May 9, 2013
This former athlete and now a strange celebrity wanted to make sure his new celebrity television chef pal got the most out of the strippers at a club. The athlete stood over the strippers while they were giving lap dances to the chef and made sure they were doing a good job and even placed them in what he thought were better positions. He was perfectly serious about all of this too.
Dennis Rodman
No, not awkward at all... (Side eye)
ReplyDeleteShowing your friend a real good time is cool I'm sure he was the one paying.
ReplyDeleteWho is the chef?
ReplyDeleteits good to know that he is putting his talents to good use.
ReplyDeleteOne time I was at a Puerto Rican strip club in Brooklyn. 2 Hasidics sat down at the end of the bar next to me. After a bit, I bought a stripper a drink, she sat on my lap at the bar, and I commenced groping. The Hasidic next to me bought a drink for a stripper, she sat on his lap, and he kept his hands down at his sides. After a minute, I grabbed his cuff, moved it so his hand was on her ass and told him if he wasn't copping feels he was going to make me look like a pervert. He looked over at me with a huge grin. I slid my hand up my strippers body and started groping her tit. "See brutha, this is how you squeeze a titty." Dude followed suit and was off to the races.
ReplyDeleteI always thought it was sundown Friday till sun up Sunday they couldn't "work" or handle money, but I guess if the strip club is a safe zone where they won't get caught.
You're a good man, Count, to help a brother out like that. :)
ReplyDeleteIts to sundown Saturday. Sounds a lot like 40th Street in Red Hook @Count
ReplyDelete@MelonBaby: I try to make everyone's time as enjoyable as possible. I don't know if he was a rookie or timid, but if you are spending $20 on a drink for a stripper, you gotta get $20 worth of groping in.
ReplyDelete@Sandybrook: HA! Look at you, nailin it. On like 2nd Ave? I think it was called Sweet Cherries, and it is closed down. That Wild West joint a few streets down is still open, but the last time I was in there, it was a juice bar.
Either way, w/ smoking bans in NJ & NY, I really only go to strip clubs in PA anymore.
Count : you live in a cuntry where you can actually smoke undoors?
DeleteIndoors that is
DeleteTell us another bedtime story Count. You make my life seem so ho hum
ReplyDeletePs. Before the first sentence ended I knew it was about Dennis. Strange indeed.
ReplyDeleteRach, when he was on celeb rehab, it was said he most likely has aspergers syndrome. Explains lack of emotion about anything.
DeleteI have always found it so bizarre that strip club patrons are allowed to touch the dancers, try that in Canada and the bouncers will toss you out on your melon
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe lose a hand by the stripper
DeleteNah, there are other places in the US where the strip clubs are totally lame. One West Virginia joint I was in had handles you had to hold on to during the lap dance. Stripper started in with an air dance, and I got up and walked out. She was very pissed/insulted, but the $25 was already up in smoke and I didn't need to waste anymore of my time.
ReplyDeleteFull nude joints in PA are a little restrictive on the groping, but topless bars are pretty liberal.
You can always tell how good a stripper's lap dance will be by how they hold the g-string out when they ask you for "one for the kitty?" If they got hand over the cooch and thumb tuggin the string on their hip, LAME. It they just pull the front out and let you get a dip, then the lap dance will likely be fun.
One of my favorite lines/set ups to use on a couch dance:
"So what are your rules babe?"
You can touch anywhere but my pussy.
"Really? I can touch your asshole??!! That's awesome."
I love seeing the stripper's reaction.
I've been to a strip club. Once. And it wasn't like in the movies when all the patrons are like "whoo! Get your gear off! Show us your tits!" It was these creepy, seedy dudes who were for the most part, silent. Just watching. Me being me, I started talking to a girl there who was watching her girlfriend work and tried to disseminate why her partner was doing that, and how she felt watching all these pathetic, paunchy dudes drooling over her significant other. And the owner offered me a job. Which I found both hilarious, and flattering, due to my B cup status. The night ended with Turkish gangsters and a hookah & kebab. As all great nights tend to.
ReplyDeleteI was visiting in Indiana and ended up at a strip club; some farmer in overalls was putting his hands all over this tiny stripper, leaving handprints and smacking her ass and the works. NEVER happen in Canada, anywhere. I ended up in a couch dance somehow (not sure exactly how that happened) and I don't think I've ever felt more Canadian - I felt like I had to keep reassuring her "You're doing a great job! No, no, I'm really turned on! Honest!" but I drew the line when my clothes started to come off too. This is what happens when you are too polite!
ReplyDeleteTalks too much- that's so cute! Positive affirmation! Let me guess? You're a mum?
DeleteHow could you tell??
DeleteTalks too much : you're a mum AND Canadian? You must be so nice it makes people vom! (That's a compliment btw).
DeleteSo Count maybe you should just skip the stripper and save your money for an hour with a hooker?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite strip club story happened years ago. I was heading to a concert at The Palace in Auburn Hills with 5 other guys. On the drive across state, we violated every open container law known to the state of Michigan. During our jaunt, a blizzard developed that caused the State Police to close most major highways.
ReplyDeleteWe made a pit stop at a seedy strip joint in Flint. We walked in and discovered we were the only guys in the joint. We were a bunch of fun loving yet well spoken drunks. During a lap dance, I remarked that it's times like this that I wished I had two eyes. This totally blew the strippers concentration. She actually stopped to laugh. After that, they just had fun with us. At one point a stripper plunked down into a chair and I started to gyrate in front of her. She started using every line she'd ever heard on stage and was tucking dollar bills in my waistline (she earned them all back). As a going away present, two of them performed a girl on girl routine that I'm positive violated a myriad of state statutes.
This was also the only time that mild groping was tolerated. Usually this is a fast path to having the bouncers beat your ass as they show you to the pavement of the parking lot.
@ tina mallette: now that I'm single I would if I had an entertainment budget.
ReplyDelete@rach: not in NY or NJ, but bars in PA are allowed to have smoking depending on local laws. Couple NJ strip clubs went out of biddness once the smoking ban hit.
Yup Count second avenue. I also hit Wild Wild West a few times when I lived up there.
ReplyDeleteThought against law to touch, much less grope strippers. For $20 you get to grope? I wld think shed charge more!
ReplyDelete@sandy: One time I had to work in Brooklyn on a Friday, which I hated, and it was hot, muggy and miserable. I said fuck it and stopped at Wild West on the drive home. In a half hour I drank 6 beers, smoked 1/2 pack (I chain smoke when drinking alone), got a lap dance and hit the road before the beers really kicked in.
ReplyDeleteThat Sweet Cherry joint, for a lil hole in the wall place, musta had a ton and a half of beef working security.
@Liddy: At that bar, for a $20 drink they would sit on your lap and let ya grope. Most places I go, the chicks go around the inside of the stage for tips when their set is done, then they come outside and circle the bar, getting groped for dollars while they try to hustle lap dances.
The legality though is generally up to the municipality. If the municipality doesn't have an ordinance against touching, or full nude or what ever, then it is full go. Some towns, like where G-String Divas was filmed, will create a law to put them out of business, like 20' between dancer and customer to insure no touching.
I could write a book of short stories about strip clubs that would make your eyes fall out.
Count - if you wrote a book about strip clubs you could write off your visits, and lap dances, on taxes. Just an idea.
ReplyDelete@equation: then I may have to attach my real name to it. I got a lunatic ex who would jerk me around with custody and I got family whose opinions of me I care about. If that Harry Potter broads name got out, mine certainly would.
ReplyDelete