Lindsay Lohan In California - Not Rehab - Do Not Pass Go Or A Sugar Daddy - First Excerpt Of Her Blog

Today is May 2nd. The next time we should see Lindsay Lohan will be August. By August, you will be getting tired of summer and ready to have your kids go back to school. If you are a college student, you will be ready to say goodbye to your parents so you can get your party on properly and if you are me, you will be wondering once again, why I don't have some kind of air conditioning device that could attach to my body to keep me from developing such large pit stains under my arms. Today Lindsay is supposed to go to rehab. Well, supposed to anyway. They don't allow smoking at the original place she was scheduled to go and she can't go 90 days without smoking. What she should do is pack 600 pieces of Nicorette in one of those suitcases. 90 days and 270 looks she says. You know, because you need to change clothes three times a day everyday and never wear the same thing twice. The fact she didn't pay for any of it kind of sucks. Don't ask me how, but I got a copy of Lindsay's blog in advance. Here is what she is wrote yesterday BEFORE she decided to bail on Seafield.

"I'm headed to Seafield tomorrow. Is it on a sea or a field? Is it on both? How can it be on both? Wouldn't a field on the sea sink into the sea? Is it at the bottom of the sea? Do I need to take a submarine to get there? How long does it take? What happens if there is a leak? Do people come visit the same way? I wonder if I will have any visitors besides my mother? I know she will be coming because she doesn't know where I hid the cash I made last week. I'm still sore. I don't know why she won't just go out and earn her own. I'm sure there must be someone who wants her. Maybe. It has been a long time. My dad called eight times today. Wants to know how I'm feeling so he can sell a quote to somewhere. Want to know how I'm feeling? Call my new phone line and for just $4.99 a minute I will tell you."

Her new blog entry AFTER she decided not to go to Seafield.

"I don't do well in seas or fields. Have you seen how pale my skin is? Yeah, outside in bright sunshine is not my thing. What is my thing is smoking. I have smoked more than Denis Leary I think. I also love flying in private jets and I got to fly in one to California. Sure, I had to make a few promises of what I would do in return, but don't forget Ali is able and willing to assist. Call my new phone line to find out how. Do you think people will take my photo in court tomorrow? What should I wear? I only have 270 different outfits to choose from. Do you think I should go steal something? Do I have the time? It has to be long sleeve. Definitely long sleeve. Rope burns. Shhh, don't tell anyone."