I think we need to let each mother do their own thing. Parenting is hard enough without all the criticism. Mom's know what works best for them and their family...if that means breastfeeding until the kid is 4 then go for it.
Don't care about the cover pic, just wanted to throw out my support for Dr. Sears and attachment parenting. His books changed my parenting. The Fussy Baby Book, Parenting the High Need Child ( I think is the title) absolutely changed my life with regards to my firstborn. I can't praise it highly enough.
I tried but was unable to breast feed either of my kids, and oy, the rediculous guilt I carried around. I finally realized that their situations ( first a preemie, second extremely ill at birth) were the very reasons formulas were developed, and just started being grateful that they were alive to take a bottle!
Listen, I've never had kids, but I have nieces and nephews and friends with kids. How old would you say that kid is? I think I heard he was supposed to be 3, but honestly, he looks at least 4-5 to me. For those of you who have raised kids, I'm curious, what do you think this kid's age is?
As for attachment parenting, it's definitely not for me, but as I've said before, live and let live. I think everyone should be free to choose their method of parenting so long as it isn't abusive. The only thing that I find really evil about parenting is when someone gets up in someone else's face about their choices.
For example, a relative of mine chose not to breast feed her kids, and OMG, the unsolicited lectures she AND HER HUSBAND got were absolutely mind-blowing in terms of both frequency and utter vitriol. It cuts both ways. People who complain about breast-feeding women are just as bad. To me, it's a total MYOB thing.
I think everyone should do what they feel is right. If you want to breast feed your preteen, up to you. If breast feeding makes you squeamish, buy some Similac. The only problem I have with this is that the kid is going to be horribly embarrassed when he's older. If you're going to do something beyond what is considered to be the norm, keep it private.
My reaction is simply this and I'm not pulling it out of my ass, I'm around kids and parents all the time and I live in LA so I've seen it all. Some women have a serious deficiency in telling attachment parenting from codependency apart and they're deeply harming their kids and their marriages in the process. Others do it marvelously even if it is still rather unusual. I take the same approach to everything in life which is everything in moderation. Women/moms who judge each other on parenting when it's simply a personal choice based on beliefs, ability and lifestyle, and not because real harm is being done, are ridiculous and malicious and, as usual, set all of womanhood back. We should stand united not divided especially on something that doesn't even affect you. You do you, I'll do me.
Also wanted to say that breastfeed is perfectly natural and I find it ridiculous that women have to cover up while feeding their child for any other reason other than they're own modesty. People who sexualize the breast or alternately find it gross should fucking grow up already. They're not for decoration darlings.
But, having two boys, I gotta say that I think they would have absolutely died at that age before they would pose for that picture. Or be caught brestfeeding, period.
Although my oldest did take a bottle at bedtime until he was almost four. I agree with Little Miss - unless abuse is involved parenting is most definitely MYOB (remember how Dear Abby used to always say that?)
Attachment parenting, done in a way that worked for our family, worked beautifully for us. But you've got to tailor your parenting style to your family, not just blindly follow what some book says to do. Sears just made a lot of sense to me, but we didn't follow him to the letter, of course.
These are personal choices, I breastfed my daughter, but only to age 4 months. My husband died and my milk just went poof. I don't think I would have gone past one year in any event.
If I saw this at a mall say, I would think it was just too damn much.
I feel very badly for this child. He is going to be made fun of at school. And how insulting is the title? If it is really a case of let mom's do what they want, then why the "Are you mom enough?" Seems very judgmental to me.
It’s unnecessary. Attachment parenting isn't about shoving your choices in other people’s faces. It’s about following the rhythm of your children and simplifying things. To me, breastfeeding is somewhat intimate, and therfore should be done privately. I find it odd when it goes beyond 2 1/2, but to each their own.
The boy is the son of the woman on the cover, and she has given several intervews. This picture will follow him for life.
@Del Riser - I am very sorry to hear about your husband.
I pumped and fed my son for 14 months. I was very proud of it and amazed at what my body could do and what my milk could do for my son.
I think this woman is entitled to do what she wants with her son. Personally, however, I felt that if your child could unbutton your blouse, maybe he/she was too old to nurse.
That child looks 3 in the face to me. He just looks like a big boy. I think it might cause problems for him when he is in school and adulthood. It makes me think it is more about the mom than the child. In fact, I guess that is my bottom line - it the fact that she is nursing at this age more about her?
I think 3/4 is plenty old enough to stop nursing. The kid should be learning to be more independent. Developing social skills. Doing things with other kids. And having to stop to go breast feed would be determent to that.
I think after a certain age it's mom's habit to break, not the kids. There is no nutritional need for breast milk after age 1. None. It's just not necessary. Same with bottles. Doctors and Dentists don't want your kid on bottles after 1 year. It's bad for their teeth to let that milk pool in their mouths. Also if they drink too much milk after 1 yr they don't get enough Iron and nutrients form food like they should.
Im with some of the previous posters. It seems like a deliberately provocative cover. It is designed to get a knee jerk reaction rather than facilitating a discussion. That bums me out...
I think it's none of my business how long a woman breastfeeds her child. However, when you take pictures of it and put it out in public, especially when you can easily recognize the child's face, it strikes me as kind of abusive. The kid is going to be teased unmercifully for years and years to come. And yeah - he looks at least 5 years old to me.
My husband saw this on the news last night and his first comment was "Doesn't that look like pedophilia?" He didn't realize it was the kids mother, but it still struck him as a little pedophilic. Wonder how the pedophiles look at this picture?
i can't help but feel that maybe the ones who don't want to stop breastfeeding are the Moms, not the kids.
This seems terribly co-dependent and kinda selfish to not want your child to evolve and move on to new things...just so you can keep him a baby and close to you. I see this all the time. It's sad.
that photo is provocative, at best. fucking creepy at worst.
parents, be parents. there is plenty of time for kids to make their own decisions. their health and well being is your decision and responsibility, not the toddler's.
*cue the militant breastfeeders and people pointing out how stupid i am*
I am for attachment parenting. I breastfed my son until he was 2 but would lie about it to avoid the weird looks. My marriage didn't work out, but that could have been due to my ex's narcissistic personality disorder/addictive tendencies. Time definitely got everyone's attention with that cover. I do feel bad for the boy.
I don't have a problem with moms continuing to breastfeed, but I do have a problem with this photo. it's just plain weird, and could have been alot more natural.
When I first saw this, all I could think of was Game of thrones. Breastfeeding is fine, but at some point you need to stop. It will be hard to convince me (a mother of 2) why should be breastfeeding any child over 2. Like Lauren said above, if they can ask for it, they're too old.
Eeew! This photo is so disturbing on so many levels and nails the hypocritical society we live in:
Mom looks like a 14 year old that breastfeeds a 7 year old camouflage trouser look-alike. The camouflage trousers could be the most disturbing part of the entire image.
When the kid grows teeth, it's time to stop breast feeding. Teeth coming in is a sign the kid can eat on their own. Nature's calling card of independence, no?
If one considers the confrontational title of the piece, the somewhat advanced age of the child and the slim, blond, yoga-toned "California Mom" in the picture, it all seem deliberately deigned to provoke controversy, which it has. Personally, I can't breastfeed, so I'll leave that discussion to the women here, but this is pretty obvious marketing ploy on the part of Time magazine.
This just looks all kinds of wrong. According to comments, that kid was days away from turning 4-years old when that pic was made. That's way, way too old to eat from a boob, he should be eating Fruity Pebbles, Lunchables and Chocolate Quik by now. And can you imagine the photographer setting up that shoot?
"Ok Jamie, I need you to show more boob. Little more, really pull that top down. Great, fantastic. Timmy, climb up on that chair and put your mom's boob in your mouth. Open your mouth a little wider, wider, really get as much boob in there as you can fit. Now look over at me, great. Now Jamie, can you give me a little more smugness in your expression. More smugness, little more. Perfect, this is magic."
Everyone who's going on about "Americans are so ignorant, breastfeeding is natural," just please STFU. Breastfeeding is indeed fine, and I don't have a problem if you want to nurse an infant in public. But this isn't about breastfeeding, it's about some dumbass attention-craving woman who put herself stuffing her tit into her 4-year-old son's mouth on the cover of a national magazine.
I laughed out loud, got some popcorn, and surfed the 'net. Americans, in general, can't handle breastfeeding, regardless of the age of the child.
I'm not a parent and will never be one, so I just can't judge. I think breastfeeding is a wonderful, wonderful thing, good for both the child and the mother (and the father when he is included, which he should be more often, sitting and holding his wife). My biggest complaint is parents who don't pay enough attention to their children, I see it all the time. I see people begin to believe that their children don't want their attention, they want to do their own thing, but I don't think it's true, I think children want lots of attention/approval from their parents.
regarding the woman on the cover. its not just that she is breastfeeding a 4 year old. its that she plasters the poor kid on the cover of a major (though irrelevant) magazine w/his mouth on her teat.
guaranteed, in 20 years, time will do a cover story on 'where he is now.'
a former boyfriend had a sister who breastfed her daughter until she was at least 5. the girl was pretty clingy. I remember if something very small happened she'd yell, 'mommy, mommy save me.' and she go running and latch onto mommy's teat.
it made me sick to my stomach. in that instance it was more about mommy not wanting to have her kid separate, and I think in this society, women who allow their children to breastfeed past two, its more about them and their needs than the children's needs. and certainly in this instance, the woman doesn't seem healthy to me.
The picture did it's job. it's a very poor depiction of a mother breastfeeding an older toddler. placing him standing on a stop makes him seem taller, thus older. anyone who has ever breastfed will tell you...there is morning remotely sexual about it. and a child three years of age shouldn't already be associating breasts with sex so there should be no sexual connections for him either. If there is he has learned it from someplace other than at his mother's breast. and I wonder if anyone who thinks attachment parenting has a negative effect has read anything about what it's actually all about or about Dr. Sears and his family.
1) The title alone pisses me off. Attachment parenting needs the support of *both* parents. Why is it never "Are you Dad enough?"? Society is so judgey about the choices mothers make (or are sometimes forced to make, like formula).
2) Personally this wouldn't work for me and my family, but it works for her and her child. Even though it is natural, it's not a social norm, so I feel really bad for the child - he has to grow up with this photo.
3) My 8 month old breastfeeds but he's big for his age (he's in the 97th percentile - so the size of the average 11/12 month old) I get looks all the time when I breastfeed him in public (even though I'm always either in the car or a corner and semi-covered up).
People need to get over their judgement of breastfeeding period. There's such a mixed message given to women - "Breast is best" but only until such and such an age, if we don't have to see it, etc.
4) I'm all for attachment parenting if it works for you (it only partially works for us). One of the first things I learned as a mom was don't judge others, because it's going to come back to bite you in the ass.
And really? The child should be eating Lunchables, Fruity Pebbles and Chocolate Quik? How about some vegetables and fruit instead of that pre-packaged crap?
I thought that woman was Ivanka Trump at first. And no, I'm not bothered by this. Pretty gutsy if you ask me even though I know Nobody did, but whatever. The kid looks like he's 7 or 8 years old which I do find disturbing. Don't think I'll be buying this magazine - I'll get some weird looks from the cute Tina Fey-ish girl who works at my local bookstore for sure.
Good lord, I feel like I'm on babycenter.com when I visit this blog. This is all we talk about!
I love Dr. Sears and still refer to his books. I was a breastfeeding momma. My boy was cut off at 11 months. By then he could give an eff. I mean seriously, I had to give him gallons of milk and mass quantities of food at that point. He'd rather have sweet potatoes and applesauce. My breast milk was like nada by then.
I have mixed emotions about this: I do think it's a personal choice on if you breast feed and for how long, but as I've said in 8,000 other posts about this - Breastfeeding past age 2 skeeves me. And, I wholeheartedly think it's the Mom's hangup to keep doing it. That obsession with keeping your baby a baby is SO REAL. I was really upset when I'm stopped nursing. I was really upset when my baby stopped the bottle. I was really upset when he took that first step without holding onto anything. (Yay, it finally happened!) But, I was also really overjoyed with these milestones as well because it means he's growing up and developing as he should.
I'm sure potty training and the big boy bed will also be bittersweet. Actually, potty training may bring out some Sylvia Plath moments in my life. Kidding!!
As for Time, this magazine has been irrelevant for what, at least 10 years now. I guess this is its way of making some headlines. So, it got the job done. I hate the cover shot with all of my soul. I hate that woman and I hate what's she doing to that kid. And, I hate using the word hate. But, there I said it. It really pisses me off.
I've also read it's her adopted child, not her biological one. I don't know at what age she adopted him but if she forced this on him, that's not cool. And, just because I'm ignorant about pregnancy and babies, how does her body produce milk if she wasn't actually pregnant?
Jeez so many people have such strong opinions about breast feeding - stop after one year, stop after they get teeth, etc. Mothers doing it more for themselves than the kids. Also about attachment parenting and how it leads to clingy kids.
I breast fed until my son was 2 1/2 - at that point it was only at night. We stopped when he stopped - I was looking for the signs and promoted them.
Did attachment parenting for the first 2 years, it was wonderful. All attachment parenting really means is being attuned to your kid and their needs, and never withholding that need. I don't think that's spoiling especially in the first year.
Yet I was not the mom who ran over and cuddled when he fall, etc at the park. I could tell if he was really hurt, if not I'd just say You're OK!
He's now 16, very independent, non-needy, and somewhere underneath that teen BS a good guy.
Sexualizing breast feeding is dispicable and that is the aim of this cover, the controversial cover will get Time some publicity but it will alienate some readers like me.
I breast fed my son exclusively for over 24 months and weaned him when I felt the time was right for us, there is no need to vilify women who breast feed past 6 or 12 months, it's what nature intended and yes mothers milk is best but some mothers cannot breast feed for various reasons and they should be respected and do not deserve scorn for formula feeding.
Marna Palmer- Some adoptive mothers are able to stimulate their breast into producing milk. In her case... she did not start breastfeeding her adopted so until he showed an interest in what her younger bio son was doing. The adopted son is a year older than the boy she is pictured with on the cover.
I am pro boob. My children were completely self weaned by 18 months. This in my opinion is completely absurd.
I agree breastfeeding is awesome and perfectly tailored to a baby's physical needs, but I know research shows after age 1, it is no longer physically beneficial to the child. Meaning, they are now able to get all needed nutrition from regular food and drinks. I think after age 1, breastfeeding becomes more about the bonding factor breastfeeding brings to the mother/child relationship.
What irritates me is people saying to stop sexualizing breastfeeding. My son will be 3 in August and he has been obsessed with boobs since before he was 2. I had to stop letting him see me naked because he kept trying to grab my boobs. He also will still stick his hand down my shirt if I have any cleavage showing. I didn't teach him that, nor has he seen my husband do that. He was just made that way, he's a boy! They come wired that way. It's his natural curiosity just like breastfeeding is natural, but when the two have potential to start blending together, it's time to stop.
" It makes me think it is more about the mom than the child. In fact, I guess that is my bottom line - it the fact that she is nursing at this age more about her? " THIS.
Denise, no one is saying BREASTFEEDING is sexual. Getting one's breast out in public could be seen as sexual by OTHERS, regardless of the reason.
I remember the endorphins that flooded my brain whenever I breastfed my infants. And I look at that cover photo and think, you're not doing what's best for that kid, you're getting your fix.
Breastfeeding is beautiful. This cover is not appropriate. It is not celebrating the beauty of the mother/child bond. At least not in my opinion. Plenty of sickos out there who would take this completely wrong.
If they had posed her on a couch with him cradled in her arms,it would have conveyed a much more beautiful message. This just looks like a big kid on a chair helping himself to some boob.
To each his own but a little boy this age is starting to realize sexuality and breastfeeding this long might make him think he can grab any breast he sees. My friend,who didn't nurse,is having a tme with her 3 yr. old grabbing boobs already. Not just hers either.. It could be as equally confusing to a little girl too.
I think breastfeeding is beautiful too. I never thought I would BF my child but I did so for 2 years until I found out I have breast cancer a couple of months ago. I also agree with the attachment parenting philosophy. We kind of just fell into it after we brought our daughter home but I do have to say it's not for everyone....My husband and I have had many fights over it but it's just something that felt right. It amazes me that people make such a big deal out of this but when they see topless pornographic pictures for sexual purposes they don't blink an eye!
Did anyone ever see the show "Little England" where the son brings his girlfriend home for dinner to meet the parents and the mother breastfed him. He was in college and obviously the girldfriend..Well, you know. Thought we could use a little humor.
OMG..I just read other comments and I guess you have seen that skit...Just hilarious!
@~Z~, and @Ms Cool, thank you, it was a long time ago, I was 20. This woman probably gets "He's too old to breast feed", as much as I got "You're too young to be a widow".
After reading all this again, I have to think the child is well bonded to his mom, don't know about the dad. I have questions, is this feeding for food, or is this a snack? A child this age should be having solid meals for nourishment. If he needs or wants breast milk she could pump it and he could have a glass.
I still think showing his face, on the cover of TIME will cause this kid grief that attachement won't help.
Big supporter of breast feeding, attachment parenting - healthy bonds, loving bonds between parents / children. But, I also understand it is not for everyone, and some people can't or it hurts, and I don't think they should be made to feel badly. I am glad it's normalizing, but I do think it's very unfair to show this child's face. There ARE people who disagree and will make life hard for him. NO reason to put your 4yo in that position (the kid was a week or two shy of his 4th birthday when photo taken). The same could have been accomplished without his identity being known.
I'm all for breastfeeding, extended and otherwise. The cover, I feel, is for pure shock value and for that reason alone in poor taste. Why not use a photo of how mothers actually sit and spend that BFing time with their kids?
Kids don't breastfeed all day long after a certain age, it's not going to stop him socialising. He probably feeds once a day or night or even once a week.
Most of the horror towards the photo is from people who don't understand that breastfeeding, once you are used to doing it, is so easy and everyday that it doesn't strike you as weird, it's just a practical thing.
No mum could force a child to feed if they didn't want to.
Even a six-month-old is perfectly capable of refusal if they're so inclined.
THere were some really beautiful pictures inside the issue of other moms breastfeeding "older" kids. (ages 1-3).
There is a beautiful picture of this particular kid sitting in his mom's lap, still attached to the breast, but sleeping. It reminds you that even though he is tall, he is still just a child.
There is no basis for breast feeding this late. It will not help the child in any way. After 6 months the child be eating his/her own food and developing their own identity.
See this kind of stuff is just more end of empire type arrogance. Just look how proud she looks!
She probably has the iq of a turnip. The boy will end up working at Starbux when Mommy marries some guy 15 years younger than her after divorcing Daddy.
I breast-fed my 3 children till the teeth came in. To me, it was kind of nature's way of letting you know they are ready for more than mamma's milk. What other mother's do is their business. Having said that, this cover is sick and wrong, and further, proof that Time needs shock to sell their magazines now.
I did not know he was adopted. That changes things. Anything she can do to foster a real connection with him is good, and breastfeeding is bonding even after it is not needed for nutrition. This photo does not depict bonding though; he should be held and curled up, but despite that I say it's good she's breastfeeding him after he watched her breastfeed the child she gave birth to. Do whatever keeps him from feeling like an outsider in the family.
This picture? Gross. The picture is deliberately provocative, I don't care what anyone says otherwise. Why the chair for the kid? Why the sexy tank top? It makes me want to punch whoever took that picture.
Really sucky cover AND title. No pun intended. I'm so tired of how women are expected to shoulder at least 95% of the burden of child rearing. C'mon men, time to step up! I almost burst into tears tonight seeing a heavily pierced and tattoed kid being adoringly affectionate to his little boy, who was about 4. He was constantly and very affectionately ruffling his hair, and talking to him as if he were an actual person. OMG.
A] The image is meant to provoke. TIME got what it wanted by publishing it as the cover.
Night Line showed some other images [of other mothers and children] that were shot in connection w/the article. 'Of the images shown', this was the most provocative.
B] Breasts ARE secondary sexual characteristics. Period. We will look at them that way at first glance. Then we consider the context.
C] That is a BIG kid [for a 3 almost 4]. Look at his feet and the hem of his trousers. Any chance they had the chutzpah to put him in 'Tom Cruise' sneakers? I think there's plenty of room there for some elevation. I think both TIME and the mother had a message to send out, and i guess neither has credibility to me.
I stopped breast feeding at 12 months with both of my daughters, because thats what worked for me. But I have a question maybe someone could answer. Is there a reason for continuing to have them breastfeed at this age rather then just pump and give them the milk? They still get the nutrients from it and it may be less embarrassing to the child. Is this a part of the attachment parenting? I honestly dont know, I dont read many parenting guides because I believe every mother(and father) should do what works for them, as long as its not dangerous. But just curious for what the thought process is for not strictly pumping once they hit 3,4 & 5.
I'm currently breastfeeding my twins who are a little over 12 months. I don't know how this woman could still be producing milk! Even with breast pumps, my milk production is starting to slow down. My lactation consultant told me as long as I kept it up, the milk would keep flowing. That does not seem to be the case for me.
Also, what is she doing about the teeth? My boys chomp down hard some times. I thought one took off my nipple once.
As for the cover, it's provocative and people are talking, so that's not too bad.
Parenting is NOT a science. It's one of those things you got to play by ear. I would have problems breastfeeding a kid who can actually speak. It would make me uncomfortable to say the least.
I do agree with the posters that this is more for the mother than the child. My mother breast fed me too long (I won't tell you how long), and I HATE it when she tells people about it! She talks about it with great pride, since it was the 1970s, and natural was the way to go. It makes me very embarrassed, so I feel for that kid already.
That's a tall three-year-old.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to let each mother do their own thing. Parenting is hard enough without all the criticism. Mom's know what works best for them and their family...if that means breastfeeding until the kid is 4 then go for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm jealous of that kid.
ReplyDeletelol, they accomplished their goal. All eyes are on Time this week.
ReplyDeleteThe topic is a worthwhile discussion.
ReplyDeleteThe photo is unnecessarily provocative, but it will certainly sell magazines.
Without my glasses on, it appears vaguely pornographic: a bored woman having her boob sucked by a little person (i.e. midget, not a kid).
Meh.
ReplyDeleteDon't care about the cover pic, just wanted to throw out my support for Dr. Sears and attachment parenting. His books changed my parenting. The Fussy Baby Book, Parenting the High Need Child ( I think is the title) absolutely changed my life with regards to my firstborn. I can't praise it highly enough.
ReplyDeleteI tried but was unable to breast feed either of my kids, and oy, the rediculous guilt I carried around. I finally realized that their situations ( first a preemie, second extremely ill at birth) were the very reasons formulas were developed, and just started being grateful that they were alive to take a bottle!
The best reaction/comment I've seen lol
ReplyDeletehttps://twitter.com/#!/MCeraWeakBaby/status/200827009327312896
I breastfed my children and they all weaned on their own by 18 months. I'm a huge proponent of breastfeeding.
ReplyDeleteThat said: I think this photo will set back breastfeeding 20 years.
I have seen many marriages ruined by this type of parenting. I may help you bond with your child, but it destroys marriages.
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is for BABIES, not children. And I do NOT think they should have actually shown that poor kid's face.
ReplyDelete… and destroying your marriage is the worst thing you can do for your child.
ReplyDeletethat kid is gonna have to show his face at school one day
ReplyDeleteDeliberately provocative, for sure.
ReplyDeleteListen, I've never had kids, but I have nieces and nephews and friends with kids. How old would you say that kid is? I think I heard he was supposed to be 3, but honestly, he looks at least 4-5 to me. For those of you who have raised kids, I'm curious, what do you think this kid's age is?
As for attachment parenting, it's definitely not for me, but as I've said before, live and let live. I think everyone should be free to choose their method of parenting so long as it isn't abusive. The only thing that I find really evil about parenting is when someone gets up in someone else's face about their choices.
For example, a relative of mine chose not to breast feed her kids, and OMG, the unsolicited lectures she AND HER HUSBAND got were absolutely mind-blowing in terms of both frequency and utter vitriol. It cuts both ways. People who complain about breast-feeding women are just as bad. To me, it's a total MYOB thing.
Have no problem with ordinary breastfeeding.
ReplyDeleteThis pic really disturbed me but only because I thought the boy was much older than what he was.
ReplyDeleteThis kid looks old because he'll be 4 next month. His 5 year-old brother nurses, too. And the mom nursed until she was 6.
ReplyDeleteI think I've been pretty open with how ridiculous I think this is in past entries. 'Nuff said.
It also makes me mad that these women can breastfeed for so long. How do you make your bodies do that? I'm just jealous. Mine's not cooperating.
ReplyDeleteI hate the fact that it is used as simply shock value marketing.
ReplyDeleteLove Dr. Sears. I personally could not breastfeed a toddler older than 2, but that's me.
Why couldn't they have used a picture of a mother lovingly breastfeeding her child instead of this wierd, setup gross looking oddity.
Oh, that's right. That wouldn't generate nearly the controversy needed to sell enough issues.
Picture, meh but then again, I am pretty desensitized to what I see anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf anything the title is offensive. I agree with what Wee Ramakin.
I think everyone should do what they feel is right. If you want to breast feed your preteen, up to you. If breast feeding makes you squeamish, buy some Similac. The only problem I have with this is that the kid is going to be horribly embarrassed when he's older. If you're going to do something beyond what is considered to be the norm, keep it private.
ReplyDeleteMy reaction is simply this and I'm not pulling it out of my ass, I'm around kids and parents all the time and I live in LA so I've seen it all. Some women have a serious deficiency in telling attachment parenting from codependency apart and they're deeply harming their kids and their marriages in the process. Others do it marvelously even if it is still rather unusual. I take the same approach to everything in life which is everything in moderation. Women/moms who judge each other on parenting when it's simply a personal choice based on beliefs, ability and lifestyle, and not because real harm is being done, are ridiculous and malicious and, as usual, set all of womanhood back. We should stand united not divided especially on something that doesn't even affect you. You do you, I'll do me.
ReplyDeleteP.S. That 3 year old looks like he's 7 or older.
A friend stopped breastfeeding after her daughter one day said: "give me my goddamn milk already."
ReplyDeleteAlso wanted to say that breastfeed is perfectly natural and I find it ridiculous that women have to cover up while feeding their child for any other reason other than they're own modesty. People who sexualize the breast or alternately find it gross should fucking grow up already. They're not for decoration darlings.
ReplyDeleteThe cover took me by surprise, that's for sure. I did a double-take.
ReplyDeleteWe've talked about this so much lately (it seems to me), there's not much else to be said.
I'm with Rickatoo, the first thing I thought of is the kid's future school life.
ReplyDeleteBut, having two boys, I gotta say that I think they would have absolutely died at that age before they would pose for that picture. Or be caught brestfeeding, period.
ReplyDeleteAlthough my oldest did take a bottle at bedtime until he was almost four. I agree with Little Miss - unless abuse is involved parenting is most definitely MYOB (remember how Dear Abby used to always say that?)
Attachment parenting, done in a way that worked for our family, worked beautifully for us. But you've got to tailor your parenting style to your family, not just blindly follow what some book says to do. Sears just made a lot of sense to me, but we didn't follow him to the letter, of course.
*breastfeeding
ReplyDeleteIf they are old enough to ask for it, they are too old.
ReplyDeleteThese are personal choices, I breastfed my daughter, but only to age 4 months. My husband died and my milk just went poof. I don't think I would have gone past one year in any event.
ReplyDeleteIf I saw this at a mall say, I would think it was just too damn much.
I hope this kid's name isn't in the article.
@ Sparkwee - hilarious !
ReplyDeleteI feel very badly for this child. He is going to be made fun of at school. And how insulting is the title? If it is really a case of let mom's do what they want, then why the "Are you mom enough?" Seems very judgmental to me.
ReplyDeleteDel Riser ~ That is so sad. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteIt’s unnecessary. Attachment parenting isn't about shoving your choices in other people’s faces. It’s about following the rhythm of your children and simplifying things. To me, breastfeeding is somewhat intimate, and therfore should be done privately. I find it odd when it goes beyond 2 1/2, but to each their own.
ReplyDeleteThe boy is the son of the woman on the cover, and she has given several intervews. This picture will follow him for life.
@Del Riser - I am very sorry to hear about your husband.
ReplyDeleteI pumped and fed my son for 14 months. I was very proud of it and amazed at what my body could do and what my milk could do for my son.
I think this woman is entitled to do what she wants with her son. Personally, however, I felt that if your child could unbutton your blouse, maybe he/she was too old to nurse.
That child looks 3 in the face to me. He just looks like a big boy. I think it might cause problems for him when he is in school and adulthood. It makes me think it is more about the mom than the child. In fact, I guess that is my bottom line - it the fact that she is nursing at this age more about her?
I think 3/4 is plenty old enough to stop nursing. The kid should be learning to be more independent. Developing social skills. Doing things with other kids. And having to stop to go breast feed would be determent to that.
ReplyDeleteGod, I'm so sick of people saying STOP SEXUALIZING THE BREAST! Uh...it is a secondary sexual characteristic. Period.
ReplyDeleteI think after a certain age it's mom's habit to break, not the kids. There is no nutritional need for breast milk after age 1. None. It's just not necessary. Same with bottles. Doctors and Dentists don't want your kid on bottles after 1 year. It's bad for their teeth to let that milk pool in their mouths. Also if they drink too much milk after 1 yr they don't get enough Iron and nutrients form food like they should.
ReplyDeleteIm with some of the previous posters. It seems like a deliberately provocative cover. It is designed to get a knee jerk reaction rather than facilitating a discussion. That bums me out...
ReplyDeleteShock value, that is all. Lots of mothers do extended breastfeeding. Lots of them don't.
ReplyDeleteAlso, great idea to have mothers pitted against each other with such an incendiary headline. Not.
I did kind of do a double take. I am not used to seeing older kids breastfeed, although I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with it.
ReplyDeleteI find the actual photograph to be a little off-looking, but I am all for attachment parenting.
ReplyDeleteIt shouldn't be sexualized DURING BREASTFEEDING! Hello?
ReplyDeleteI think it's none of my business how long a woman breastfeeds her child. However, when you take pictures of it and put it out in public, especially when you can easily recognize the child's face, it strikes me as kind of abusive. The kid is going to be teased unmercifully for years and years to come. And yeah - he looks at least 5 years old to me.
ReplyDeleteMy husband saw this on the news last night and his first comment was "Doesn't that look like pedophilia?" He didn't realize it was the kids mother, but it still struck him as a little pedophilic. Wonder how the pedophiles look at this picture?
i can't help but feel that maybe the ones who don't want to stop breastfeeding are the Moms, not the kids.
ReplyDeleteThis seems terribly co-dependent and kinda selfish to not want your child to evolve and move on to new things...just so you can keep him a baby and close to you. I see this all the time. It's sad.
that photo is provocative, at best.
fucking creepy at worst.
parents, be parents. there is plenty of time for kids to make their own decisions. their health and well being is your decision and responsibility, not the toddler's.
*cue the militant breastfeeders and people pointing out how stupid i am*
:)
I am for attachment parenting. I breastfed my son until he was 2 but would lie about it to avoid the weird looks. My marriage didn't work out, but that could have been due to my ex's narcissistic personality disorder/addictive tendencies. Time definitely got everyone's attention with that cover. I do feel bad for the boy.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with moms continuing to breastfeed, but I do have a problem with this photo. it's just plain weird, and could have been alot more natural.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first saw this, all I could think of was Game of thrones. Breastfeeding is fine, but at some point you need to stop. It will be hard to convince me (a mother of 2) why should be breastfeeding any child over 2. Like Lauren said above, if they can ask for it, they're too old.
ReplyDeleteEeew! This photo is so disturbing on so many levels and nails the hypocritical society we live in:
ReplyDeleteMom looks like a 14 year old that breastfeeds a 7 year old camouflage trouser look-alike. The camouflage trousers could be the most disturbing part of the entire image.
When the kid grows teeth, it's time to stop breast feeding. Teeth coming in is a sign the kid can eat on their own. Nature's calling card of independence, no?
ReplyDeleteIf one considers the confrontational title of the piece, the somewhat advanced age of the child and the slim, blond, yoga-toned "California Mom" in the picture, it all seem deliberately deigned to provoke controversy, which it has. Personally, I can't breastfeed, so I'll leave that discussion to the women here, but this is pretty obvious marketing ploy on the part of Time magazine.
ReplyDeleteThis just looks all kinds of wrong. According to comments, that kid was days away from turning 4-years old when that pic was made. That's way, way too old to eat from a boob, he should be eating Fruity Pebbles, Lunchables and Chocolate Quik by now. And can you imagine the photographer setting up that shoot?
ReplyDelete"Ok Jamie, I need you to show more boob. Little more, really pull that top down. Great, fantastic. Timmy, climb up on that chair and put your mom's boob in your mouth. Open your mouth a little wider, wider, really get as much boob in there as you can fit. Now look over at me, great. Now Jamie, can you give me a little more smugness in your expression. More smugness, little more. Perfect, this is magic."
Everyone who's going on about "Americans are so ignorant, breastfeeding is natural," just please STFU. Breastfeeding is indeed fine, and I don't have a problem if you want to nurse an infant in public. But this isn't about breastfeeding, it's about some dumbass attention-craving woman who put herself stuffing her tit into her 4-year-old son's mouth on the cover of a national magazine.
I laughed out loud, got some popcorn, and surfed the 'net. Americans, in general, can't handle breastfeeding, regardless of the age of the child.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent and will never be one, so I just can't judge. I think breastfeeding is a wonderful, wonderful thing, good for both the child and the mother (and the father when he is included, which he should be more often, sitting and holding his wife). My biggest complaint is parents who don't pay enough attention to their children, I see it all the time. I see people begin to believe that their children don't want their attention, they want to do their own thing, but I don't think it's true, I think children want lots of attention/approval from their parents.
regarding the woman on the cover. its not just that she is breastfeeding a 4 year old. its that she plasters the poor kid on the cover of a major (though irrelevant) magazine w/his mouth on her teat.
ReplyDeleteguaranteed, in 20 years, time will do a cover story on 'where he is now.'
a former boyfriend had a sister who breastfed her daughter until she was at least 5. the girl was pretty clingy. I remember if something very small happened she'd yell, 'mommy, mommy save me.' and she go running and latch onto mommy's teat.
it made me sick to my stomach. in that instance it was more about mommy not wanting to have her kid separate, and I think in this society, women who allow their children to breastfeed past two, its more about them and their needs than the children's needs. and certainly in this instance, the woman doesn't seem healthy to me.
Well said AngusParvo.
ReplyDeleteCosign Angus!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThe picture did it's job. it's a very poor depiction of a mother breastfeeding an older toddler. placing him standing on a stop makes him seem taller, thus older.
ReplyDeleteanyone who has ever breastfed will tell you...there is morning remotely sexual about it. and a child three years of age shouldn't already be associating breasts with sex so there should be no sexual connections for him either. If there is he has learned it from someplace other than at his mother's breast.
and I wonder if anyone who thinks attachment parenting has a negative effect has read anything about what it's actually all about or about Dr. Sears and his family.
1) The title alone pisses me off. Attachment parenting needs the support of *both* parents. Why is it never "Are you Dad enough?"? Society is so judgey about the choices mothers make (or are sometimes forced to make, like formula).
ReplyDelete2) Personally this wouldn't work for me and my family, but it works for her and her child. Even though it is natural, it's not a social norm, so I feel really bad for the child - he has to grow up with this photo.
3) My 8 month old breastfeeds but he's big for his age (he's in the 97th percentile - so the size of the average 11/12 month old) I get looks all the time when I breastfeed him in public (even though I'm always either in the car or a corner and semi-covered up).
People need to get over their judgement of breastfeeding period. There's such a mixed message given to women - "Breast is best" but only until such and such an age, if we don't have to see it, etc.
4) I'm all for attachment parenting if it works for you (it only partially works for us). One of the first things I learned as a mom was don't judge others, because it's going to come back to bite you in the ass.
And really? The child should be eating Lunchables, Fruity Pebbles and Chocolate Quik? How about some vegetables and fruit instead of that pre-packaged crap?
*Nothing...not morning auto correct!
ReplyDeleteI thought that woman was Ivanka Trump at first. And no, I'm not bothered by this. Pretty gutsy if you ask me even though I know Nobody did, but whatever. The kid looks like he's 7 or 8 years old which I do find disturbing. Don't think I'll be buying this magazine - I'll get some weird looks from the cute Tina Fey-ish girl who works at my local bookstore for sure.
ReplyDeleteWell said Meg.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple: Time wanted a bump in sales, the mom wanted her 15 minutes of fame, and now this kid will be teased for the rest of his life.
ReplyDeleteGood lord, I feel like I'm on babycenter.com when I visit this blog. This is all we talk about!
ReplyDeleteI love Dr. Sears and still refer to his books. I was a breastfeeding momma. My boy was cut off at 11 months. By then he could give an eff. I mean seriously, I had to give him gallons of milk and mass quantities of food at that point. He'd rather have sweet potatoes and applesauce. My breast milk was like nada by then.
I have mixed emotions about this: I do think it's a personal choice on if you breast feed and for how long, but as I've said in 8,000 other posts about this - Breastfeeding past age 2 skeeves me. And, I wholeheartedly think it's the Mom's hangup to keep doing it. That obsession with keeping your baby a baby is SO REAL. I was really upset when I'm stopped nursing. I was really upset when my baby stopped the bottle. I was really upset when he took that first step without holding onto anything. (Yay, it finally happened!) But, I was also really overjoyed with these milestones as well because it means he's growing up and developing as he should.
I'm sure potty training and the big boy bed will also be bittersweet. Actually, potty training may bring out some Sylvia Plath moments in my life. Kidding!!
As for Time, this magazine has been irrelevant for what, at least 10 years now. I guess this is its way of making some headlines. So, it got the job done. I hate the cover shot with all of my soul. I hate that woman and I hate what's she doing to that kid. And, I hate using the word hate. But, there I said it. It really pisses me off.
Google "Little britian" and "bitty" and you'll see someone a bit too old to breastfeed.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to know what this kid's future will look like, check out "Little Britain" and the Bitty sketches. Pure comedy gold!
ReplyDeleteI've also read it's her adopted child, not her biological one. I don't know at what age she adopted him but if she forced this on him, that's not cool. And, just because I'm ignorant about pregnancy and babies, how does her body produce milk if she wasn't actually pregnant?
ReplyDeleteI just hope that's her kid and not a model. Cause that would be weird on a whole other level.
ReplyDeleteinitial reaction - OMFG.
ReplyDeleteJeez so many people have such strong opinions about breast feeding - stop after one year, stop after they get teeth, etc. Mothers doing it more for themselves than the kids. Also about attachment parenting and how it leads to clingy kids.
ReplyDeleteI breast fed until my son was 2 1/2 - at that point it was only at night. We stopped when he stopped - I was looking for the signs and promoted them.
Did attachment parenting for the first 2 years, it was wonderful. All attachment parenting really means is being attuned to your kid and their needs, and never withholding that need. I don't think that's spoiling especially in the first year.
Yet I was not the mom who ran over and cuddled when he fall, etc at the park. I could tell if he was really hurt, if not I'd just say You're OK!
He's now 16, very independent, non-needy, and somewhere underneath that teen BS a good guy.
Sexualizing breast feeding is dispicable and that is the aim of this cover, the controversial cover will get Time some publicity but it will alienate some readers like me.
ReplyDeleteI breast fed my son exclusively for over 24 months and weaned him when I felt the time was right for us, there is no need to vilify women who breast feed past 6 or 12 months, it's what nature intended and yes mothers milk is best but some mothers cannot breast feed for various reasons and they should be respected and do not deserve scorn for formula feeding.
Oh but I missed the point I was trying to make! That pic sets back breastfeeding and attachment parenting by 50 years, it's so in your face, jesus!
ReplyDeleteMarna Palmer- Some adoptive mothers are able to stimulate their breast into producing milk. In her case... she did not start breastfeeding her adopted so until he showed an interest in what her younger bio son was doing. The adopted son is a year older than the boy she is pictured with on the cover.
ReplyDeleteI am pro boob. My children were completely self weaned by 18 months. This in my opinion is completely absurd.
Ewwwwwww! Dusturbing! Y cant she express the milk and lat child drink it?
ReplyDeleteSigh
ReplyDeleteI agree breastfeeding is awesome and perfectly tailored to a baby's physical needs, but I know research shows after age 1, it is no longer physically beneficial to the child. Meaning, they are now able to get all needed nutrition from regular food and drinks. I think after age 1, breastfeeding becomes more about the bonding factor breastfeeding brings to the mother/child relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhat irritates me is people saying to stop sexualizing breastfeeding. My son will be 3 in August and he has been obsessed with boobs since before he was 2. I had to stop letting him see me naked because he kept trying to grab my boobs. He also will still stick his hand down my shirt if I have any cleavage showing. I didn't teach him that, nor has he seen my husband do that. He was just made that way, he's a boy! They come wired that way. It's his natural curiosity just like breastfeeding is natural, but when the two have potential to start blending together, it's time to stop.
" It makes me think it is more about the mom than the child. In fact, I guess that is my bottom line - it the fact that she is nursing at this age more about her? " THIS.
ReplyDeleteDenise, no one is saying BREASTFEEDING is sexual. Getting one's breast out in public could be seen as sexual by OTHERS, regardless of the reason.
How could you ever think a public boob flash with a baby attached is sexy? I look away because, um, let the lady do her business in peace!
ReplyDeleteThat's not a baby, he's a year away from college.
ReplyDeleteI remember the endorphins that flooded my brain whenever I breastfed my infants. And I look at that cover photo and think, you're not doing what's best for that kid, you're getting your fix.
Breastfeeding is beautiful. This cover is not appropriate. It is not celebrating the beauty of the mother/child bond. At least not in my opinion. Plenty of sickos out there who would take this completely wrong.
ReplyDeleteIf they had posed her on a couch with him cradled in her arms,it would have conveyed a much more beautiful message. This just looks like a big kid on a chair helping himself to some boob.
To each his own but a little boy this age is starting to realize sexuality and breastfeeding this long might make him think he can grab any breast he sees. My friend,who didn't nurse,is having a tme with her 3 yr. old grabbing boobs already. Not just hers either.. It could be as equally confusing to a little girl too.
Gross. And that kid is totally going to be bullied.
ReplyDeleteI think breastfeeding is beautiful too. I never thought I would BF my child but I did so for 2 years until I found out I have breast cancer a couple of months ago. I also agree with the attachment parenting philosophy. We kind of just fell into it after we brought our daughter home but I do have to say it's not for everyone....My husband and I have had many fights over it but it's just something that felt right. It amazes me that people make such a big deal out of this but when they see topless pornographic pictures for sexual purposes they don't blink an eye!
ReplyDeleteDid anyone ever see the show "Little England" where the son brings his girlfriend home for dinner to meet the parents and the mother breastfed him. He was in college and obviously the girldfriend..Well, you know. Thought we could use a little humor.
ReplyDeleteOMG..I just read other comments and I guess you have seen that skit...Just hilarious!
@~Z~, and @Ms Cool, thank you, it was a long time ago, I was 20. This woman probably gets "He's too old to breast feed", as much as I got "You're too young to be a widow".
ReplyDeleteAfter reading all this again, I have to think the child is well bonded to his mom, don't know about the dad. I have questions, is this feeding for food, or is this a snack? A child this age should be having solid meals for nourishment. If he needs or wants breast milk she could pump it and he could have a glass.
I still think showing his face, on the cover of TIME will cause this kid grief that attachement won't help.
The fact that they are both staring down the camera as if challenging someone to complain makes it look like something other than a meal. Creepy shit!
ReplyDeleteBig supporter of breast feeding, attachment parenting - healthy bonds, loving bonds between parents / children. But, I also understand it is not for everyone, and some people can't or it hurts, and I don't think they should be made to feel badly. I am glad it's normalizing, but I do think it's very unfair to show this child's face. There ARE people who disagree and will make life hard for him. NO reason to put your 4yo in that position (the kid was a week or two shy of his 4th birthday when photo taken). The same could have been accomplished without his identity being known.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for breastfeeding, extended and otherwise. The cover, I feel, is for pure shock value and for that reason alone in poor taste. Why not use a photo of how mothers actually sit and spend that BFing time with their kids?
ReplyDeleteKids don't breastfeed all day long after a certain age, it's not going to stop him socialising. He probably feeds once a day or night or even once a week.
ReplyDeleteMost of the horror towards the photo is from people who don't understand that breastfeeding, once you are used to doing it, is so easy and everyday that it doesn't strike you as weird, it's just a practical thing.
No mum could force a child to feed if they didn't want to.
Even a six-month-old is perfectly capable of refusal if they're so inclined.
THere were some really beautiful pictures inside the issue of other moms breastfeeding "older" kids. (ages 1-3).
ReplyDeleteThere is a beautiful picture of this particular kid sitting in his mom's lap, still attached to the breast, but sleeping. It reminds you that even though he is tall, he is still just a child.
There is no basis for breast feeding this late. It will not help the child in any way. After 6 months the child be eating his/her own food and developing their own identity.
ReplyDeleteSee this kind of stuff is just more end of empire type arrogance. Just look how proud she looks!
She probably has the iq of a turnip. The boy will end up working at Starbux when Mommy marries some guy 15 years younger than her after divorcing Daddy.
No. Just no.
ReplyDeleteI breast-fed my 3 children till the teeth came in. To me, it was kind of nature's way of letting you know they are ready for more than mamma's milk. What other mother's do is their business. Having said that, this cover is sick and wrong, and further, proof that Time needs shock to sell their magazines now.
ReplyDelete"...I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say, What do they know about this love anyway...?"
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melissa Etheridge!
I did not know he was adopted. That changes things. Anything she can do to foster a real connection with him is good, and breastfeeding is bonding even after it is not needed for nutrition. This photo does not depict bonding though; he should be held and curled up, but despite that I say it's good she's breastfeeding him after he watched her breastfeed the child she gave birth to. Do whatever keeps him from feeling like an outsider in the family.
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding? Super.
ReplyDeleteThis picture? Gross. The picture is deliberately provocative, I don't care what anyone says otherwise. Why the chair for the kid? Why the sexy tank top? It makes me want to punch whoever took that picture.
And I'm mom enough, bitches.
Really sucky cover AND title. No pun intended. I'm so tired of how women are expected to shoulder at least 95% of the burden of child rearing. C'mon men, time to step up! I almost burst into tears tonight seeing a heavily pierced and tattoed kid being adoringly affectionate to his little boy, who was about 4. He was constantly and very affectionately ruffling his hair, and talking to him as if he were an actual person. OMG.
ReplyDeleteA] The image is meant to provoke. TIME got what it wanted by publishing it as the cover.
ReplyDeleteNight Line showed some other images [of other mothers and children] that were shot in connection w/the article. 'Of the images shown', this was the most provocative.
B] Breasts ARE secondary sexual characteristics. Period. We will look at them that way at first glance. Then we consider the context.
C] That is a BIG kid [for a 3 almost 4]. Look at his feet and the hem of his trousers. Any chance they had the chutzpah to put him in 'Tom Cruise' sneakers? I think there's plenty of room there for some elevation. I think both TIME and the mother had a message to send out, and i guess neither has credibility to me.
D] Just my uninformed opinion.
I stopped breast feeding at 12 months with both of my daughters, because thats what worked for me. But I have a question maybe someone could answer. Is there a reason for continuing to have them breastfeed at this age rather then just pump and give them the milk? They still get the nutrients from it and it may be less embarrassing to the child. Is this a part of the attachment parenting? I honestly dont know, I dont read many parenting guides because I believe every mother(and father) should do what works for them, as long as its not dangerous. But just curious for what the thought process is for not strictly pumping once they hit 3,4 & 5.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently breastfeeding my twins who are a little over 12 months. I don't know how this woman could still be producing milk! Even with breast pumps, my milk production is starting to slow down. My lactation consultant told me as long as I kept it up, the milk would keep flowing. That does not seem to be the case for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what is she doing about the teeth? My boys chomp down hard some times. I thought one took off my nipple once.
As for the cover, it's provocative and people are talking, so that's not too bad.
Parenting is NOT a science. It's one of those things you got to play by ear. I would have problems breastfeeding a kid who can actually speak. It would make me uncomfortable to say the least.
I do agree with the posters that this is more for the mother than the child. My mother breast fed me too long (I won't tell you how long), and I HATE it when she tells people about it! She talks about it with great pride, since it was the 1970s, and natural was the way to go. It makes me very embarrassed, so I feel for that kid already.