An Open Letter To Christina Aguilera
Dear Christina,
First of all I want you congratulate you on making the wise decision on becoming a judge on The Voice. I think you should stay there until you get some songs you think will be hits and then you can test them out on the world and if no one responds then at least you still have your day job. A very high paying day job too. That is always important especially when you are supporting yourself and your boyfriend. You should give him something to do just to make him feel useful. No, I'm not talking about him just carrying you around after you have had too much to drink. A real job that he can look back at the end of the day and be proud of what he did. How about your lipstick organizer. That has got to be a full-time job.
Anyway, that is not the reason, I'm writing to you today. Nope. I know that was valuable life changing advice I gave you in the last paragraph, but I have so much more to give. As Rowan Atkinson says in Love Actually, "this is so much more than a bag." Really, that makes that whole scene because it lessens the a-holiness of what Alan Rickman is doing. See, there I go again getting off track.
Christina, I want to tell you that I love curvy women. Love them love them love them. When they opened that chain of fitness centers called Curves, I thought it was a singles bar designed with me in mind. When I found out it was just for women I was devastated. Lucky for me, the parking lots are fair game. Plus it gives you an opportunity to try out your best lines on women who are exhausted from working out.
I know lately you have been trying really hard to lose weight and that is commendable. You might want to lay off the wine though and stick to vodka. No calories. I don't think though that you have a weight problem. You have what is known as a style problem. Lately you have been dressing better which has made you look better. When it comes to performing though, and especially on The Voice you seem to be reaching into your closet and pulling out things you wore ten years ago and somehow squeeze into them and it is just not an attractive look. It is ok to wear something more loose fitting and you would look so much better and sexier and not liable to pass out and I promise you will get ready in half the time because it must have taken forever to get in that thing.
Thanks for listening. Drinks are on me.
Co-signed.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Em.
I love Xtina. I know she's a hot mess, a diva and most likely a pretentious biatch...but I'm glad she's the weight she is and doesn't listen to anyone and become anorexic. Her style is a little less than desireable, but Hey...it's got people talking and the attention is on her.
ReplyDeleteStay who you are Xtina...though you probably may want to lay off the booze. It ages you...and aging in hollywood is not accepted.
Exactly, she's NOT fat, her clothes are just too small.
ReplyDeleteVodka has no calories? A couple of shots has as many calories as a Snickers bar. Stick with weed.
ReplyDeleteReally? Really? We're going to sit here and dissect womens' bodies here? C'mon, grow up. This is the problem right here. Women aren't fucking objects and it's disgusting that a) she feels like she has to be an object and b) you're commenting on it like she's a piece of meat. I thought you were better than that, Enty.
ReplyDeleteAnd C) everything he said about Curves.
DeleteJesus. Curves exists specifically because women want a place to work out where men can't leer at them, and here he is talking about watching them in the parking lot. Joke or not, I found that really disgusting.
I couldn't agree more. She is not fat at all, she just dresses in horrible outfits. Maybe her stylist is secretly in love with her boyfriend or something?
ReplyDeleteOh, and also, I am pretty sure vodka has calories in it. :P
As I watched this last night, I prayed you would cover it. Thanks, Enty!
ReplyDeleteIt takes a while, IMO, to accept the changes to your bod after having a kid. Some gals luck out and bounce right back, some don't. But just because you're different doesn't mean you're not still fabulous.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, you've got to learn the new style tricks that look good on your post-baby bod. And you need to speed up the learning curve when you're in the public eye.
Wow, you are really wearing your Hat of Judgement today, huh?
ReplyDeleteI do realize the irony of this since I am on this website, but you need to stick to gossiping and stop being so catty about people's appearances.
And regardless of your intent, I don't think you should tell a person who has been to rehab that they should switch from wine to vodka. Not cool.
She was the person who was about vanity sizing, right? I can't recall if that was a blind or not. Properly sized clothing is our friend. A number means nothing, especially if squeezing(literally) yourself into smaller sizes makes your pantyline look like sausage links.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she just feels good about herself and doesn't think she needs to be a size zero to feel and dress sexy. Did she look great? No, but her style has always sucked especially her performance outfits, however, it's not like she looked hideous either. Everyone and their mother wears some semblance of this costume on stage and it's tiring and boring regardless of the shape they're in. Since she's having fun, just let her have it. Her outfits are always going to be questionable either way.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Eleanor! PLEASE, gals, buy yourself some pants that fit! If the size bums you out, do like my grandmother did and just cut the tags out. We discovered that she did that after she died and we were going through her things. It really made me smile at a very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI wish I were her size.
ReplyDeleteI think that she should dress however the heck she damn well pleases. She isnt fat, but even if she were, if tight clothes make her feel good about herself, then she should wear tight clothes.
ReplyDeleteI think vodka has 73 cals/ounce...
her weight is fine. it's the outfit. it's a look few people can get away with onstage. Some that used to be able to do it shouldn't now that they have given birth but insist upon it anyways (Britney, etc...we'll see how Beyonce does). Others are just too old for the look (Madonna). And a few are young and nubile enough to get the job done (Gaga, Rihanna, Katy, etc). It's a fact of life. That's just the way it is. Xtina had her day to wear that outfit onstage. She has one hell of a voice and could be up there in a better outfit and more people would pay attention to her talent than her silly ensemble. She looks great, just not in that outfit.
ReplyDeleteI think the Genie is stuck in the bottle.
ReplyDeleteSome of the above comments really annoy me so I'm going to take it easy and simply say I agree with @Shallow Gal (except Beyonce was never pregnant... :P).
ReplyDeleteOkay actually in retrospect I agree with most of you. :D
ReplyDeleteWine actually has less carbs than one would think, however, that doesn't matter because booze is booze...it's how it's metabolized.
ReplyDeleteI didn't watch the voice last year, and started this year.
ReplyDeleteI was primed and ready to really hate on her.. but somewhere along the way I found I really liked her.
*SHOCK!*
And once they got to the live shows and that damn UFO thing was off her head and her ta tas were mostly covered up, and her 'make under'.. I forgot how pretty she actually is.
*DOUBLE SHOCK*
Last night, well I personally wouldn't have suggested that outfit for her, but once she started singing, and by singing I actually mean sing one of her best songs and not doing screamo with a beat... I totally forgot about her outfit, and just remembed what a great voice she actually has.
So no hate from me Christina <---- see I didn't even use xtina, and I think you made the right choice by sending home Jessie!
so there!
*goes back to munching on my free panda express lunch on this tax day*
I just wanted to clarify my statement... put Gisele or the like in an infant-sized onesie... there is going to be flesh spilling out. Not because of fat, but because that size fit their body.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have just given myself this mental image :
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo6ohibHr71qerd9z.gif
*can't fit their body
DeleteJesus, nobody's criticizing her body. I'd kill for a body like hers. We just all think she should maybe buy a size or two larger when she shops for clothes, that's all. This is a common practice, apparently, in Hollywood. See, e.g., Britney Spears. And Casey, that's the purpose of this website, we come here to snark about people who are probably better looking than we are in the first place, but it makes us feel better to put them down. That's what celeb gossip is about. We judge. We talk. We laugh. Then we go put on our size 16 jeans and scrub the toilets.
ReplyDeleteI gotta admit, I nearly fell off the couch last night when she pranced out in the wonder woman costume. Fat, thin, classy, curvy, tacky, what the hell ever, there's no excuse for that outfit. Nobody can cheapen a hot pair of Loubies like Christina.
ReplyDeleteOy vey, and don't even get me started on the back of her hair....
That being said, I am a fan and I thought her little blurb from the country song was cute and made a point after Blake's comment about singers going country who aren't real country.
The girl can sing.
Wow. I think Enty was clear: " I don't think you have a weight problem". The issue really is wearing what she wears, which she is always busting out of lately. Not because she is fat. Because her clothes are the wrong choice for her.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I don't see the problem in commenting on someone's choice of costume for a public performance, which they expressly chose to display themselves in. Same goes for behaviour (like being stoned, drunk or just an ass or having massive amounts of silicon injected). All fair game.
Making fun of someone's appearance as in weight, deformity, physical features, skin colour or anything else that cannot be helped is another thing entirely.
LOL love it @Syko!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be equal opportunity and rip into both women and men.
ReplyDeleteShe looks awful. No, she's not fat but that outfit is beyond ridiculous. If she drops her mic, there's no way she can bend over and pick it up. I know a couple of women who can zip up a size 2. They are not 2s, they are 4s or 6s which is fantastic but they want to be a size 2. So they zip up the skirt and you can see the thread holding on for dear life, the slit in the back stretched beyond belief. It looks bad.
Seriously, she looks like she can't breathe. Although I'm much taller than her, I'm short waisted and if I wore that, I'd look ridiculous too because I don't have enough waist to wear a belt (??) that wide. So there we'd both be, looking like we're sucking in our stomachs because the belt don't fit right. Just no.
Then there are the dudes behind her. Douchebag cowboy hats and a black Beat It jacket. With a white belt. Truly exquisite and not at all says I whore myself out for spending money.
I didn't see Enty criticizing her body. In fact he said he loves women with curves. And yes, while Christina is a tad heavier than she used to be, when dressed properly she still looks fabulous. I just wish she'd be more consistent with it.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, even though I am not a big Aguilera fan, the girl has some serious vocal talent, and I kind of love that she doesn't give a shit when it comes to her outfits. She knows damn well people are going to say these things, and she just keeps on wearing what she wants to wear. Sure, in my eyes, the outfits might look better if they were the right size, but who cares?
ReplyDeleteDear Xtina - don't ever change. Your thighs are made of magic.
Love,
Maja
I like hearing someone say they 'like curvy women'. I am more curvy than straight, and I need to pep talk...Thanks Enty!
ReplyDeleteRegardless of the fact that I don't post often, I have been coming to this site for a long time. I know what it's all about and what the objective is.
ReplyDeleteI'm as guilty as anyone else for wanting to read gossip. I don't get the satisfaction some people get out of snarking on other people's appearance because I do think it causes issues with how other people perceive their bodies, but whatever.
Telling someone who went to rehab, that they should switch from wine to vodka, and "the drinks are on me" is a dickish comment to make. The person who writes this site is getting as bitchy as Lainey.
The Kardasians' stylist must have found the time to do a gig on the side.
ReplyDeleteyeesh, some of these comments. I had to re check the site and makes sure I wasn't on Jezebel.
ReplyDeleteI did not read enty shredding her body at all. He complimented it. He told the truth about her costume. She DID look awful.
Enty, I agree with your post. All she needs is a stylist instead of her own free will.
ReplyDeleteChristina's been to rehab? When did this happen?
ReplyDeleteOmg Id really like to see where he criticized her body, her criticized her CLOTHES. Its a hell of a lot nicer then what most bloggers will be writing about that outfit today. She should wear clothes that fit, period. And the drink comments were clearly a joke. This is a gossip site if you want something serious go visit CNN.
ReplyDeleteChristina can look fab or really trashy. She doesn't seem to give a shit, but I do think if she had a better personal style she would have more respect than she does. Yeah, yeah. You can't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes that saying is a bunch of bullshit, IMO. I think Christina Aguilera is amazingly talented, and I'm glad to see her having such success on this program. I do not watch it, but I kinda wish I did. It's tough to devote so much time to one show.
ReplyDeleteWhen did Christina go to rehab? How did I miss this?
If she's really trying to shed some lbs, she should probably lay off the booze.
I always think about her son because of that baby-monitor blind item.
Her outfit looks like crap. Plain and simple. You have to dress for your body type, whatever that may be. Yes, she can sing and she can sing well, but she dresses like a Toddlers & Tiaras contestant who just.can't.let.go.of.the.glory.
ReplyDeleteSinging well does not equal dressing well.
Dressing poorly does not mean she is fat.
She puts herself out there to be judged.
Bottom line, she looks like hell.
I believe that this site itself has said that she has gone into rehab but left almost immediately a few times, and I've read it in other places as well. Obviously she knows she has an issue with drinking, and I don't think joking about it is funny. And I don't think this means I lack a sense of humour or don't understand what a gossip site is all about either. It's just not funny.
ReplyDeleteI do however, totally agree with the snark on the outfit - it is horrible, but I've always thought she didn't dress well.
And really, have you never read the comments on CNN? The people there are 1000 times worse than on here!
@timebob - shame on you! *snicker snicker* (crap, now I want a Snickers)
ReplyDeleteWe tuned in late and missed the stuffed sausage outfit. Because she's changed her style so much for these live shows, my husband actually listened to her when she sang a few notes with one guy (instead of staring at her boobs hanging out). He actually commented "she can really sing!". Took him 2 seasons of the show to figure it out. As for all the comments, you can still look sexy at any weight, you just have to adjust a little. The hair? No excuse for that mess. It looked like it was all broken off.
ReplyDeleteWhoever did her extensions needs to have their cosmetology license revoked.
ReplyDeleteSyko - I think we're soul sisters. Except I need to run the vacuum; did the toilets yesterday (but with three boys, they may already be toxic again - sigh.)
ReplyDeleteLOVE The Voice & Love Xtina...but enty your dead on here. She looked like a stuffed sausage last night and honestly I felt sorry for her.
ReplyDelete@Miranda. Whoa girl...reread the post. Enty straight up admits he loves curvy girls. His point is her clothes. She needs to wear the right clothes! Sheesh!
ReplyDeleteI loved that tangerine colored dress she wore either last week or the week before. So flattering, hugged her curves, made her look unbelievably sexy, not trashy.
ReplyDelete@Sadie, saying he loves curvy girls is even more sexist. It's like saying, "I'm not racist, I love black women." It's wrong and it should not be tolerated and it hurts my heart to read this kind of crap here.
ReplyDeleteWe need to stop tearing women down over their appearance. Who gives a shit what she looks like? Do we put men under this kind of scrutiny? Not a chance in hell.
Oh Christina
ReplyDeleteEnty is right, there is nothing wrong with her current weight or size, there is something wrong with the clothes she wears. She would have looked awesome last night in a really short, not fitted, mini skirt. It would have made her legs look great and she would not have looked like a sausage about to burst.
She needs to lose the hair and the hair color. I really wish she would go back to her natural color because the white blond is aging her in the worst way.
Her voice last night was okay, but I've heard her sound much better. If its true that she is drinking too much, that could be part of it. Its why she sounds good singing random bits in rehearsals, but she can't sustain a full performance.
The parking lot thing, its a joke. Satire.
ReplyDeleteBLESS YOU Big Man! That was almost as good as a Dear Richard letter. Thank You for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYes, Enty is sitting in the parking lot snacking on fucking bacon and spying ON YOU!!!!! LMAO.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think her stylistis just laughing his/her ass off. Can't you just hear them:
ReplyDelete"Be a bitch to me DivaZilla! Well let's shove your Just My Size thighs in these little fishnets. What? Your legs look like hamhocks with the flesh hanging out. OPPS! My bad!"
I really wanted to say "good for you Xtina' last night. Unfortunately, she was corsetted up so tight it accentuated her bum nicely, but it also cause her top to tilt forward & that just gave tbe impression of a turkey, with her "tailfeathers" up in the air!
ReplyDeleteLiving in LV I see people every day trying to look their best only to look their worst.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nice just to see people wearing clothes that fit them. Not too small or too big, just go for the fit that covers you without binding, hiking up, creating bulges, muffin tops, camel toe, gaps in your shirt front, back boobs, bellybutton lint outlines, or the shapeless item so big that your figure is a thing of mystery.
It cracked me up when the lead in to her song last night was her "giving back" by visiting a lower income high school and inviting their choir to sing with her and her team--and then she shows up to sing in her Wonder Woman underpants....what a wholesome memory for the kids and their parents, lol.
ReplyDeleteActually she's looked a LOT better on the live shows than in the early auditions--she must have a new stylist or something--less of the orange makeup and her hair has looked better.
Hey all -- As an *ahem* curvy woman myself, I sincerely appreciate trying to get past appearances. I'm with Enty on this, though.. she just looks bad - her curves are rocking but the outfit is awful.
ReplyDeleteWe curvy girls should be proud, but it doesn't excuse tastelessness
Back to the fun goss.. have no clue on the bondage bunny in the blind...
Miranda, I would rag on any guy dressed bad. Seriously, look at the dudes behind her, they're hilarious. Love the Beat It jacket.
ReplyDeleteWhen you offer an alcoholic who is not in recovery a drink, that is not such a bad thing - they are going to have one anyway.
ReplyDeleteTrust an expert.
This is why I love this blog. That is all.
ReplyDeleteIt just amazes me how people can take every single little thing they read as absolute literal truth.
ReplyDeleteI think Christina is an extremely beautiful girl and I would give anything to have her body. That being said, the way she dresses makes her look much bigger than she actually is. I would love to style her. She looks so much better without all the makeup and boobage.
ReplyDeleteWow i dont know what some of u read because i took it as enty saying she needs to dress her size which everyone should do. I took the letter as a joke and i think he went pretty easy on her. For people to act as if he was bashing her weight maybe u misunderstood him. If christina who is a wonderful talent wants to dress trashy people will call her trashy!
ReplyDeletecar54, my head hurts from laughing so hard. I (as did the Crenshaw parents, I'm sure), enjoyed the cowboy stripper dancers sexually harassing Blake. Very choiry and wholesome.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree, Enty! When we watched last night we were like "WHO is styling her???" She's so hit or miss. It was really irking me to see that damn bedazzled frisbee on her head, night after night and once those rounds were over, she looked GREAT! Toned down makeup and beautiful dress.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though...does she have a stylist or does she DIH?
I got caught on the same thing, B. Profane. A shot of booze has 100 calories. Ten shots is 1000 calories, which is more than most starvation-enthusiasts are shooting for.
ReplyDeleteI love her voice and she is one of the few talented singers out there. But this outfit is attrocious. She needs a larger size for her breasts. End of story and yes, Miranda...We have picked on men as well. Se previous comments about Jude Law.
ReplyDeleteWTH happened to her?! My first thought when I saw this picture was that she looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife! So sad when she could look so much better.
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone who says "I love curvy women" be sexist? Good grief. I am a woman. I do not take random comments about women's appearance personally. I don't feel objectified on their behalf. If someone is making vulgar comments about a woman's privates that's one thing. But commenting on what type of figure a person likes - male or female - is not meant to be sexist. Just a preference. Personal preferences are still okay aren't they?
ReplyDeleteYou know what I hate? Posters who come to gossip sites and bitch about the snark! Go to some positive reinforcement site to boost celebrity self-esteem or something, but don't get all prissy with CDAN commenters.
ReplyDeleteXtina needs to realize she is not a size negative 0 anymore and put clothes on.
I hate people who can't come up with a better response then saying if I can't stand the snark, I shouldn't come to the site. And voicing my disagreement with something that is said on this site doesn't make me prissy, it means I have a difference of opinion and said so.
ReplyDeleteTruly.
@Casey
ReplyDeleteSo what is YOUR point? You've already stated you don't like the post, BUT you continue to return. By returning you are actually SUPPORTING the snark. CDAN is getting page hits, more traffic, by you CONTINUALLY making the same statement.
That's why posters like you never make sense to me. The very act contradicts the statement.
I will say that Christina has lost weight in the last few months because she was a bit bigger last year.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, even though I agree that she could dress better when performing, I like that she doesn't give a damn about what people think of her style and figure...AND SHE SHOULDN'T......but....if she would only use just a little less makeup then she would be perfect in my opinion.
Christina Aguilera is a damn great singer and that's all that should matter.
I'm not responding to what anyone has said here...I just needed to get that off my chest.
I admit that my biggest complaint about Christina isn't her weight (giving birth should give a gal a little leeway in that department, imo), it's that she always wears a mask of makeup. You can only wear so much before it starts working against you.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah...her outfit...there's a difference between "embracing your curves" and constricting them into submission with industrial-strength, Spanx of Doom leotards and Hooters hosiery. I've seen trampolines with more give.
love love LOVE my Xtina, and I gotta give it to her, her outfits are way better than last season, but her costumes are atrocious. Xtina- love you girl, one of your biggest fans here, but lady it is time to let go, you can not wear that stuff anymore
ReplyDelete