May 10, 2013
This former almost A list mostly television actor who now makes a really good living just being himself tried and failed to have bathroom sex with his girlfriend this week. Apparently our actor had a little too much to drink and kept slamming himself and then his girlfriend into the stall because he could not keep her upright. Finally, after she suffered a gash to the back of her head, he called it off.
The Hoff
Brain bleach, stat!
ReplyDeleteWe need to establish a better early warning system.
DeleteClumsy drunk ox.
ReplyDeleteJust the fact that she is his girlfriend is truly stupid!
ReplyDeleteI love the Hoff. He is ridiculous but sweetly completely unaware at the same time.
ReplyDeleteWas there a cheeseburger involved?
ReplyDeleteThe gnash on the back of her head clearly shows he didn't make her get down on the filthy bathroom floor doggie style. Clearly a perfect gentleman.
ReplyDelete@Chopchop It's the Hoff. There's always a cheeseburger involved
ReplyDeleteWhat a pussy!
ReplyDelete@VIP Love it LMAO!
ReplyDeleteHey don't hassel the hoff
ReplyDeleteShe must of been pretty wasted herself if she couldn't ride without flopping into the walls...
ReplyDelete@Steampunk I just snorted my Diet Coke up my nose. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one not to have sex in the shithouse of a bar or restaurant?
ReplyDeleteNope. Let's cross it off our Bucket List, Count!
Delete@count...you forgot da club!
DeleteGaddam Nope, you love to tease me, huh?
ReplyDeleteHow do you envision it? Pants around your ankles and bent over or skirt up, me sitting on the toilet and you riding it out?
Yup and I was thinking more of a bending pose as sitting seems uncomfortable and loud. But let's face it, both would probably happen bc you're gonna have to change it up in a small uncomfortable space.
Delete@Nope: I'm too much of a gentleman to ask your weight, but if it is possible, I could always pick you up and put you on it.
ReplyDeleteMy ex was petite. Sometimes we'd be in mish, I'd put her legs on my shoulders and tell her to put her arms around my neck, then lift her off the bed. Standing sex would lead to some hard pounding. Once I'd start to tire, I'd grab her ass, slide her up onto my shoulders and do some licking before putting her back on the bed and continuing.
Transitioning to a standing 69 was fun too. Some chicks don't like it when you do a standing 69, then walk over and put em up against the wall. Fun to do for a couple pumps though, just to let them know who is in charge and who is upside down with a cock in their mouth.
@Count, Whew did it just get hot in here? You've asked a few times about my body type so I will tell ya. I'm not petite, but I'm not fat. I'm a true hourglass - big tits, small waist, big hips. A woman's woman. Could you lift me? Maybe. Probably. I'm not sure how big you are, but maybe we'll find out?
DeleteWhy on Earth would anyone want to screw in a place where lots of random people shit, piss and do God knows what else?
ReplyDeleteCount, you had an actual relationship? Wow, I am impressed! Was she a stripper or just extremely emotionally damaged? How long til you cheated, or were you two in an "open relationship"? So many questions but you fascinate me!
Also, I will suck dick all damn day but keep your face OUT of my crotch. HATE IT. In fact, the perfect sex encounter is you getting your dick sucked and not touching me at all. Oh, and you finishing really quickly because I mastered the art so I can get it over with and go do something else like scrub the toilet or make a sandwich (not for me silly, I'm too fat, only salads and water here!). But I'll do whatever and even pretend to enjoy it. Why not?
*except in the shit house. If you get a nasty infection it takes you out of commission and what else is a female for but cooking, cleaning and fucking? Lol :)
ReplyDelete888, I disagree with everything you say every time. It's almost amazing. You're my anti-Nope, my antithesis, s Nope in a parallel world, and reading your posts is like watching a truck run over an adorable kitten. I assume you're mostly trolling, but if you do hate receiving oral I genuinely feel bad for you. It's pretty much the greatest thing ever.
ReplyDelete888: you are my hero
ReplyDeleteHA!! That's funny!!
ReplyDelete@888: Damaged. Never cheated.
ReplyDelete@Nope: Sounds fun.
Standing 69? Gotta try this once I'm off my rags (please refer to scene from film "Idiot Box". Best. Ever).
ReplyDelete