute rings are exchanged. It's a dishonest representation of one's self and a total manipulation of your partner in order to reach a desired goal. Which for said women, appears to be a wedding for show and cold affectionless marriage.

    Then, to top it all off, if their partner's eventually stray in a desperate attempt to get some semblance of physical affection and attention elsewhere after an extended period of trying, trying to talk out, and maybe even begging (which, why should you ever have to beg for sex from the person who is supposedly in love with and commited to you?) the wives cry foul and make themselves into unwitting victims! (I'm not at all condoning cheating but what do people expect? Somewhere along the way you've decided that "I ate to much" or "I'm watching a show" are acceptable excuses to deny your partner affection for weeks, months, maybe even years and what? They're just supposed to put all of their own physical and emotional needs and desires on hold for the rest of their lives because you're no longer into it??) She should be grateful her husband is only making spreadsheets at this point :P

    That said, I wouldn't ever cheat or put up with my partner shutting me down all the time. At some point, sooner rather than later it would just be "PJ out!" without a second thought.

    ReplyDelete
  66. ecua4:19 PM

    Oh, for fuck's sake!! I'm SO sick of hearing men whine about the fact that "men NEED sex!"
    Guess what? Women need GOOD sex. So if someone's saying no, thanks to you, you're probably just a bad lay. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, fellas!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HeatherAM7:07 PM

      +1
      Try making it good for her so she will want it.

      Delete
  67. OKay4:22 PM

    I'm with you, PJ. And I'm a woman. Yes, if you're turning your man down all the time perhaps there's a problem. But why would you just continue to sit there, decline to be intimate with your PARTNER FOR LIFE, and do absolutely nothing about it?

    ReplyDelete
  68. Count Jerkula5:09 PM

    @PJ: never underestimate a person's inability to be oblivious to the potential consequences to their actions.

    @ecua: LOL! If what you say is true, then the women withholding sex must be stupid for marrying guys who arent good lays.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Count Jerkula5:11 PM

    *ability

    ReplyDelete
  70. NaughtyNurse5:51 PM

    Asshole is lucky she said Yes three times.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Henriette7:25 PM

    I'm with the guys on this one. Withholding sex is a form of abuse, whether it's the man or woman. I had an asexual ex and I was devastated, so I can totally relate to how bad rejection is.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Erik8:30 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Erik8:30 PM

    No one NEEDS sex, nor are you entitled to it whenever you want.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Erik8:59 PM

    I agree that guys need to get laid or at least clean the pipes on occasion, I'm just saying you don't need sex to survive (but it's obviously an important part of relationships)

    ReplyDelete
  75. di butler4:59 AM

    They are both immature 25 yr old assholes. He's not the only passive aggressive petty twat. And 3x in 7 weeks means get a divorce before you saddle kids with your horseshit.

    ReplyDelete
  76. FlirtyChick745:03 AM

    I think it's controlling to constantly reject sex. I also think it's controlling to not tell the other person why. Maybe it's his hygiene or his character. Either way she needs to be up front and clear. I find it hard to believe that she can't find the time in her day to have sex with him.

    I agree with Count's approach.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Trashaddict10:08 PM

    What's to say if she told him what her issues were, he wouldn't call her a whiny, hypercritical bitch. Maybe she feels guilty that this guy doesn't turn her on any more. You can still care for somebody and completely lose the spark. Maybe when the mood starts to hit, he comes in the room, farts, belches, makes a crude comment thinking it's a turn-on. Either he's not a real sweetie beyond counting the hashmarks on the bedpost, or they just don't really know each other any more. Or they could both be totally thoughtless assholes, maybe that's what attracted them to each other in the first place. Doubt there'll be kids, that marriage ain't long for this world. Unless they want to go through some probably painful counseling.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Unknown6:35 AM

    So basically they need to talk and communicate instead of making excuses and spreadsheets. When my mom was raising young kids and not in the mood often, my dad started getting it elsewhere. She couldn't understand why he never talked to her about it. Had she had known he needed it more often, she would have been on board. Just a simple talk was all that was needed and it would have spared all of us a shit ton on pain.

    ReplyDelete

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