That one time I asked my partner if there was any coke on my t*ts right before I walked the hall carpet.
Or the time I stole not one, not two, not three, but TEN irreplaceable dresses from my boss at the holiday party.
Well, there was that time I told the Subway manager I'd give him a good Yelp review if he gave me a free lunch and he refused, so I went on Yelp and demanded everyone boycott Subway and go to Jimmy John's instead. It worked and Jimmy John's feeds me now.
@V, I think I was at that party! I had to guzzle my oxy right before I came in - those bouncers were eyeballing my purse and I just knew they were going to steal it. Plus my ex called me fat and I was feeling depressed. Did you see Drew Carey there? He was hooking up with ALL the blue haired groupies!
@Seven, it was a doozy. I do remember Drew, he made me service him while I wet my pants. Then we had a threesome with my 2nd cousin and he left some bruises on my neck.
Arriving late or early, critizing the food, bringing up nasty topics just to embarass someone, making someone feel left out, bringing your skanky girlfriend around your kids, getting drunk and puking, groping anyone, smoking in house after hostess asks you not to, using all the toilet tissue and clogging the toilet, reading instead of talking to people, telling someone how fat, old or skinny they got, being very opiniated talking about politics or other social issues, trying to convert guests-unfortunately, i cld go on and in. Lol
Taking a couple bites of food, lighting up a cigarette and smoking while everyone else is eating while leaving the remainder of the plate uneaten. Just plain rude.
OK, my cousin is a Roman Catholic priest. One year at his mother's house, he asked me to bartend. I had a lot of requests for whiskey and water, so I pulled a sealed, unlabelled plastic jug of water from the fridge. After drinks were served, my aunt came in from the kitchen with a puzzled expression on her face, and asked me what happened to the Holy Water. Yes, Holy Water that had my cousin had brought back from a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. My mom, uncle and another aunt eyeballed their drinks for a minute, but had no intention of wasting good Scotch. So my uncle said "Thank you Lord for these fine drinks", and down the hatch they went!!
I am banned from talking about politics, religion and human rights in front of my sister's ultra conservative sister-in-law. Years ago she walked out of Under The Tuscan Sun because of the "Gay" storyline, for the next three or four family gatherings I wore a Shhh! Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian t-shirt - I accidently got her mother-in-law a lovely elderly lady drunk on Ouzo and I taught her how to swear in Ojibway (no accident)
I'm lost on the V and Seven conversation. Everything Aunt Liddy said.That's why I don't really like the family get togethers because the pressure, the politeness, no booze, no weed,the pouring so much energy in to conveying emotions that I don't really feel, during conversations I don't care about and don't want to have with people I only kind of care about. Gah! It's exhausting. I'd rather stay home in my p.j's and watch t.v.
Normally I end up going to my SIL's house in North NJ but this year Hubby & I will stay home with our dog. Poor thing can't be left home for more than a few hours since he got sick with lymphoma.
Ak, sorry to hear it. I lost 2 dogs to that, another to diff cancer. Poor little things. Both my cockers got lymphona, just wobering if your dog is a spaniel?
That one time I asked my partner if there was any coke on my t*ts right before I walked the hall carpet.
ReplyDeleteOr the time I stole not one, not two, not three, but TEN irreplaceable dresses from my boss at the holiday party.
Well, there was that time I told the Subway manager I'd give him a good Yelp review if he gave me a free lunch and he refused, so I went on Yelp and demanded everyone boycott Subway and go to Jimmy John's instead. It worked and Jimmy John's feeds me now.
@Seven, there was that one time I handed my cousin's baby to a stranger...the crying was killing my Adderal buzz.
Delete@V, I think I was at that party! I had to guzzle my oxy right before I came in - those bouncers were eyeballing my purse and I just knew they were going to steal it. Plus my ex called me fat and I was feeling depressed. Did you see Drew Carey there? He was hooking up with ALL the blue haired groupies!
Delete@Seven, it was a doozy. I do remember Drew, he made me service him while I wet my pants. Then we had a threesome with my 2nd cousin and he left some bruises on my neck.
DeleteArriving late or early, critizing the food, bringing up nasty topics just to embarass someone, making someone feel left out, bringing your skanky girlfriend around your kids, getting drunk and puking, groping anyone, smoking in house after hostess asks you not to, using all the toilet tissue and clogging the toilet, reading instead of talking to people, telling someone how fat, old or skinny they got, being very opiniated talking about politics or other social issues, trying to convert guests-unfortunately, i cld go on and in. Lol
ReplyDeleteDrunken fist fights on the lawn
ReplyDeleteI only speak to my immediate family so every holiday is awesome because my extended family is bonkers and are not invited.
ReplyDeleteTaking a couple bites of food, lighting up a cigarette and smoking while everyone else is eating while leaving the remainder of the plate uneaten. Just plain rude.
ReplyDeleteOK, my cousin is a Roman Catholic priest. One year at his mother's house, he asked me to bartend. I had a lot of requests for whiskey and water, so I pulled a sealed, unlabelled plastic jug of water from the fridge. After drinks were served, my aunt came in from the kitchen with a puzzled expression on her face, and asked me what happened to the Holy Water. Yes, Holy Water that had my cousin had brought back from a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. My mom, uncle and another aunt eyeballed their drinks for a minute, but had no intention of wasting good Scotch. So my uncle said "Thank you Lord for these fine drinks", and down the hatch they went!!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, who puts Holy Water in the fridge? My aunt: "I didn't want it to spoil"!!! Um, water doesn't go bad, especially Holy Water, I would think...
ReplyDeleteThats right, taffy, it goes good, lol
ReplyDeleteJimmy John's >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Subway
ReplyDeleteDear Fancy Screen Name,
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh out loud. Thank you.
Ugh. The time my sister didn't have alcohol at the family Christmas party. Everybody was miserable.
ReplyDeleteI am banned from talking about politics, religion and human rights in front of my sister's ultra conservative sister-in-law. Years ago she walked out of Under The Tuscan Sun because of the "Gay" storyline, for the next three or four family gatherings I wore a Shhh! Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian t-shirt - I accidently got her mother-in-law a lovely elderly lady drunk on Ouzo and I taught her how to swear in Ojibway (no accident)
ReplyDeleteI'm lost on the V and Seven conversation. Everything Aunt Liddy said.That's why I don't really like the family get togethers because the pressure, the politeness, no booze, no weed,the pouring so much energy in to conveying emotions that I don't really feel, during conversations I don't care about and don't want to have with people I only kind of care about. Gah! It's exhausting. I'd rather stay home in my p.j's and watch t.v.
ReplyDeleteAnna, so true, i just went thru a whole big thing with my d-i-l, over nothing except she loves da drama.
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ReplyDeleteNormally I end up going to my SIL's house in North NJ but this year Hubby & I will stay home with our dog. Poor thing can't be left home for more than a few hours since he got sick with lymphoma.
ReplyDeleteAk, sorry to hear it. I lost 2 dogs to that, another to diff cancer. Poor little things. Both my cockers got lymphona, just wobering if your dog is a spaniel?
Delete