The Greatest IMDb Hack Ever
I don't know if you noticed, and why would you really? It is not like you are sifting through IMDb pages and suddenly decide you have to read Kim Kardashian's page. You know, to see what blockbuster E! has in store for her next year. Oh, another season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians followed by Kanye & Kim A Love Story sponsored by pleather. Fake leather for a fake love story.
Anyway, someone hacked Kim's IMDb page or they have got very very critical and I have to say I love it.
Kim Kardashian is emblematic of the shallowness of American culture in the first two decades of the new millennium. While some cultural critics call her the prime avatar of the "famous for being famous" faux celebrity crowd, she along with Paris Hilton is a new breed of cat whose celebrity comes from the release of a sex tape and the canny exploitation of the resulting publicity. Like her good friend Miss Hilton (their relationship predates Kim's "celebrity", Kardashian is possessed of photogenic good looks but is short of any other discernible talents outside of the bedroom. Both expanded their celebrity by becoming reality TV "stars".
It then featured all the quotes from Jon Hamm and Daniel Craig. You know, the choice ones like - "You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f***ing idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?" - and "Being a f***ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture. You're rewarded significantly."
The biography then concludes with this -
Kim's fame rests on the February 2007 "leaking" of a four-year-old home sex tape (for which she ultimately received $5 million from Vivid Entertainment) is an apt metaphor for socio-economic-cultural malaise in Washington and the country beyond, where everything seems to be run by amoral prostitutes in bed with each other and merely out for a buck.
(Thanks astrogirl)
I'm going to assume that picture is one of the millions she tweets of herself. Because she can't just go to the dentist privately, the moronic millions that follow her need to see this mundane chore in her fascinating day.
ReplyDeleteThat picture just angried up my blood.
Love that write up. LOVE. Whoever did it should get a raise.
ReplyDeleteBwaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!!!
ReplyDeleteAlas, it's been taken down already.
ReplyDeleteLove that write-up! However, I am saddened by how true it is. Kardashian and Hilton are a very accurate representation of the state of our civilization. It makes me very sad and frightened for the future, but at least my decision to not have children seems like a smarter and smarter choice. I'm an anxious person by nature and prone to mild depression. If I had to worry about leaving a child behind in this world, I know that I'd be much, much worse than I am now.
ReplyDeleteNow if only someone would hack her Twitter, and tweet stills from her sex tape. Who do I call about this?
ReplyDeleteAlso, Enty: if you're going to write about her, add that photo to the approved list.
ReplyDelete^^^Agreed.
ReplyDeleteFreaking brilliant! Also, completely true.
ReplyDeleteWhomever hacked that page is all right by me. Makes me wish I had the technical know-how to do something like that.
Bravo, anonymous biographer!
ReplyDeleteKK's life reminds me of the Spongebob, "I Ripped My Pants" episode where once he achieves fame by accidentally ripping his pants, he desperately tries to come up with more and more obnoxious/entertaining stuff to keep his "fans".
ReplyDeleteOf course, Spongebob is Oscar worthy in comparison....
This just made my birthday better :-)
ReplyDeleteLove it.
ReplyDeleteAnd happy birthday A007!
That was awesome, lol!
ReplyDeletethanks enty! that was super enjoyable and so wonderfully put. it captured everything exactly.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about kanye and kim. of course its fake, but it could backfire and make kanye less relevant to be attached to kk. regardless of how much filthy lucre "E" is sending their way, the kardashians are on their way down.
Thank goodness Kimmy had the foresight to copyright that photograph! Who knows what kind of internet piracy may have resulted, otherwise.
ReplyDeleteAgreed with others. Dental Face Kim deserves a place in the pantheon, along with Chemical Peel Kim and Barking Seal Kim. Basically, any pic of Kim that looks awkward, I'm good.
ReplyDeleteIt was taken from a draft written by IMDB contributor Jon C. Hopwood to update Kim Kardashian's IMDB profile. (A writer from Boston).
ReplyDeleteIt also included this gem:
"In the decadence that is America of the $15-trillion deficit and no serious plans from either party for a solution to the economic problems of the "Great Recession", Kim Kardashian is welcomed to her second White House Correspondents Association Dinner in Washington, D.C. in 2012 and made fun of not only by host Jimmy Kimmel but by the President of the United States, Barack Obama, himself and laughs merrily at the merriment."
She looks like her mom in that pic - and I think that's a set-up for teeth whitening. That's another thing that's been done to death (like Kim - see what I did there?). I'm so tired of seeing glow-in-the-dark teeth. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteBravo blogger bravo
ReplyDeleteThat IS a set-up for teeth whitening. I went through the procedure and about 30 seconds after they turned the UV lights on I felt a SEARING SHOCKING PAIN in all my teeth, screamed, smacked the light away and had to leave.
ReplyDeleteThankfully they reimbursed me. What pissed me off though is that I'd answered the questionnaire that yes I did have cracks in my teeth and they did the whole thing anyway.
End rant. Kim K sucks.
Love it
ReplyDeleteThis brings up to a segment I like to call, Really?!? with Rose
ReplyDeleteReally, she was hacked? The woman with no shame?
Really? The woman who released her own sex tape, where she layed there like a dead fish while being being peed on.
Really? Wow. An imperfect photo of you, that must be so embarrassing for you. It can't be the first one.
Really? You've parlayed your whole sex tape into a $60 million career for your whole non-talented family, minus Bruce. She used to have talent.
You Really don't think this means you're automatically a dentist now do you? Really, I can never be to sure with you.
Gem. Especially the last sentence.
ReplyDeleteI wouldnt fret for civilization. There are more people who have no idea who she is. I dont bother with oeople I dont care about. Complete non factor in my life. Like howard stern. I cant stand him, but others like him. Enjoy, but im out. Same with dasisns- if u dont like like them,dont pay any attention.
ReplyDeleteEgads, hunter. That's a horror story. I used to work for a dentist, 15 years ago, and tooth whitening was just coming in vogue. I'd never do it back then because the chemicals used caused extreme sensitivity, and that is not a good time in my book.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't considered that the newer methods could be painful. Yuck! Healthy teeth are crucial. White teeth? Use whitening toothpaste and a flattering lipstick color. Done.
Any other oldies out there remember "Topol, the smoker's tooth polish"?
ReplyDeleteI read it last night and laughed my ass off.
ReplyDelete"...and laughs merrily at the merriment"--all the way to the bank!
ReplyDelete@frufra: Definitely remember Topol!
I'm sure Kim is trying to figure a way to work that contraption into her next sex tape. Sigh....will reality never end?
ReplyDelete@Frufra, indeed I remember!
ReplyDeleteTopol means "chubby" in Armenian - haha, great coincidence considering the topic:)
Whomever wrote that deserves a medal! Or at least a cookie and a big hug.
ReplyDeleteLOLOLOL
ReplyDeleteI think i'm going to start a new trend....not watching TV or throw my TV out the window so that no mention of KK or PH can even be seen on my screen.
ReplyDeleteDisgraceful.
I remember Topol! The commercials had the guy inhale a cigarette and then blow it through a white cloth to show the staining smoking could do. Um, duh! I think they used to show those commercials a lot during daytime TV ... I have fond memories of pretending to be sick to stay home from school to watch cheesy talk shows & game shows all day.
ReplyDeleteRemember Pearl Cream? Ancient Chinese secret!
Wasn't ancient Chinese secret in reference to some kind of laundry detergent? Hopefully, that commercial would be considered a little insulting now.
ReplyDeleteTwo I remember from viewing massive amounts of daytime TV in the 70's - " Mommy, your knees are all saggy baggy like the elephant" to advertise panty hose, and the one about the horrors of ring -around- the collar (to this day I still pretreat all my husband's collars, even though I'm 100% sure I'm the only one who'd ever think to inspect it).
I remember the Topol commercials!!! Wasn't Topol also a fat guy go was in Fiddler on the Roof?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteShe is wearing FAKE EYELASHES and full face to a freaking DENTIST office!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is all~
I remember Topol toothpaste, Pearl Drops and the jingle, "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should".
ReplyDeleteHopefully the rest of the world will forget these tricks as soon as they disappear which I pray will be any day now. LOVE the person who wrote that IMDB bio..
Amy in MI: Topol was the name of the actor who played Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.
ReplyDeleteCalgon detergent was the "ancient Chinese secret" Mr. Li used to whiten those shirts.
"Genuine precious pearls are pulverized into a lustrous powder..." Or so said Nancy Kwan while advertising Pearl Cream!
Don't forget: "Ultrabrite gives your mouth SEX APPEAL!"
Robert, OMG, I forgot that. I was thinking of Zero Mostel who opened it on B'way.
ReplyDeleteKanye is gay though.
ReplyDeleteAgent**It: Who opened it on Broadway and was shocked when the movie version was made with another actor cast in "his" role, but Topol had played Tevye on stage in London, so six of one, half-a-dozen of the other.
ReplyDeleteYou're right! I thought "ancient chinese secret" was from Pearl Cream. Oops.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaD_fvehAaU
Throw the public some meat, and they'll eat it up. The Ks are like Charo, except that apparently Charo is a pretty accomplished classical guitarist.
ReplyDeleteSo they're like Charo without the talent.
I really doubt that IMDB was hacked - more likely some IMDB mod was just in a goofy mood and decided to approve the change for the fun of it.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. I wish we could get a picture of her face when she read this.
ReplyDeleteI forgot about Pearl Cream! I always wanted to try it.
Just for the record, this is where the writing is attributed to Jon C. Hopwood.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2012/05/kim-kardashians-imdb-bio-is-amazing/?cnn=yes