I think OK! must have been feeling a little bit nostalgic this week. They were obviously going to take the opportunity of Jennifer Aniston's wedding being called off to say she was alone or pining for Brad Pitt or something like that. They went a step further though with their cover saying that not only is Jen alone, she is also pregnant. I have to tell you that when I saw the cover at the check out counter yesterday, it gave my bacon loving heart a little thrill. Remember when we could not go a month without some tabloid having her be pregnant. I especially loved when they had her pregnant with twins or with Brad's baby or with an alien. It has been a long time since anyone suggested that she is pregnant and I really thought they were gone for good. So, thanks OK! for bringing back a little tabloid fun.
Oh brother, here we go....
ReplyDeleteAint she 50? Risky biddness.
ReplyDeleteIsn't she 44? Having never really expressed a desire for kids? Why can't we just accept that some people don't wish to be mothers?
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't mean that they are any less anything. And frankly it's insulting to all women.
@Nellie YES!!! Thank you!!!!
DeleteYes nellie, i agree!! If she wanted kids, she'd have them!!!!!!!
DeleteShe's a crappy actress and a boring person. Why should we care?
ReplyDelete10-1 the post writer consumes Motrin more often than bacon.
ReplyDeleteNo bet.
DeleteAlthough, personally, I find Motrin overrated. Just give me a handful of Advil and stay the hell out of my way.
DeleteA duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
ReplyDeleteThe bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
*snort*
DeleteI want to know how they can get away with printing this crap. And don't they care about their credibility? Oh wait....
ReplyDeleteA sandwich walks into a bar.
ReplyDeleteThe bartender looks it over and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."
HEY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
@Sugar- LOL cute
DeleteQ: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?
ReplyDeleteA: All Ken's stuff.
Q: What comes after 69?
ReplyDeleteA: Mouthwash.
Q: What do you have when you have nuts on a wall?
ReplyDeleteA: Walnuts
Q: What do you have when you have nuts on your chest?
A: Chestnuts
Q: What do you have when you have nuts on your chin?
A: A dick in your mouth
HEY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Love it Sugar ;)
DeleteBarnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them.
ReplyDeleteShortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?"
Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each."
B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!"
Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
ReplyDeleteThe next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”
Kim Kartrashian walks into a bar with a spool of rope. She asks for a drink and the bartender replies, "We don't serve ho's in here."
ReplyDelete"That's not hose its rope."
"I was talking to the rope."
_____________________________________
How many Kartrashian girls can you fit on a barstool?
4 if you turn it over.
___________________________________
If cats have kittens, and bats have bittens, what do Kartrashians have?
Trick Babies.
___________________________________
Yawn. Jen bores me. Justin pings my gaydar. Something tells me she's scratching to stay relavent...and even though she's most likely not pregs, it might be her last resort...see Kim K
ReplyDeleteHaving Babies to stay relavent is so fetch betch
ReplyDeleteI'm more curious to read about Kim and Kanye fueding over Kim's baby - are they putting it out there that the baby isn't his?
ReplyDeleteA man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
ReplyDeleteThe husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
It's like Celebitchy time at CDAN!
ReplyDeleteAngelina Jolie is a homewrecking whoremonster who humped Billy Bob the day after her mastectomy and TWEETED the pics to her dad!! Can you believe that St. Angie ho?!!!
In other news, look at these bitches trying to make Jennifer Aniston sad with this super duper mean cover about her supposed pregnancy. They are not nice and I hope they get detention, those booger hounds!
Oh no you did-uh-n't!!
SCUFFLE
It's like Celebitchy time at CDAN!
ReplyDeleteAngelina Jolie is a homewrecking whoremonster who humped Billy Bob the day after her mastectomy and TWEETED the pics to her dad!! Can you believe that St. Angie ho?!!!
In other news, look at these bitches trying to make Jennifer Aniston sad with this super duper mean cover about her supposed pregnancy. They are not nice and I hope they get detention, those booger hounds!
Oh no you did-uh-n't!!
SCUFFLE
Ha! Snickers for errybuddy and a bowl of bacon POPCORN TOO!!!
DeleteWith bacon salt!
DeleteAnniversary Gift
ReplyDeleteThree men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.
After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her."
The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself."
Q: Where does the navy store their extra belly buttons?
ReplyDeleteA: In the naval reserve!
HEY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Even if this were true, given her status and money, would this really be "her worst nightmare"? I mean, come on.
ReplyDeleteXTom Cruise, John Travolta, Will Smith and Andy Dick are all sitting in a hot tub. Well now that I think of it, it was maybe a Jacuzzi tub, with the jets and the bubbles and the different stations to massage whatever parts of you that may have been sore that day. I swim worse than Natalie Wood, so I don’t do pools or hot tubs. So Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Will Smith and Andy Dick are all sitting in a hot tub. Probably talking about Israeli/Palestinian peace talks. Or maybe they were talking about the debt ceiling, I don’t know. Anyhow, they were all in this hot tub, TOM Cruise, JOHN Travolta, Will Smith and Andy Dick, how HE got there, I don’t know, but just saying his name makes everyone laugh so he stays in the joke. So after a few minutes Andy Dick sees CUM floating on top of the water. It was bouncing around in the bubbles, doing a beautiful dance that was hypnotizing almost. So Andy sees this CUM floating there and he says to Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Will Smith, “Who farted?”
ReplyDeleteI’d really like to apologize to any CUM in the audience that maybe took offense to my last joke. I’m a fan really. I even make my own CUM from time to time I enjoy it so much. I consider my CUM precious, so it would pain me to insult it and you.
Little Miss Lindsay, sat on her tuffet, drinking a Jack and Coke.
ReplyDeleteAlong came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said, “How much for a fuck and choke?” OOOOH! She’s a hewer! A BADA BING!
Pamerla Andasin and some schmuck go up da hill, each wit $500. She came down wit a grand, a sawr asshole and a mout fulla jizz. OOOOOOH!
ReplyDeleteHey, have you heard about dis Gomez gal? She’s a wild one I tell ya, a wild one. I heard she’s into some crazy things. Real crazy. Not fun crazy, but real crazy. Like BDSM. Yeah, Baby Dick Shitheaded Morons. I didn’t think it was true till I saw who she was with……Now I’ma Belieber. Hey…..Whoa….Is this thing on?
ReplyDeleteA horse walks into a bar. The bartender says," Sarah Jessica, I said you were shut off!"
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha
Deletegood luck with that
ReplyDeleteThat Jennifer Aniston always vexes me. Why is she always on the cover of magazines? She never does anything interesting!! Have you seen her movies?! No one else has either. I do projects that are edgy! You know you loved me in This Is The End!
ReplyDeleteCan I borrow your bling ring?
DeleteDid you go see my film? It's out in theaters now for anyone that hasn't seen it yet!! Actually, I have two out: The Bling Ring, and This Is The End. Please go see them both. I'm quite edgy in them. I really think it's going to help me grow into more adult roles and distance myself from Harry Potter!
DeleteTroll patrol!! Stat!!
ReplyDeleteWhat is this Troll thing that people keep talking about? Is that an American slang term?
ReplyDeleteI expected a thread about yellow journalism and I find one of the best threads in the web full of bad (awesome) jokes.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this.
I don't know what I'm more tired of always hearing about: her wedding or her being "pregnant", neither of which will ever happen. ENOUGH about her already! Ugggh. Isn't her 15 minutes of fame up yet? She isn't even a good actress!
ReplyDeleteSugar, I looooove you, and now I'm fully drunk not slightly buzzed. Too drunk in fact to change my handle. Not as drunk as froggygurl though. Your joke would even be funny in the morning.
ReplyDeleteJust to clarify, Sugar's joke would be funny in the morning, froggygurl wouldn't know funny if it bit her in the arse
ReplyDeleteI heard ryan seacrest today (on his radio gig) saying that Kim, is VERY jealous of the time that the new baby is getting from Kayne. Because, "you know SHE'S used to getting all that attention from him. And now it goes to the baby". Even Seacrest had a difficult time choking that out.
ReplyDelete