Madonna's Tour Demands
I think we all knew Madonna was a diva, but even for her this seems to be a bit much. In Touch saw a copy of her rider for her latest tour and it has some doozies on it. Where did that word come from anyway? I know I just wrote it, but I don't think I have actually even said it or written it in years and years because I'm not even sure how you spell it. Anyway, Madonna requires 20 international phone lines for each night of the tour. I'm not sure why. Maybe her 200 person entourage gets to call home everyday for free? I'm not sure why she has 30 bodyguards with her on the tour. That seems like way too much. How do you come to the number of 30 for your personal protection? Presumably you don't need them while you are sleeping, so the other 16 hours a day she requires 30 people to guard her? From? She also requires lots and lots of flowers, including roses which must be trimmed to precisely six inches. If they are trimmed to seven inches or five, she will not perform. And when she goes to her hotel it has her own furniture. She has the hotel move everything out of the room and her stuff put in. Now, I know what the bodyguards are doing everyday. Moving her furniture in and out of hotel rooms. Because that one night it would be awful to not have your own furniture.
I hope her furniture gets bedbugs. ME-YOW!
ReplyDeleteI think I may be as hung over & snarky as Enty today!
It's tough being a member of the 1%!
DeleteBTW... I'm really enjoying hung over, snarky Enty today! :)
ReplyDeleteMy mom works for the Westin. They accommodate that nonsense a lot, it's not unusual.
ReplyDeleteI hate this fucking idiot, but I can't snark at her for wanting her own bed with her. Hotel beds are beyond disgusting, even five star.
ReplyDeleteNo Hydrangeas though.
ReplyDeleteYou beat me to the punch @Ingrid Superstar! I was gonna say I'd leave her a wilted hydrangea (cut to 4") and a Playschool toy phone just to see the reaction.
ReplyDeleteCan't this hold hag just go away? Seriously. She looks embalmed already, so just put her in a crypt and lock the door.
ReplyDeleteIt's the people who accommodate this bullshit that I'm worried about. This is why one asshat can become a dictator and make millions of people his slaves. Because a lot of human beings are more than eager to bow down and then bend over for people like this.
ReplyDeleteMadonna will be Madonna. I liked her for a little bit in the '80's, but only care enough about her to comment in this thread, because it gives me a chance to get on my soapbox and rant about stupid humans (I'm one of them), but that is all.
this is a fun post. the flower thing is so random(?) guessing the bodyguards are man-whores. can see where she'd want her own stuff, all that travel is probably disorienting.
ReplyDeleteSee you next Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteAs said above, don't give her any motherfucking hydrangeas.
ReplyDeleteThis is who she is. Any venue who books her knows that. Of course its ridiculous. She should know better, she visited and adopted children from a third world country. Obviously, she can separate the two.
ReplyDeleteExtravagant riders are nothing unusual. And hotels will accommodate this because it brings in tons of money. Hiring a billion bodyguards is employing people. She's at a point in her career when she can ask for this stuff and get it. I don't see how this makes her any worse than other musicians with ridiculous riders.
ReplyDeleteYou know how when you travel, you make sure you bring stuff with you, like a corkscrew. Then you get to the hotel and you're bummed to realize you forgot the corkscrew and the room doesn't have proper wine glasses, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to know that the hotel you were headed to had everything you wanted? Especially since you will be living in hotels for months?
There are things to snark on Madonna for but this isn't it. Male performers demand stuff too. According to my mom, the most demanding are the rich Saudis.
WTF is she wearing? A cage dress!
ReplyDelete200 intl phone lines? Who the F is calling that many people? And uhh...why don't they just have cell phones with international coverage?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can't hate on her for the furniture bit. If I was rich n famous I would do that too.
I know this one! The word doosie ( Duesy or doozy) was a nickname for a car that was produced in the 20 and 30 called a Duesenberg. It was very high quality. It was one of the most expensive cars ever made. It was so awe inspiring that when people saw on that would say there goes a doozy! They stopped producing them during the great depression because they were so expensive. The word is still a part of our vocabulary today
ReplyDeleteI love it when people knowthe history of a word now in the current vernacular. Thanks Janet.
DeleteThe 30 bodyguards sort of makes sense. She has a bunch of stalkers and she's outside of the US- so it isn't like other countries will uphold the restraining orders. She probably does have people on duty 24/7. And doesn't she have Rocco and Lola with her?
ReplyDeleteThey're jobs, at least. The 200 international phone lines is crazy, though. What kind of crisis does she anticipate having that they'd need that many phone lines?
Can't explain Madge's ridiculous riders, but David Lee Roth explains Van Halen's "no brown M&Ms backstage" rider here: http://vimeo.com/36615187
ReplyDeleteShe was a cool chick once. I think when she decided she spoke with a British accent, all hell broke loose. Diva central.
ReplyDeleteIf I had Madonna money, would I pull some of these moves? Maybe. I'd like to have my own furniture at hotels. Especially if John Mayer was a guest.
But I draw the line at copping a fake accent. You can't get any douchier. Is douchier a word? Anyway, that alone makes Madonna an affected twat in my book.
UGH!!!!!!!!!! I want Madonna to be exposed as MV SO. FREAKING. BAD.
ReplyDeleteJanet296 - I love you so much for sharing that info! :)
i beileve the phone lines are for her homesick entourage so they can call thier friends and fam. If i am right thats very sweet of her... but watch me be dead wrong and its some crazy kabalah thing. i would love to make yo my own ryder and demand things like pop rocks and tab... something impossible to find. Then i would feel bad for stressing people out and tip them huge.
ReplyDeleteIf I were her age and had her money, I would do exactly the same thing.
ReplyDeleteIf I were her age & had her drawing power I'd do a year in Las Vegas & make all my fans come to me. That way she can buy a house nearby & sleep in her own bed every night. Elton John did a year in the Caesars Palace arena. It's got to be a damn sight easier than touring.
ReplyDeleteShe's boning half the bodyguard.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this is off topic but someone mentioned disgusting hotel beds and I need help. I need to book 1 night in NYC in August, high bedbug and horrible humid weather season. Can't spend a fortune so I'm limited and I've read some disgusting reviews so I'm just throwing it out there for anyone who can give any advice at all please! Even if you don't know a hotel but know something I should look out for bc I've never even booked a hotel until a few days ago and it was easy bc it's the nice Marriott near my house.
ReplyDeleteBoning half the bodyguards. She also has her own crabs shipped out to b put in her bed.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I thought all the bedbug hype was just hypochondriac bull...until I woke up one morning recently after a night at an Extended Stay covered in bites. Yes, the room really was infested with bedbugs.
ReplyDeleteSo I'll give Vadge a pass on the furniture thing.
Too bad the 200 phone lines aren't set up for a telethon. Call in with your donation to help stamp out pretentiousness.
ReplyDeleteOops, misread the phone lines as 200 instead of 20. Yeah well, still think she's pretentious. And that's on a good day.
ReplyDeletedoozy also doozie, 1903 (adj.), 1916 (n.), perhaps an alteration of daisy, or from popular Italian actress Eleonora Duse (1859-1924). In either case, reinforced by Duesenberg, the expensive, classy make of automobile from the 1920s-30s.
ReplyDeleteHa anita, funny story. My mom gave me an awesome lightweight down comforter a while back. She emailed me this morning looking for the tag info (she wants to get another) After a quick google we discovered that the entire line had been bought by Westin. So my bf was all "we should get a room and swap our old one out"
ReplyDeleteSounded good for all of 2 seconds. Then we both decided that hotel blankets (down or not) aren't exactly on the list of things to swipe. Just...gross.
Anyway, Madonna can get away with anything she wants. Who in the world would want to cross her?
I would love to cross her!!!! The fun!!!!!!
DeleteWhat color are the roses ?
ReplyDeleteTo katsmo 7 11: Use this:
ReplyDeletehttp://bedbugregistry.com/metro/nyc/recent/
From WordOrigins.org
ReplyDeleteDoozy
This adjective used to describe something excellent or of particular note is of unknown origin, although it may stem from a now obsolete slang term. It first appears in 1903 in Kleberg’s Slang Fables From Afar:
As soon as the races were billed he began to evolve schemes—one doozy scheme followed the other.
While the origin is not known for certain, the best guess is that it is a variant of an earlier slang term daisy, also meaning something excellent. From Samuel Foote’s 1757 The Author:
Oh daisy; that’s charming.
And from F.H. Burnett’s Little Lord Fauntleroy of 1887:
She’s the daisiest gal I ever saw! She’s—well she’s just a daisy, that’s what she is.
There are a couple of popular etymologies for doozy floating about that are worth mentioning.
Car enthusiasts often maintain that doozy is after the Duesenberg line of automobiles. Unfortunately for this story, the Duesenberg Automobile & Motors Company was not founded until 1913, a decade after doozy appears in print. Duesenbergs may have been affectionately known as doozies, but this is a link with an existing slang term, not a new coinage.
The second has doozy as an eponym for the Italian actress Eleonora Duse (1858-1923). The timing is right and she was quite famous in her day, but there is no evidence linking her with doozy.
The M&M's-type demand in riders actually have a purpose. Concert promoters are notorious for trying to get away with as much as possible. It doesn't happen much at the A-list level, but if you are on the State Fair circuit, you're lucky to get paid, let alone have your favorite brand of bottled water in the dressing room.
ReplyDeleteSo if an artist sees a bowl of only green M&M's in the dressing room, he/she knows at least someone read the rider.
Doesn't excuse Madonna, though.
I'm on tour right now and I can think of a few things I wish I'd put in my rider.
ReplyDeleteTru Leigh... Toast to you! For doozy details and green M&M backstory. Thank you!
ReplyDelete@Kats, I don't know about bed bugs but when booking in NYC, be careful of prices too good to be true. Really cheap prices mean horrible location and/or shared bathroom.
ReplyDelete@hotchacha hope they haven't screwed you over too badly...
ReplyDeleteSeriously we need like buttons on these comments. You guys are awesome! Hahaha
ReplyDeleteAs for Madonna... wow... Im constantly amazed at the shit people let celebrities get away with. No wonder some of them are such assholes.
ChasingHeaven- I do too!
ReplyDeleteI got questions about the furniture. Since her concerts are only for about two nights, does this mean the furniture is flown everywhere? I don't think Vadge is on a tour bus.
ReplyDeleteIn Madonna's defense, she's got to travel all night and then wake up in the morning ready to entertain 60,000 people, again and again for almost a year. If having her own furniture around her makes her more psychologically and physically able to do so, great.
ReplyDeleteAlso like the outfit in this photo. In my opinion this is how she should be dressing at her current age - edgy but covered up. There's no shame in being 53, but it's different than 23.
Shes a Goddamn legend. Her body of work stands alone. Her female empowerment message is priceless. Yes shes demanding but she employs alot of people too. Having madonna on your resume in the ent industry is not bad. She has flaws. And in other news lindsay " michael" fucking lohan lied. Lindsay is a useless twat and truly michaels female double. Shes not above anything and ger little charade isnt fooling anyone now. Its so cute how everyones on to her. I dont think shell be alive a year from now. Pity she cant make herself a dime or save one or stop hoovering it. Shes just stumbling through life which we all are but she seems to have such a shitty entitled snotty whiny attitude that she covers up with flimsy lies only she believes. Not so smart that one. Most people are how they seem
ReplyDeleteThe artists pay for everything on the rider so if they want something special they get it. I think she has worked hard enough and earned enough money to sleep in her own bed and have fresh flowers. I don't see anything wrong with this.
ReplyDeleteI saw her interview with pierce morgan a while back & was stunned by an answer she gave to a simple question. He asked something simple about touring & her daughters, (plural daughterS). Her reply was about a daughter, (singular).
ReplyDeleteDoes she not consider her adopted children as her son & daughter too?
If she was performing on my front lawn I wouldn't open the curtains to watch. I'm so over the theatre that is madonna.
Thanks Janet. Was ein Doozie ist das!
ReplyDeleteDear American friends, not having a go at anyone, just wanting to be helpful here - please note there is no such thing as a 'British' accent. There are English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh and a whole host of other accents within those countries - but not a 'British' one. What Madonna was affecting for all those years was an English accent.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but hearing the phrase 'British accent' drives me nuts - it's a real bugbear of mine.
If I toured I'd want my own furniture, too. Anything to make travel more comfortable would make me a happy(-ier) camper.
ReplyDeleteI sort of get the phone lines, but 30 bodyguards seems over the top. I've never been part of a tour of that size so who knows?
With that kind of overhead, she's not going to be making a whole lot on this tour. I'm amazed she's still got any audience at all. Never, ever liked her or her music.
ReplyDeleteMost hotels are filthy, they really are and if you don't believe me bring a blue light, you can buy one for less than 10 dollars. It's shocking at how bad most rooms are with nasty biologicals everywhere. I mean even on the walls and paintings. I bring cleaning supplies and usually have to spend an hour at least just to be able to close my eyes. I don't blame her in the least.
ReplyDeleteI don't see an issue with this. If she can pay for it, she can have it.
ReplyDeleteNEVER liked her. Will ALWAYS snark on her. For ANY reason. What a piece of work. I'd like to say more, but I try to limit my profanity.
ReplyDelete