Your Turn - Are There Teachers That Don't Have Sex With Students?
Tell me the last day you could go to Google and find a day where a teacher was not arrested or not accused of having sex with a student. Was this something that was just covered up back in the day? I don't remember any teacher having sex with any student when I was growing up, but I did not have a teacher who was under 30 until I was a senior in high school. Before that I think the youngest I had were probably in their 40's. In Indiana over the weekend three teachers from the same high school were arrested after they passed around a 16 year old boy for sex between the three of them.
Have you ever known a teacher to have sex with their student? Not read about it, but known. How common is this?
Jesus Christ!!
ReplyDeleteThere was a woman that used to work at my high school that married one of her students. Granted they didn't start dating until he graduated.
The (male) gym teacher started dating a student right after graduation. I am not sure if there was anything going on before, but it was spectated there may have been.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school, my english teacher was screwing one of the girls in my class. They did end up getting married. He was bald and about 15 years old than us.
ReplyDeleteIck. Nast. NEVER!
ReplyDeleteThe girls' soccer coach (who I think also may have taught health or some such thing) was strongly rumored to have slept with certain students while they were students, but I'm not sure if it was ever proven. This does seem to be more prevalent now - is it just that they're finally cracking down? Is it harder to hide these relationships?
ReplyDeleteThere were two teachers that married students at my high school. It was never the lady teachers, always the males.
ReplyDeleteAs a 26 year old who laments the fact that I JUST missed out on this phenomenon by a couple of years, I have a theory.
ReplyDeleteMy generation was the last generation taught by all the older, unattractive teachers before they retired. When I was in high school, that's when the very olds slowly started to retire. They were replaced by a few younger, recent grads but it wasn't a huge influx, just a couple. Right after I graduated, that's when the olds started retiring in droves and they began to be replaced by 22, 23 year old college grads in droves.
So you had large amounts of 22, 23, 24 year old party girls now teaching kids who were at most 10 years younger than they were. Recipe for sexual tension.
I dated a woman for about three years in the late 90s, who was the child of a divorce because of this scenario. Basically the father left the mother for one of his 18-year old students. This caused a lot of trust issues in the first few mos. we dated, where she'd call me on Tuesday, and not believe that I was at home, folding laundry, watching an old movie or cleaning my house. Ironically I ran into the guy she dated before she met me, and he confirmed that yep, the woman had man-trust issues.
ReplyDeleteI've known at least one person both at the high school level and the university level who have slept with their students.
Just wanted to add, I am pretty old, so that was eons ago.
ReplyDeleteI'm related to one that was in the news for this a couple of years ago, back when it first was showing up all the time. She basically got no punishment, because it was Utah and she was Mormon. They don't care as much about child sexual abuse as others it seems. Anyway, she is/was married with her own kids and creeps me out thinking of what she was capable of. Shameful.
ReplyDeleteThere was also a local sports reporter that married a cheerleader after covering the high school football games every week, after he got her pregnant. Gross.
At my high school, one of the teachers (female) slept with one of the students (male). Common knowledge around the school. When the officials found out, she was basically ridden out of town.
ReplyDeleteI kind of felt bad for her. She was pretty young (like, 23, 24?) and he was 17. If they'd waited a year, it wouldn't have been a big deal. Well, I'm sure her fiancé still would have been upset.
Yep, happened to a girl in my year. It started when we were 17 and a new, young qualified teacher came to our school - he was no-more than 8 years older than us, if that. In our school, if you didn't get the GCSEs to do A-Levels, you could take a year out to do an ICT NVQ to give you the points to do A-Levels the following year. I know that she choose this path, but within 3 months she'd dropped out so she could be in an open relationship with him and he wouldn't loose his job. That was 10 years ago and I was up at the school for my niece's play a few months ago and he was still working there and had his little daughter with him. As far as I remember they are married and have at least two kids. On another note, he was quite close to a close friend of mine when he first started - she was a year older than me at the time and had a horrible homelife. Nothing was ever said to me, but I always got the impression that something could have happened there, if it hadn't already.
ReplyDeleteNo not me, but I have friends (my best male friend) who have..Oh with a male teacher.
ReplyDeleteWe had a teacher who was 22 or 23 and looked 16. She slept with two students (not hers) at the highschool. Both were 18 at the time tough.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was on the school board. They found out, but couldn't do anything because it was legal and funnily enough, not part of their contract.
I don't remember a huge amount of this stuff going on, but as much as we all gossiped about it - I totally would have slept with one of the guys the teacher did too. And you're talking about someone she could've conceivably gone to school with.
I never had it happen while I was in school, but my youngest son had a male teacher who was arrested for having sex with an underaged girl (16 or so). That made for an interesting conversation over dinner.
ReplyDeletethe class adviser, softball/tennis coach and chemistry teacher at my high school married the sr class president, varsity softball and tennis player a few years after graduation. she is also now a chem teacher. they allegedly started dating a few days after our graduation...but there were a lot of after school meetings during our jr and sr year - he also had a divorce that he liked to discuss with the female students for "advice" aka "grooming". i doubt it was physical before we graduated...but it was certainly emotional and in my opinion - a grown man mentally seducing a high school age girl is still TOTALLY MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE.
ReplyDeleteMy high school women's basketball coach married one of his players. He was let go after that but ended up getting his job back about five years later. Then he messed around with several of his players over the course of the next 15 years. If a player was not receptive to the idea of his advances, they were often verbally and sometimes physically abused. He was eventually "reassigned" again and ended up suing the school district. Horrible, horrible person.
ReplyDeleteI also had a middle school teacher who would drive male basketball players home from practice and mess around with them, and another teacher who was caught by his wife (also a teacher) having an affair with a high school student. Nothing ever happened to them. No one really cared about these things in the South before about 10 years ago.
Could I just say for the record how horrifying it is to read these stories. I am a middle school teacher and have been teaching for over 15 years. I think of these children as being in my care to protect, NOT objectify and abuse. These people should never be allowed near children (of any age, including high school seniors-legal aged) EVER AGAIN! How pathetic do you have to be to prey on innocent kids based on your selfish needs?
ReplyDeleteOkay, so I was in high school in the late '70s and it was rampant. But here's the thing: My best friend had an affair with her teacher... hey're about to celebrate their 33-year wedding anniversary. Another teacher who hooked up with his student... they're about to celebrate 34 years together so....?
ReplyDeleteI'm 29, so this wasn't that long ago. There was a young male teacher who slept with a handful of seniors when I was a junior. They barely tried to hide it. One of the girls' cars was parked at his house at night all the time (he was an idiot and lived in the same town as school). He was very attractive at first glance, but any douchebag who was 30 years old and would show up at high school parties with a case of beer is...a douche. After going through a few students, he was caught and (I believe) lost his teaching license. Good riddance. There was also a girl who married a teacher, but they didn't start dating as far as I know until after she graduated college. No one has ever thought anything happened while she was in school, but she was a senior his first year of teaching right out of college, so they were no more than 5 years apart.
ReplyDeleteThere were never any stories about female teachers and students at my school, but I always found it interesting that so many of these teachers having affairs with students are very pretty and very young. I think there's something about these teens giving the women that attention that men their own age don't give them. It's fascinating.
I agree hazelnyc. Even if the teachers are close in age to the students, they are still in a position of authority. It is abusive and wrong to exploit children in that way.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago the new principal of my daughter's private church school (Yeah, it happens everywhere) got busted fooling around with a senior girl that went there. He was fired and tried. It was disgusting, he got off with minor probation and the "churchy" people still support him and his wife.
ReplyDeleteThe big scandal when I was in HS was that the chorus teacher was fired/forced retirement midyear because it was found out that he'd been "keeping" (apartment, car, etc) a former student (male, drag queen).
ReplyDeleteThen a few years later, I found out that the biology teacher (female) had left her husband for her TA (former student).
I went to high school in the '50s, the days of poodle skirts and crinoline petticoats, and this was unheard of. Those high school teachers were OLD!
ReplyDeleteJust how old they were was pointed out when, at one of my class reunions, our old principal, known among us as "Old Man XYZ", spoke to all of us, and told us how scared he was when he became principal, because he was 28 years old at the time.
I don't know, part of me understands, with 18 year old boys who are just walking erections anyway, and the 22-23 year old flirty teachers...and also with teenage girls who are very prone to enjoying the attention and validation of their womanliness. But it's up to the teacher to keep this sort of thing under control. Leave the flirtiness at home, and don't even think about students as sexual beings.
I have to wonder about the teachers too...are they attracted to acne and giggles?
This is sick. I also found this all out after the fact, and I am no longer friends with this person.
ReplyDeleteThis person was my roomate. This girl (with absolutely no teaching experience) became a 5th grade teacher in our town. She ended up at the age of 31, developing a crush on one of her 10 yr old students (YES...10 years old). She said she was nervous everytime she was around him and even admitted to favoring him in class (again...she never mentioned this to me until after the fact.) Then she said one day he started talking about play station and star wars figures, and that's when she realized "Oh...he's too immature and young." SERIOUSLY!!! BTW...nothing physical every happened. It was all just internal feelings she had for him...still sick if you ask me.
Another incident with this same person, and again I didn't find out until long after the fact. She was being stalked by a 17 yr old junior in Highschool. I didn't understand why at the time, until I finally found out years later, she had slept with him.
...again, I am no longer friends with this person.
Coach hooked up with a girl at my school and she got pregnant.
ReplyDelete^^it can't be the conversation, Syko. . .my 2 teens and their friends use the word "dude" every other word. Dude. . .duuudde. . .dude?? DUDE!! etc.
ReplyDeleteYep, two of my friends hooked up with two math teachers right after graduation. Prior to graduation, there was A LOT of flirting going on...
ReplyDeleteI went to high school back in the Reagan 80s, when the school had no money. The younger teachers were all laid off.
ReplyDeleteBut, it still happened.
In one case, a girl was having affairs with at least 2 teachers. She later married one of them after he got caught. And fired. And divorced. They had a kid or two and got divorced. But, I guess are still quite friendly.
A female teacher. Mid 40s at the time. Good looking woman however. Every year she picked one senior guy to give some extra special tutoring to. It wasn't me, but a good friend of mine. I helped cover it up.
And finally, a male teacher and a male student. The teacher was one of those creepy guys. He volunteered for everything. Plays, sports, etc. He loved to be around the boys. We all knew and stayed the hell away from him. The year after we graduated, he was arrested for screwing a sophmore boy. And writing love letters and sending Polaroids of his penis to the boy
There was a teacher at my high school that would pick a guy each semester to have sex with. She would give them keys to her car and when you saw them driving it around you knew they were having sex. My cousin ended up being one of the guys and I read some of the letters she sent him. It really messed him up for a couple of years after. We still talk about it today, almost 30 years later, and how we all knew but we never would have thought to tell anyone. I should also mention she was mrs "A" in my 9th grade, mrs "B" in my 10th, mrs "C" in my 11th and separated and dating a dif guy in my final year. I wonder sometimes where she is now and how she feels about getting old, because her looks meant everything to her back then.
ReplyDeleteMy first stepmother was my father's student at community college. At least she was 20 or so. I don't think I have any trust issues about it. If they are going to do it, they are going to do it. You just have to hope that they respect your feelings enough not to.
ReplyDeleteOne of my HS teachers was married to one of his former students. There wasn't much of an age difference between them though and I still have no idea if anything happened before her graduation. I would hope not since he was still teaching us some twenty years later.
ReplyDeleteMy high school was sexapalooza. (It was the 70s/early 80s.)
ReplyDeleteOne history teacher ended up marrying a girl from the class ahead of me. They waited until she was in college but I think they knew they liked each other before. Not really weirded out about that. Another history teacher picked out a girl in every class and went after her. Usually a very popular girl who probably thought she could handle the situation. We all thought we were so grown up. To the extent we knew about it the kids all assumed it was consensual quid pro quo, having no institutional knowledge of what had gone before. The adults really REALLY should have known better and done something but I guess they were too busy being kids. The girl from my class spoke out about it after she was in college, and got some of the other girls to speak out too. The statute of limitations was much shorter then so it was too late to prosecute but at least he's no longer teaching.
I'm 28, one of my best friends had a sexual relationship with a male teacher. Never was caught.
ReplyDeleteAwhile ago an older friend of mine busted her son for sleeping with the French teacher while in high school back in the day (I'm guessing in the 80's). That teacher was merely fired, and exhibited stalker type behavior so bad that mom moved her son out of state to get him away from it!
When I was a high school student WAY back in the late 80's a 50yr old teacher and a senior girl had an affair. EVERYONE knew and when I say everyone I mean even his wife and tween daughter. His family knew because his wife and daughter walked in on the hubby and the student who were screwing like rabbits in the man's bed.
ReplyDeleteHe NEVER got in trouble. NEVER!! He got a divorce and his daughter went off the rails but he still was a teacher. He married the student a year after she graduated.
The truly twisted thing is that he use to mention their sex life IN CLASS. He would make everyone go in and ask for test scores. Girls learned really fast to go in a group least he say peverted crap to them. Most would giggle and brush it off I told him if he ever said anything again, I'd tell my dad who was friends with the school board members, built like a defensive linebacker and could sharp shoot. He had a choice to watch his mouth or have his ass in a sling. He treated me respectfully after that.
High school was the late 90s for me. Our female geometry teacher/dance team coach, who was married to a very predominant rich family in our city, hooked up with a guy in my class, our junior year.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for her, he tape recorded it and decided it would be cool to play it for his buddies in another class.
Well, another teacher heard the recording and confiscated it. So needless to say, things did not turn out well for the teacher's job or marriage. Last I heard, she was still having trouble finding a teaching job. I hope it was worth it.
I have no idea what happened to the student. But I wish I had been a fly on the wall when his mother found out. She is the twin of Janice from FRIENDS, the voice and everything. Haha.
P.S. He still taught after I graduated!
ReplyDeleteTwo of my Grandmother's sisters married their college professors. The oldest waited until after graduation to get married. The other dropped out after the wedding and never finished her degree.
ReplyDeleteI never heard anything in high school, but there were several rumored affairs between students & professors in college. I had one female professor I really liked who married a former student, but it was years after he graduated.
We had a gym teacher who was rumored to have slept with a bunch of girls all underaged. At the time everyone treated them badly as though it was their fault he got fired or that they lied. I didn't know any of them, but I do remember passing the rumor along and it hurting one of the girls (at least I am pretty sure it did, either way I shouldn't have done it) . I didn't do it to be mean but it haunts me to this day. Probably in the top 10 of things I am ashamed of. Funny thing is, at the time we didn't see it as molestation. That happened to little kids, not teens. As as adult, I know better. Too bad that teacher didn't know better. I often wonder what happened to that girl and I hope she is living a happy life in spite of all of us who were hateful or misinformed.
ReplyDeleteAll of these happened at my high school:
ReplyDeletea) the year before I was a freshman, the volleyball coach knocked up one of his female volleyball players. She had the baby. It was also discovered that he was sleeping with another student.
b) the shop teacher was fired for having sex with a student
c) a math teacher, widely known for favoring female students and being pretty flirty with them, stopped class one day, got down on one knee in front of the whole class, and proposed to a sophomore. He was put on suspension, citing a "nervous breakdown". That was my freshman year. He came back to teach my junior year.
d) We had 3 gym teachers. One retired and a new one was hired my junior year. He was also the girls basketball coach. He was discovered having sex with a sophomore player when when of the students in his gym class complained about him spending long periods of time with his basketball players in his office, door closed.
We live in a filthy, filthy world.
Also, I just realized it might be of merit that I live in Indiana.
ReplyDeleteThe band teacher at my high school had married his student after he got her pregnant. 10 years later they were still married and everyone knew how it had gone down, but it was more scandal than outrage (this was the mid-80s).
ReplyDeleteMy sister and one of her HS teachers. She had a huge crush on him from day one, and she was the teacher's pet. She swore she never slept with him while she was a student and I believe her, but shortly after graduation - ! Their affair didn't last long.
ReplyDeleteHe died, suddenly, and we looked him up online to find out more. We found an unrelated article about how he had been caught sleeping with one of his students (a junior) at the last school he taught at. He was asked to leave, but given another teaching job at our high school, in the same state! I always thought he was a good guy for not sleeping with my sister, and all that went out the window when I found out about his other student. I'm not sure how old he was at the time, probably early 30s. Yikes.
Pretty sure there are plenty of teachers out there who don't have sex with thsir students.
ReplyDeleteBut those aren't good news stories.
I've never known about such a thing, but in high school one of my teachers told us that when she was at university there was a lecturer that would give girls better grades in exchange for "time alone" with them.
ReplyDelete@crila16:
ReplyDeleteThat story about the 10 year old boy is horrifying!
The fact that she ONLY realized he was "young and immature" when they had a discussion about Stars Wars figures and video games... O_o
I graduated from High School in 1973, a private school in Manhattan. The year after I graduated a then junior became pregnant with and married a member of the support staff.
ReplyDeleteI know a now retired math teacher from well to do High School in Northern New Jersey. She commented to me that every 2 or 3 years they would loose a young (usually right out of college) teacher because she had become pregnant with a students child.
I think there are two big changes as to why we hear more of this.
First we have a 24 hour news cycle and even the local TV station is providing a lot more coverage than 20 or 30 years ago.
The other huge change is that HS boys getting lucky with the teacher has gone from an ataboy event to something that is prosecuted.
Recently a teacher at the high school I worked at was arrested for sleeping with a 14 yr old student. She has a son the same age that attends the school she taught at. She is in jail awaiting trial.
ReplyDeleteI talked to one of the students from the school recently and she said that the student broke off the relationship and she sort of stalked him at the school-staring at him, mean looks, etc-and that is when the kid started to talk about what happened.
Another teacher in her early twenties hooked up with an 18 yr old male student. She left the school and she was a newlywed at the time she was teaching. The 18 yr old told everyone about the hook-up.
Thirty years ago-I feel so,old now-I had a 40 something science teacher who would call me princess and ask me if I wanted to meet with him after school for help. I was failing that class and I just took the failed grade. I cut that class as often as I could. My dad met the guy at the open house and commented about that guy hitting on his student-I just thought you got that right dad. I never said anything, I should have, but I was too scared and felt no one would believe me at the time.
John Wates made a comment on a talk show about if you are a necrophiliac you are going to work at a morgue or a mortuary...so if someone is attracted to teens/kids they will work with kids...you get the idea.
Oh and I forgot the other scandle at my school. The track coach took pictures of female students during practice and track meets that showed the girls in revealing positions. I don't remember if he had taken photos in the locker room or not.
ReplyDeletea teacher at my high school was recently fired for a sex scandal. sexting and drinking w male students at his house.
ReplyDeleteHave a friend who was groomed at age 14 by her teacher. She needed a father figure. He took her virginity at 15 when she agreed to babysit for him and he'd take her home and molest her. He claimed he loved her. Moved her into his house after graduation to take care of his kids in exchange for funding her college. His wife found out about it during this time and left. She got pregnant. They've been married for over 20 years. He's has numerous other student encounters. She's busted him in several. She's been silent. He's retired now. She questions whether she was a victim or not... she was. He's a good 20 years older than her! She's been unhappy for years but he's been so controlling for so much of her life she doesn't know how to get away for that. Only hope she finds the strength to leave him one day or find the strength to turn him in for screwing with other young heads like he has hers.
ReplyDeleteMy son has had 2 teachers prosecuted for this. One with middle school students. He recently was sentenced to 12 years. The other is still awaiting trial. It's disgusting.
My English teacher in HS married one of his students a year after she graduated. No one knows for certain if they dated when she was a student, but we all figured they did.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with stories about the creepy, weird family that had lived in the house next door, with the dad who slept with his student in community college (and who ran for president on a wacko third party ticket), their dog that howled all night long and was likely abused, and the strange kids. Imagine my un-surprise when one of those kids turned out to be Mary Kay LeTourneau.
I know a teacher who had an affair with a student. This was back in 1978 when such things weren't cause for arrest as they are today. Still, he was in his mid-thirties and she was 17. Only a few people knew about it at first, but eventually word leaked out and the teacher was fired. They wound up getting married shortly after she turned 18 and, to the best of my knowledge, they are still together today.
ReplyDeleteOther than that I don't know any, but it wouldn't surprise me if there were a few. I think in the past high school teachers hooking up with the students was a rare event, despite the number of stories being posted in this thread. But college profs and their students, well, that's another story.
There was a hugely popular teacher in our high school who wld hv kids over and joke around with us. Everyone thought he was a great guy, and when he started dating a popular female teacher, everyone thought it was great. They eventually got engaged and married. I never had an interest in the teacher or going to his house but others did. My father worked at the school and about 12 years later he told me male teacher wld hv kids over and make porn movies!! He got caught, divorced, and sent to another school to teach in exchange fir no charges to save girls from humiliation. Thats what they did in those days- shoved it under the rug. Sick shit! And the woman with crush on 10 yr old is SICK!!
ReplyDeleteThese stories are very disturbing! I'm almost six years out of high school and during that time, I was looking at boys my own age- not my teachers! My fiance is a band teacher, and while I know he would never, ever, everrrrrr do that with a student, I'm concerned with high school girls who do not know where the "line" is. He actually had to take a seminar class in school that was all about maintaining proper teacher/student relations. I was appalled that someone had to teach that- it should be common sense! Not totally related, but I do know of one guy who applied to be a teacher where he student-taught at whose application was denied because his supervising teacher thought he was too "buddy-buddy" with his students- in the friendly sense.
ReplyDeleteI know of one instance of student/teacher relationship from when I was in HS in the 1980s. I think things have changed a bit (1) teachers tend to be younger now because they've cut pay and benefits so much that as soon as teachers can find another job, most do (2) tv/music oversexes everyone these days and every student feels they have the right to "express themselves" with the fashions they see on celebs and musicians. Parents overrule principals on dress codes, and the hallways turn into hotel rooms.
ReplyDeleteNow, was everyone innocent back in the day? Of course not, but at least they were better at hiding it! No facebook, text messages or cell phone cameras to catch people with.
I went to high school in the late 80's and I can say that I never heard of anything like this happening at our school (a fairly small school in a small town). Then again, I can't remember a single good looking teacher (male or female), and none of them were very young. Now there was a hot young guy who was referred to as a narc (kind of like campus hall monitor, not a teacher). Rumors were that he and a few girls were sleeping together. But I think he was only 20.
ReplyDeleteThis has always been around. It just hasn't always been as easily prosecuted. Every time I read one of these stories about teachers and students, I have "Don't Stand So Close To Me," as mental background music.
ReplyDeleteThe music teacher from our school married his kids' former babysitter, who had also been one of his students. He claimed they started dating after his divorce and after he had finished college (he was a very open, hippie type), but there were always rumors that he hadn't.
Also, while it wasn't exactly school, one of the girls from my intership group in my senior year of high school also bragged about her relationship with the state representative who was her mentor. When my local state rep wanted to "take me home", I was too stupid to realize what he meant. There was even a running joke with the reps at the time, to send a new rep up to the gallery area to meet with a young intern, and then point him out as if he was getting caught fooling around with this intern. I didn't think it was so funny, but these guys thought it was hilarious.
Two, actually. One of my teachers in high school married a cheerleader.
ReplyDeleteThe other was my daughter's history teacher. He had sex with her and 49 other young women. He pled guilty and got two years. He served 11 months. As a present to myself, I write him a letter every day and mail it. Just to remind him that even though the justice system failed (in my opinion), he still has to face what he did every day.
The coach at my high school (male, 26) was sleeping with one of my classmates who was 17 at the time. I remember thinking how gross that was and how "old" he seemed. So long ago!
ReplyDeleteI am now 45 and recently my former grade 4 teacher was jailed for pedophilia. I remember a the time hearing rumours that he puts his hand down girls' tops and to not be alone with him but I guess it was true afterall.
ReplyDelete@sassyyankee -I am so sorry that your family had to deal with such a horrible situation. However, I do think the way your are handling it is awesome!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in high school (graduated in '81) it was COMMON for teachers to date, even LIVE WITH students. I can think of 3 off-hand that were seriously involved, no, 4. And two girls in my senior class had a 3-way with our English teacher, who admittedly was only 24.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, no one thought it was wrong. Creepy, sure, but it certainly wasn't considered illegal. Just as we thought that if you drank, you had to just "be careful" if you drove.
Oh, for the good ol' days...ha.
Thanks @BigMama. I will be the one who will probably end up in jail ... for harassment. But every day, I feel so good when I post that letter. It probably goes right in the trash on the other end, but at least I am helping to keep the US Post Office in business. :)
ReplyDeleteAll these comments are incredibly disturbing. If this was going on at my schools growing up, I never had a clue about it. It's a good thing these creeps are now being prosecuted. Lock them up and throw away the key!!!
ReplyDeleteIn the early 1990s I knew a female teacher in her late 20s who slept with a female student. The student's parents went through the roof -- and the student eventually later came back, after she went to college, to confront the teacher. But it never went public, and it wasn't commonly in the news then. In fact, she continued to drive past the student's house like a lovesick 16 year old instead of an adult teacher and I don't think it ever occurred to her that she could have easily been plastered all over the news, or that anyone would consider her a pedophile.
ReplyDeleteteachers aren't nuns, they are human beings. of course some do and some don't.
ReplyDeleteI bet for every one we hear about another 20 never come to light.
it happened ALL the time in HS.
Yes. In 1979 and 1980, a girl in my senior class in high school was screwing a teacher. He was about 35, married, had three kids. He retired just recently, and she's an elementary school teacher, married with kids in college.
ReplyDeleteAnd if it counts, I had an illicit affair with a professor in law school which started when I was 23 and she was 31. But we ended up married for over 20 years, and our kids are in college or almost there.
Oh yeah, and one of the comments reminded me of a male teacher who preyed on boys in my high school. I know of at least two boys he molested. Drama teacher.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just remembered another one, an older guy, who used to ask boys to "come up to my cabin" in the mountains for weekends. Had this guy for Algebra 2.
Interestingly, I considered the gay teachers predators at the time, while I wanted to high-five the guy banging the hot chick whom I wanted.
Our male elementary gym teacher used to touch the girls who had developed, and shower with the bathroom door open. When my Mom complained to the school they said he was a wonderful man and would never think that way about the girls. My sons male gym teacher used to make the 4th grade boys shower naked and watch from his office. I had a high school teacher who passed me because I would lean over his desk.
ReplyDelete@sassyyankee Holy Sh8t! I'm so sorry, 11 months for molesting 50 girls!
ReplyDeleteI graduated High School in 1976. We had a male health teacher who (I found out later) had been sleeping with a number of female students over the years -- including a couple in my graduating class. A few years after I graduated, he got a high school student pregnant and ended up marrying her in a "shotgun" wedding. I don't know the current status of the marriage -- he had to have been in his forties.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my oldest brother married a former student of his (he was a 36-year old High School Teacher at the time). Supposedly she was the one to have really pushed for the relationship and knowing my brother, I think that was true. The marriage only lasted 4 or 5 years -- they had absolutely nothing in common. He must have learned his lesson as he now has a long-standing relationship with a fellow teacher who is much closer to his age.
I teach college and married one of my former professors. Of course, I met my husband when I was thirty-eight. We didn't even become friends until about a year later. He did confess to having a crush on me.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, there is nothing in our contracts about romantic relationships with students! I was shocked because my husband teaches at a public university and it's in his contract that he would be fired if there is anything romantic going on. The UCs are trying to make where professors get fired for even dating former students!
My husband has also been stalked by female students. Every semester I have a male student who makes moves on me too. Of course, all these people are legal.
I was in high school (parochial) back in the mid-to late 80s and this was going on. My religion teacher married a student who was a year ahead of me! My male friend had an affair with his history teacher in his all male high school when he was 16. It was done back then, but it was kept hush-hush.
In the 1980s, one of my (I think in the US it's called) middle school teachers had an affair with a student in high(?) school?
ReplyDeleteRumour has it that he was transferred to my school because he was caught stealing test papers for his girlfriend - btw, my mom was the one who caught him, and he slashed her car tires.
Anyhoo, we hated him because he was always trying to touch the girls - eventually we all wisened up and would switch seats during his classes so that each girl had a boy next to her to distract the teacher.
The teacher was eventually stabbed to death in the middle of a tryst in his car with his girlfriend. The girl's other boyfriend did it, but everybody figured he did the world a favour so officially, there were no witnesses to the crime.
In Junior High, every girl had a crush on one teacher, Mr. B. Halfway through high school, we moved away from that town but I went back for my 10th year reunion. Turns out Mr. B got divorced from his wife to marry one of my classmates. Theyw ere there at the reunion and I was talking to him and kept saying Mr. B this and Mr. B that and he said, "Stop calling me Mr. B!!!! Call me by my first name cos you make me feel so old!!!"
ReplyDeleteThey are still married to this day. BTW, she was 17 when they ran away and while we thought he was sooooo much older than we were, he was in his mid-20s.
Oh! I forgot about the second high school I went to! I was on the tennis team and in my senior year, they hired this GORGEOUS man as our coach. We all had a crush on him. A couple years after I graduated, it turns out he was run out of town for having sex with one of the tennis team players.
ReplyDeleteI'm old, but I remember in high school there was a female girl's field hockey coach who hooked up with a couple of the girls. In my class, the social studies teacher got it on with one of my friends (SO GROSS) and we had a creepy biology teacher who used to try to look down blouses and up skirts. Our Earth Science teacher hated women and degraded the girls every chance he got. So, I don't think this is a new situation, just better covered.
ReplyDeleteI grasp the legal necessity of adult accountability in this but unless the sex was non-consensual it seems a bit unfair that these very over-sexed teens of today not be responsible in someway for their parts in what happened. Then we wonder why we have kids growing up without any concept of their own responsibility for wrong doings in their lives?
ReplyDeleteUnless it was a case of rape,they knowingly agreed to sex with an older authority figure. Believe me,that is part of the hot factor for many of these girls/guys who do this. There might be emotional manipulation on the part of the adult but often these young men and women are very sexually aggressive. Stalking,sending sexually charged pics of themselves. Happens all the time. They won't go to jail for this unless they are 18 and sending them to someone 4 years younger in our state.
My daughter is friends with a girl who is 17 and has had 23 sex partners. That is not an innocent girl imho. Eventually with the rate she is going she will tire of high school boys. I find myself relieved the really handsome TA they were all salivating over has left. He was only 22 I think. Just asking for trouble..
It bothers me just because the law says they are too underage to be held accountable for their parts,they are all viewed as victims.No they are guilty of things too but the adult will do prison time and have a record as a sex offender for the rest of their lives.
These teachers are only human and not all set out with pedophile intentions.It is wrong on every level to give in to the temptation but if it is a mutual relationship should it ruin their lives forever? Eveb worse,we also have TV shows that romanticize this. Like "pretty little liars". One more than one occasion my own daughters who haven't had any serious boyfriends made a comment about how adorable that teacher/student relationship is. Its not adorable,its irresponsible. I have made no bones to them about our feelings on such things too.
If they were to show any signs of pursuing an older man or a teacher we would hold them VERY accountable for such actions. I find it appalling how many parents don't. A victim is someone who unwittingly did something or had a horrible circumstance befall them thru no action of their own. A poor choice does not a victim make.
When I was in junior high back in the early-to-mid '70s, we had a female science teacher who was either going through one HELL of a midlife crisis, or I don't know--IIRC, she was at least in her 40s, maybe even 50s, and was married to my former elementary school principal (I think they had a grown son), and she sashayed around in miniskirts, tight, lowcut sweaters (occasionally braless, although I only knew about this after the fact, being extremely naive), boots, and rather a lot of makeup; she also had long straight red hair that I suspect was dyed at that point. She was a good teacher and I always liked her, but in retrospect I can't help but think she was dressing inappropriately around 12- to 13-year-olds. Also later, I heard a rumor that she'd been spending, ahem, quality time w/one of my male classmates in the storage room off her classroom, but I don't know if it was true or not...of course, back then, if it had been true, he would have been proud as a peacock over it, and strutting around like a BMOC. Damn, we thought we were SO grown-up back then... *shakes head in disbelief*
ReplyDeleteThere was also a band teacher at my high school (actually, he taught all over the district) that ended up marrying a girl from the class below me, but that wasn't until after she graduated from college, so I don't know if anything at all went on while she was still in high school; they're divorced now, IIRC.
Oh, and recently I heard the tale of a male teacher when my mom was in school (at the same high school, FWIW) who was hitting on girls he thought might "put out" while his washed-out-looking blonde wife was pregnant w/their first kid (he was probably abusing her), and harassing them if they wouldn't go along. Fortunately, some of the girls told their parents, who got in touch w/the local cops, who basically ran a sting operation on the putz and busted him in his car trying to go after a couple of girls (who were in on the sting, & were very gutsy to help the cops like that). He threatened to sic the teachers' union on them, and he just ended up "resigning" and moving on to another school district, where no doubt he kept on being a sleaze. It was kept pretty quiet, for fear that the girls' reputations would be trashed by the usual idiots, even though they were all totally innocent & the cops knew it. So much for the "good old days", eh?
This isn't anything new. Had a teacher in both my Jr. High and High School who had relationships with underage students. And that wad 30 years ago.
ReplyDeleteOh, and talk about disgusting, when my mom was counseling students at a school after a male teacher was caught sleeping with a female student, the other kids all kept asking if the student was going to go to jail! We aren't doing a very good job of teaching kids how to be in healthy relationships. It should be a mandatory part of health class.
ReplyDeleteIn my high school, of which there were only 600 students total from years 7 to 12, we had the following:
ReplyDelete1) Female student slept with married male maybe teacher for better grades. His wife also worked at our school. Everyone was on the wife's side. The teacher ended up getting a divorce and marrying the now graduated student whose family hated him.
2) Female student lived with female teacher after finishing High School. Don't know if anything happened before.
3) Male teacher has an affair with female student. They say nothing happened before she left school, but I don't believe it. She left school very young, so even if they did wait she would have been barely 16. She spent her youth having a crush on my younger brother. They ended up being together for a long time, but my skin crawls thinking about it.
This all happened in the 1980's.
No, but there was this girl once who told all her friends she was having sex with this male teacher who was married, he was a very popular teacher, she made such accusations that got him suspended during the investigation, but not charged as he always denied that he ever had sex with the girl and in the end she was found to be lying. The teacher was exonerated and the girl was expelled from the school and charged for the bogus claim, the teacher quit his job after the school year ended. None of the students knew where he went afterwards.
ReplyDeleteAll of these comments are so disturbing. It obviously is so rampant. I have seen it at the Middle, High School, and College level. Two of my teachers who I adored were taking advantage of students. My middle school teacher, I thought just favored us for our intelligence. He would give us neck rubs and fawn over us, all at the tender age of 11-13, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. I never found it odd for some reason. He was later arrested for fondling my neighbor and he shipped off to NC, never to be heard from again.
ReplyDeleteIn high school, there were lots of rumors of the cute geometry teacher/swim coach. I never gave them too much credit, until he offered to give my one on one swim lessons in his home pool.
And as 23 yo high school teacher, I have to tell you, I had to interest in my sometimes 19 yo students. They are students! Gross.
And don't get me started on college professors, I know too many who divorce their wives and marry their students. So many of them put themselves into wayyy to casual contact with students. It is disgusting. Both my husband and I are professors and it disgusts me to see how some of these men (sorry, never seen a woman do it) prey on their young graduate students.
That should be "I had NO interest"
ReplyDeletederee...the adult will do prison time and have a record as a sex offender for the rest of their lives.
ReplyDeleteSounds good to me.
Sounds fine to me as well. They knew the risks,got caught and are in trouble. My complaint is about the situations that aren't molestation or rape. The cases we are hearing most about lately are consenting couples in illegal relationships.Not much different than the 17 year olds I know of sleeping with guys in their 20s except the adults in these cases are in positions of authority
DeleteWhere is the accountability for these girls and boys,I'm talking high school 16 plus,sexually skilled that know full well this is illegal and do it anyway? Maybe the laws need to include a stint in juvy for these types who do it because it is bragging rights and attaboys?Without kids facing some sort of punishment is it ever going to stop? If the adults can't be adults,we need to arm our kids with either moral compass or enforce consequences for actions so someone is keeping a level-head.
It is sick all around. We are sending kids out into the word that have very little concept of what it means to be accountable for your choices then we complain what a world this has become?
3 years ago we had a situation in a nearby community of a junior high student telling her peers she was in a relationship with a much older teacher. Someone reported this,he denied every allegation but because her bike had been seen at his house the schoolboard terminated him.I guess he should have told her to not come to his house ever, that was his first mistake.
Last year this girl confessed there was nothing going on between them and she just had such a crush she thought they were in love.He was nice to her,also a coach so he took mentoring quite seriously.
Thank goodness he received no jailtime for this as they couldn't determine if sexual misconduct had occured ,but it will remain on his permanent record. He had to move away and start life all over again.
The girl has gotten tons of sympathy as a confused child who didn't know the difference. Really? I'm pretty sure at even 14 there is a concept that lying about relationships not even happening to the extent of ruining a man's career might not be the best idea.
So yes, between this and several other instances of witnessing just what Lolitas some of these girls are striving to be I feel very strongly they too should be held responsible for their parts in something they are a willing partcipant in,no matter if the law states only the adult is guilty.
@sassyyankee- I'm so sorry about your situation. 11 months is laughable and not the norm. My spouse is in law enforcement. He has seen guys go to prison for 15 years doing less than what your daughter's molestor did.Some of the 18 year olds sexting with their 15 year old girlfriends are getting more time than 11 months! Appalling!
Growing up in the 80s/90s the teacher/student relationship was common. I know of one in particular the parents fully supported.I mean fully,they adored her boyfriend. When they went public she was a senior at 18 but it started before that I'm sure. The teacher/coach had a daughter older than the girl he was dating. No one cared. They didn't marry as everyone assumed they would. I still find it strange her parents were so supportive.
I graduated in 1981. I know at least 2 teachers whom married students. A 30-ish English teacher married her student the year after he graduated. A math teacher also in his early 30's married a student when she turned 21. Problem was he was married with kids when he had been her teacher. I think it probably took time for the divorce to be finalized.
ReplyDeleteSenior year a good friend of mine was editor of the yearbook. She kept telling me the English teacher working with her kept making passes at her. He is still teaching, so he may have been in his late 20's. I am not sure if I believed her at the time. She was on the insecure side and may have made this up. There were rumors at the time that she was gay. We went to college together and one day she sat on my bed, put her hands on my thighs and told me I had great legs. hmmmmm...
I will say I spent a lot of time at my kid's schools volunteering. Some of the middle school girls come in with more make-up than a drag queen, low cut tank tops and sweat pants with the waist rolled down so you can see the thong underwear sticking out. It is very distracting. Not that it is an excuse for teachers hitting on them, but I wouldn't want to be a male teacher in my early 20's. These girls seriously look older than that.
@Sassyyankee - I hope you don't get busted. I'd want to do the same thing, maybe I would do the same thing. That must have been hard for you and your family. Eleven months is LAUGHABLE.
ReplyDeleteYes I do know someone, personally, and she bragged about her aunt who teaches eighth grade at the same school as she who also has been having an affair with one of her students. Mind you, this chick also threatened to call CPS on me because I yelled (yes, yelled) at my son. She said it, "was her duty as an educator." I wish I was making this up (it took me a few days to come to the realization of the irony of what had happened). Suffice to say, this "woman" doesn't talk to me at all anymore, and lives halfway across the country from me, where her and her aunts crimes occurred. OH and it gets better, she and her other aunt, my birth mother, were bragging about how the teacher aunt brought her "boyfriend" to my birthmom's NYE party and he got so drunk they thought he alcohol poisoning but no one would call the ambulance because my bm is a super vp executive and the rest of her family are teachers. So obviously they knew enough to know they'd all be arrested, but because both teachers lovers are illegals I feel they deem it acceptable. They are white. #1 glad I am adopted and no longer speaking with this people, and #2 let it be known, they deem me a horrible parent because I yell at my kids. Nice.
ReplyDeleteIsn't a sad state of affairs when it's deemed more socially unacceptable to call your kids out on their sh*t than it is for an adult to deem a pre-teen sex material. ESPECIALLY one in your care.
It does SEEM like it goes on more nowadays, doesn't it? Several teachers in my town have been busted recently, all within the last few months and I don't EVER recall hearing about anything coming out in the 8 years I've been here (although, I'm not naive enough to believe nothing else happened).
ReplyDeleteI never heard about anything while in HS (in SC), but I did hear rumors about a classmate of mine and a teacher a year or so later that indicated an affair while we were in school. The guy was married w/kids. My sis went to school in the 80's and there was at least one instance, (M teacher, F student), but the age difference was small, they got together after graduation and they are still together today. Something has come out recently about people with youth positions in a church and teens, back in the 80's. One of them ended up on Dr. Phil recently to discuss being busted in another town for the same thing.
I went to elementary/middle in NJ and my friend from there said that she'd learned that one of her old teachers had been arrested for molesting a two year old.
I had a crush on a teacher in HS, but there is NO WAY in hell, I would have ever acted on anything like that and vice versa.
Scary thread of stories.
@sassyyankee - I LOVE that you send a letter everyday. So sorry for what's happened to your daughter.
I'm so glad I attended a boring Catholic HS where, even in the '90s, the most scandalous things were going on between colleagues, e.g. rumors that one single teacher was going out with another single teacher. And there were a lot of older male teachers at my single gender school, but they by and large were very respectful and treated the girls like their own children or grandchildren. There was one guy who was creepy (he wasn't my teacher for anything but he was one of the sponsors for a club I participated in so I had the great displeasure of being leered at by him), but as far as I know, he didn't do anything to any of us.
ReplyDeleteI get why there's such outrage toward teachers who engage in sexual contact with their students. See, regardless of the age difference, there's still a huge imbalance of power when it comes to teacher vs. student. The teacher is one of the most important authority figures in the student's life, so if they engage in sexual acts or have any sort of romantic relationship, there's a huge power imbalance in the teacher's favor. If you've got a case of a young teacher who's fallen for an older student who's just a few years younger, then the best thing to do would be to wait until the younger person was of majority AND no longer a student of the teacher's so the relationship can start off with both people on equal footing. Otherwise it would be hugely disadvantageous toward the student to continue on with this romantic relationship.
BTW, I also believe that huge age gaps (i.e. 15 years or more) also provide a huge imbalance of power in favor of the older person, because we're talking about generational gaps that are impossible to bridge. I mean, the 1970s are my favorite decade and I obsess over there, but I'm not going to want to date anyone who was a teenager in the '70s because there would be far too large an age gap for us to really relate to each other, no matter how much I know about the decade of that person's adolescence.
I've got three stories, two of them actually my dad's. (He was in HS in the 70s, for the record.)
ReplyDeleteThe first one was when he was in middle school. It was basically common knowledge that one of the band teachers (male) was a pedophile.
The second one was that, in high school, there was a driving instructor who would "help" the girls put their seatbelts on properly so he could cop a feel... nothing was ever done about him either. (My dad grew up in a really shitty county, go figure...)
The third happened after I left high school. A gym teacher who was hired after I left got fired for sending sexy pictures of himself to some female students.
i know this happened at my school as far back as the 70s. I think it's easier to get caught now because with technology you leave a lot more of a trail behind.
ReplyDelete