Friday, January 18, 2013

Jennifer Lopez Hates Her People Magazine Cover

No one ever said that Kneepads is brilliant at making people look spectacular on their cover. They are all about making moms look good with babies and sometimes a wedding photo. Otherwise they are very much the Good Housekeeping, Redbook kind of publication and you are not going to get the same result you would on Maxim or Allure or Vogue. You are going to get what Jennifer Lopez got. The soccer mom look with heavier makeup. Jennifer Lopez hates the cover because she says it makes her look old. Jennifer is 43. They don't retouch a lot so what they gave you is pretty much what she looks like but with better lighting. I'm still shocked she is even on a cover or doing the typical Kneepads cover story. Never would have happened ten years ago.

Posted by ent lawyer at 10:30 AM

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60 comments:

  1. Now!10:36 AM

    I would imagine that her biggest fans - urban young women circa 1999 - are probably moms now themselves. They probably look like that too.

    I think women look sillier when they *don't* age, ie Nicole Kidman.

    ReplyDelete
  2. mikey10:37 AM

    ^I agree. Glancing at it I wondered who it was.

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  3. parissucksliterally10:37 AM

    I think she looks fine. Sorry J Lo, you ARE 43, and at least you look somewhat natural after all the work you have done on your face.

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  4. parissucksliterally10:37 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. supapimp10:38 AM

    Yep. She actually looks good for once

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  6. figgy10:39 AM

    Funny, that's one of the few pictures I've ever seen of her that I DID like.

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  7. Kelly10:39 AM

    She's gorgeous, but that picture is kind of stupid.

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  8. Sarah10:39 AM

    What's with that pose?

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  9. LottaColada10:40 AM

    They say she did out to upstage Mariah's idol debut. That expression she's making is really not meant for a cover photo.

    I can't remember where I saw someone saying she resembled Betsey Johnson in that pic. I completely agree. With the hair especially.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jazzy12:53 PM

      Yes, thank you! I couldn't place it in my mind, but Betsy Johnson w/ a splash of Janice from the Muppets band.

      Delete
    2. LottaColada1:17 PM

      @Jazzy, if this isn't the look JLo was going for, IDK what she was trying to do.

      Betsey JohnsonJohnson

      Delete
  10. Carolyn10:42 AM

    Look at how oddly tiny her hands look! Does anyone else see that or is it just me?

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  11. msgirl10:43 AM

    What's wrong with the picture, she's actually smiling and I think it's for real! I wouldn't recognize her because she's not pouting fish lips = she looks good, and I really dislike this woman.

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  12. All about Eve10:44 AM

    I think she looks fine but I guess that's not what she was going for lol

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  13. Eeekalicious10:45 AM

    I guess she feels that it doesn't fit with her "carefully crafted public image" or whatever it was that poor Casper got told off about.

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  14. Tyler10:46 AM

    I magnified the image and all I can come up with is the depth of those creases framing her smile that's got her bothered. Eh.

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  15. Barton Fink10:48 AM

    She looks like a tween star.

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  16. LottaColada10:48 AM

    Sidenote: How funny is it that they chose Adele to better represent the GG's over people like Ben Affleck and Hugh Jackman on their cover? She completely stole the night away from these A List actors on one their biggest nights and I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. SusanB10:52 AM

    We all get old, lady. Deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pip10:53 AM

    What is the whole Kneepads thing? I'm lost.

    ReplyDelete
  19. prolixe10:54 AM

    There is so much funny going on here - "I have no regrets!" when she hates the cover, kneeling for Kneepads, straight talk on $cientology.

    I agree, it really doesn't look like the JLo we're used to seeing.

    ReplyDelete
  20. VIPblonde10:54 AM

    She looks like she's being ridden from behind by an invisible Casper, and she's just not that into. Apparently he's an unfriendly ghost

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  21. Carolyn11:02 AM

    @VIPblonde, that's hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  22. chopchop11:04 AM

    Her hair looks awful. The fried ends, the terrible bangs ... it is not a good photo at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Della12:06 PM

      I thought the same thing. Frizzy and fried and the color doesn't look right.

      Delete
  23. Agent**It11:12 AM

    Such a tragic thing. May a picture that displeases her be the worst thing that ever happens to her for the rest of her life.

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  24. greenmountaingal11:13 AM

    Her face has a potato shape in this picture. It also looks like an Afghan Hound is sitting on top of her head.

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  25. Anonymous11:17 AM

    The cat crawling pose if ridiculous. As is the hair. But her face looks genuine, which I don't think we've seen in a decade or so!

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  26. Anonymous11:19 AM

    Her whole look on this cover reminded me of Jennifer Garner, which is hilarious to me.

    ReplyDelete
  27. White lilly11:22 AM

    "Don't be fooled by the botox that I've got, I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block..."


    I think she looks ok, but that hair... oy!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous11:24 AM

    Nicely done, @White lily!

    ReplyDelete
  29. White lilly11:27 AM

    @Dagny :D

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sunny11:37 AM

    I will say this: When I was completely dissatisfied with my life and the choices that I had made, I swear to God my mantra was "I have no regrets". It's what you say when you have completely effed up

    And I think she looks pretty minus the goofy (and x rated) pose (Thanks VIPBlonde!)

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  31. Flo11:40 AM

    She looks her age and that's what she hates about it. She has Dorian Gray syndrome.

    ReplyDelete
  32. SingBlue12:14 PM

    What is the story behind the nick "Kneepads"? If I had to guess, I'd guess they pander to the "stars" so need protection for being on their knees all the time? Probably a favourite for a publicist trying to plant a story?

    ReplyDelete
  33. DontRainOnMyPrada12:57 PM

    Wow...it is kind of an awkward, pained smile. I can see why she might not like it.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Jazzy1:07 PM

    She should really be upset by how well Kneepads conveyed her desperation. Who does a cover to swoon about a show you were kicked off, a highly publicized relationship where you were dumped and are still being blamed for a career dying, while "being optimistic" about a relationship with a gay, glorified go-go dancer? When is she going to accept that no matter how many plunging, tight dresses she wears and compliments she gives, Ben will always pick Jen Garner. She's a modern day Kennedy wife, looks the other way, campaigns and cleans up messes. JLo is now the old jump off. Ben is using his director clout and moving on to the younger actresses. JLo needs to move on and take the Salma Hayek route or go back to Marc Anthony, which I think she will in 10 years anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Mango1:34 PM

    @ parissucksliterally - Why, whatever do you mean? JLo hasn't had work done. She has categorically denied having any plastic surgery! If you compare photos of her from 10/15 years ago and now, and think that SHE HAS A COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT NOSE there must be something wrong with your eyes because she hasn't had a THING done. Not a thing.



    ReplyDelete
  36. Unknown1:38 PM

    She looks like a cross between Betsey Johnson and an aged Jessica Alba.

    The fried hair should've been her first regret. This entire picture reeks of a close second. That "pose" is just wrong on so many levels. SMH LOL

    Hate it for you, JennyFromTheBlock, but we all age, Dearie.....the camera never lies (Photoshop just helps mask it)

    ReplyDelete
  37. yodelay1:40 PM

    She looks like a 40ish mom, so I guess that's why she doesn't like it(?). I hadn't even noticed the pose, but wow, weird.

    @Jazzy, I think you are right. Her and Marc will get back together, again.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Bleu2:19 PM

    I think she looks younger and fresher on this cover than she does with that shit-ton of makeup she usually wears and hair done up way too fussy.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Bleu2:24 PM

    Also, I always took it that referring to People as "Kneepads" was saying the magazine really isn't into reporting so much as bascially giving blow jobs to celebrities in its coverage of them.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Krissie2:26 PM

    She hates the cover because she doesn't look sexy on it, I imagine. I think J.Lo figures that if she's not 1. half-naked, 2. wearing something skintight, or 3. both, she looks bad.

    The Betsey Johnson comment is right on, that hair is perfect Betsey hair. (Sidenote: did y'all know Betsey's company recently went bankrupt? I'm not surprised: her clothes were cute, but way too expensive considering the line was very funky and young rather than glamorous.)

    Kneepads gets a lot of shit and most of it is deserved, but every now and then they will very slyly make a celebrity look very bad. You have to watch for it but it does happen. When it does all I can think is, Wow, that celebrity must be a HUGE pain in the ass for even Kneepads to take a shot at them.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Bleu2:35 PM

    I know Krissie, there has been once or twice where Kneepads did its equivalent of a scandal-type story and the first thing I thought was, You just know they SERIOUSLY considered that the piece migh alienate other celebrities and decided that this particular celebrity is basically regarded as a shit by the entire industry that there will be no negative repercussions from running the negative piece.

    ReplyDelete
  42. MrWolf2:42 PM

    That's the worst fucking pose. She looks like she's getting ready to do a doggie style scene in a porno.

    ReplyDelete
  43. figgy2:53 PM

    Shoot, I can think of whole list of things she should regret.

    Sunny, I agree. Everyone I've ever known who's said they had no regrets were assholes.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Sunny3:42 PM

    @figgy
    I prefer the term lovable fuckup for myself, although asshole was probably more accurate. ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Henriette3:43 PM

    I think she should lay off the extensions. Her hair looks fried and bad.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Pip3:50 PM

    I liked her old nose better. Why do these celebs hate looking their age? 43 is not old! When I see a forty something trying to look like a twenty something, I find it sad, not sexy.

    ReplyDelete
  47. MalibuBarbie3:51 PM

    What a ridiculous pose! I suspect it was an out-take for the piece, to show how "playful" and "happy" she is, and not a cover try. If it *was* a cover try, then I second the thought that Kneepads was intentionally sabotaging.

    In terms of the overall vibe of the image, it is *very* All-American Suzy Homemaker - the cheesy pageant girl smile, the horribly styled cheerleader hair with bangs, that Pepto Bismol shade of lipstick to which the art department so cleverly matched the logo and cover line, washes her right out. And, last but not least, her wardrobe...there is NO WAY IN HELL that they dressed her without her first approving the rack of options - and I'm sure there was a mirror in every corner of the set. She knew exactly what she looked like - and, they shot it digitally, so, she approved it on-set.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Eeekalicious5:27 PM

    @MalibuBarbie

    I totally agree. She controls her image so much. She is, what one of my kids calls, "reverse bragging" or looking for compliments.

    She's 43 and looks 30, what more does she want?

    ReplyDelete
  49. PotPourri6:10 PM

    She has a very wide, beautiful smile in that photo and should be grateful she looks that good.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Steppy6:31 PM

    Weird - she's not flashing her private parts - had no idea it was her.
    No wonder she doesn't like it.

    ReplyDelete
  51. delete account6:33 PM

    When I first saw this I thought it was Jessica Alba.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Jenn8:50 PM

    Only Madonna has No Regrets. Clearly...she's no Madonna. I like Jennifer, usually, she's a little vain, eh. If she didn't like that hair she shouldn't have bought that dang wig in the first place.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Fluffy White Clouds6:32 AM

    Her hair looks like wet dog after a swim in the river that has weeds in it...

    I thought picture was awful myself... For a magazine cover anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anonymous8:35 AM

    She looks probably alot closer to reality in those pics. She is 43, that's no spring chicken. Nothing wrong with aging, why can't ladies age gracefully? Accept it, it's going to happen, you're still attractive and sexy. Just not in the twenties kind of way. Didn't she only get her career really rocking when she was older anyways? Say mid thirties?
    She's never been the youngest girl on the block, so I don't know what all this insecurity is about. The hair does look fried and damaged. She does look a little teeny tiny bit wrinkly. But the worst part of all is her pained expression fighting to come out of the fake smile, it takes alot of factors to get a fake smile right and clearly things went horribly wrong. She needs a long vacay to Hawaii alone, or with just her and her kids so that she can read, write, spend some time looking inward, get centered, find out what she really wants to do with her life, find some meaning in it, a way to help others and then see if she can't do a real smile. This cover should be a wake up call that she really isn't happy and that her life isn't where it should be. The signs are all there.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Tru Leigh9:09 AM

    It's not the cover that makes you look bad, Jen.

    ReplyDelete
  56. tara179:41 AM

    I think she's right, the cover is awful. The expression lines around her mouth look like they've been purposefully enhanced.

    ReplyDelete

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