Lindsay Lohan In California - Not Rehab - Do Not Pass Go Or A Sugar Daddy - First Excerpt Of Her Blog
"I'm headed to Seafield tomorrow. Is it on a sea or a field? Is it on both? How can it be on both? Wouldn't a field on the sea sink into the sea? Is it at the bottom of the sea? Do I need to take a submarine to get there? How long does it take? What happens if there is a leak? Do people come visit the same way? I wonder if I will have any visitors besides my mother? I know she will be coming because she doesn't know where I hid the cash I made last week. I'm still sore. I don't know why she won't just go out and earn her own. I'm sure there must be someone who wants her. Maybe. It has been a long time. My dad called eight times today. Wants to know how I'm feeling so he can sell a quote to somewhere. Want to know how I'm feeling? Call my new phone line and for just $4.99 a minute I will tell you."
Her new blog entry AFTER she decided not to go to Seafield.
"I don't do well in seas or fields. Have you seen how pale my skin is? Yeah, outside in bright sunshine is not my thing. What is my thing is smoking. I have smoked more than Denis Leary I think. I also love flying in private jets and I got to fly in one to California. Sure, I had to make a few promises of what I would do in return, but don't forget Ali is able and willing to assist. Call my new phone line to find out how. Do you think people will take my photo in court tomorrow? What should I wear? I only have 270 different outfits to choose from. Do you think I should go steal something? Do I have the time? It has to be long sleeve. Definitely long sleeve. Rope burns. Shhh, don't tell anyone."
Damn, where's @LohansLiver when ya need him?
ReplyDeleteShe put that slag to work answering phones.
DeleteShe's showing off her haul from her last round of ass to ass
ReplyDeleteShe didn't go to the rehab yet? Is the smoking thing a joke? What the fuck is wrong with California?!
ReplyDelete@Pug- EVERYTHING!
DeleteOK I just zoomed in on the pic & I'm pretty sure she's possessed. Those are demon eyes!
ReplyDelete@ethorne- it's just the empty reflection of her soul you're seeing.
DeleteGingers don't have souls.
DeleteNOOO you didn't girlfriend!
DeleteShe wont get clean or learn anything until shes either in jail or dead. Shes soooo mixed up. Shes choosing cigs over jail. Who does that? Oh, and the nicorette gum wlda been tossed too by staff.
ReplyDeleteDid she really write that?! LMAO
ReplyDeleteCalling Lohan's Liver...yooohoooo!!
@ethorne LOL ;)
ReplyDeleteThat really made me lol.
ReplyDeleteCDANighters I'm taking my GMAT exam today, wish me luckkkkkk. I really need to get into a good grad school.
Good luck!!!
DeleteGood luck to you!!!!!
DeleteLots of luck! Keep calm & you'll be just fine. (Easier said than done, I know.)
DeleteUgh, Lotta! She can only bring a weeks worth of clothes (I resorted to googling), she didn't need to steal all of that shit. Rehab is to treat addiction. Among other things, she is addicted to nicotine. What a joke.
ReplyDelete@Pug, this bitch thinks rehab is code for Abu Dhabi.
DeleteAnd group therapy is code for group sex.
DeleteYou guys (and you know who I mean, lol) are on a roll.
ReplyDelete@Rafi...good luck!!!
ReplyDelete@Reese,she didn't write that. She did take that picture with the caption "90 days, 270 looks". I doubt the people actually getting clean will care what she is wearing.
ReplyDeleteDid I misread that or did she just offer her younger sister doing unprotected anal to pay for her private jet trips?
ReplyDeleteGood luck @Rafi
ReplyDeleteI just enlarged that picture and her eyes are freaking me out, she does look like a demon lol
Good luck, @Rafi! After I finish up the masters i'm working on now, I'm planning to get my mba too!
ReplyDeleteShe needs a rehab that allows video taping ass to ass in their free time.
ReplyDelete"Do I need to take a submarine to get there?"
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!!! You are HILARIOUS, Enty!!!
Good luck, Rafi!
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Rafi!!
ReplyDelete270 outfits that she paid zero dollars for. Good job, trick! I look forward to not seeing your face for 90 days!
We watched Mean Girls last night. Mr. Disco had never seen it. That was such a great movie, but she was definitely the weakest acting link. It did make me sad that she's become such a trainwreck. I really hope that this stint does her some good. She's never even done a full 30 days in a facility before, has she?
Barton - I'm pretty sure that was a parody blog entry.
ReplyDeleteAt least she has math skillz
ReplyDeleteAnd here comes the excuses as to why she can't find a decent rehab in 10...9...
ReplyDeletegood luck @Rafi
ReplyDeleteGood Luck Rafi!!! Thank heavens today is the first day of... well us being rid of her ass for 90 days!! Hallefuckinlulah!!!!! Woohoo!!! time to celebrate! This is a special day ladies and gentlemen. It sure will be interesting to see what she looks like when she comes out. I expect the same crack shenanigans, but I'm interested to see if she looks any healthier.
ReplyDeleteIt would make my day if the judge throws her skanky a$$ into the slammer for not having reported to a pre-approved facility. Won't happen, though. It's a California judge, after all. LiLo's going to skate again.
ReplyDeleteI think she realized that if she was sentenced to jail for 90 days she would be released within 5 hours, so she decided to violate the rehab sentence and take door #2.
ReplyDelete270 "looks."
ReplyDeleteSigh. Glad to see her priorities are in the right place, as per usual.
I can't believe people are falling for the I won't go to NY Rehab because I can't smoke. This trick is just using that as a smokescreen because it is a convenient legal excuse since smoking is lega.
ReplyDeleteThe real issue is she wants to keep taking adderal and Seafield won't let her or want her to take a non-speed version of it.
If the judge doesn't hall her ass back into court and violate her probation. Like he said he would if she did anything not in line with the court. Then we should all go out and steal and pillage, since laws and rules are clearly a joke.
Also, for Lindsay to treat this as an extended vacation with outfit changes. Also snubs her nose in the face of the court. Rehab isn't supposed to be fun and easy. It is supposed to be hard and you are supposed to learn and grow from it.
UGH!
They may have repilacted the concept, but they can't duplicate the funny.
ReplyDelete_______________________________________
No booze and no speed is going to be great. Fresh water will be such a delight. The closest I get to that is the occasional vodka-less cranberry juice when a UTI is rolling around down there. No matter how high you are or what he's paying, ladies, PLEASE, don't let your trick go back and forth from stink to pink.
I heard through the grapevine that Lohans Pooper is looking forward to being an exit again, even if it is only for 90 days. Poor little girl needs a break.
Where ya been Liver? Don't be a stranger!
DeleteYay, that batcall worked!!
DeleteI thought the liver had all but died. Hang in there buddy, you've earned this vacation, enjoy it!
DeleteI have a feeling the judge is going to let her stay in CA. So she can pop pills and pretend she is at a resort. Regular people never get these kinds of passes.
ReplyDeleteThe prosecutor should be screaming high holly hell and he isn't eiher.
i thought you were issued clothes for rehab. like a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt. the thinkng being; you are working on the inside, the outside is not importan right now.
ReplyDeleteThis photo is the definition of squalor.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the judge is going to let her skate on this one. Surprise!
ReplyDeleteShe's pretty self-aware and obviously knows what's written about her and her family. I'm finding these blog posts entertaining. What's her site?
ReplyDeleteI thought these were real at first..Off to get more tea.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be sad when LiLo eventually goes to rehab.
ReplyDeleteCall me weird, but there was something very erotic when Amber Smith was on the floor, in a sun dress, jamming her fingers down her throat, on Dr. Death's show. I think LiLo's withdrawals will produce similar greatness. I wish it would be televised also. Or at least orderly cell phone video.
so wait...is she going to court today about the not finding a rehab facility?
ReplyDeleteI hope the judge can get her some kind of special treatment Jail where she won't be let go after 2 minutes.
Good luck, Rafi!
ReplyDeleteAnd YES, Lohan's Liver & Court Jerkula both deliver some commenting gold. My afternoon is getting off to a great start.
omg, i read this post this morning at 6 am before coffee and was all kinds of confused -- how embarrassing
ReplyDeleteThis is the greatest thread of comments on Lilo ever.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Rafi!
That photo is MINDBOGGLING. Is that for real? Where did it come from? Who lives like that?
Barton - Don't feel bad. I got halfway through the first paragraph and said to self, "Wait. Is this fake?" Hee.
ReplyDeleteIs she really going to do a blog? I hate this trick.
Amy Poehler was my fave in Mean Girls. I'm a Clueless girl, myself. Didn't think Mean Girls lived up to the hype.
This:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.tmz.com/2013/05/02/lindsay-lohan-morningside-recovery-license-suspension-revoked
Over at Tony Ortega's blog they're starting to wonder if Morningside isn't a Narconon (Scientology) front. Sure reads like one. We're residential, but without the license, or the residence, but totally residential. And we have a 60%, uh 70%, 80! 80% success rate.
DeleteUh huh. 80% of the people who have survived our process and didn't become one of our councilors or join our church have never returned to ... this facility.
Does that pic remind anyone else of pcs of Marilyn Monroe's home when she died? I could NOT live like that. I'm sure LL is buzzed up on Adderal chain smoking right now. Someone at the facility is ordering cases of Gray Goose.
ReplyDeleteYeah, there was NO WAY she was going to that place on the east coast once she found out she couldn't have her Adderall. NO effing WAY.
ReplyDeleteBut, the DA has already found Morningside has had its license revoked as a residential program, doesn't search the people doing the program for drugs and alcohol, and doesn't really have any security (i.e. they live in sober houses and are bused to the program facility for counseling when they aren't going to Disneyland or some such). So he's saying a big F.U. to them.
Oh gawd, DH and I were laughing SO HARD this morning as we were watching the stream of the court proceedings. LiLo's lawyer is so My Cousin Vinny just with extra skeeze! "I'm sure if the prosecutor takes 5 minutes to look at this letter, he's gonna be MORE than satisfied at this facility." LOL! Even did the duck lips! HAHahahahahahaaaa!
Good luck Rafi.
ReplyDeleteLilo is a cockroach who will keep living. My brother is an alcoholic & my dad & I thought he would be dead at 30, then 40. He is 42. Some people's constitutions are a marvellous thing.
And The Cracken has already left the facility. That was quick.
ReplyDeleteCracken currently hopping a plane to NY. Oh never change, Cracken, never change. You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteHazel, one may even say she's Crack-en you up...
ReplyDeleteHazel, one may even say she's Crack-en you up...
ReplyDeletewouldn't that be shitballs weird? Lilo joins C0$ and gets cleaned up but cultified? I can't even imagine a world with a normal Lilo (well, I guess she'd have to jump on a couch now and again so she wouldn't be NORMAL normal).
ReplyDeleteSo is she or is she actually in some sort of treatment facility this afternoon? Or is she 3/4 of the way to Canada?
ReplyDeleteOhhh ok I must have a chip on my shoulder today because celebrities skating justice or being rewarded and celebrated even when they're up on pedo charges is really getting under my skin. Normally I just roll my eyes, shake my head and move the fuck on but today this is all really pissing me off. I knew she would blow off rehab, and I knew there would be little to no consequences for her doing so I don't know why I'm so cranky about it, but I just am. I want her to go away.
ReplyDeleteDListed had this to say about Lohan skipping her rehab check-in & flying home to New York:
ReplyDelete"LiLo should make her way to New York, car jack a blue Thunderbird convertible, pick up Amanda Bynes and head for Mexico like a cracked out version of Thelma & Louise."