Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Man Tries To Have Sex With ATM

A man, who is probably from Florida, but was arrested in Tennessee tried to have sex with an ATM. Police in Murfreesboro were called to a bar late Friday night when Lonnie Hutton walked into a bar and took off his pants and started trying to have sex with the ATM in the bar. I'm guessing he thought this was a way to enter his PIN without using his fingers. Staff at the bar called police who told Hutton to sit at a picnic table. The wood or checkerboard pattern must have looked especially erotic to Hutton because he then mounted the table and tried to have sex with it. Police suspected Hutton was drunk. Nooooo. What gave it away? He was charged with public intoxication.

Posted by ent lawyer at 8:45 AM

51 comments:

  1. Sugar 8:47 AM

    Well, that ATM shouldn't look so damn bangable. There's an early withdrawal joke here somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OneEyeCharlie8:48 AM

      No Sugar. He was looking to make a deposit.

      Delete
    2. Sugar 8:49 AM

      Hey O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ATMs are such teases.

      Delete
  2. OneEyeCharlie8:47 AM

    "...You and the ATM machine you rode in on"

    ReplyDelete
  3. ladybaus8:47 AM

    I thought we already covered the daily Tori and Dean story...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bacon Ranch8:48 AM

    DECLINED

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown8:48 AM

    i mean, i like money too, but...

    ReplyDelete
  6. aemish8:50 AM

    Does crap like this happen in other countries? I mean come on.

    ReplyDelete
  7. aemish8:50 AM

    lol @sugar and chuckie :p

    ReplyDelete
  8. ladybaus8:52 AM

    well Sandy Boo has been awfully quiet these days---Nice Mug shot Sandy*jokesjokes*

    ReplyDelete
  9. StewMcG8:52 AM

    I guess he wanted to "cum into money".

    I'm here all week. Try the veal. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Unknown8:53 AM

    What's with these guys? There was one awhile ago that tried to have sex with the pavement. (Sidewalk). Said he had a thing for Tarmac. Not kidding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sugar 8:56 AM

      Ever see that show My Strange Sexual Addiction (I think it's called that). Some dude was fully making out with his 1998 Chevy Monte Carlo named Chase. Some chick also was in love with the Golden Gate Bridge.

      Delete
  11. Seven of Eleven8:54 AM

    LOL: "His bail was set at $250, meaning the next sweet nothing whispered by his lover may be, ‘insufficient funds’."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown11:32 AM

      No.

      Delete
    2. Seven of Eleven11:34 AM

      Dumb, Wendy.

      I tried to use single syllable words so you'd get it. But then I said syllable. Double dumb! How was church?

      Delete
  12. OneEyeCharlie8:56 AM

    The guy is a sucker for subliminal messaging. Never should have set 3825 as his PIN number.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ladybaus8:56 AM

    on TLC there was a guy who was in love with his car and banged it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sugar 8:57 AM

      Jinx derek! He's all like, "mainly it’s just a lot of rubbing up against it. It involves masturbating as well.”

      Delete
  14. Anonymous8:59 AM

    As if I wasn't germaphobic enough already....

    ReplyDelete
  15. crila168:59 AM

    I hope the ATM at least threw him $20 for his efforts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9:00 AM

      Nope. Insult to injury- he still had to pay the Service Charge.

      Delete
  16. ladybaus9:03 AM

    @Sugar---haha. Well not everyone can afford a Oscar winning yacht girl! and women can be a real handfull sometimes...

    ReplyDelete
  17. skippy9:03 AM

    No Cyril'a the ATM stiffed him.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Kno Won9:03 AM

    The minute insurance companies stop paying for boner pills, drunk old guys humping everything will stop.
    So, never.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Unknown9:04 AM

    Gotta have sex for dem bills sometime.

    ReplyDelete
  20. skippy9:05 AM

    @crila16, bloody spellcheck .

    ReplyDelete
  21. sandybrook9:14 AM

    Shaddup Derek!!!!!! There was a guy down here in the county next to mine who wanted a marriage license to marry his PC last week because he loved the porn on it. He was taken to the hospital for evaluation instead.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Shelly Shell9:19 AM

    Well if that ATM didn't dress so slutty & lead him on.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sincerely,Your Friend9:21 AM

    Talk about a needled*ck.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Harry Knuckles9:22 AM

    Guy in Sweden was caught on CCTV banging a bicycle. I can sort of see it. This is my bike and you can see for yourself she's a beauty and some times, well ....

    ReplyDelete
  25. Sincerely,Your Friend9:24 AM

    For a while he'll be accepting deposits instead if making them.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Sincerely,Your Friend9:25 AM

    That ATM must have been hard up! Look at him. Unless he put some money in first.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Kelly9:47 AM

    You guys are too funny! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  28. airhead9:48 AM

    I gotta say I really feel for the ATM, one minute its all about the ATM & then next thing you know dude turns around & is all over the table like really what a Skank!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. airhead9:49 AM

      The table must have been showing more leg.

      Delete
  29. Unknown9:55 AM

    Save a cowboy ride an ATM?

    ReplyDelete
  30. D Brown10:55 AM

    Heard of a guy in high school who tried doing it with a vacuum cleaner. So I guess an ATM would represnt a technological update.

    ReplyDelete
  31. TalksTooMuch11:44 AM

    Heeey, didn't SingleManInLoveWithLove say on the Swank BI that all men see vaginas as how much they are worth? Reader Photo Day!! Woot!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Sherry2:29 PM

    I have absolutely nothing to add to this string of posts. All you guys are too bloody funny. Take a bow.

    ReplyDelete
  33. labman2:39 PM

    wasn't this in Bad Grandpa and the fake dong was stuck?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Trilby4:08 PM

    Deposit or withdrawal?

    ReplyDelete
  35. MadLyb6:59 PM

    Maybe he thought it was a sperm bank?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Unknown6:59 PM

    True Q: where is there a slot to fit any penii? Maybe he was just a dancing machine.

    ReplyDelete
  37. SugarTitz3:26 AM

    Name of bar please?
    Cum.on.in.
    Open all night
    Sluttybuddy.
    @count where r u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SugarTitz3:29 AM

      I love the victim shaming that continues after every assault case.
      Like the atm. Was being overly suggestive. Or just asking for pin# not penis. Some people always have to slut.shame.the.victim.
      #shameonyou.

      Delete
  38. Jerry5:06 AM

    "I thought it said enter your PEEN number."

    ReplyDelete

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