Just because two rapists were found guilty on Sunday does not mean there is no news coming out of the Steubenville rape case. The football coach of the two players convicted faces charges himself for telling the boys that he would make it go away and not reporting the rape after he had been told by the boys what happened. Many of the major broadcast networks aired the name of the victim when one of the rapists convicted, apologized to her in court and was not caught in time by the networks. Finally, two teenage girls aged, 15 & 16 were arrested after they sent death threats to the victim through her Twitter and Facebook pages.
I thought this was an appropriate quote for this madness.
ReplyDelete”If every 8 year old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.” ~ Dalai Lama
When did we start teaching boys that rape and violence were ok? How many ladies out in CDaN have taken self defense classes and rape protection classes? I did. Obviously we need to start teaching the boys something different. Current method ends up with Steubenville mess.
ITA. The worst of it all is that going forward and years down the road the boys will still be sympathized with and the victim will still be hated for standing up for herself. I can see them in some run down bar, drunk with spittle leaking from their lips cursing her for ruining their "promising careers."
DeleteIt also makes me wonder, with the adults behavior, what would have happened if it was the coaches daughter? Would he have sold his own daughter and swept it under the rug as well? Probably. Which sickens me thinking of that. Would nearly everyone in that town have shamed their daughter into silence just so some punks could continue playing football? There is a special place in hell for those town folk. Special place indeed.
this case makes me so sad... any ideas on the names of the girls arrested?
ReplyDeleteOne was a cousin to one of the boys. Im so glad others are getting charged. I hope the boys from the video, especially the "funny guy" that kept cracking the jokes about her being "deader than OJs wife, Nicole," gets jammed up. After the case, they should just raze the entire town, down to bare dirt. What a sh*thole.
DeleteWTF is wrong with kids?! First, you have a group of boys who had no problem victimizing a peer in front of others. Peers who sat there and did nothing to help the victim. Then peers who fucking recorded it. Then a coach, an adult with power, who sweeps it under the rug and other adults who stymied the investigation. Then other peers who are attacking the victim for standing up for herself in court??? If a goddamn tornado razed that town, it would be just a good start. It's fucking football. A game. A goddamn game. It and its players are not worth that girl's humanity and her ability to feel safe within her own skin. I say let every goddamn arsonist in a 100 mile radius out of jail, give them gas cans and a match. That town should be proud of how many sociopaths it has raised.
ReplyDeleteITA, dia. And attitudes like these are nothing new - it's not video games or movies making this shit happen. It's the horrible byproduct of machoism gone wrong. A quick glance back in history tells us that we definitely don't need to go back to "the good old days", either. At least this type of horrific behavior is widely viewed as criminal in modern society.
ReplyDeleteWe as a society need to chart a new course. We need to foster a culture of kindness and respect, and create a world where something like Stubenville happening again is simply unthinkable.
Well said , you have my vote.
Deletedia, it's not just boys we need to teach differently, but girls, too. We have an entire generation of immature, self-centered fucking prima donnas who have no concept of empathy or respect. When I was an RA, I made damn sure my girls took self-defense classes and I came down hard on after hours visitors on a freshman floor. Why? Because letting one person on the floor endangers everyone on that floor not just the dumbass who brought the visitor up. And, no, I do not believe all men are rapists but I do recognize youth, booze and group think leads to some really poor and dangerous decisions.
ReplyDeleteWe must do a better job teaching our children that you must respect each other.
ReplyDeleteThis shit has been going on for centuries, it's got to stop.
You're a survivor if...
ReplyDeleteIf you healing from sexual assault and you get out of bed in the morning, You are doing well.If you healing from sexual assault and you hold down a job, You are amazing. If you are healing from sexual assault and you are still remotely pleasant to others, You are a lot nicer than me.If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot always be there for a friend, You are still a good friend and a strong enough person to know what is best for you. If you are healing from sexual assault, and find it difficult to care for yourself, but still find the strength to care and love your family than you are strong as well. If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to tell your story, You are brave.If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide that you are not ready to tell your story, You are also brave. If you are healing from sexual assault and you cry daily or have nightmares, You are normal.If you are healing from sexual assault and seeing happy, healthy people makes you sad, angry, jealous and worse, Join the club.If you are healing from sexual assault and you decide to press charges against your perpetrator, You have incredible courage.If you are healing from sexual assault and you cannot or choose not to press charges against your perpetrator, Your perpetrator is still the one to blame, and you are smart for knowing what you can handle. If you are healing from sexual assault and think that what happened was your fault, You are wrong, but you are not alone. If you are healing from sexual assault and are jealous that some survivors put their abuser in jail, You are one of many. If you are healing from sexual assault and feel like your significant other truly understands and is 100% supportive, He or she is rare and a keeper. If you are healing from sexual assault and you have a good support system, It will help A LOT. If you are healing from sexual assault and you don’t have enough people who understand what you are going through, I strongly recommend joining a support group. If you are healing from sexual assault and were not believed or supported when you found the courage to tell, You still deserve to be heard, no matter how long ago it was. If you are healing from sexual assault and you feel like you hate your body, Remember your spirit is held within your body.If you are healing from sexual assault and feel painfully alone and isolated, Please know that there are thousands of people healing with you in spirit. If you are healing from sexual assault and there are days where the only thing you are able to do is exist, Remember, we are existing with you till you can live again. If you are healing from sexual assault but still looking to the future, You are a survivor.
All blessing to all survivors.
DeleteWow @Meanie . That is such an amazing thing to read. It has touched my heart. Thank you.
DeleteAmazing! Thank you thank you! We are not victims we ARE survivors!
DeleteOh FFS this poor girl can't catch a break. Now her identity is out there for idiots to taunt her? This really makes me reconsider even wanting to start a family. So many other people have given up on teaching their children the SIMPLEST of good morals and are raising complete imbeciles.
ReplyDeleteOh FFS this poor girl can't catch a break. Now her identity is out there for idiots to taunt her? This really makes me reconsider even wanting to start a family. So many other people have given up on teaching their children the SIMPLEST of good morals and are raising complete imbeciles.
ReplyDeleteHigh Five Badger! Well said.
ReplyDeleteIt's just a game. Really and truly - just a stupid game! That poor girl will never be the same. That NO ONE stood up for her at the party and made them stop is also reprehensible. They are all culpable for what happened IMO.
I was too slow with my finger pecking. Well said to all of you!
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ReplyDeleteI suspect that if we polled the women on this site, most of them were victims of sexual assault at least once in their life.
ReplyDeleteOr know someone who is/was. Its an outrage!
DeleteVera,sadly, yes.
Delete@Vera L
DeleteThis^^^
@Vera, I suspect if you poll women in general, most have been victims of sexual assault in one form or another at least once in their lives. :/
ReplyDeleteReese - love you, girl. You need to write more. I've still got an eye on your blog, whenever you're ready to talk more there, you know I'll be listening. You are an inspiration and have a lot to share.
ReplyDeleteLotta - we need more people like you in the parenting ranks! here are some truly awesome people helping kids become adults who cannot conceive of the kind of cruelty that took place in Stubenville.
Should say "There are" (keyboard problems)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am full of hope for the next generation, when I look at my own kind sons, and I get to be a part of an awesome school that puts kindness first every single day. Take heart; there is light shining in the darkness.
This is what rape culture looks like (top post here): https://www.facebook.com/MsFoundationforWomen
ReplyDelete<3 Frufra. I didn't write that. I don't know who wrote it, but I found it last night in my meandering through the webs.
ReplyDeleteLike so many others...I'm just blown away at this story and many others. I'm emotionally bruised right now and I know many others are, too. Just my way of letting you all know...you're not alone.
Peace, light and love to you all!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Izzie, I never was a victim, but I have family and friends who have been. The worst part for them (in a loose poll) was someone else knowing and not stopping the abuse/attack. The rape itself is destructive, but it is made far worse when those who are in positions to protect you do nothing. At that point, they felt not just victimized, but abandoned. I cannot tell you the lingering effects of the latter on the victims I know. It makes me ill. As for turn the other cheek and teach non-violence.... fuck that. It creates victims. It also creates assholes afraid to stand up and say, "Hey, don't stick your fingers in that passed out girl, asshole. Why? Because I will smash your face and then call the cops is why..."
ReplyDeleteBadger - that is so true. My father abused me, and I found out years later that my mother knew about it all along. It's one of the reasons that I no longer have anything to do with her. It has been really hard, because my brothers do not understand and blame me for our estrangement. But I learned I have to do what's healthy for me. I just wish all other survivors of assault/abuse felt that way.
ReplyDeleteI saw some of the tweets on Sunday after the Steubenville verdict was handed down; there were two girls in particular who were tweeting awful things about the victim, and using her name. It's just a guess that these are the same two who have had charges levelled against them. I have to say I am impressed with this DA and his drive to get to the bottom of things. My hope is that he would have done the same thing, had Anonymous not gotten involved.
Hugs, dulc. I will never understand a mother not protecting her child. I dont care if its god himself, you abuse my kid, youre getting an ass kicking.
DeleteI am a survivor. Almost two decades of counseling have finally brought me forgiveness and peace. Good luck to the rest of you out there. It's a long road to hoe, but it's worth the effort in the end. God bless.
ReplyDeleteWhy was the media allowed to publish her name??? Can the family sue? Not trying to be sue happy, but for everything this poor girl has gone through, the last thing she needed was her identity exposed nationally.
ReplyDeleteThe trial would be a fucking vacation for my kids if they ever get caught participating in things like this. My two year old knows the massive consequences of even hitting in jest, says please/thank you & understands how serious his father & I take kindness & being a good friend. These parents are failures. The kids are the by products that have to suffer by making terrible life choices for themselves. I have no doubt these kids never heard no in any form and were treated like kings & queens at home because of parents who were too concerned with being a buddy than a parent. It's ridiculous. The parents should be ashamed of raising kids so disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteHow many of you have cancelled your cable? This is how rape culture persists. Keep raving Badger!! Good company here thank goodness. Vote with your dollar everyone. It's past time to stop supporting football when this is what is created. Stubenville stadium should be empty, just like Peen State.
ReplyDeleteThese children have been parented by MTV. If you think having these 'guilty pleasure' types of trash TV shows on in your home is harmless, you are wrong. We live in a culture that does not value women in any way whatsoever, except as soulless show pieces, and everything about this case just proves it, especially the reactions to women who have been speaking out about it.
ReplyDeleteThose two girls were in juvenile court this morning. They showed no emotion until the judge remanded them to custody at the juvenile detention center. Then they were "sobbing" according to the news reporter.
ReplyDeleteJust like those two boys. No emotion until the punishment is doled out.
They'll have a hearing on the 27th to find out what happens next.
I loved these articles. Sorry no clicky. Maybe we can share some good things we've read?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-boy_b_1473167.html
Lisa Bloom also wrote "Swagger", a book I've just begun. It's excellent so far.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1482523957/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
I feel like every time I chime in here it’s some form of “this happened to me too”. It’s starting to make me feel like I’m trying to sound more interesting than I am. But, I think it’s important for women to share their stories and experiences, especially when it comes to sexual assault, so I’m going ahead with this post. I lived in Texas for my last year of high school, after growing up in NY. The football culture down there is intense and comparable to what I’ve read about Steubenville. One night I went to a house party thrown by the HS quarterback. His mother was there giving out shots of tequila (nice, right?) and I remember having two and then suddenly being out of control drunk. I started drinking very young, so I knew this wasn’t normal. I blacked out and then suddenly came to on the couch with a guy shoving his tongue down my throat and a whole room of classmates watching. He tried to drag me upstairs but my friend happened to walk in at the right time and stopped it from happening. I can remember the moment, but I felt like I couldn’t stop it or focus or get my thoughts together as to what was happening to me. After that, the quarterback and his football buddies used to follow me in my car, they backed me into a corner in the cafeteria, and there were terrible rumors about me spread all over the school. To this day, I’m not sure I was drugged, but it seems likely based on my reaction and on a few comments made by the quarterback. He apparently told someone that night that he’d “made sure” none of the women would remember what happened at the party. Anyway, I have been following this story because I feel like what happened to her could have happened to me if I hadn’t been so lucky, and if I hadn’t had a good friend who stood up in front of a party of people to stop it. My heart goes out to this girl, and I hope she realizes that life is much bigger than high school, much bigger than her town, and that in time she comes to peace with what happened and is proud of herself for standing up against it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, @auntliddy. :) Hugs right back, to everyone else who has had to go through assault or abuse. We got through it! That doesn't mean it doesn't echo throughout our lives, sometimes on a daily basis, but it means we are strong enough to go each day despite what we've been through. We are strong and awesome.
ReplyDeleteI often wisecrack that if you get rid of the pro sports franchises in your area, you'll lower the crime rate as a result of getting rid of the criminals on those teams.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the entitled jock culture is relentlessly enabled by every member of any community that decides being a sports star excuses all transgressions. And, as this case shows, the special treatment and resulting I'm-allowed-to-do-anything attitude starts years before those thugs end up in the pros, or even in college.
Nope: Thank you for sharing your story. I think we all understand the purpose of you doing so is certainly NOT to aggrandize yourself.
ReplyDeleteI have been fortunate in that I have never been a victim of a sex crime but I feel for others that have and the worst part is the blaming and shaming of the victim. I am so disgusted by the girls who did this to another sister and I pray they never have to feel how she does at this moment.
This poor victim is going to need a lot of therapy and I'll bet she doesn't stay in Steubenville.
Many years ago I read a true story about a Dr. in a Mormon town who was raping the women there. It was awful because when they finally stood up and said something people were aghast that they could ruin this doctors reputation! It was worse than that rapes themselves practically.
We should NEVER not stand up for victims of sexual crimes and we must never make the claim unless it is real. That only diminishes those who really have suffered.
I would love to have a chat with their parents and grandparents. What happened to good old fashion logic and common sense. I was on twitter when one of them was posting her comments and could not believe how stupid she is..I was actually floored that she was calling the victim a slut and posting threats.
ReplyDelete@nope your posting shares an interesting similarity that was noted in an anonymous blog on the internet. IDK how true it all is, but it presents a supposed insiders/local leaks view-of what really went down in Steubenville. It claims that this young girl was drugged by her perpetrators. It gives an explanation that rings true to me.
ReplyDeleteThere is drunk and there is drunk, and then there is drunken state of comatose inhibition that goes beyond drunk because drugs are also involved.
According to this blog the victim's state of awareness evaporated within one hour of her being at the party. Very suspicious and hard to believe she did this to herself without "help".
Reading the entire blog left me with the belief that there are at least half a dozen other people who should be facing charges, including her ex-boyfriend.
Scroll down to the portion that begins "What REALLY Happened That Night "
http://www.localleaks.me/localleaks/steubenvillefiles/index.html
I don't think it's simply bad parenting, it's much larger than that. Women are viewed in society as prizes for men, as decoration, as "get back in the kitchen." We have politicians like Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin spouting their hatred and stupidity. And we have each other, yelling "SLUT!" if a woman wears a short skirt or has dared to have sex.
ReplyDeleteIt feels like we're about five years from restarting the Salem witch trials.
@Zeeky - I think women have come a long, long way. But I also think that we've become very complacent, and think that all of our work is done. We need to keep the fires burning, sisters! Our sex still has a lot of work to do in becoming truly enlightened.
ReplyDeleteI've read some time ago about the research conducted by the scientist. It showed that people are more likely to get help from several strangers than from a bigger group of people. When the bigger group of people witnesses the crime or health problem, they are more likely to just stand and watch rather than do something about it. The fact that there are so many people around kind of removes the feeling of personnal responsibility for what is happening. I do not try to find excuses for the ones who saw the abuse and did nothing. I just remembered that article and wanted to say that it is not that uncommon not to get help with many people watching
ReplyDeleteI got dragged upstairs at a party when I was 15. I knew the guys. They thought it was hilarious to scare me. There were 3 of them. The first two were genuinely messing (even though it was stupid, as 15 year old boys tend to be) but the 3rd guy never knew when to stop. He was always trying to out macho all his friends by going further. I started crying and got very scared of him.
ReplyDeleteWith that the bedroom door flew open and I heard a big roar. I looked over and saw a figure in the doorway. The 1st two guys started saying sorry, they were just messing around but the 3rd guy was still on top of me. The guy from the doorway grabbed him and almost threw him out the window. He was my hero that day.
He is my best friend in the world and now, 21 years later, he is my husband.
What a story!!!!! Hes a keeper alright!!!!!!
DeleteThis isn't the way all football towns are. Football is big in my town. My own son plays in middle school. But our schools also push the arts with band, chorus, art classes. And, when a couple starter high school football players got into some trouble, vandalism, they were benched for the rest of the season. These were boys that were very good, including the quarterback, and a lot of people complained that we would lose games if these boys didn't play. The coach didn't care. They sat! And did not play anymore for the rest of the season. You get in trouble, you pay the price. All of the kids learned a lesson, from my sons 7th grade team to the seniors, the school does not tolerate that crap.
ReplyDeleteI had a big long thing written but the jist of it was that you can't discount peer pressure in how these kids have acted/are acting. We can talk about social media driving it, we can talk about parents not parenting, we can talk about all of these things but the same things that are driving these kids to protect the group and its members (not least by attacking the victim) is the same thing that largely prevented these cases from even being brought 20 years ago...without social media, this girl would have been shamed, and even attacked, into remaining silent. People shouldn't fool themselves and think that our schools, towns and society haven't elevated kids like this for forever....
ReplyDeleteAnd I know that was somewhat rambling but this kind of thing has always occurred at some level, and will continue to until we teach our kids to think for themselves and to be true to who THEY are. As part of that, we need these kids to understand what a small part of their lives high school really is and that these people that they think are so very important to who they are ultimately are just a small piece of their lives.
That, and teaching our daughters how to protect themselves; and I don't mean just physically protecting themselves.
Agent - Me too, at least three times that I can think of. Not raped, but assaulted. Twice before I was 12. : /
ReplyDeleteI'm glad there are still good people out there that will speak up and will stop these things, but we need more of them.
/soapbox.
"Boys will be boys" fuckin culture
ReplyDeleteits insane
teach your sons now that this is NOT OKAY
Check this out (makes point with humor): http://canyourelate.org/2011/05/24/rape-prevention-tips/
ReplyDeleteItsJustU, awwwww, I teared up.
ReplyDeletePeer pressure cannot be discounted, but this is an example of really bad parenting. Adults who enable pedophiles and rapists while demonizing the victims have a special place reserved for them in the darkest circle of hell.
ReplyDeleteWhat's scary too is often when women are asked 'Were you ever a victim of a sexual assault?' they answer 'No', but give them more specific examples (e.g. 'Without prior consent, did a guy ever touch your breast, claiming it was in jest?' or 'When on a date, while getting intimate, has a guy touched you and won't stop until you say 'No' more than once?') and then the answer becomes 'yes.'
ReplyDeleteWe live in such a strong rape culture that us woman sometimes don't even call an assault an assault.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFor people to protect a rapist, and make comments that their "football" careers are over, makes me want to become violent. The victim will relive the rape and assault when she has relationships, she will relive it when she gets pregnant,when she comes back home for reunions, because you know that people in that piss poor town have already labeled her "that girl". F those boys who attacked her. I hope they get passed around juvie like a pie. F the adults who protected the attackers. To the ones that tried to brush this away because they were stars in their town. They should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Lose their jobs too if they worked for that school. If they own a business in that town, boycott it. If they go to a particular place to eat, get up and leave. Make it known that you do not support rapists or the ones that hide and protect them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, parents-stop glorifying sexual assault. Raise your sons that it is never okay to touch a woman if she is drunk, passed out, or under the influence of anything. Raise them that if they see their friends at a party, college, bar, anything, messing with a woman who is not coherent enough to say her name to step in, speak up and stand up for her.
Well said.
DeleteIt's in no way the same thing but when I told the school I was being bullied some of the others in my class didn't like me for telling. The mentality seems to be that the girl got the boys in trouble which is a real shame. I can't imagine how hard it is for her to feel violated and repeatedly be targeted.
ReplyDeleteThere's a petition asking for CNN to apologise for its cover of this case. All their focus was on the "poor boys" http://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/cnn-apologize-for-your-disgusting-coverage-of-the-steubenville-rapists
We do not have a problem with guns or violent enertainment. It is a problem with Adults who are raising kids wrong.
ReplyDeleteThis football program was the PRIDe of their town because they had nothing else left. CNN wanted to cry for these too, these two rapists never had a future. They probably were not major players on the team and were partying it up because like many HS jocks. The party ends with graduation. Bye Bye Football and Hello Wal Mart stock room.
Having sons who are XBOX nerds is looking like a much better alternative than raising rapists.