Monday, April 16, 2012

Man Is Father Of 82 Children


If you are a woman who has no child but wants one, apparently you are supposed to hook up with Ed Houben. Ed is 42 years old and until 8 years ago was a virgin. Now he has 82 kids. Yes, Ed has been a busy boy. He sleeps with about 15 women a month and by his count has 45 girls and 35 boys and two of the women he got pregnant don't talk to him anymore so he has no idea what sex their babies are. Ed is not exactly the best looking guy in the world and I'm sure there are lots of guys out there who would do it for free like Ed does so why would you pick him to be the father of your baby. A guy who was a virgin until he was 34? Those are the genes you want for your baby? Why not sign them up for math camp right now and pre-order that Dungeons & Dragons box set for their 35th birthday.


Ed has about an 80% success rate. He says that women sign forms saying he won't have to pay child support. Well, good luck with that because someday you might end up paying and then next thing you know you are going to be supporting hundreds of kids. So, do you think the sex is ever good or do you think he is all business about it? Do they at least have some coffee first? A little chat?

51 comments:

  1. If I had to choose between him and an anonymous sperm donor, no prizes for guessing my pick.

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  2. Gross. But like Macaulay, I can't fault the guy for coming up with an easy way to make money. I would want a family history, IQ scores and a bunch of other info before getting drunk enough to even consider this guy. And ihope those kids DO go to math camp, as they sure as hell aren't going to the Zoolander Modeling Camp.

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  3. I wouldn't want him to father my child.

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  4. Why would this dorky knob think that the world needs so much of his seed to make babies? What a gene pool specimen he is. The thought of him making children makes me long for the premise of Gattaca.

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  5. Ew. I wouldn't let this man's swimmers within a hundred yards of my lady parts (even in a turkey baster).

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  6. Those teeth...blech!

    All that unprotected sex with numerous partners...blech infinity!!!

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  7. Dude has unprotected sex with 15 women a month. Even if he didn't look like Theodore Roosevelt and Wimpy from Popeye had a kid, that alone would be enough to make my vagina slam shut.

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  8. Anonymous11:01 AM

    Methinks Ed lies.

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  9. I think everyone should take into account what the ladies look like that he's having sex with. I'd imagine they're also no prized pig either.

    That said, maybe he's got one hell of a personality. He's got something to be sure.

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  10. Wow...harsh! Sadly, the first thing I thought when reading this post was, "Wouldn't a guy who fathered 82 children have been better-looking?" It's not like he was a sperm donor--these women slept with the guy! What's his secret? It sure as hell ain't his dashing good looks!

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  11. Speaking of "Keep your daughters far away". . .

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  12. So what are the chances two of his genetic offspring will meet somewhere and hook up, not knowing they are related. This is what I always wonder when I read about egg and sperm donation. Surely you have to tell the child when they come of age.

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  13. My mom always told me that, if I ever wanted children, to make sure the father was reasonably intelligent and good-looking enough that I wouldn't mind if one of the kids turned out just like him. (Considering I'm practically my dad's clone, she knows whereof she speaks; fortunately, Dad is a reasonably smart and handsome fellow. :-) We're not talking movie-star stunning or genius-level IQ here, mind you, so I don't think this is an unreasonable hurdle for a potential babydaddy worthy of the name. I say either this guy is lying like a rug (and not a good imported oriental rug, either), or the human race is far more fucked up than I ever realized...please, Lord, let it be the latter. *whimpers*

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  14. ^OK, that was supposed to be the FORMER scenario, not the latter...that's what I get for running my mouth while having a medication-withdrawal headache, eh? *sigh*

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  15. Anonymous11:38 AM

    This is gross. No way would I sleep with this guy.

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  16. Where does he find women who want to have babies that badly, so often?

    I love that @auntliddy signed in just to say, "I'm speechless!" LOL Seriously funny auntliddy!
    OMG I was too.

    His personality must be...hung.
    xo
    Seonaid

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  17. God have mercy. I answered my own question, though. Huge detail to leave out, Enty.

    http://www.edhouben.eu/EdHoubenE/Index.htm

    Enjoy

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  18. Anonymous11:50 AM

    FS, how in the holy hell would that conversation go? ;)

    Seonaid, is that link safe for work?

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  19. Yeah that's what I thought too. He's a donor and the genetic material gets to you via medical intervention. Wow, talk about wordng this completely ambiguously!

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  20. Anonymous12:00 PM

    His website is not mobile-friendly, that drives me nuts. In this day and age....

    His pictures are awesome!

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  21. Anonymous12:00 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  22. When does he have time to work? Or does he work?

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  23. EW. Yes, Anita, it is. I didn't even think about that. I'd love to take his website content and submit it to Statement Analysis and see if deception is indicated in his "Man of the People" sperm duster routine.

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  24. Photo from 1999 WTF?!?! What a catch ladies!

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  25. I should state the 1999 photo from his website. Oy vey.

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  26. Anonymous12:34 PM

    OMG, I didn't notice the 1999 picture. Eeek.

    I love 1988's picture. It's like he needed a picture from every year and that was the best one.

    In 1991's picture, he looks like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.

    I'll embed the link so I can show off my HTML skills: http://www.edhouben.eu/EdHoubenE/Index_2.htm.

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  27. Wtf geez I clicked the link and the 1999 pic caught my eye right away lmao what a douchebag he is!

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  28. Well, we have photographic documentation that things started goign downhill for Ed starting in 1981. Pass!

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  29. Calling BS on this.

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  30. Ohhh..dude's a donor. That makes a bit more sense.

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  31. I'm sure there are sperm banks with better specimens.

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  32. YUUUUP! He looks like Dave Hester.

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  33. Guess the yeast infection and STD you get comes as a free bonus along with the baby?
    YUCK.
    Too much unprotected sex for my little Jasmine. Thanks (not really) but no thanks.

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  34. I try. I know women are better than this, then I see something like this that proves me wrong. Why, my sisters? WHY???

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  35. I try. I know women are better than this, then I see something like this that proves me wrong. Why, my sisters? WHY???

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  36. It all went terribly wrong circa 1981, but 1987 is like something you'd see on The Onion.

    In fact, are we sure this can't be traced back to them? I mean, LOOK at 1987. All it needs is the caption.

    I'll start.

    "Local Man..."

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  37. Wait, is he wearing...blackface? With Santa?
    W
    T
    F????????

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  38. roo many comments to read. not sure if someone already said this, but child support belongs to THE CHILD. mom can't sign off on that. maybe he's sigining off on parental right? if you're a woman and you have no prospects for a real dad (actual involved, loving human), and can't afford a sperm bank; here you go. he's not great looking, but i've seen worse. to each their own.

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  39. Seonaid Divine: He's Dutch. Lives in Maastrict. Google Zwarte Piet. Part of Christmas in Holland.

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  40. Pricilla beat me to it - That's Sinterklaas and Zwart Piet - he's sort like Santa ..Dutch tradition...

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  41. WTF??? There are TONS of hot guys in The Netherlands! How is this guy getting tail?

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  42. WTF??? There are TONS of hot guys in The Netherlands! How is this guy getting tail?

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  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  44. Actually the question is WOMEN IN THE NETHERLANDS: There are tons of tall gorgeous men in your country. How is this guy getting tail?

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  45. Oh, lord. His 1991 reminded me of a trip to Copenhagen and all these beautiful, blonde people were wearing that hat. Each was more drunk than the last, and for several days I honestly thought they were Norwegian sailors on a Greek-flagged ship.

    I saw one fall into the canal and when I mentioned it to a friend she about peed herself telling me they were graduating university students.

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  46. You could have at least posted the picture of him in his war reenactment costume.

    His (current) face reminds me of someone and I cannot put my finger on it...

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  47. WTH! Can anyone say PSYCHOPATH?!?!?!!? Jeez bitches, get an education FFS! I am ashamed for my gender. Actually for even being human after reading this.

    Could I please change to being a dog now? Please???

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