Alex McCord & Simon Van Kempen Wrote A Book No One Read
Two years ago, Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen of Real Housewives infamy wrote a book on how they raised their children. The book, called Little Kids, Big City, apparently was read by absolutely no one until a writer for Jezebel picked up a copy and right there in chapter one discovered something that will live burned in our brains forever.
"Once he was finally out of my body, I experienced a tsunami of endorphins that was almost orgasmic, and I understand completely the stories other women have written about ecstatic birth. Simon was sitting behind me at the point of birth, and later when we untangled ourselves he discovered he'd actually ejaculated though hadn't felt any of the normal lead-up to that."
Yeah, I'm not sure what part of the birthing process got Simon all excited. Maybe he saw that new hot male doctor and was thinking about spending some time with him after this whole birthing thing. Has anyone ever heard this before?
God they're ugly freaks. I can see why Andy Cohen fired them. He got tired of looking at them.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of women having orgasmic births, but not men.
ReplyDeleteHe is so odd (not because of just that).
Who? And also, TMI. Gross.
ReplyDeletethis is strange. and i could've gone the rest of my life without this knowledge.
ReplyDeletei'm going to rinse my psyche now.
that is just so gross. and who seriously, who cares?
ReplyDeletein the olden days these people would be circus freaks. now they just go to bravo and get a show. andy cohen is a modern day carnival barker.
@annabella, you just gave Andy Cohen a new outfit idea. I bet he'll hire trained seals and little dogs in tutus when he wears it.
ReplyDeleteAs @EleanorRigby said, TMI! This is yuck on another level..
ReplyDeleteDon't know her name and can't be bothered to look it up, but her face just rubs me the wrong way. "I hate your face" á la Grandmas Boy moment right here.
I hate this bitch! So glad she is not on the show anymore!
ReplyDeleteI never liked them on the show. Isnt he gay or she is or both? Doesnt matter they r weird anyway!
ReplyDeleteEww, eww, eww!!! I need a shower now!
ReplyDeleteOrgasmic births (for women) are nothing new. There is even a documentary about it. Bascially the same chemicals our brain makes during orgasm is the same made during childbirth (oxycotin). It's not very common, but, it happens.
ReplyDeleteAs for the male ejaculating...never heard of that. But maybe it was more of an excitment thing instead of sexual? Can that happen?
Birth and orgasm aren't ew, but THAT is!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder the book didn't sell. Whole damn thing must be TMI.
While reading about this, I vomited, though I hadn't felt any of the normal lead-up to that.
ReplyDeleteROTFLMAO! Ha!
DeleteIf there is another point to this story other than that gangly looking guy gets off on births, i've missed it.
ReplyDeleteGross. Gross, gross, gross. Sounds made up. Did I mention it also sounds GROSS?
That's fuckin disgusting. But on a funny note i was JUST laughing with my friends about this earlier, when someone has a baby and then all the gross shit (i call it the dark side of pregnancy) starts comin out lol
ReplyDeletehttp://letskeepitfunky.tumblr.com/post/21547201931/when-youre-around-all-your-female-family-members-after
Definitely something you keep to yourself.
ReplyDeleteBUT! It would make for a really awesome birthing video scene, "uhhh does someone have a tissue? I know you're suturing up my wives episiotomy and caring to my child that just came out of her swollen vagina? but um,yeah, daddy made a little mess."
Also, thats gotta be awesome fodder to bring up to the kids future suitor/suitresses. "well, they made their dad come so"..... omg that is just so wrong on so many levels.
mea culpa, /cool story bro
Wow. Way too much sharing going on over there. I don't need to know about the ejaculation that led to the birth or the one that came after. I really hope she doesn't write a sequel.
ReplyDelete@Bally - I see what you did there...
ReplyDeleteTheir pooor kids.
ReplyDeleteIck! Nast! Applies here, right??
ReplyDelete*shudder*
And is it just me, or do they both have horse face?
So if their bookk had been a phenom they would've gone on Oprah to tout orgasms during childbirth......so sick.
ReplyDeleteP.S. they are so pretentious naming their kids Johan and Francois. They live in fucking Brooklyn! Get over it.
One more thing. When they were first on Housewives they were desperate to fit in so they supposedly spent 'six figures' on clothing while visiting St Barts (off season as Jill Zarin pointed out).
ReplyDeleteI never watched this show, and seeing these two people wouldn't make me want to watch. Their level of sharing private info, not just verbally, but in a book is insane.
ReplyDeleteIt's good they found each other, who else would bed them?
Ugh, these two.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling their kids are going to be horrid as they grow older.
Simon is such a Creepy McCreepy dick. He has to do/experience everything that Alex does. He was the only fucking husband who kept joining the ladies for all of their activities. His presence made Ramona drink 5 bottles of wine instead of her usual 3 at one dinner party.
ReplyDeleteSo of course if Alex has an orgasmic birth, Simon has to cum too.
I just threw up a little in my mouth typing that last sentence.
Gross! I just hate that their kids will read that someday.
ReplyDeleteI am ashamed, ASHAMED I tell you, that I have heard of this. Spontaneous erection/ejaculation occur in a non-sexual but high intensity environment. It also happens sometimes in sports medicine when the person is receiving a massage in the calf to relief a hamstring pull or a cramp. The nervous system is a bitch sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAll that said....ew.
Isn't that guy the bassist from Weezer?
ReplyDeleteShe needs to have that chin shaved down.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I thought he was too gay to function... Guess not.
ReplyDeleteAs @Kim pointed out, the human nervous system is a strange thing sometimes, and I've definitely heard of birth being orgasmic for some women, so I'm not surprised that any of this happened. Writing about it, though?!? *head* *desk* Let's hope that their poor kids don't have to hear about this as they grow up, because no one ever wants to think about their parents having sex--we all understand it in the abstract, mind you, but daddy jizzing all over the delivery room in sheer excitement is NOT something anyone wants to think about... *shudder*
ReplyDeleteI hate whomever it was who came up with the idea for reality TV. Thanks, jackass.
ReplyDeleteSo, let me get this straight. Beyond all the "normal" stuff that happens during labor (such as pooing yourself), you can also potentially have an orgasm and your husband might ejaculate on you or himself??
ReplyDeleteIt's settled. I'm adopting.
I checked out the book on Amazon and read some of it out of pure curiosity and I have to say that they come off as arrogant jerkfaces. shouldn't be surprised...thats how they came of on RHONY, too. Btw..everytime alex mentions that she was a model, I laugh. Hard.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete"P.S. they are so pretentious naming their kids Johan and Francois. They live in fucking Brooklyn! Get over it."
ReplyDeleteThey were named for Simon's late father, Francois Johan Walter van Kempen. I don't call that pretention.