A woman in Ohio is speaking out for the first time about her marriage in hopes that people can read what she has to say and make it through rough times of their own. The woman's name is Valerie. She is 60 now. She says that her mom and dad dated when they were in their early teens. They had Valerie and Valerie was raised by her grandparents who told her that they were her parents. Later she found out a family friend was her mom who died in 1984. At some point, Valerie started dating her dad and they ended up getting married. She thinks he knew, but does not know for sure. It was only after her husband/dad had been dead for 6 years that an uncle came to her and told her the truth. She has been in therapy ever since.
Talk about a mind fuck
ReplyDeleteawwww, but this was hardly her fault poor thing, why would people not tell her before the wedding? Horrible people.
ReplyDeleteICK!
ReplyDeleteSome women look for a man that's just like their dad when seeking a husband. But this is just all kinds of wrong.
ReplyDeleteNo one deserves that...
ReplyDeleteWhat horrible people not to tell her.
ReplyDeleteTo borrow Enty's crutch phrase from below.....holy fuckballs.
ReplyDeleteI read this yesterday and have a lot of questions that the original article did not address, which I won't address here. I feel sorry for her and hope she has a good life.
ReplyDeleteThat shit cray
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'm surprised this doesn't come out more often at least for siblings or half-siblings.
ReplyDeletePoor thing - hope the therapy is helping. And now please excuse me while I go bleach my brain yet again.
ReplyDeleteShame on her family for not telling her. I also read that they have 3 kids together.
ReplyDeletePRECIOUS!
ReplyDeletePoor woman, why wouldn't they tell her?
ReplyDeleteIf the uncle didn't tell her when they started dating, why tell her now? How could her family let this happen to her? Assholes.
ReplyDeleteSome jerry Springer shit
ReplyDeleteLOL @ timebob
ReplyDeleteUsually in these cases the people think their real mother is their sister. So if she thought her mother was a family friend, then her mom must have been estranged from her own parents, but not so estranged that she wasn't "friends" with her parents...?
ReplyDeleteThis makes no sense.
How messed up is this uncle...he could have spoken up much earlier.
ReplyDeleteThis is just awful! My husband doesn't know who is father is. It is always in the back of my mind that our daughters might one day fall in love with someone they are unknowingly closely related to. Drives me bonkers!
ReplyDeleteSomeone on this site a year ago wrote about a study in which people who did not know they were related felt strong "chemistry" with each other upon meeting, whereas people who were raised together do not (generally) even if it turns out they are unrelated. It was interesting. (and creepy)
ReplyDeleteI just can't believe that anyone knew for sure and let it continue. People may have wondered but if no one said anything they must not have KNOWN.
Anyway, I'm confused about who raised her. I'm plotting the family tree and it doesn't work. If it was her maternal grandparents, then her mother would have been her "sister" and not a "family friend." If it was her paternal grandparents, then the man she later married would have been their son, and her "brother," and they would not have dated. So I don't think the parents who raised her were her actual grandparents. It doesn't fit.
So the grandparents chose to tell the kid that her mother was a friend instead of a sister.., I don't see what the confusion is. It's a lie either way...
DeleteWow. I've been trying to think about what if she didn't meet the uncle until later, etc, but people around her HAD to know. I'm so sad for her. :(
ReplyDeleteThis story is bizarre enough to defy rational analysis or comment.
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck is wrong with her family? Why did they not tell her she was dating her dad from the get go. It is wonderful that she sought out, and is getting help dealing with this.
ReplyDeleteICK NAST
ReplyDeleteisn't this why you used to have to get blood tests done before you could get married? maybe they should bring that back...
ReplyDeleteThe way I heard it this morning on the radio was that the woman's mother put her (Valerie) in a cab when she was 3 months old - presumably on it's way to the grandparents' house. The mother would "come around" to visit once or twice a year. It was only after the mother died in the '80's that Valerie knew who her real mother was. When the husband/father died in the '90's, someone (the uncle I guess) told her the truth. She found a old hairbrush of his lying around and had testing done. Apparently there were whispers for a long time before though. No word on if the children/half-sisters have an issues due to the genetic component.
ReplyDeleteIf there was a ever a reason to be in therapy, this is it.
ReplyDeleteA lot of families have secrets. Some things came out in mine after my mother died and I tried to talk to one of my aunts about it and she essentially told me....yes, we all know but we don't talk about it.
ReplyDeleteI feel bad for this woman--if it was me I would not want anything to do with the family who knew all the time she was married.
if the uncle knew, no way the father/husband didn't know. wow. like a shakespeare play come to life. the betrayal of her whole married life must be overwhelming.
ReplyDelete@WUWT yes that is correct there is a phenomena
ReplyDeleteof brother sister father daughter mother son having a strong sexual attraction to each other not knowing they are genetically related.
The problem with this story is the Father knew and still pursued a sexual relationship with his daughter. So he is just a monster not a victim.
That's so awful for her.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather had multiple families, in the same area no less. My dad found out he had a half sister when he got to high school and she sat behind him. I have half uncles, aunts and cousins that I've never met. I'm very particular about dating because of that.
Maybe... since her mother was estranged and sent her away in a cab, the grandparents must have lived in a different town, county, or even state. If the father was also estranged, maybe he didn't know who she was for a long time. And then, if perhaps he was estranged from his own family, they didn't know about it until after he died, and the uncle who told her would have been his estranged brother so he couldn't have told her earlier? But if there were whispers.. This poor woman. Her parentage was a lie for most her life, then her love life and marriage was a lie, and her children products of all those lies, and... Betrayal is definitely the word for it, and I hope and hope she and her children (not her half-siblings, always her children first and foremost) aren't harassed for this
ReplyDeleteGood f*cking god!!!!!!!! What the hell was he thinking?????????
ReplyDelete@jennifer hanson- no, the blood tests were to check for STDs. That was way before genetic/dna testing.
ReplyDeleteOMG!
ReplyDeleteMy friend's ex-husband is Syrian, and he divorced her to marry his first cousin...with whom he was raised together in a big compound in an almost sibling-like relationship.
ReplyDeleteMy ex-boyfriend is Iranian, and his mother was incensed by our relationship, because she wanted him to marry her sister's daughter, yes, his first cousin. (Neither one of us married him, fortunately.)
All I can say is that stories like these explain much about the problems in the middle east, imo.
I'm not sure how the tradition of marrying cousins explains the problems in the Middle East but maybe I'm missing something.
ReplyDeleteI think this type of thing will happen more and more often with the rise of artificial insemination with donated/anonymous sperm. There are guidelines on how many live births each donor should be allowed but whether or not clinics follow those guidelines is up to the individual clinic. Some clinics are estimated to have produced 100+ children/donor.
nobody told her. Fuck them. Stay strong girl
ReplyDeleteHow sad for her.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one that is kind of grossed out about the fact that she still had a hairbrush that had his hair in it laying around the house, and he had been dead for 6 years?
ReplyDelete"All I can say is that stories like these explain much about the problems in the middle east, imo." Not at all finding a connection between those. Care to elaborate?
ReplyDeleteIt's as if Enty is just fucking with my head at this point :0
ReplyDeleteGood for her for having a positive attitude about it!
ReplyDeleteThis hits close to home due to my screwed-up father who has kids all over the planet. I lived in fear of marrying a half-sibling.
ReplyDeleteDid this woman have children with her father? If she did, they could have all sorts of genetic problems. The worst incest, genetically speaking, is between father/daughter and mother/son. Too many chromosomes splitting.
@figgy
ReplyDeleteYour comment doesn't make a lot of sense. My husband is Iranian/Persian. It's the first he's heard of cousins marrying each other. Family friends are quite common, but not ties that close.
Please don't paint such a large brush stroke about all Middle Easterners based on your experience.
By the way, marrying cousins is quite common. Darwin and Einstein both married their first cousins.
@figgy attempts at humour are no longer allowed.You must have missed the memo :)
ReplyDelete@agent**it
ReplyDeleteSure, if they are funny.
The operative word was "attempt".
ReplyDeleteThis just has all kinds of fu#@ery written into it..whispers of what? God bless her and the offspring. If the dad knew, he was one sick puppy!
ReplyDeleteI could imagine that would mess you up for a long time. I hope she finds some peace.
ReplyDeleteThe dad probably knew. Was the family afraid of him that's why they waited for him to die before telling her? The uncle was the one who told her but it doesn't mean the whole clan didn't know about it. I'm wondering if this lady resembles her mom physically. I'm guessing the two met when she was younger. Maybe in the sick, twisted mind of the dad, he's reminded of her ex-wife back when she was younger when he looks at his daughter. Nasty.
ReplyDelete