Today is the day that People finds out if spending $800K on baby photos of Jessica Simpson's baby was worth it or not. First impressions? She looks a lot like Tony Romo. What? I have to say something. I can't just throw up the photo of the baby and make a comment that says that Jessica looks like she held that smile for ten minutes straight before they finally got one. Who cares if the baby looks like Eric Johnson. It is not like he is going to be around in a few years anyway. The no job thing is going to get old after awhile. Christina Aguilera doesn't mind because it gives her some to drink with everyday. Jennifer Lopez doesn't mind because she just likes having the arm candy and has done it before with past boyfriends and husbands. But Jessica? I think with her dad always breathing down her neck that Eric will hit the door sooner than later and Pimpa will probably try and convince himself the baby is Tony Romo's, so I'm just cutting the old man a break.
I'll just say it - ugly.
ReplyDeleteShe's never looked more like her sister.
ReplyDeleteThat headband is ugly. The baby is adorable.
oh, thank you @Ms Cool.
ReplyDeleteAnd why are the new moms on the cover of People always wearing some sort of white nightgown?
Yeah! Whats that about??!!
DeleteTo show how devoted to motherhood they are that they don't even bother to get dressed? Lmao. It emphasizes the new mother look in a way. Too bad the nanny is the real mommy.
DeleteThat is not a flattering picture of the baby. I feel sorry for her, with Tweedle Dumb Tweedle Life Coach for parents.
ReplyDeleteoops, forgot the "and" between the tweedles.
ReplyDeleteYes, thanks Ms Cool.
ReplyDeleteMs Cool called it! To answer enty's question, no this rag won't get back the money it spent on Jessica's baby pics.
ReplyDeleteJessica's face looks off, like she's really struggling to hold the baby and smile at the same time. Baby is cute tho, such chubby cheeks!
ReplyDeleteHad to have just the right angle to photoshop the hell out of her face.
DeleteWhy? Seriously. Anyone? I mean, she had a baby, a healthy baby-thank goodness (no shade on that), but the cover of a magazine? This is why I admire the celebs that just go about their lives when they have a child and do not have pictures on the cover of everything.
ReplyDeleteHow else does someone like this make their existence relevant than whoring out every aspect of their personal lives? In a vacuum of talent, this is what counts for entertainment.
DeleteHey, if someone offered me $800,000 for my baby's pictures, I'd get out the white nightgown so fast it couldnt be seen by naked eye!!!!
DeleteJust read some of the quotes on the People website. Rather original and insightful quotes for a new mom (paraphrased)...
ReplyDeleteshe has changed the ways I sleep and think
nursing is a full-on job
We watch her constantly, we can't get enough of her.
Yeah, you and a million other moms.
The baby is fugly, but that will change....
ReplyDeleteJessica Please Don't Marry Eric, give him his cut of the cash and get rid of the parasite.
You don't need him.............
Am I seeing the same baby as everyone else?? Because all I see is chubby-cheeked adorableness!
ReplyDeleteI don't think the baby is ugly but the photo is rather unflattering, Jessica looks good but her smile looks a little forced but I can't blame her she's a new mom and is probably feeling very self conscious about her weight gain during the pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteJessica looks like that obnoxious lispy bitch Rosie Pope in the picture. It hardly looks like Jessica at all.
ReplyDeleteBaby got some cheeks on her.
ReplyDeleteEverything is so photoshopped it looks like a fairy tale photo
ReplyDeleteIt must have been difficult to photoshop so that neither one of them look good. I expected more of People! The baby is smushed.
ReplyDeleteHow old is that baby?
ReplyDeleteShe looks 6 months old.
Her face is SO photoshopped to lose the extra chins and fat; she was so bloated, there's no way her face has thinned out that much so fast.
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ReplyDeleteThat baby looks so big it looks like she's in pain. NOT a cute baby, sorry.
ReplyDeleteAw, the baby is chubby-cheeked and adorable! Jess looks OK--at least fugly Eric Johnson isn't on the cover.
ReplyDeleteAfter stupidly purchasing the "Kneepads" issue with John Travolta & Kelly Preston on the cover, I'm done with that rag. Enty is right--it is just a paid press release for the stars who can meet their price. Talk about a waste of $4--you may as well light a match to your cash. I'll never buy another issue of Kneepads again. Ever.
As someone who usually finds babies pretty ugly, I actually think little Maxi-pad is quite cute! For now....
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ReplyDeleteEnty, Since you and many others are showing the image, it will make a lot of money in licensing fees.
ReplyDeleteOh how I'd love to compare that picture to the unretouched version....
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments exactly!
Deletewhats up with jessicas face?? super photo shopped? or has she already started her plastic surgery & lipo makeover? also that is a big baby! and is that really the best photo they could turn out? i wouldnt call maxipad ugly (well, maybe i would if i wasnt in a fairly chipper mood) but it's certainly not a flattering pic. and it certaibly does not tempt me to buy the mag.
ReplyDeleteI agree it's an unflattering picture. The baby's cute though.
ReplyDeleteomg, i want to pinch those little sumo wrestler cheeks....on the baby, not Jessica.
ReplyDeleteEverything that The said was spot on.
ReplyDeletePatty, I loved what you said.
Whoa. Everyone is right, that is a REALLY unflattering picture of both of them. Especially the baby. I know all babies are hideous little beasts, but it's still possible to get cute pictures of them.
ReplyDeleteAlso it's probably too early to say she looks like Eric. My kid was the spitting image of my husband for the first 6 months, then almost overnight he just suddenly looked like me.
I read somewhere that newborns look like the fathers so that the father can establish a connection to the baby. It was a survival trait from back then.
DeleteTHAT IS AWESOME!
DeleteWait. What happened to the other four or five that were IN THERE?????!!!
ReplyDeleteI thought for sure she was having a litter!
Jessica looks happy. The baby is adorable.
ReplyDeleteWhite nightie in front of a white backdrop? That washes out all the ugly details below the neck. Why didn't they just green screen the whole thing and photoshop a baby picture of Mila Javovich?
ReplyDeleteEverything looks photo shopped to he!!
ReplyDeleteyour comments are appalling.
ReplyDeletehonestly, you ALL fucking whine about Hollywood and their unfair comparisons to real bodytypes etc and when a completely innocent person in all this DARES take a photo of her first baby you are all on her like a pack of fucking wild dogs. And you call her kid ugly.
Is this what you teach your daughters?
How empowering you all are for your fellow women. *Golf claps*
And Enty, seriously? If you have something to share with the class regarding Jessica that makes you detest her so much, then do it, otherwise you look like a bitter asshole. How disappointing and insensitive.
I agree, the baby looks painfully fat. She actually looks uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteAll newborns are so ugly that they're cute. Something about how absolutely clueless & helpless they are, it just squeezes my heart.
ReplyDeleteSome keep the cute and get cuter as they get older, others not so much. I bet this one gets really cute because her parents are not bad looking, and she doesn't appear to have any overbearing features.
Wait - they got paid to put their PICTURE on a magazine and I'm not supposed to make a judgement? Or am I just not allowed to say it on a snarky gossip site?
ReplyDeleteAll newborns are so ugly that they're cute. Something about how absolutely clueless & helpless they are, it just squeezes my heart.
ReplyDeleteSome keep the cute and get cuter as they get older, others not so much. I bet this one gets really cute because her parents are not bad looking, and she doesn't appear to have any overbearing features.
Jax, sometimes your condescending comments are extremely irritating. Not EVERYONE said a thing about her or the baby's looks. I picture you trolling the comments, just waiting, pearls in hand, ready to clutch and gasp.
ReplyDelete"completely innocent person," really?
No, not everybody called the baby ugly, but enough people did. I don't care if people wanna comment on JS and her face/ body/ money/ whatever she has that you don't and you hate her for it - she is a celebrity and has chosen to be in the spotlight.
ReplyDeleteHer baby has made no such choice. Very few things commenters post really upset me, but when people call children and babies ugly, I find it quite disgusting. Shame on you.
Personally, I don't think that babies are cute until they are a couple of months old. Their heads are a normal shape by then, they aren't so red, their eyes are open and they look more alert, etc. Until then, they just kind of look like blobs.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think newborns look like anyone, really.
Well, we weren't commenting on a pap photo here. We were commenting on a photo that (again) they were PAID an extraordinary amount of money for. Please tell me what the point of them putting a photo on the cover of a magazine is for. Is it only for us give accolades? It is a picture that they chose to put up of their daughter.
ReplyDeleteSo, am I allowed to at least THINK the baby is ugly but not say it on Crazy Days and Nights, a gossip site?
Ms Cool, funny I was just thinking the same thing. I saw the photo on TV this morning (with daddy in it) and my first response was holy, crap, what an --- no, wait. I'm not going to cut up babies on here. I feel guilty that I even thought it.
ReplyDeleteGet off the box. This site is just for that, snarky comments and all. I always say that newborns are ugly, hell my son was ugly. I think its honesty. Good or bad. She wants to make money for pictures of her child then that comes with the good and the bad.
ReplyDeleteRelax.
I think they so photoshopped her face--I mean, come ON, look at the sharp angle of her jaw on her right side, um, NO way -- that it distorted her mouth somehow. As it is, it looks like a fake smile and she's going to burst into tears any moment. Which is not funny if she had post-partum depression but in this case I just think she has post-partum photoshop.
ReplyDeleteThat baby looks like all the other babies I've seen that have gone over term. She looks like she weighed 12 pounds at birth.
and yes, Jax, this site is for saying the kind of stupid, snarky, catty comments that we cannot say in real life.
@jax, why don't you tell enty directly on his facebook or twitter ?
ReplyDeleteOh, that's right, I forgot for a moment:)
ReplyDeleteYou mean Jessica and the 800 POUND baby? Haha, fat kids are cute.
ReplyDeleteMs Cool, you said something shitty about an innocent newborn baby, and got called out for it. Deal with it!
ReplyDeleteThe only question I have is - Are her luscious titties still HUGE?
ReplyDeleteThe baby is cute and her cheeks are adorable! I was a big baby also 10 pounds at birth so i feel for the chunky babies.
ReplyDeleteI love babies to death, but the older I get, I too have realized that while I think they are adorable, most newborns are just not that cute, especially non c-sections. They spend all that time pushing their way out and their poor little heads!
ReplyDeleteOne of the cutest celebrity newborns was Shiloh. She looked so angelic to me. The first year of her life she was cherubic. We didn't see Suri til she was older, but she looked alien-like to me. She still had a visible birthmark on her face, and I remember talking to friends about how long we waited - for this?!? She was just very odd looking and I was in shock that Tom didn't make sure that there were no traces of the hemangioma on her little face, as his life is so COS perfect. Suri has turned into an adorable looking little girl though.
Jessica's baby...I think she has on an adorable outfit and I LOVE how chubby she is! For ONCE, a full-term baby!! Jessica let her baby cook for a FULL 9 MONTHS! She also ate whatever she wanted and it shows - on the baby at least - the photoshop on Jessica is embarrassing! Her face hasn't been that thin in years, and the left arm?!? I have a feeling this issue is going to sell well, because everyone watched her have the longest pregnancy on record and she looked full-term by Hollywood standards at 4 1/2 months. Jessica might not be a huge draw normally, but this is one baby a lot of us have been excited about finally seeing.
...and she actually gave birth and did not pretend to be pregnant ...got to give her that !
ReplyDeleteI love fat-cheeked babies! Agree that Jessica's face looks very, very photoshopped. And I just saw on either People or Us that she has announced a 4 million deal with Weight Watchers. Wasn't that a blind awhile back? About a pregnant someone eating whatever she wants because she a weight loss deal waiting in the wings? I think everyone pretty much guessed Jessica anyway so maybe a not-so-blind blind.
ReplyDelete....and she is showing us her REAL diet...not losing an invisible 40lbs...
ReplyDeleteObjectively speaking, most newborns are kind of homely--one comparison I've heard is bulldogs or Winston Churchill--but we're programmed to find the little boogers cute, so we'll take care of them and keep them alive. (And yes, the majority of them do tend to look like Daddy right away; again, the thought is that it helps reassure the father as to his paternity and keeps him around. Isn't evolutionary biology fascinating?) Having said all that, Maxie's a cute little punkin, and I'd love to be able to cuddle her and sniff her little head. Awwwwww... :-) Now, as for Jessica...that picture is SO over-Photoshopped that she doesn't really look like herself; I don't recall her jawline ever being that sharp, much less not long after birthing a big old baby like that. (How much did the kid weigh, anyway?) Personally, I'd rather have seen her looking like a tired new mom w/a very round face; at least that way she's be recognizable as herself...but obviously, I'm not the one putting together magazine covers.
ReplyDeleteChrist, this happens every time someone says something about a kid on here. Not necessary on a gossip blog. BABIES ARE UGLY, SOMETIMES, AND WE GET TO TALK ABOUT THAT. Christ, everyone was ripping on Teresa G.'s kids in the post that I just read, saying how ugly her kids are. And honestly, her three kids are much more attractive than smush-face with the tacky headband on the cover of People.
ReplyDeleteNope, MIK, no dice. Even with a smooshface and a tacky brainsqueezer, this kid is still much, MUCH cuter than those possessed-looking kids of Teresa's.
ReplyDeletePicking on a baby's looks is pathetic, plain and simple.
ReplyDeleteAwww, she's a cute little chub-a-lub. I had a little boy one and he thinned out as he grew older.
ReplyDeleteThat baby is gonna blow up like that bad guy from Big Trouble In Little China!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I suffered from infertility, we will never have the children we wanted. I am genuinely thrilled that Jessica has a healthy, much wanted, very loved, absolutely adorable baby. I love bubs with meat on their bones, I could cuddle her all day. Congratulations to Jessica and Eric.
ReplyDeleteI think that baby's lovey. As if anyone can tell what she looks like when she's awake and sitting up. The nasty comments bother me, too.
ReplyDeleteI have read lots of comments on this site and im always stunned at how grown adults can say such awful things about a child. Especially one u dont know! So in other words i agree with the posters who dislike the negative comments on kids.
ReplyDeleteYeah the kids-hating is a bit nuch, whether they are babies, toddlers, whatever.
ReplyDeleteDamn, how much can you tell from ONE photo?
ReplyDeleteI think that lots of people hate JS and the comments would probably be made regardless of what the baby looks like (I think she's cute!).
OMG the baby dares to be chubby! And on a celebrity magazine cover no less!
ReplyDeleteSo of course that gives so many of you the right to call a fucking newborn fat and ugly. WOW.
Jax made an excellent point: it's not about snarking on a gossip site so much as the fact that practically all your comments were directed at Jessica's body/face and her daughter's body/face. THAT is body objectification and you ARE reducing their value to something as simple (and superficial) as fucking chubby cheeks on a fucking baby!!!
And Jax is the WRONG one to be called out on that? Really? jesus