1 for wonky eyes and giggling 2 for laughing and crying at the same time 3 for helicopters/vomiting 4 for the most amazing dancing you have ever witnessed 5 for the best sex you've ever had 6 for a passed out mess
What else am I taking? Couple lines of meth and I'll drink a case of beer and still drive home fine. Share a doobie before walking in the bar? Probably 8 beers and I'm feeling good. No artificial additives? It is tough. Without being able to smoke in a bar, and nothing ahead of time to take the edge off, I can drink 6-7 beers watching a football game and not feel drunk until I am home. A night out w/o drugs and I'll do 2 double Bacardi and Cokes to warm up, then do 6-8 beers.
In general, average night of drinking, 8-12 beers and I'm happy. My tolerance is way down though. Back in the old days, I wouldn't go to a party w/o a case in my trunk, and that was after splitting a 12 pk of CoorsLight pregaming.
I hope to one day be old enough to become a full time alkie.
Two hard lemonades, and I'm drunk. With wine, I need a few glasses. I have to be drunk to drink beer, so I have no idear. Can't stand the taste of beer.
@Count, the seal is broken after the first drink for me.
Starkle, starkle, little twink, Who the hell you are I think, I'm not under what they call The alcofluence of incohol. I'm not drunk as thinkle peep, I'm just a little slort of sheep. Tee martoonis make a guy Fool so feelish, don't know why Rally don't know who's me yet The drunker I stay the longer I get So just one more to full my cup, I've all day sober to Sunday up.
I'm 5'2, 110 pounds and I can outdrink any guy or gal in my circle. It's been documented at work.
When NJ lowered the blood alcohol level, I was assigned to go out to a bar with my fellow 250-pound male co-worker to drink to our hearts content and write about it. We were then chauffeured (by my now husband) to the hospital to have our shit tested. My boy was wasted; I was legally allowed to drive. Again, my chauffeur-now-husband drove my ass home and I got to sleep off my 10 vodka tonics. It was the best assignment EVER.
The only type of drink that will kill me is Jagermeister or those nasty ass shots in the same family that will surely have me praying to the porcelain god from 4 a.m. on.
Now that my 20s are long gone, I stick with wine. I drank champagne last weekend, and Sunday was rough. But the time change kicked my ass too. I'm such a bad sleeper....
Count, I'm polar opposite to you. Can't drink worth a shit, never could. First off, can't drink hard liquor to save my life. Hate the taste and my stomach goes into full revolt. Can only drink beer and red wine and Kaluha. Get a little buzzy on the first beer, by the time I've finished the 4th one I am the single most obnoxious person on the face of the Earth. My happy place is 1 or 2 beers and a little toking over the course of about 5 or 6 hours. When I step outside of that there is sometimes a Police Report full of details that I can't go into here.
Based on all the hugging I did and sloppiness I demonstrated last weekend, apparently 3 glasses of wine in the hotel, 3 at the game and one more at dinner.
@Susan: I hated that lowering of the legal limit. When I got a DUI years ago, I was .16 and driving fine. I was pulled over for a loud exhaust. .08 is way to low for anyone with a tolerance.
Way back when I was pulled out of my car numerous times for the field sobriety tests. Plenty of times I was drunk as hell, but lied and played it off fantastically.
@Harry: I hear ya on the hard liquor. If a bartender makes a mixed drink to rich to start the night, my tummy knots up and I can't drink anything but soda. After I'm already buzzed, I can do some shots, but nothing brown (Scotch, tequila, whiskey).
This is totally off point but really funny. My grievance letter to alcohol.
Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect gift, post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone Calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.
2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.
1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more beer for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Good evening, officer. Isn 't it lovely out tonight? 5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
It varies. I usually drink about 4 or 5 pints of hard cider. Most I've ever drunk is 7 double vodkas and then a pint of cider (and I felt very ill after that).
I'm like Susan, but I'm one inch shorter. I can drink way more at home than when I'm out at a bar. The poem & letter were both hilarious. Wine gets me pretty quick & makes me love everyone.
2, I'm a lightweight.
ReplyDeleteDepends on the Pour, my way 1.
ReplyDeletejust enough to take the shakes away.
ReplyDeleteWhat'm I drinking?
ReplyDelete1 for wonky eyes and giggling
ReplyDelete2 for laughing and crying at the same time
3 for helicopters/vomiting
4 for the most amazing dancing you have ever witnessed
5 for the best sex you've ever had
6 for a passed out mess
Too funny, thanks for that.
DeleteDepends, what I am drinking, how heavy handed the bartender is, did I eat before hand.
ReplyDeleteDepends on the time of the month, sometimes two, sometimes eleventeen.
ReplyDeleteOf wine? 4/5ths of a bottle if it's red; a whole bottle if it's white.
ReplyDeleteLite beer probably 8-10 drinks? It's hard to say because I usually get too full before I can get up to that.
Ditto @Cleodacat!
ReplyDeleteLOL You people are funny!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI don't like to say.
ReplyDeletePre children I could keep up with Mr Violet pint for pint. 16 years and 3 children later I can barely eat a tiramisu without feeling squiffy.
ReplyDeleteDamn kids ruin everything. JK
DeleteMore than it should ;-)
ReplyDeleteHow many drinks does it take to get a Lohan drunk?
ReplyDeleteWhy are you asking? Are you planning to take advantage of me?
ReplyDeleteSeven or eleven.
ReplyDeleteHa! Let's just a lotta coladas ;)
DeleteWhat else am I taking? Couple lines of meth and I'll drink a case of beer and still drive home fine. Share a doobie before walking in the bar? Probably 8 beers and I'm feeling good. No artificial additives? It is tough. Without being able to smoke in a bar, and nothing ahead of time to take the edge off, I can drink 6-7 beers watching a football game and not feel drunk until I am home. A night out w/o drugs and I'll do 2 double Bacardi and Cokes to warm up, then do 6-8 beers.
ReplyDeleteIn general, average night of drinking, 8-12 beers and I'm happy. My tolerance is way down though. Back in the old days, I wouldn't go to a party w/o a case in my trunk, and that was after splitting a 12 pk of CoorsLight pregaming.
I hope to one day be old enough to become a full time alkie.
I am sort of half horrified and half bowing down in admiration for you.
DeleteHow many drinks before you have to use the bathroom?
ReplyDeleteThere were times I could down a 12pk w/o having to take a leak, but now I'm at like 5-6.
Drunk and not just a little buzzed? 6 to 8 light beers. Three micros.
ReplyDeleteDepends who is making the drink. What I'm drinking if I ate
ReplyDeleteTwo these days. Used to be able to outdrink guys but those days are gone.
ReplyDeleteTwo hard lemonades, and I'm drunk. With wine, I need a few glasses. I have to be drunk to drink beer, so I have no idear. Can't stand the taste of beer.
ReplyDelete@Count, the seal is broken after the first drink for me.
Ode to Alcohol
ReplyDeleteStarkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.
about one... im a cheap date
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm 5'2, 110 pounds and I can outdrink any guy or gal in my circle. It's been documented at work.
ReplyDeleteWhen NJ lowered the blood alcohol level, I was assigned to go out to a bar with my fellow 250-pound male co-worker to drink to our hearts content and write about it. We were then chauffeured (by my now husband) to the hospital to have our shit tested. My boy was wasted; I was legally allowed to drive. Again, my chauffeur-now-husband drove my ass home and I got to sleep off my 10 vodka tonics. It was the best assignment EVER.
The only type of drink that will kill me is Jagermeister or those nasty ass shots in the same family that will surely have me praying to the porcelain god from 4 a.m. on.
Now that my 20s are long gone, I stick with wine. I drank champagne last weekend, and Sunday was rough. But the time change kicked my ass too. I'm such a bad sleeper....
suuuure
DeleteCount, I'm polar opposite to you. Can't drink worth a shit, never could. First off, can't drink hard liquor to save my life. Hate the taste and my stomach goes into full revolt. Can only drink beer and red wine and Kaluha. Get a little buzzy on the first beer, by the time I've finished the 4th one I am the single most obnoxious person on the face of the Earth. My happy place is 1 or 2 beers and a little toking over the course of about 5 or 6 hours. When I step outside of that there is sometimes a Police Report full of details that I can't go into here.
ReplyDeleteSo basically you drink like a little girl?
DeleteMixed drinks, baby. You start out slow and build to the shots!
DeleteBased on all the hugging I did and sloppiness I demonstrated last weekend, apparently 3 glasses of wine in the hotel, 3 at the game and one more at dinner.
ReplyDelete3, then I start telling everyone I love them!
ReplyDelete@Susan: I hated that lowering of the legal limit. When I got a DUI years ago, I was .16 and driving fine. I was pulled over for a loud exhaust. .08 is way to low for anyone with a tolerance.
ReplyDeleteWay back when I was pulled out of my car numerous times for the field sobriety tests. Plenty of times I was drunk as hell, but lied and played it off fantastically.
@Harry: I hear ya on the hard liquor. If a bartender makes a mixed drink to rich to start the night, my tummy knots up and I can't drink anything but soda. After I'm already buzzed, I can do some shots, but nothing brown (Scotch, tequila, whiskey).
barely one so I don't bother….
ReplyDeleteThis is totally off point but really funny. My grievance letter to alcohol.
ReplyDeleteDear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect gift, post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone Calls:
While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that any conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.
2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness:
Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I
see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore:
The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever). The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the
extra money in my pockets.
In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn 't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
*holding up Margarita glass* That was beautiful.
DeleteIt used to take about a dozen. Now it takes about two.
ReplyDeleteNever drink because I either puke or get world class brain tumor migraine, so I guess 2 glasses will do it for me.
ReplyDeletePre-pregnancy, a bottle + of wine or a pint of whisky. Hoping my tolerance has gone down. Guess I will find out in 6 weeks...
ReplyDelete3 is the magic number.
ReplyDeleteI'm Irish. If you can remember how much you drank it's not a proper night out.
ReplyDeleteIt varies. I usually drink about 4 or 5 pints of hard cider. Most I've ever drunk is 7 double vodkas and then a pint of cider (and I felt very ill after that).
ReplyDeleteI can drink beer all night, but if someone starts the Patron shots, I'm dirty dancing and giving lap dances. Luckily tequila gives me memory loss.
ReplyDeleteI'm like Susan, but I'm one inch shorter. I can drink way more at home than when I'm out at a bar. The poem & letter were both hilarious. Wine gets me pretty quick & makes me love everyone.
ReplyDeleteTwo gets me buzzing about as much as I can stand. Three and I'm drunk and sick. Weirdly, I get stoned all the time, no problem.
ReplyDeleteNot even one. I'm not a drinker and even a few sips of champagne gets me giggly.
ReplyDeleteIt really depends on your definition of drunk. Are we talking silly and clumsy, or are we talking falling down, flashing people, and puking drunk?
ReplyDelete