Blind Item #5
This B list mostly television actor from a TBS show has a strange habit that has his neighbors worried about what is going on at his home. Every morning our actor goes to Home Depot and picks up a woman looking for work. No woman ever works for two consecutive days.
When did Darien Forrester change his name to The Fox? When did MerryB change its name to Beetlejuice?
ReplyDeleteDuh, it's Halloween! Everyone in costume! Riddle me this, who am I?
DeleteSago Sewit Mousse Sorbet, Tapioca Similae, Sunday Junket Curds and Whey, Semelina Nunc Souffle!
DeleteOh, today JP.
DeleteTODAY IS HALLOWEEN.
Wrong
DeleteLIES!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES !!!!!!!!
CHOMP!~!~! CHOMP!~!~! CHOMP!~!~!
LIIIIIIIIIIIEEESSSSS!!!!!
What kind of Rosie O'Donnell looking chicks is he bagging at Home Depot?
ReplyDeleteHe's gettin' his creep on. I wonder if he always feels like somebody's watching him?
ReplyDeleteWhy do witches get good bargains?
ReplyDeleteBecause they like to haggle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Devils Merkin I guess you are Count Jerkula
ReplyDeleteWrong betch! You're just mad that your merkjn is full of crabs and split ends!
Delete@derek: I am a troll anyway, I wouldn't need an alt to partake. Unfortunately I have work to do today, or elese I'd be sharing some more cos play porn. My keyboard being jacked up is also impeding me. I have a parts laptop on the way though.
DeleteIsn't there a website for tweakers with weak personalities that you guys can troll on? I think its called Dlisted
ReplyDeleteMMMMWWWWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
DeleteQ: What do you get if you cross a cow and a monster?
DeleteA: An “udder” disaster!
Just another case of B-list trying to imitate A-list and failing miserably.
ReplyDeleteHEY! That's my line. Why are you pulling my dick?
DeleteHey, Heathers, want to declare today a national holiday and come celebrate with me? I'll let you two foxes flip a coin to see who pulls the sheet back!
DeleteWe've come for your daughter Chuck.
ReplyDeleteWow, some 10 year old must be home from school with a joke book.....
ReplyDeleteDo NOT understand the thrill in copying and pasting the same thing over and over in every comment area...
How does a witch tell time?
DeleteShe looks at her witch watch.
How does the witch know what time it is?
DeleteShe looks at her witch-watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay I don't get that one either Z. I like the silly jokes and Caruso though. Beaker and Delphine just don't get.
Delete@Sherry, thanks for the fro shout out yesterday, it was super sweet! :)
DeleteMee mee mee mee
DeleteMee mee mee mee
Mee mee mee mee
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
ReplyDeleteSpare ribs.
you people suck and Heather #1 you dont deserve my goddamn speach
ReplyDeleteI think what you meant to say, if you will allow me, is "You people don't deserve my damn SPEECH". Did you get speech and bleach mixed up? It happens to the best of us, but I would recommend speeching your spotty undergarments, if you know what I mean.
DeleteHahaha derek.
ReplyDeleteMay want to be careful around Heather, though. You don't wanna be startin' something.
Derek - we all know today will give you shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
ReplyDeleteHello, Heather! Do you look anything like Heather from the movie? (The first one.) I worked with Shannen Doherty once and that was quite the weekend. She was into yoga before it was a thing and taught me a thing or two. Or three.
DeleteWhere is Unty with these trolls? I can help you track down their real identities.
Do you know that I have all of your IP addresses tattooed on my rippling pecs? I was talking to this lesbian the other night at my favorite dive bar, showed her and before I knew it, I had that honey's leg twisted right up behind her second vertebrae. Not the first one, the one under with the marked elongation. That one. Just about broke both our hips. IP addresses, bitches! I got 'em! I could find you in a HEARTBEAT
DeleteEveryday is probably Halloween for you low life trolls
ReplyDeleteI wanna bend you over and insert my snake into your sand trap.
Deletederek harvey said...
ReplyDeleteyou dont deserve my goddamn speach
SPEACH??????? WHAT IS SPEACH???????
GET OFF THE INTERNET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GET AN EDUCATION !!!!!!!!!!!!
Heather your a lost cause---you were probably dialing suicide hotlines in your diapers---and now you smoke meth and troll
ReplyDeleteMee mee mee mee
DeleteUrban Dictionary: speach
ReplyDeletewww.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=speach
(noun) Having something to say, but it is most likely stupid or irrelevant in a conversation.
OH I GET IT NOW
AND YOU'RE RIGHT
YOU CAN KEEP IT
It's called auto correct and I have an education that I do not need to defend to a bunch of losers. They should just shut down the site for the rest of the day.
ReplyDeleteAnd by sand trap, i mean your butt hole.
DeleteMee mee mee mee
Deletederek harvey said...
ReplyDeleteyou dont deserve my goddamn speach
DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!
I also was quoting Heathers with Heather #1 you dumb cunt
ReplyDeleterawr, i like you
DeleteId like a cherry soaked in moonshine anybody.
ReplyDeletederek harvey said...
ReplyDeleteIt's called auto correct
LIES!!!!!!!
AUTO-CORRECT DOESN'T MAKE SHIT UP LIKE YOU !!!!!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHOMP!~!~! CHOMP!~!~! CHOMP!~!~!
Derek, I think you are confusing me with Heather M, remember suicide gave me depth.
ReplyDeletewhatever just get on with your day and I will get ready to go out with my friends and have a nice social life. Something you obviously are lacking.
ReplyDeleteDerek...boxer briefs :)
DeleteDepth is also something most here are lacking.
ReplyDeleteWell I am dead so technically, I have more depth than any of you lot.
DeleteHalloweenie - yes, Heather Duke had some secret skills, who knew? Myself, I was more of an oral expert.
ReplyDeleteYou wanna new drug Derek?
ReplyDeleteSomething so strong that it has you walking on sunshine?
Get on the phone and call your Doctor Doctor.
Yet my Home Depot only has men looking for work...
ReplyDelete@Count awh haha sorry dude. Just the way of his/her wording thought it was you. But I shoulda figured it wasn't because you do not attack people and act like a dick unless provoked. and you are actually sometimes funny and have manners....
ReplyDeleteoh oh where is that cunt to tell me I need an education---look at all the errors : (
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
DeleteA: Hope it’s Halloween!!
V--I am going commando : )
ReplyDeleteEven better - then, chill out and have some (troll) fun! You'll get more "treats" that way ;)
DeleteWell hello, V! Is that your real photo there? You remind me of one of my leads (can't name her), she was gorgeous and could climb out of bed looking like a million dollars. We went to an awards show together and we couldn't even hold hands because she was "partnered" (industry speak for hookups) with another actor and our show didn't need any more controversy. We'd catch eyes across the room and I just knew she wanted me to get her out of that profane contract. I tried, but couldn't pull the strings so she had to beard for another six months. By then her time was up on the show and I had a new lead who wasn't in a contract. Her loss but I still think it would've been like TNT if we could have made it work.
DeleteHello to you Halloweenie! Of course it is my real photo...there IS only one V. So sad to hear about the co-star that got away!
DeletePS - I know the two of us = TNV ;)
is Devil's Merkin Notorious w.i.g.?
ReplyDeleteImagine this:
ReplyDeleteYou get back from Cannes with a Jet Lagover the size of Idaho. You finally get to sleep. Phone rings.
Your ex gf has tried to pull a Bonnie and Clyde at a Hwood cop station. The best man at your wedding (aka your lawyer) is BEGGING you to get this insane bitch outta there...FAST.
You drag your dead ass out in the middle of the night to meet him (and her) and post bond. When you arrive, you realize how serious this shit is. NOT COOL.
You give them copies of your tax records and a deed. You sign the papers and give the lawyer permiss to carry on.
Four hours later SHE calls.
You wonder if she still has that video tape from 1999. (Hangs head in shame). You finally go to bed.
Wake up and see the whole incident plastered all over the globe.
Get sick to stomach.
You wonder why you didn't just become a farmer instead.
Your email/twit/FB all blow up with pals laughing about it.
You reserve a room in another country to spend the next year.
You question all your relationships.
You pray silently that this nutty chick keeps her effin mouth shut for five minutes.
Try to sleep again.
Kinda chuckle when you recall that night she did that thing with her legs in the swimming pool.
Then you cringe when you realize more people know about you two than you care to admit. Think again about videotape. Get sick.
Go to sleep hoping it was a bad dream.
Gee, I'm glad to be back home.
Guys be nice! I like Derek! He's cool, educated, just the right amount of snark and has the best shit.....
ReplyDelete@Carrie don't be a masochist, dump him!
DeleteLooks like it's Troll Day. Some of you need a job so you can tell your jokes to a captive audience.
ReplyDeleteTrick or treat,
ReplyDeletesmell my feet,
give me something good to eat!
You gotdamn brats! Get the hell off of my lawn!
ReplyDeleteI like turtles
ReplyDeleteDid someone unlock the loony bin? Holy fucking jesus...
ReplyDelete