Your Turn
You are at a party with your significant other. You hear them talking to a friend about someone they work with all day long, five days a week. You hear them tell their friend, "I would f**k them if I was not in this relationship I am in right now." Are you upset they want the person they work with all day everyday or are you happy they are loyal to you?
Depends on how much I've had to drink at this party.
ReplyDeleteThat's a toss up. If things ever get bad that would be in the back of your mind. You'd always question what they do together at work, and if anything ever happens you'd doubt them.
ReplyDeleteI would be upset. Not because I am shocked that my significant other may be attracted to another person. But more because that is a really disrespectful way to talk about our relationship. I don't care if he thinks it, but he doesn't need to be spouting it off to people at parties.
ReplyDeleteHappy they're loyal. IMO they wouldn't be a normal human if they didn't want to fuck someone else out there at least once or twice during any given relationship.
ReplyDeleteNeither. It's one thing to admit an attraction to an s.o., but it's another to tell someone at a party, especially in those terms.
ReplyDeleteExactly FSP! If I was drunk, I'd be pissed and there would be yelling. Sober- I'd try to be reasonable and hear them out but I would be upset. I might not yell as much.
ReplyDeleteI would say it is high time to re-evaulate the relationship.
ReplyDeleteBut I also somewhat agree with Me above, and hearing it put that way would have me on guard about how long we'll be together.
ReplyDeleteSet the f*cker free.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah...no...that is definitely not something I'd want to overhear...my insecurity about them wanting that person would override the
ReplyDeleteloyalty, which by the way is not so impressive since he's standing there talking about how he would f--- this other person if it wasn't for the relationship.
I would be pissed at first. Then realize that I would screw half the people I met if it weren't for my hubby either.
ReplyDeleteI like to think my husband's world would collapse if he broke up his family like that.
Tricky question...
I would be mad. There is a big difference between "so and so is attractive" and "I'd F*** them". Yes, I would appreciate that they are loyal, but that's not something you go blabbing in a social situation. Especially when I can hear you. I'd be very wary.
ReplyDeleteBut... maybe they are playing Would you rather.
It would depend on the context/who they were saying it to. If he was saying it to his good friend and that's the way they talk, it would be one thing. If he was saying it to anyone else, I'd be pissed off.
ReplyDeleteThere are only two women at my fiance's job and they're both married--also, I don't have to worry about my guy. But if he said something a little less disrespectful like, "Yeah, she's hot. I'd try to hit that if I was single," I'd brush it off. The problem is saying that he wants to "f*ck" her without the disclaimer.
ReplyDeleteBAMMMM!
ReplyDeleteThat's the sound of me kicking him to the curb.
If I heard that shit coming out of my husbands mouth I would do him a favor and leave, then he wouldn't have to worry about a relationship in the way
ReplyDeleteIt's totally normal to find other people attractive, but to comment on it might ring warning bells...but it all would depend on the context and to whom my hubby was speaking. Think about the episode of Friends where they were talking about their "lists" (celebs they had the OK to cheat with). Nobody would have ended a relationship over a conversation had between friends in that context. However, a comment to a coworker you barely know made with a tone of longing...totally different. So, it depends.
ReplyDeleteMy personal experience has shown it's best to keep those kinds of observations to yourself. However, if it has to be expressed, discretion and finesse are the key. The way that statement is phrased is beyond disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteWhat *karen* said--it's one thing to say "if I were single, I'd be interested", and another to be as crass as the original comment. So much of it would depend on context, the person it was being said to, the partner's general communication style, etc. that I can't say for sure--one might be grounds for a serious come-to-Jesus talk, the other one not so much.
ReplyDeleteUhhh, color me UPSET!!! That is not flattering at all. I'd say, you want her? She's yours. GOODBYE!
ReplyDeleteIt's one thing to think it but to actually put it in words? Oh no! Time to move on to a new relationship!!1
ReplyDeleteYeah, the whole use of the "F" verbiage would be a turn off. While it is unrealistic to think your sig other will never lust after another, the crass way to refer to another woman is a bit off putting.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I would care all that much. It's just talk, now in the actual act that would be a different story.
ReplyDeleteHow freaking disrespectful. Of course people get attracted to others but stay loyal in relationships but to say something like that to someone else? Gross.
ReplyDeleteIf she said it to a friend AT A PARTY where she obviously could be overheard, then there is no loyalty.
ReplyDeleteThey may not have done the deed, but she obviously is looking for an exit door.
I would actually be happy about the opportunity to encourage my significant other to pursue this relationship. Only, he would need to think hard about whether he would want to date a coworker (Ãf things go downhill, it gets *very* awkward at the job). Btw, I am polyamorous.
ReplyDeleteUmm, yeah, I would be hugely pissed off and he would have the chance to make a move on the co-worker the following Monday, because I would dump his ass.
ReplyDeleteTelling other people you want to screw someone else isn't being loyal, in my book.
Oh and one more thing: being physically involved with other people does NOT necessarily mean that you are disloyal towards your partner.
ReplyDeletethat is a really disrespectful way to talk about our relationship.
ReplyDeleteYES. THIS.
Stay out of it, you can't win.
ReplyDeleteI'd say:
ReplyDelete"Listen, if you were so F'ing hot, that she wanted to f'you as bad as you want her. You would have done it by now. So bahahah see ya and good luck with that!"
I would be ticked. Agree with the others that say it is disrespectful to talk that way about our relationship. A fantasy is one thing - I don't think anyone could claim innocence on that score - but broadcasting it publicly? Just no.
ReplyDeleteThe glib way to say it is, "I don't care where she gets her appetite, as long as she eats at home."
ReplyDeleteBut, you know what? My wife is not my property. If she wants to have sex with someone else, I wouldn't want it to interfere with our time together, I wouldn't want to see it happen, or hear about it, but she's welcome. I love her, I want her to have what she wants.
No
ReplyDeleteIt's just TALK
Inger, I totally understand--but I still think it's disrespectful, regardless whether it's a poly relationship.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. My response? "Well, don't let this relationship stop you because now it's over". Loyalty or nothing. Period.
ReplyDeleteSnapdragon, you are right. I first read the text so that it was just them with a friend at a party and I was told afterwards. If I overheard it, I would be pissed as well, I guess...
ReplyDelete(apologies for my flawed English, I'm not a native speaker)
Agree with Newborn and Kristin. Let him go!
ReplyDeleteI would appreciate his loyalty
ReplyDeleteThe only way those words would come out of my husband's mouth is if he were drunk and trying to make a joke. (He has an embarrassingly bad sense of humor when he's drunk.)
ReplyDeleteI think if you don't know your SO is the kind of asshole to say something like that, the relationship is in a different kind of trouble.
ReplyDeleteIt's one thing to think someone else is attractive, but to verbalize it that way is tacky, to say the least. *Especially* when you know your partner might hear you. Thank God my husband is in construction! ;)
ReplyDeletei would be upset that they want the person with all day everyday. that is so rude and will not be tolerated!
ReplyDeleteThis happened to me with my ex girlfirend, she was a waitress and when she was at home all she could talk about a work was about the cook "Larry", then all of the sudden her shifts were changed too afternoon shift, just the shift the "Larry the cook" works mostly. Eventually she ended up running away with him, they both quit their job, she left it up to her friend to come over the house and pick up her belongings. I had to move and when I did I found several condom packages under "our" bed, not once did I ever use a condom with her. So while I was at work she was screwing the goofy cook. Anyhow fast forward almost 20 years and I find her on facebook through an old mutual friend, turns out she married Larry and they are now a happy family. As for me I eventually married the girlfriend after her.
ReplyDeleteI would be mad because it's disrespectful to announce. Can't blame him for finding others attractive.
ReplyDeleteYES, I would be upset! And to hear it phrased like that would be hurtful.
ReplyDeletegtzashe .. Exactly!!
ReplyDeleteI totally fantasize about people outside my relationship..but I'm extremely satisfied so my fantasies are just that.. Fantasies.
However, let's keep it a little classier bro and not publicly exclaim who you want to philander with when others are in such close proximity!
Seriously,people say/do this??? Not in my world...I can't even relate.
ReplyDeleteIf my mate is gonna have this convo, it better be with me not a coworker at a get together.
That's rude as hell, not to mention the co-worker is gonna tell EVERYONE!!! I don't date idiots/morons...
I am single and cannot even imagine dating again at this point, EVER -but I would probably be upset.
ReplyDeleteI would probably take him to the side and 1. tell him it is disrespectful to address his co-worker that way, 2. Is he interested in opening our relationship up to other people, because I also have ideas for other players, and 3. I would tell him that I would be happy to release him of his current relationship obligation to pursue other "endeavors".
ReplyDeleteI am fine with admiring another person, but to say you want to hit in in that way in a public space, totally not called for, I would question his maturity level.
If I were in a relationship with a rapper or sports figure, maybe I might be used to that kind of talk and maybe I'd be grateful he was loyal. But for an everyday guy, nope, would not want to hear that and I would re-evaluate the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI like La Pachuquita's answer...
ReplyDeleteIf that's exactly how he phrased it it would be over without a doubt.
ReplyDeleteYes!!!! Keep that shit private!! Locked box!! Never spoken, ever!!
ReplyDeleteThis man is immature. If you waste you time with him, you will age quickly. Remember, life is short. Find a man that will only have eyes for you. Peace xxx
ReplyDeleteThe man is uncouth. Why would want to be with anybody that is uncouth?
ReplyDeleteIt would make me uncomfortable because the woman is someone with whom he works so closely and I would also see red flags that he would say that out loud at a party which he was attending with me.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I agree with the context being important. My friends and I joke all the time "I would do him" or "I would do her" even in the presence of our SOs and it just talk. It is also almost always about a celebrity.
I have absolutely no idea where I heard this so I cannot vouch for the legitimacy of it, but I heard that (I'm thinking a therapist told me, but I am not 100% positive) the more you or your partner fantasizes about real people you come in contact with (as opposed to celebrities or other people you would never realistically hook up with), the more of a slippery slope you are on when it comes to fidelity.
I would NOT be ok with it. That's an incredibly disrespectful was to refer to your relationship!
ReplyDeleteme, with my messed up history, would never believe they weren't sleeping with other people already. wouldn't care. my ex was sleepin with men and women when we were married. its just sex. so what?
ReplyDeleteSet him freeeeeeeeeeeee!
ReplyDeleteHell, I've had conversations with my SO about who we'd fuck if we weren't together. I don't think it's a big deal.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, it would depend entirely on the context of the conversation. Did I eavesdrop on a chat amongst men? Then no, it's no different to the stuff my girlfriends and I say when watching a movie with our resident hunk of the moment. If he is sprouting off like that in mixed company, I would be annoyed.
ReplyDeleteMy MO is that I would start gradually distancing myself and pushing that person away. It's a not a healthy thing to do, but in my mind, that person has already started stepping away, so I'd just gently help them along. My dad went to a friend's one night when we were kids, and never came back. My sister and I would cry ourselves to sleep every night, calling out for our dad. That probably has something to do with my fear of being left, so I push people away before they can leave me.
ReplyDeleteI'd be pissed off. Not because he's attracted to someone else, or even fantasizing about sleeping with someone else - I think that's quite normal. But to talk about me and our relationship that way? Fuck you.
ReplyDeleteMy hubs would be getting a new job. I would make sure he was fired somehow.
ReplyDeleteOh if only this were hypothetical....
ReplyDeleteMy concern would be the fact he is talking about a co-worker. I have always maintained that crushes on Hollywood stars are fine, it's the neighbor down the street you need to worry about.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I totally love how many people here think "I'm honoring my commitments, even though I face a strong temptation every day" is a disrespectful thing to say about your relationship!
ReplyDeleteIt depends who he was talking to, but I probably wouldn't be pleased. We've talked about our hypothetical Freebie Five but co-workers are a whole different story. Perhaps I am naive, but I expect loyalty so they don't get a pat on the back for keeping their dick in their pants.
ReplyDeleteI would dump them on the spot. Fuck that shit.
ReplyDelete