Attention Ryan Gosling - Rachel McAdams Is Now Available

Dear Ryan,

I don't know you. The closest I have come to meeting you is when my long time friend Dominique went looking for your house in the middle of the night with some friends because you invited them to a party at your place. She said you smelled really nice. I have met Eva Mendes who you are currently kind of dating, but lets be real, the diva thing gets old after a while. She is an animal lover though so we do need to give her points for that. And hot, yes, yes, fine, but a diva. I wanted to let you know that Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen broke up. No, not Martin Sheen. Yeah, everyone gets them confused and Michael is not even American so it is really like a name thing more than a when you hear his voice you say, oh, ok. I think Rachel was attracted to the accent. Honestly, I don't know what Rachel or Kate Beckinsale saw in the guy. Great actor, but come on, if you get nominated for an Oscar, you should kind of learn to say no when they ask you to do a Twilight movie. Most of the rest of the cast is going to be auditioning for Lifetime movies ina few years and the rest won't only because they saved their money and are into online porn instead of spending it on hookers. Plus, he kind of looks like a Hobbit.

I'm sure you know the world loves The Notebook. Of course when I say "the world," I mean women in the world who have seen the movie. I have yet to meet one guy who will even admit to seeing The Notebook, so yeah. The thing is, you have a tough time winning guys as fans because every woman has seen that movie and then women get this unrealistic expectation of what a guy should do to earn their love. Basically you have made it impossible to take them out for a burger and fries and expect to get lucky. Sure, if they go to In-N-Out or Five Guys they might get lucky, but only if they spring for some Boone's Farm too.

Anyway, the women who have seen the movie all think that you and Rachel McAdams belong together. Guys like Rachel because she was in Wedding Crashers so it would give you an entree back into the guy world and make us start forgiving you for that whole Nicholas Sparks decision you made. yeah, I know he wrote it. Not one of my prouder moments but I was in a waiting room and saw some article and the next thing you know, I know who wrote the book and who to blame for every sappy movie that comes out between December and Valentine's Day. So, where was I? Oh yeah, ask Rachel out. Marry her. Just don't build her a house by hand. Seriously. Enough with that stuff.