Jimmy Kimmel Makes The Kardashians Actually Funny

Blind Items Revealed

February 5, 2007

Just because prostitution is legal in certain parts of Nevada does not really excuse or explain what this 80's A list actor was doing propositioning models to spend some time with him in his hotel room recently. Our actor was at an event which featured women hosts and presenters and was too lazy to try and just hit on them. Instead he went up to each model and offered them $5000 to spend the night with him. Most were just disgusted at the offer, but it seems as if our actor finally found two who were willing to spend the night with this loved everywhere but here actor.

The Hoff

Blind Items Revealed

February 8, 2007

This male news anchor had a comment about every guy he saw while at one show. Most of the comments were basically about adult activities he wanted to indulge in with the spied upon guys.

Anderson Cooper

Edinburgh Fringe Reviews

Marek Larwood - Pleasance Courtyard

For those of you not familiar with him, Marek is one of the comedy trio of perfection known as We Are Klang. If you have not heard their radio shows or watched their BBC programmes, drop everything immediately and do what you have to do (*ahem* downloading) to check them out. You might go to jail, but just the memory of the jokes will get you through the inevitable shanking/terrifying mind games/soap dropping.

Sick of playing characters who are hit by shovels, his show ‘Typecast’ is his opportunity (ably assisted by the excellent Sophie Black) to demonstrate he actually has the acting range of a man pissing with an erection.

If this show is a class in physical comedy, he is not the teacher; he’s the visiting professor who the teacher is very excited to have in specially. The audience evolves into giddy children in the middle of a full-on hour long giggling fit. The costume drama roles are particularly funny, as is the Steven Seagal acting kit.

But throughout the show, Marek also reminds us that he is actually quite clever. ‘Typecast’ is an astutely-observed on the formulaic nature of comedy. His rules for observational comedy are gold, including, say ‘have you ever noticed’ about something totally obvious; drink water slowly to show how relaxed you are; and make the guy in the front row look like a total dick. Another gem- Did you know ‘improvisation’ is Greek for ‘not as funny as other stuff’? He has the best time/date joke (with the best callback I’ve heard this year). He handles two potential troublemakers in the audience with perfect aplomb (including calling them ‘concessions’ the whole time).

The strongest part is the send-up on the great British comedy panel show. Marek pulls an audience member named Dave up to compete against him in a series of rounds. From the beginning, Dave is slaughtering him, and each successive forfeit sees Marek by the end with trousers down at his ankles and mustard smeared all over his face, and - this is no exaggeration - having to open the exit door, wander into the venue’s packed family garden outside, and singing at the tops of his lungs ‘Mommy wow, I’m a big kid now’. Meanwhile Dave reveals he’s a comic with a rival show and proceeds to pass out flyers to the audience while Marek is humiliating himself outside.

I had to pick myself off the floor I was laughing so hard. The audience is in stitches.

I really hope he takes this show on the road, because I will see it again, and will be bringing about 20 friends with me. An absolutely brilliant show for fans of physical comedy. Love, love, loved it.
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The Blanks- Gilded Balloon



Bloody hell.

I have to say that again. Bloody hell.

They work HARD for the money. So buy their cds.

My jaw was agape throughout the entire show ‘The Blanks’ Big Break’. How do these men keep up the energy and the intensity? Maybe it is the years of experience together. Maybe it’s their obvious chemistry. Maybe it’s just the cans of Red Bull strewn about the stage.

The entire show centres on the premise that the Blanks are trying to get agent Marty Robart to sign them to a contract, which will enable them to perform in outer space (don’t ask the details, just roll with it). And Marty’s recommendations for the elements of a good show include an obstacle (to add an arc), a personal reveal that makes the audience slightly uncomfortable, smooth transitions, and of course, an 80’s song that the audience will feel compelled to sing along with.

What follows is a delightful barrage of medleys, banter, jokes, physical comedy, all designed to fit Marty’s recommendations to a tee.

The medleys are killer. Among the particularly popular ones are Facts of Life/Flipper/Charles in Charge/Speed Racer and the rock n’ roll medley of Who are You?/Don’t Fear the Reaper/Lollipop/Carry on My Wayward Son.

Unsurprisingly, Scrubs related meta-references pepper the show- it’s how the crowd know them and it is what they want. A long version of the Six Million Dollar Man bit they do as Ted’s band on the show is inspired. Their cheeky statement that Zach Braff was in the audience make everyone freak out (he wasn’t).

They were great with the audience- not just with the sing-a-long to the 80s song, pulling people on to the stage to get involved. Philip climbing onto a girl and then her boyfriend was a particular audience favourite.

The other thing that strikes you is that it is so clean. But the clean really works. Usually clean shows make me feel dirty- like I’ve sold out, or I’m getting old. But it really was just lots of fun. So go see them. They tour extensively, so you have no excuses.

Oh, the most important question of all- do they get the contract to sing in space at the end? You’ll have to see them to find out. Or just ask me. I’m no good with secrets.

Rachel McAdams & Noomi Rapace Love Scene Trailer For New Movie

I don't know how I did not realize this before. I knew that Noomi Rapace and Rachel McAdams made a movie together, but I don't remember hearing about a scene where Rachel is blindfolded and having sex with Noomi. How did something like this escape my attention? Does Noomi actually smile for once in a movie because I'm really convinced she has no teeth because she never smiles. Noomi is wearing some white mask that makes her look like the sister of the character from Scream. The movie is going to premiere next month at the Toronto International Film Festival.

Prince Harry Sex Tape?

I suppose if you have a naked Prince and naked women and they are rubbing their bodies against each other and someone took actual video of it, then it could be considered a sex video. Jennifer Lopez's ex had pretty much the same thing and classified it as that. At least two women have video and more photos that are supposed to be way more R rated than what has been shown to this point and are asking for $3M for everything. That is a whole lot of money and the only way anyone could afford to pay that for some photos or video is to try and sell the video. I don't think you could do it any other way because if you are a tabloid and publish them, you can only do so in your print edition. If you put them online then you are going to get everything taken in a second but you can't show video in a tabloid so then you need an adult video company or someone like ET who will pay and censor and hope enough people watch to make it worth their while in ad sales.

Tameka Foster Loses Primary Custody To Usher

Tameka Foster lost primary custody of the two boys she has with Usher. After what seemed like week after week of argument between the pair which saw them both seeking primary custody, a judge in Atlanta awarded primary custody to Usher. I was shocked the judge did this. I really thought it would be kept at 50/50 and some kind of review after a year. To actually take it away from one parent without her doing anything seems wrong. It is wrong. Apparently the judge did not believe Tameka when she said that Usher takes drugs and did not care that Usher is not with the children for long periods of time because of work. Usher claimed that Tameka was never there and passed off parenting to nannies and that Tameka is Tameka.

Ryan Lochte's Sister Is A Racist

Jezebel has unearthed a video of Megan Lochte from an appearance on a television show in 2008, right after the Beijing Olympics. Apparently Megan is trying to be funny because it is a comedy show, but all she does is come across as offensive and rude, and I'm pretty sure that if she had a comedy career it is confined to playing KKK meetings and Jesse James house parties.

Jerry Nelson Has Died

Jerry Nelson, the puppeteer known for playing the instructional Count von Count on Sesame Street, died Thursday of unspecified causes. He was 78. In case you are more of a Fraggle Rock fan, he also played Gobo Fraggle.

Random Photos Part Three

A reader took this photo of Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker actually eating. This is Pulitzer Prize stuff here. An actual food eating sighting of Sarah. Who knew.
Meanwhile, another reader captured Ron Howard with his family waiting for a baby. The paper in Ron's hand is the actual Arrested Development script for the show he will be making his acting return in.
Celine Dion says these photos represent the way she is in her real life. With Rene? Seriously?



David Beckham seems to have enjoyed the photos.
Drew Barrymore just can't believe it was Celine.

Random Photos Part Two

This is not Mr. Bean's movie. This is an 80 year old woman attempting to restore the 18th century painting on the left and ending up with what is on the right.
I have to admit, Ashley Greene looks really good here.
Hilary Duff takes Luka out for a walk.
Most of the time Lizzy Caplan would have been on top, but being with Kirsten Dunst kind of dragged her down. Isla Fisher looks great though.
Kourtney Kardashian emerges after possible split rumors for the 84th time with Scott Disick.
Kate Upton randomly posing on the street.
Lana del Rey in West Hollywood.
Lea Michele Tweeted this photo from the set of Glee.
Miley Cyrus looking more and more like David Bowie everyday. Or Tilda Swinton.

Random Photos Part One

Three parts today.

Any day now for Melissa Joan Hart and her new baby.
It was pretty nice of McKayla Maroney to let Alyson Hannigan to play with the gold medal while she took the silver.
Meanwhile, in New York, Gabby Douglas threw out the first pitch at the Mets game.
Ellen and Portia de Rossi show off their Mileys.
Paul McCartney sells lemonade to earn a few extra bucks.
Four pitbulls attacked this car to get a kitten. The kitten was fine.
Snooki is joining the Melissa Joan Hart school of almost ready to give birth.
Sharon Stone naked in another movie. Shocker.
Tom Cruise in London after checking out Connor's first DJ appearance there. Scientology mixer probably.

Rhino Farts Make Me Laugh Too

Randy Travis Busted For Drinking In Front Of A Church

What is the deal with Randy Travis and his prevalence for getting drunk outside churches. Just like rest stops are places for stranger sex, apparently churches have become the "in" place to get hammered. Randy Travis was arrested early this morning after police found a very drunk Randy fighting with another man in front of a Texas church. Randy was the guy who started it. Probably someone made a joke about his life becoming a country song. The good news for Randy is he had all his clothes on this time when he was arrested.

Mr. Marcus Is Reason Porn Industry Shut Down

It is not very often that one person on their own can stop a billion dollar a year industry on his own. Mr. Marcus did just that. He admitted yesterday that he is the actor who contracted syphilis and passed it on to several other performers who gave it to several others which is why filming was halted. Had to stop it so they could stop people from spreading it like crazy. Mr. Marcus knew he had the disease but a doctor told him he would not be contagious ten days after starting penicillin. He went to work on day 11 and 9 other people ended up with the disease.

Four For Friday - She Swept It Under The Rug

It's Friday funday which also means announcements. None this week except for my usual which is to remind you to follow me on Twitter if you have not already done so. Yesterday I had a blind item on Twitter that I did not post on the site. My Twitter handle is @entylawyer. You can also click the bird over there --------> Make sure you come back tomorrow and Sunday for some weekend blogging. On Saturdays I also reveal a blind item from the archives. I think everyone would agree that the past three Saturdays have been pretty amazing reveals.

This celebrity/model has it made now. In the world of celebrity she is A+. She has it all going for her. Model/reality show host/businesses. Everything. It did not start out that way for our celebrity. Back in the day she was struggling. Lost in a world in which she did not feel comfortable and struggling to make ends meet she met a man. A very rich man. This man is struggling financially now and has approached our celebrity about getting him out of his financial mess. Seems simple enough, only he did not just ask for a loan. He is basically blackmailing our celebrity into giving him the money or he will tell the world how she got her start as the man's plaything. Our celebrity was paid a lump sum of money every month to be his mistress. The man is not nice and this was not a normal sexual favors for money relationship. The things he made her do still haunt her today and because of the situations he put her in she has a host of bodyguards to protect her from people coming out of her past to try and get close to her again. The man used to take out celebrity to S&M clubs where he would pass her around like candy to get favors from other business people and to just humiliate her. Some of those people have tired to also blackmail our celebrity. She has generally paid them off and sign an agreement. It has worked. This man though knows all the secrets and has hours and hours of footage of her sexual activities. He knows the true story of the circumstances surrounding a pregnancy that she never wants to come out in the open. He knows the people she slept with to get ahead. The political leaders and married CEO's. He knows it all and for years she has kept it quiet and out of the press. She knows if it ever comes out it would destroy her fairly family friendly image.

Your Turn - Drawing Or Photograph

Yesterday I Tweeted the photo above and after looking at it for almost 12 hours straight, I still can't decide if the artist is messing with everyone or not. He says that he took the photo on the right and that the picture on the left is actually a drawing that he made using only 8 pens that he bought in a grocery store. When he first showed them on Reddit, people clamored for him to video himself drawing because no one believes him. I'm not sure, but it is fun to speculate. Drawing on the left. Photo on the right. Believe him?

NBC Has Another Crappy Idea

I wonder if the executives over at NBC smoke a lot of crack or just think they live in some insulated world where they think this is the glory days of Must See TV and that no matter what they put on the air after Friends they will get huge ratings. NBC, not Bravo, but the actual network; The one who has brought you such ratings success with The Today Show and a Thursday night lineup that gets regularly beat by repeats on fourth tier cable networks has decided they want to give Adrienne Maloof her own reality show. Adrienne, who is quite possibly the most boring person the RHBH is not the right person to give a network show too. Plus, it is going to be a reality show. You know, following her around while she does nothing and is as vanilla as she has always been. If NBC wants ratings they should give Kathy Griffin a show and put that on the air. Once a week just like her Bravo format. I would rather give Victoria Beckham another chance at a reality show. That one failed because NBC didn't edit it right. Let the people over at Bunim/Murray have their way with it and David Beckham will be slowly taking his shirt off every week while Victoria hoses him down. But Adrienne?

Norway Killer Gets 10 To 21 Years In Jail

Anders Behring Breivik was sentenced today in Norway for the bomb and gun attacks he used last year to kill 77 people in Norway. The judge ordered that Anders serve at least ten years in jail, but not more than 21. Seriously? Amber Portwood got five years in jail just for taking drugs. So, half the sentence this guy got for killing 77 people and Amber didn't harm anyone but herself. That is crazy. So, in ten years he can get out and do it again and get sentenced to another ten years in jail?

Upon arriving in court, the jerk gave the white power salute which was photographed and will now be broadcast across the world and inspire other equally ignorant a-holes to try and do the same thing.

Katherine Jenkins Did Not Have Sex With David Beckham

I didn't even know people had been guessing that David Beckham and Katherine Jenkins had an affair. Had you heard that? She is definitely not ugly. Even if we had not heard anything about it, Katherine did and took to her Twitter today to tell the world she has only met David twice and was surrounded by others the entire time. So, key party? No, she said they were proper functions where people were dressed. Shame.

National Enquirer Blind Item

WHICH closeted TV chef is carrying on a down-low romance with an openly gay actor/comedian from a popular sketch comedy show? The handsome cook refuses to come out of the closet – he has a gorgeous girlfriend – but his gay secret is about to explode because his new lover is yapping all over town about his celebrity boyfriend!

How Much Did Katie Holmes Hate Her Marriage?

TMZ got their hands on the settlement agreement between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I sure hope that her contract paid her a decent sum of money while they were married or that she saved a bunch from all those bombs she acted in during the marriage. I bet right now Katie is kicking herself for bailing on the Batman sequels because she only receives $400K a year from Tom Cruise and that is just for the next 12 years until Suri turns 18. The money is child support but, does a 6 year old really need $33K a month when Tom is still paying for school and insurance and other things like that? Katie gave up all that high life living because she was so miserable in her marriage. Does this mean that she did not sign a confidentiality agreement? I sure would like to see a five part series of books, one for each year of marriage. Each would be a best seller. Way better than another book from a Jersey Shore cast member or that Hills person who keeps writing books no one reads.

Blind Item #1

What former almost A- list movie actress who is now still all movies all the time but has pretty much been reduced to indies. Ahh, she used to be a popcorn queen. The drinking cost her a lot of jobs. That and the complaining about wanting to do something more than popcorn movies. Anyway, our actress was at events twice in the past week and busted with booze in hand and stopped the photographers mid-stream and found someone who was drinking something that did not look booze and then allowed the photographers to take the photos. She said, "I will lose my next job if anyone sees me drinking. I just can't stop. I love it."

Mother Falls On To Subway Train Tracks With 4 Year Old

Watch this video and see how so many people rush to the aid of the woman with a 4 year old who apparently was not watching where she was going and fell down on to the subway tracks. She is so lucky she did not hit the third rail and did she not see the big six foot drop coming?

Britney Spears Wants To be In Charge Of Britney Again

Once a year when Britney Spears' conservatorship comes up for review there are a flurry of stories about how she wants to be in control of her life again and have the conservatorship terminated. I'm sure she would love to be in charge and the stories always say she will get her way and she never does. Right now her conservators are in charge of her personal life and her estate which in this case means her career. Britney says she will let them manage her career but she wants to make her own decisions when it comes to her. The thing is they are entwined. If she goes on a pink wig wearing, drug taking, have sex with random paps kind of spree again, what does do to her career? Exactly. Doctors of Britney says she is not ready and that she has a medical condition that necessitates her having a conservatorship. She will stay in one. There is too much money at stake and too many people making a living off her for it to go away.

Teenage Girl Escapes After Two Years Of Torture From Man And His Mother

A 17 year old girl from Illinois escaped this week from a house where she had been held the past two years by a man and his mother. The girl was kidnapped when she was 15 and during her two year ordeal was repeatedly raped by her captor and also gave birth to his child. She escaped and told the police her baby was still in the house. A SWAT team raided the house and rescued the baby and arrested a 24 year old man. Police also arrested his mother who police say assisted in the crime and was fully aware at all times of what was going on. The girl said she was beaten and raped almost everyday and had escaped several times over the years but was always caught before she could ask for help. Can you imagine how hard it must have been each time to try to keep escaping knowing you were going to get beaten if you were caught, but then again, she probably felt if she was going to get beaten she might as well try to break free.

Neighbors reported they always saw the teen but had no idea she was being held against her will. I bet they feel pretty crappy about now.

Kathie Lee Gifford Confirms Taylor Swift Crashed Kennedy Wedding

For two days I have been trying to ignore this story. I honestly don't care if Taylor Swift crashed a wedding or not, but apparently the Kennedy family cares. From what I understand the bride and groom didn't care and loved having Taylor show up. It was not like her boyfriend was not invited. He just chose to not RSVP until an hour before he showed up. It was a buffet wasn't it, so it is not like he had to choose fish or chicken six weeks ahead of time. I was fine with the story going away, but Kathie Lee Gifford decided she could get some publicity from it. Kathie Lee can never have enough publicity. She would also like everyone to know that she knows the Kennedys and knows them so well she got invited to the wedding. Kathie says that Taylor crashed. Of course she is going with the mom's version of events because she was invited by mom and also wants to make sure she keeps getting those Kennedy Christmas cards because she is only about five years away from being able to cover an entire wall with them she can show people when they come to visit.

John Mayer Has Sex With Katy Perry - Dumps Her

John Mayer is John Mayer. Does anyone ever think otherwise. Taylor Swift will have a lifetime of songs she can write about her time with him. Everyone who has ever dated has a lifetime of stories about him. At some point John Mayer turned from being a singer/songwriter to a guy who liked having sex with famous women and that became his main goal in life. Katy Perry is supposedly really hurt that she got dumped. I feel sorry that someone dumped her, but if she didn't see this one coming from a million miles away then she is an idiot. A big one. She married a guy who used to have sex with five or six women a day and then suddenly expected him to go cold turkey and then dated a guy who had a very very slightly better reputation when it came to numbers, but way worse in the way he treated women.

Lance Armstrong Loses Titles - Banned

Yesterday, Lance Armstrong announced that he will not fight the doping charges brought against him by the US Doping Agency. Apparently Lance decided it was not worth fighting and would have eaten away at a great deal of his fortune. So, with that news, the USADA says it will strip Lance of his 7 Tour de France titles and he will be banned by any sport that recognizes the world doping guidelines. Banned means no owning or coaching or participating, so basically nothing that is organized. Armstrong says it is not an admission of guilt and insists he still has never tested positive for anything and he simply wanted to devote his time and energy to other pursuits. I don't know if Lance is guilty or not, but I do know that it seems like anyone who wins in cycling dopes. I can see how spending your fortune to defend yourself when no one is going to believe you anyway seems like a waste. That being said Lance has repeatedly stated he would defend himself no matter what.

Random Photos Part Three

Would you ever dare to put Tina Turner anywhere other than the top?
Chloe Moretz as Carrie.
The Beckhams at a mall. That is one sighting I would love.
Debra Messing shilling for Post-It.
Demi Moore at dinner in Sweden with Stellan Skarsgard.
Emma Stone makes out with Andrew Garfield for his birthday.
Geena Davis looking amazing.
Jamie Bell and Evan Rachel Wood cycling in Venice Beach.