To m lovely Bridesmaid: [Names removed]
As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid. We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado. That seems far away but it really isn't, the earlier the planning the better. You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L— will be the Maid of Honor, she's in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L— has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen+Doe.
You all have a big roll in this wedding, so before we continue I'm going to be setting some ground rules and its very important you read and think about everything through before you accept this honor to be a bridesmaid. If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L— in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it. We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that's a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party.
Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties, I have 10 not 8 where two couldn't make it so if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you'll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect. But it's different if your not in the wedding party and couldn't make it. We'll give everyone well advance dates for the parties and it will always fall on a weekend. The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I've never been.
A few girls live out of town so if there is going to be a problem with coming to either one then I need to know now because after this week I don't want to be surprised. I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don't care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away. But after this week the dates are set in stone. Also if money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then L— and Myself don't have time to deal with that, I'm sorry. This includes flights as well, everyone knows the states where the parties are going to be held so if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid. Obviously we'll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 and shit that's why were doing this in advance, that goes for bridesmaids dresses as well everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding.
If your out of state though don't think you have to fly in for all fittings, that we will work with you, find stores in your town, get measurements..you don't have to worry about that. Also if you accept this honor another thing is that you need to be available, I'm not going to harass you with wedding stuff every hour of everyday but if its something important and it takes you a week even 2-3 days to get back to me seeeee ya! I don't have time to wait around for responses, everyone has their phone on them, it shouldn't take you more than a day to get back to me, even if your out of the country, check your email!
Furthermore, Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life. I want to share it with the people that are most important to me. You only get one time to plan your dream wedding and I couldn't pick a more amazing group of girls to make that dream come true! So please, what's stated above think about it all and by Wednesday I need to know if everyone is 100% in, and what I have asked about sending me dates if your gonna be away between Feb-Aug ill need that on Wednesday. If you don't think you'll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I'm sorry but I'll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest. If you want to get back to me before Wednesday, that's fine. Really think about everything I've said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!
Love,
Spell check is your friend. It will be your only friend. Embrace it. Oh and "you're".
ReplyDeleteExactly! For such a diva/control freak, her grammar and spelling are awful!
DeleteWell, at least she's giving them each a big roll at the wedding. Sounds delicious.
ReplyDeleteHa! I'm surprised she didn't completely outlaw carbs somewhere in that message. ;)
DeleteThis isn't as bad as I was expecting. It's more of a warning of what is to come. It's the month before the wedding when the full passive aggressive bitchiness will ensue.
ReplyDeleteI was just reading Gawker...that "10 not 8 where 2 couldn't make it"...isn't that similar to a line out of Hangover??
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that surprises me is that she, like so many brides, is so clueless about how others may feel and the time and financial burden they are putting upon them. It's YOUR wedding, not anyone else's. It is the height of bad manners and utterly crass.
ReplyDeleteI hope all these "lucky" ladies had the good sense to tell her to f*ck off.
ReplyDeleteI bloody would have! What a nightmare she will be with those poor girls.
DeleteI bloody would have! What a nightmare she will be with those poor girls.
Deletethe best thing about gawker is its posters...the comment section for this article, omg...full of total and complete win.
ReplyDeleteYOU'RE.
ReplyDeleteMy god.
Aren't the bride and groom suppose to pay for travel arrangements for the bridal party?
ReplyDeleteI love the irony of Enty commenting on the grammatical skills of someone else. POT/KETTLE = BLACK.
ReplyDeleteThis is nothing compared to bridezillas.
ReplyDeleteI realized Bridezillas was fake when I saw the couple with the annoying actress/singer who bombed singing at the wedding, then had a dramatic fight at the end, showed up on Divorce Court a few months after but didn't end up divorcing. Drama Queens.
DeleteThe lack of education evident in this letter is painful.
ReplyDeleteThe fact she has at least 10 people to call friends is unbelievable.
I read this earlier this morning. It's horrifying. Can you imagine expecting people to pay for flights to Vail, Vegas, and NYC? No idea where they're from, but she actually thinks that she's worth that kind of money to her friends (plus the bridesmaid dresses, shoes, chipping in for bachelorette party, and bridal shower)?
ReplyDeleteI bet that if it was her friend's wedding, this bride wouldn't pay that kind of money.
What a self absorbed, shallow person. WHO on earth would marry that? What a wench!
ReplyDeleteYes, the grammar is bad, but at least she's setting expectations. I can understand with 10 bridesmaids there could be a LOT of drama. She's a little bitchy in this e-mail, but I understand her need to make sure everyone knows what they're getting into and decline if not up to it.
ReplyDeletei'd like to thank the future groom for taking one for the team!
ReplyDeleteI get what she is trying to say but it comes off harsh. I've only been a bridesmaid once and I was awful at it. I didn't paint my nails or wear the earrings my SiL bought for us all, I did just barely what was needed for all the parties. In my defense, all the other girls had money and I was a broke 22yr old. But- I'm the only bridesmaid that my SiL still speaks to, we quite close now.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually a take on an old urban legend:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bridezilla.asp
@kelgela2,
ReplyDeleteThe bride is supposed to pay for anything that she "requires" except for the dress. Like, if she wants them all to have fancy updos and makeup or matching jewelry, she pays.
And a bridesmaid's ONLY responsibility is to show up at the ceremony on time, wearing the dress picked out by the bride. Everything else (showers, toasts, etc.) are nice, but optional.
(Can you tell that I'm planning a wedding? I know too much about this insane crap).
At least she's being upfront and honest about her expectations. Most of the time it's "Will you be a bridesmaid?" And then an escalating series of demands to people who feel increasingly trapped in the role of bridesmaid. She's saying what she expects, and the bridesmaids can't claim they didn't know what they were getting into.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that weddings are total BS is another matter entirely.
Oh how I wish this was 2013! I would love to know how this turns out!! Or can we get an update?! Wednesday has come and gone.
ReplyDelete@SAROE - Just curious...why are weddings total BS?
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope each and every friend she sent this to turns down the "honor". Also, you can just smell the cash bar coming... lol
ReplyDelete@*karen* totally agree.
ReplyDeleteI would count my lucky stars if I was a potential bridesmaid and received this email because then I could BACK OUT. Good lord, does she think everyone is independently wealthy???
Also am on the your and you're train.. that gives me a tic (not tick)
all the bullshit she just said could've been said in one paragraph or less. I hope they all decline such an 'honor'. what an asshole.
ReplyDeleteWhat a POS.
ReplyDelete"Also if money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then L— and Myself don't have time to deal with that, I'm sorry." Wow what a B!tch and a controlling one @ that. Already feel sorry for her future husband
ReplyDelete@Amber, re: grammar
ReplyDelete*slow clap*
Seriously. I suspect the bride-to-be is Enty.
TEN BRIDESMAIDS??
ReplyDeleteWho does this woman think she is??
Aw, I think it's cute that she thinks she'll have any bridesmaids at all...if someone sent me that, I wouldn't even bother showing up as a guest. Not that any one of my friends would EVER. Her friends have to be at least as vapid and self-absorbed as she is in order to have made it this far with her!
ReplyDeleteIf she actually cared about any of these friends then she should have called each one and spoken to them directly about her expectations. The irony that she expects them to be at her beck and call yet wants to treat them like staff (mass email w/ management-like notes), well, that explains everything about her behavior. Being a bridesmaid, to me, is one of the shitty things that can happen to you as most brides confuse it with an excuse to be a bitch to their friends.
ReplyDeleteAt our wedding we had my mother and his father stand up for us. My sis signed as witness. We really wanted our friends and family to come and enjoy themselves. My girlfriends are awesome enough to have helped out with little things that went awry and I appreciated it so much. Their presence was the greatest present they could give us. Our day wasn't without drama but I don't think any wedding is perfect. This chick, I just can't wrap my head around her demeanor.
ReplyDeleteShe should focus on making a lasting marriage. A wedding doesn't make the marriage. It seems like so many women create this fairy tale idea in their minds about "the perfect day" and then six months later they are in reality and miserable.
ReplyDeleteAlso...I would never be this bitches friend let alone a bridesmaid for her.
@Snapdragon, I am going to a wedding in November with 24 people in the bridal party NOT counting the Bride and Groom.
ReplyDeleteEnglish is not this woman's first language.
ReplyDeleteI live in Colorado. Remind me to stay far, far away from Vail on Aug. 31, 2013.
ReplyDeleteSomeone asked who would marry this piece of shit. Answer - someone just like her.
ReplyDeleteGood lord. She could've just said "Hey, send me dates you aren't available between February and the wedding so we can plan accordingly."
ReplyDeleteAnd why would you ask someone to be your bridesmaid if you knew there would be issues with finances? Way to be a total bitch and embarrass people.
this girl is seriously lacking in the Emotional Intelligence department, the whole email is "ME ME ME!!"
ReplyDeleteId politely refuse the "honor", and wouldn't bother going to the engagement, bachelorette or wedding (yeah im that radical). Poor groom
Oh my-what a b!tch. this is why I got married in Hawaii and had no bridal party-I HATE wedding politics and the whole riciculous Do's and Don'ts surrounding it.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I sign up? She sounds positively delightful!
ReplyDeleteI had my two best friends as my bridesmaids/maids of honor and one was a broke college student going to school on the other side of the country. I totally paid for her dress and everything. I was just so happy was going to be there on my day!
ReplyDeleteOh and I had the two of them pick out their dresses - they had to match and they couldn't be black (my mom would've had a fit). It was really fun that way, actually.
I dont have a problem with this because she letting them know and they are still invited to everything.
ReplyDeletewelp. alrighty then. Gotta give her props though...no pussy footing or beating around the bush. She is stating exactly what's expected instead of springing surprises on people, etc. I wouldn't go near this thing with a ten-foot pole, probably not even as a guest, but those who know her are probably used to it.
ReplyDelete'L' sounds like she's going to have a delightful 10 months ahead of her.
ReplyDeleteDrama Queen!
ReplyDeleteI have had the misfortune of being a bridesmaid for a girl like this on her first AND second wedding. I was young and didn't know any better. We are not friends anymore bc she is the most selfish twat around (I thought) until I read about this charming lady.
I was recentky invited to another high maintenance wedding. It was a wacky pot luck affair in the forest for 200 people. To cut down in costs guests brought food and wine (assigned by the bride- no chips) and she wanted volunteers to help with back of house stuff. I was just a guest so I can't imagine what the bridesmaids had to do... And her dog walked her down the aisle too.
Poor Jake.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. Like the show Bridezillas.
ReplyDeleteSorry but this is complete and utter BS. This trend of women thinking that everyone else is a cardboard cutout in their Broadway extravaganza is ridiculous and demeaning. And the vast majority of these Bridezillas will be divorced within 5 to 7 years.
ReplyDeleteOh gawd, things like this post are why I'm seriously considering just staying engaged forever. The thought of planning a wedding - and all the politics you have to navigate amongst your friends, not to mention the overpriced vendors/merchandise and overdone expectations - sounds like hell.
ReplyDeleteHer marriage is either not going to last more than 2 years, or her future husband will be cheating and she will act like all is fine.
Those of you who have planned weddings - any suggestions for good blogs to follow, especially for someone who doesn't want to spend a fortune on the wedding (because I'd rather spend the $$ on a house for our future together). I'm just not in the mindset of big wedding, but I don't want to elope either.
I know you just said you don't want to elope, but my advice is to elope. :/
Delete@Sea - nobody will remember the food, the music, the flowers besides you. My advice is to pay well for a decent photog (and brief them on family members so you don't receive 200 pics of plus 1's like we did) because besides the rings, the pics are really all you have to take from the wedding. Jmo
DeleteNot the worst bride to bridesmaid letter I have seen...I know, right?
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were married in the NYC city hall and had a stranger in the lobby stand in as our witness. It was awesome. And then it snowed while we waited in line outside of the Carnegie Deli for lunch. Our dinner was at Tavern on the Green, but we didn't have reservations. We've been married 9 years....
ReplyDeleteLow drama factor. Spontaneous and laid back. Go with the flow. Chill out....
I agree with Rusty J above - so many people seem to get married so they can have a wedding but don't put nearly that much effort into building a lasting relationship. From the tone of the email you can tell this is all about her and you can bet your sweet ass that when the post-wedding reality hits she is going to have a hard time. Anyone this self-absorbed is going to have difficulty maintaining a healthy, loving relationship. Because those are as much about giving of yourself as they are about taking what your partner has to offer. As my girlfriend's mother (who, finally, on husband #5 found the real deal) says "It isn't about 50/50. You need two people who are both giving 100%." Smart lady.
ReplyDeleteThat is my new motto!
Delete@Amber-When I was a kid, we had a side business that meant I was at a lot of weddings I had no relationship to. So I got to see all the behind the scenes stuff. Nearly every one of the weddings had bride or family member have a freakout, a screaming tizzy, a nasty little talk in the corner, tears or a complete meltdown due to the pressure of it needing to be a 'perfect day' with perfect memories. It's a stupid fantasy. You are much better off (as OverIt stated) eloping or having a very small low-key wedding. Save the money, forgo the gift-grab and actually enjoy your "Special Day".
ReplyDeleteDia papaya, please, please tell me the first name of the bride at your forest wedding! I have a feeling it is this girl I went to high school with. I saw pictures posted a little bit ago and it was totally not her style, what you are describing sounds like something she would pull.
ReplyDelete@*karen* I'm really surprised that it is the norm for the bridesmaid to pay for their own dress!
ReplyDeleteWedding planning turns some people into monsters. My two ex best friends are no longer my friends because of their weddings.
@rebecca seriously agreed I have seen worse. I stopped being friends with someone who asked me to be a bridesmaid but then was completely not understanding that I could not fly to Dubai (where she was getting married despite that both of us live on the East Coast) not once but 3 times for various events prior to the wedding-- not even counting the 4th flight for the wedding itself. She was so angry at me and couldn't understand why... I just couldn't deal with her inability to understand I didn't have $30k to spend on travel for her wedding let alone everything else, so our friendship went away pretty quick.
ReplyDeleteThat being said this person seriously use spellcheck and re-learn grammar/English please. This looks like it was written by a 12 year old. And also the most epic wedding ever.. um, ridiculous. I hope all her bridesmaids tell her to f off!
And very much agreed with other posters I'm married and if I had it to do over would have saved 90% of the money we spent on bullshit, kept it really simple, and then used that money to buy a house. It was a ridiculous waste. It sometimes makes me ill thinking about the money spent for that one event especially when we live in a time where so many people have so little.
Can we feel sorry for L the maid of honor?
ReplyDeleteSouthernbelle - even with all the drama it turned out to be a beautiful event. It looked straight out of Pinterest!
ReplyDeleteI will tell you that the wedding was in Oregon, but I feel weird sharing her name.
I hope that she ends up with NO b-maids. It would serve her right. I agree with *karen*, if the shore was on the other foot, there would be no way she would agree to these demands. I had a friend who knew her finane for one year. But the whole year she spent planning her over the top dream wedding. Guess what? While she was planning this wedding instead of getting to know her boyfriend, he was cheating on her and got another girl preggo. They divorced less than a year later.
ReplyDeleteSorry, *shoe* and *fiance* you gotta be on top of 'your' game on this comment column!
Delete@donner If I ever get married my wedding will be something like yours!
ReplyDelete@dia papaya, guests brought food?? jaja sounds weird. I dont know if its the case of the wedding you went to, but it sounds kind of cool, relaxed, un-posh. Its like a massive house party
I've also been to a wedding where the guests bought their own food. Loved it!
ReplyDeleteI understand a woman wanting her wedding to be a special day, but my god! Expecting people to put their own lives on hold for months at a time for you? Spending all that money for YOUR day? Crazy!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can say nice is at least she's forewarning them. Damn.
I had a fancy first wedding and got married at the courthouse this time. Guess which one is successful? Yeah.
My reply
ReplyDelete"Bummer! They have scheduled my nanny's cousin's wife's fourth step-child's bar mitzvah on August 31, 2013.
Sorry I can't be there!"
Actually, I'd pick the date of the engagement party, because if I was one of the "I escaped this" former bridesmaids, I'd have to go just to see the cluster-fuck and see if my chosen replacement survived.
Yes Beta! She assigned all the in town guests to bring some type of food (there was an actual list!) and out of towners to bring wine. I almost didn't go bc I was so angry. It turned out beautifully though. Fantasy Forest Wedding! It wasn't low key. There was a dress code too. Think of an upscale Hampton's picnic but catered by your closest 200 friends.
ReplyDeleteI have since learned that potluck weddings are pretty common in Oregon. Lots of earthy types here. I would never ask that of anyone, but then I HATE POTLUCKS. Fucking hate them!!!
I did the same thing as OverIt - but we got married in Mexico. Initially I had 2 people in the wedding party but ended up dropping both over different dramas. So in the end it was just my bro who walked me down the aisle with my niece and nephew. It was PERFECT. I honestly couldn't stand all the political crap that's REALLY to please everyone else. The most important thing that day was US and our joining together to spend the rest of our lives together. F**k the crazy gown, pricey flowers and table settings that's all for show. people have lost what this day is all about. sad. very very sad.
ReplyDeleteI would tell her to fuck off just because she called her wedding "epic". Goddamn, I hate that word.
ReplyDeleteOn my cousins second wedding, guests were invited to one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Nobody saw them marry and everyone was expected to bring a gift and pay for their own food!
ReplyDeleteOy - Can you imagine how her wedding announcement will appear in the papers? Will it be full page? Will it continue the trend of grammar errors & misspelled words?
ReplyDeleteThe ladies on that email list should chip in a buy her a copy of a deliciously wicked book called 'Weddings of the Times'
CDANers can listen to (& read) excerpts here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104829612
Best wedding I attended was in a backyard. It was an afternoon garden party, essentially. After a few hours, the bride called out to a few people to bring everyone over to her because they were getting married now.
ReplyDeleteAfter everyone gathered around them in a circle, there was a 10 minute ceremony, and then much hugging, kissing, and joy. Then back to the party for another two hours, and that was that.
No tension. No drama. It was wonderful.
10 bucks says she ends up with 4 bridesmaids and a sixth of the invited guests.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I didn't have a bridal party. I love my friends too much to put them through even 1% of this lame bullshit. I soooo want this bride to reveal herself!
ReplyDeleteIf you are currently engaged and considering your wedding plans, you might want to check out a book called "What No One Tells the Bride", its good for a little perspective on the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteI had a small wedding, no wedding party. Despite all my plans, it was nearly ruined by my own mother, a factor that I had failed to take into account. I only asked her to do one thing, didn't think she would blow that.
I learned a lot from that, so to any and all potential brides I offer one piece of advice: picture YOUR perfect wedding in your mind and work backwards. Your perfect day, not your mother's, your co-workers, your sorority sisters or anyone else. It is your wedding, not a day for networking or paying back a favor. Who do you want to see there, to dance with, to have a drink and a meal with? What do you and your husband really want? And, what can your budget afford? There is no law that says you have to have a wedding party, and having just one person stand up with each of you might be the biggest relief in your life.
@seachica I feel you! Don't have any blogs to recommend, but I recently got married with just 40 guests under a 200 year old tree. We wanted to keep our wedding budget as low as possible so we could buy a house too. I would say the best thing to spend money on is the photographer. Find the best one you can for your budget and be judicious, because there are a crap load of awful, awful wedding photographers out there. Congratulations :)
ReplyDeleteHey parents!
ReplyDeleteTHIS is what your disney Princess, overindulged child will grow up to be! Take note!
I missed my best friend's stagette because i was broke and she decided last minute to go to a big fancy hotel and casino. I don't feel bad at all. If you want your broke ass bff to be there then don't have the main activity gambling away money! duh.
"As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid."
ReplyDeleteso if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else.
Yeah, sounds like they are real special to you. Stupid twat.
grammar nazis are so boring.
ReplyDeletemy husband and I were married on New Year's Eve..a simple affair, good food, good friends, family, candle light flowers by Safeway, everyone had plans but a blizzard changed all of their plans so we had an full house, Trivial pursuit in the living room, movies in the family room - music in the kitchen..it was one of the best days of my life..it ended up being the blue print of our married life.
ReplyDeletemy husband and I were married on New Year's Eve..a simple affair, good food, good friends, family, candle light flowers by Safeway, everyone had plans but a blizzard changed all of their plans so we had an full house, Trivial pursuit in the living room, movies in the family room - music in the kitchen..it was one of the best days of my life..it ended up being the blue print of our married life.
ReplyDelete@Seachica - listen to Chilie. That backyard wedding scenario was what we wanted, but got railroaded into a 300 person affair by our parents. We were young and dumb - still thought we could make our crazy parents happy!!
ReplyDeleteDo what you want to do - period. It's about the marriage, not the wedding day. Celebrate your love as you see fit, and get started on the good stuff :-).
We're planning a wedding. We don't want a big one, and would elope, but darnit, I want to dance dance dance at my wedding.
ReplyDeleteMy first wedding was about 275 people, gorgeous, expensive, and I barely remember it. Too many people, and the only food I had time to eat was 3 bites of cake.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I get to do it again with someone awesome, and we're planning on a backyard "garden party" sort of affair with 40 people or less. Only inviting close family and friends - the people we couldn't imagine not having as a part of our day. I'm so glad I get a do-over :)
It's possible to have a big wedding and not turn into a bridezilla. I had two bridesmaids and my maid of honor and it was great, but then again I didn't go crazy with rules, I just asked them to wear the dresses we all picked together and be on time, that's all you should ask of them. I don't get this obligation to have a bachelorette party and a bridal shower. That takes time and money to plan.
ReplyDeleteI give this marriage less than a year.(If the groom even lasts until the wedding- can you imagine how she treats him?)
ReplyDeletehe probably has a girlfriend on the side already
Deleteif i were one of those bridesmaids that got that email i would respond back "bitch do you really think i know what my plans are going to be between feb-aug 2013 when it's only october 4th 2012, btw i'll be a guest at the wedding"
ReplyDeleteThat's bullshit...She should have set her dates already, if she's being this stupidly demanding. The 10 bridesmaids have ZERO SELF ESTEEM!
ReplyDeleteThe grammatical and spelling errors were almost harder for me to bear than the pretentiousness.
ReplyDeleteLow class. Way back in my day, one did not give a shower for a family member. It just was not done.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds like your classic sorority bitch, who has never worked for a thing in her life, and bagged her classic waspy husband "Jake" whilst still in school, she never needed to learn how to spell because she is only 24 or so, and grew up texting...this is probably the most she has had to write in years.....Jake will cheat on her after the first baby, and they will be divorced by the time the second one comes careening into the world. They are ALL the same....my step-daughter daughter included....demanding bitches that expect the world to revolve around them, and they usually get what they want. her sycophant friends would not dare say no.....
ReplyDeleteIdk. I've heard worse. For some reason some women think weddings give them an exuse to boss people around. Kinda like how some women think getting pregnant gives them an excuse to eat whatever they want. It just isn't true
ReplyDeleteI've heard of women getting mad at other women who were engaged at the same time as them when the other women would talk about their weddings. I've also heard of a girl who had 7 showers. I heard this from one of the shower hosts who said when she was asked to host a shower, that girl said she had no showers. Wasn't true. Tacky in my mind. The list goes on.
I got married back in May, and also had 10 bridesmaids (both me and my husband have big families, and we included all the siblings and sibling in laws. That + friends = huge wedding party). I remember feeling bad asking them to do or pay for anything. I also didn't expect any of them to attend out of state events (besides the wedding) I can't imagine asking them to fly out to Vail, NY and CT.
To all CDAN'ers, get this on your amazon wishlist now!
ReplyDeleteGrammar Nazi!
I love that phrase, redronnie, "a blueprint of our married life". That's what you should aim for Sea, think about the energy you want to follow you through your marriage and let that dictate the plans. Ours was at my parents house, my aunt did the food and cake, my husband's cousins were the musicians,my great uncle was the bartender and we were surrounded by the same people that are still in our lives 21 years later. We did the whole thing for about a thousand dollars
ReplyDeleteWhy the heck is she having all these parties in the most expensive towns. Everyone knows vail is where the rich go to ski, vegas is where the rich go to play and you'll go break in nyc the moment you hop into a cab.
ReplyDeleteI would wish her all the happiness in the world, thank her for her kind offer and respectfully decline.
ReplyDeleteI tend to think that huge *gala* weddings are rather crass. A simple but lovely ceremony with people who are truly special to you seems to be a much better way to start your life together, with meaning not photo ops.
Every single wedding I've been to has been the worst evening ever. Not all girls dream of this shit, it's so pathetic.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I got married in my parent's backyard with no bridal party (yay for no lame speeches), no showers, no bachelorette party. We had our non-denominational minister friend officiate, CD's instead of a DJ, food trucks and a huge dessert bar that my mom baked herself.
I went at it from the perspective of - if people are making the effort to celebrate with us, I'm going to plan something fun for them. This instead of - I'm going to plan something only I give a shit about.
One of our guests was out recently and overheard someone talking about the best wedding they'd ever attended and mentioned food trucks...so our guest asked and it turns out they were talking about my wedding! (sorry I know it's kind of off topic, but it made me really happy)
Dia not the girl I know. Se got married in Maine. Wish it was her though, she was so snotty in school
ReplyDeleteThank you, everyone, for the great advice! I love this place.
ReplyDeleteReading through the comments has me thinking that I want something simple and homey. That's what our relationship has been like so far, and what I want our marriage to continue to be. We don't have drama - we simply fit together smoothly and easily. I think that's what comes from marrying later in life. I'm going to go home tonight and put together the list of things *I* want in my wedding, and ask DF to do the same. And think about how our wedding can set us on the right path toward the marriage *we* want.
This post is WAY more fun, happy, and friendly than ANY others today. I love reading about all of the rational, reasonable, simple-yet-perfect-and-elegant weddings y'all have had. Give me ideas, should I ever need them. ;-)
ReplyDelete*gives me ideas...
ReplyDeleteThose of you who got married underneath trees/in parks/on beaches -- did you have to get a permit to use public land?
ReplyDeleteI'm getting very little done at work today, but it's completely worth it!
$500 she ends up getting the old Visine in the coffee trick the day of the wedding. What an insufferable cunt!
ReplyDeleteWe eloped, paid cash for our first house. We own three now.
ReplyDeletedear beyotch,
ReplyDeletesadly, i will be out of the country next summer (sad face). but congrats!
me
cc L
@Seachica--Same as what others have said: Spend more money on a photographer. Save in other areas, but get the photographer you really want. No one remembers the food, the cake, etc., and you'll have those photos forever. I'm so glad we ended up splurging on the photog I wanted. I've heard stories of people being so disappointed with their photos because they went for the "value" one and not the more talented one.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, everyone remembers the atmosphere and the small personal touches that make the wedding YOUR wedding and not just a cookie-cutter wedding that blends in with the other cookie cutter weddings. Whatever that may be--my husband and I had little drink stirrers at the bar that had our initials. They cost $20. Our favors were small tins of Garrett's popcorn (we wanted some Chicago staples for our Chicago wedding, especially since most of his side came from out of town). Those were the two things people still talk about and also two of the cheapest expenses we had. I have no idea why people chose to remember those things but they did...
Also, this is YOUR wedding. Do what you and your fiance want to do! Best advice I ever got. :)
Well, at least she is pretty clear as to what she wants and what she will not accept. I wouldn't accept the job after this, but who knows what kind of friends this trick has.
ReplyDeleteJolene X 2 - They remember the Garrett's because it freakin' rocks! And I have no idea how you got it cheaply! That stuff is crazy-expensive! Isn't the 3-gallon tin, like, $80 or something? Or do you have a connection that you could share? ;-)
ReplyDelete@AKM--It sure is the shit! It wasn't exactly CHEAP, but my other thing I was obsessed with for favors was mini bottles of Limoncello, and that stuff is expensive. I wanted an either Italian or Chicago-themed favor to honor my heritage or hometown, and hometown won on strictly value.
ReplyDeleteFor Garrett's, I bought 3 6.5 gallon tins at $135 a piece and had about 2 cups per tin for 150 people. So we spent $400 on popcorn, $75 on tins wholesale, $10 for supplies to buy the ribbon and paper for personalized tags with our names and wedding date. I'd say less than $500 and $3.25 per person was pretty good, it WAS one of the smaller expenses AND it was 100% worth it! :) Chicago Mix, baby. Only way to go.
This takes high-maintenance to a whole new level....
ReplyDeleteThe marriage will probably last two years, tops.
ReplyDeleteThis shows exactly what a fucking ridiculous mess the business of weddings has become.
ReplyDeleteYou love someone and want to make an eternal promise of love to them? Great. But why does that give you the authority to hemorrhage money like a Kardashian on a shopping spree while you simultaneously channel the love child of JLo and Madonna, sending out diva demands to your friends and family?!
This bitch and the myriad others just like her need to get some fucking perspective. You're not Kate Middleton, and no one really gives a shit about your classless, self-indulgent wedding.
If you have $50,000-100,000, use it to do some real fucking good in this world instead of throwing yet another forgettable "epic" wedding. Seriously.
I hope Jake has already told this dumbass to take a hike.
This shows exactly what a fucking ridiculous mess the business of weddings has become.
ReplyDeleteYou love someone and want to make an eternal promise of love to them? Great. But why does that give you the authority to hemorrhage money like a Kardashian on a shopping spree while you simultaneously channel the love child of JLo and Madonna, sending out diva demands to your friends and family?!
This bitch and the myriad others just like her need to get some fucking perspective. You're not Kate Middleton, and no one really gives a shit about your classless, self-indulgent wedding.
If you have $50,000-100,000, use it to do some real fucking good in this world instead of throwing yet another forgettable "epic" wedding. Seriously.
I hope Jake has already told this dumbass to take a hike.
Seachica and anyone else planning a wedding: One pair of friends of mine got married very quietly (just their immediate families present), and then threw a party at another friends' house--it was basically a potluck BBQ (although I think the newlyweds bought the basic burgers/dogs/buns, everyone else brought plenty of other food), very low-key, with lots of people splashing around in the swimming pool and having a great time...but the all-time best thing they did was hire an ice-cream truck and pay for as much ice cream as we could all choke down (which probably wasn't too horribly expensive in the end, and loads of fun)!
ReplyDeleteAnother couple of friends who are hardcore geeks (as are many of my friends, FWIW), well...you know you're at a geek wedding when the officiant (a roommate of the happy couple who's also a JP) starts out by saying "Mawwiage!" a la The Princess Bride", a mini R2D2 is a "flower droid", complete w/bow tie (when he hit the side of the stage riser and fell over, the whole place cracked up), and after the First Dance, there's the First Lightsaber Duel...yes, really.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSmWrqQTf-E
(You'll have to watch through the first dance, but this one has slightly better camera angles than the other posted clip, plus you get a better view of the bride taking advantage of the groom by kissing & tickling him...oh, and at about 7:07, you can hear the father of the bride yell "USE THE FORCE, LAURIE!")
Other Possibly Helpful Hints (from someone who's never been married, mind you, but has friends who are):
ReplyDelete1) Don't spend a ridiculous amount on food & drink, but do make sure it's tasty and there's enough of it; the same goes for the cake. (You might want to have someone pack up some of the food & cake for you, in case you're too busy/nervous/whatever to actually eat at your own reception).
2) Definitely get the best photographer you can afford, because you do NOT want craptastic photos of your big day!
3) Should you decide you'd like a "green" wedding dress, another friend of mine makes lovely dresses out of everything from hempsilk (it's washable!) to reclaimed silk from older dresses--go to www.consciouselegance.com, and check out what she's done. Yes, it's more expensive than the $99 dress sale, but if you're going to go the Big Dress route, you might as well get it custom-made to actually fit you, and it's still cheaper than most of what you'd see at the big bridal boutiques.
4) I'd really consider doing the "getting married quietly/eloping & then having a party later" routine--you immediately cut out all the drama of bridesmaids, groomsmen, pissy family members in the church, etc., plus your friends will thank you for not making them wear clothes that no, they WON'T be wearing again. Just think of it as another big fun party and not a WEDDING RECEPTION, and that should immediately cut down on the stress factor. (If you think you can get away w/it, don't tell the caterer, etc. that it's for a wedding, as they deliberately jack up all their rates for weddings because they know people will pay it.)
Mazel tov! :-)
My friend was not this particular bride but still, I can assure you, I was in this bitch's wedding.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I got married in Vegas
ReplyDeleteWe had about 100 people at our wedding last month. It was the wedding of my dreams. There was no wedding party. Our teenage children walked us down the aisle. It was joyful and full of love and everyone had a great time, which is what we cared about.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at this post because I just got married last weekend! I was so paranoid about avoiding the dreaded "bridezilla" title that I became TOO accommodating to my wedding party, that in the end, I was screwed for it and left to suffer. I wish I had a little bit more bitch in me (which I do normally) to have told everyone to eff off. Your whole life you hear that your wedding day is about you but there are always some assholes who try to make it about them. In my case, it was my clueless, obnoxious MIL.
ReplyDeleteBut whatever, we had a small, 50 person yet black tie wedding in San Francisco. After all the suffering, tears and pain in planning, I wouldn't have changed a thing. It all ended up amazing. And yes, DO hire the best photographer you can afford. I'm just thrilled that everyone enjoyed themselves and through our pictures, have made it obvious that we set the bar in terms of what a nice wedding is all about.
Ooooo, where Sailor? I live in the Bay,
ReplyDeleteand I do love a good wedding story!
I've been meaning to quit lurking for the longest time! Hi, all!
ReplyDeleteSeachica, a friend of mine did a great thing for her wedding. It was in a resort town, and she rented a beach mansion for three days. On the beach, looked like a movie star's home, 4-story, 6 bedrooms. The master suite was unbelievable! There was enough room for all their relatives, and nice enough for the reception. The wedding itself was held on the beach. The cost was amazing: $2500. It may sound high, but it covers the venue and housing for both families, for three days. ($800-ish per day.)
A comparable ballroom and hotel package would have cost double easily. Seems like there were 75-100 guests.
They didn't need a permit; I don't think you'd need one even if it is public land. Your local gov't should have info on their website. A lot of them will rent you the space for a low fee ($50 maybe?) and some even have buildings or those shelter-buildings for this purpose. If you just show up at a park, they probably won't run you off, but hiring it gives you guaranteed space (no frisbee players running down the aisle.)
That bride is crazy... demanding your entire wedding party (18-20 people, plus their spouses or bf/gfs) go to NY, Vegas and Vail or they're out is ridiculous. The only people who can demand that stuff are millionaires, and their peer group is, too. But in that case, you'd just fly everyone there yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually a wedding photographer, but kinda leaning more towards other pix these days. Oddly enough, I've only had one Bridezilla in over a decade of shooting. She was really rude to people at the venue (some of the best people I've worked with) and the guy I was shooting with. That made for a funny situation as soon after, he bought a new house... on her street! Her marriage only lasted about a year.
My BFF had been married before in a formal wedding, and so had her fiance. They'd been engaged for over two years and decided that they wanted a simple wedding attended by the people they loved most and they did not want gifts. The fiance's sister always holds a big, casual Thanksgiving meal at her house on the afternoon of the holiday and his extended family always gathers there because the house is cosy and roomy and on a wooded lot. BFF invited her father, sister and sister's wife (not a typo; her sister is gay) and asked me to come. The only ones who knew they were getting married were her sister and I because her sister, an ordained minister at her church, was the officiant and she told me to make sure I didn't attend another dinner. After her fiance's sister had served her huge meal, the fiance stood up and announced that he was glad everyone that they loved most was there and that he and BFF were getting married in 15 minutes under the big tree in the back yard. BFF's sister changed into robes, fiance grabbed a cooler from his trunk that was filled with champagne on ice (and sparkling cider for the kids) and everyone gathered in the back yard for the ceremony. The groom's mother and sisters were crying and we teased his one sister that she had catered the reception without even realizing it. Everyone toasted the couple using the plastic champagne flutes my BFF provided. It was low key and lovely.
ReplyDeleteThat's a nice story. :)
DeleteMaybe Martha Stewart thinks she is impeccably mannered by edicting so-called rules of etiquette about who can throw a bridal shower or not and the bridezilla writer may think she is entitled to such a fuss over her person, it is all tacky BS.
ReplyDeleteBridal showers are a (very) cheap (and greedy) idea. Elaborate bachelorette/stag parties are even cheaper. Rehearsal dinners are screaming insecurity. Faraway wedding destinations should not be expected to be attended by the same amount of people who would come if it was organized at home. A wedding party should only include the parents, ONE bridesmaid, ONE best man (you may throw as an extra the very cute toddler in the family who likes to throw petals around). And this is it.
And whatever etiquette may require, bridesmaids and best men should see their costs covered as much as possible. Bottomline: you get married, you either pony up or your revise your expectations. The people you invite should have the chance to attend your wedding without wasting their money or time.
@SingBlue - That's awesome!
ReplyDeleteI had a large wedding party and I did send out little Bridesmaid cards I made myself but it basically stated that I would be honored if they joined me, not the other way around. I have been a bridesmaid at least 10 times. It's expensive. It's a time commitment of more than just the day of. This girl is selfish beyond belief. I hope someone schooled her and I wouldn't be surprised if her bridal party went from 10 to 1 after sending such a ridiculous letter. And yes, I immediately thought...poor Jake.
Wow, so many people here hate weddings! :-) My parents eloped, so I know the benefit of not blowing a fortune on one day. I LOVE weddings especially when I don't have to be in them or pay for them! Ceremonies are usually beautiful and I love any chance to dress up, drink free food and booze and dance!