Bobby Brown, probably. His touring contract probably supplies liquor in his dressing room for each concert and his roadies just box it (and everything else in the room) up and take it with them.
Pet peeve of mine: I hate when people criticize someone who is grieving. People grieve differently. Nobody can tell you how to grieve. Unless it hurts someone else, grieve how you want to grieve.
When I was in deep grief, at one point seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and on tranquilizers just to get through the day, the shrink told me that at one point, people will let me know, very clearly, that they are tired of seeing me grieve, but I just had to learn not to grieve in front of them. I didn't believe him. Within days, my boss let me know that she was tired of me having to take time off work to go to memorials for another family member and was glad they were over. I couldn't believe it, but remembered what the shrink told me.
At one point in my grief, I TRIED to get drunk because I wanted to numb myself, but I couldn't! (Pot helped; and I'm not a toker normally.)
So while drugs and alcohol aren't the healthiest ways to get through grief, sometimes they fill in quite nicely if you don't overdo it or do something crazy.
My point (yes I did have one! hee hee) is, if he's doing this secretly and not hurting anyone, good God, let him do it.
@nunaurbiz- wow, that is really rude of your boss to say! I can't imagine saying that to anyone. I wonder how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
@nunaurbiz, I learnt that quickly when my husband and I found out we couldn't have children. A different kind of grieving, but no sympathy was forthcoming for the loss of all our hopes and dreams to have a family. The saddest example was another friend who had gone through infertility before us, and we had been really sympathetic and compassionate towards her, and she said not a word to us. People are strange.
@nunaurbiz - The day I found out my boyfriend was going to die (cancer), I was at work and my manager said "didn't you expect this?" She managed me but I was assistant to a real asshole who had this to say after I came in late the week we buried him, "we need you here on time, Sarah." I quit that job and want back to college.
Feraltart, some people are really uncomfortable with grieving. I am not saying that excuses your friend, but when a friend of mine miscarried late in her pregnancy, I had a really hard time finding ways to let her know that I was thinking of her and I wished I could take away her pain. We are so alike in being awkward, so I guess that is part of it, too. I always think back to that time and wished I had been more vocal, something I regret because our friendship hasn't been as close since. =/ I am sorry for the sad news, I can't imagine how you felt. Ms. Cool, great call! I am so sorry for your loss. Your ex-boss sounds like such a tool.
EleanorRigby, sorry it has taken me a while to respond - I am at work in Australia. I understand that people don't know what to say, but acknowledging it can make all the difference. I don't think you have irrevocably changed your friendship. Even though time has passed, you can always broach the topic. If talking is too hard, why not print out your comment and show your friend. It was beautiful and heartfelt & you wouldn't be alone in finding that conversation difficult. Good luck.
This week has been sad for 2 friends of mine..One lost his dad and he's 24 years old, the other is another coworker who just lost her sister in a car accident.... I mean, what do you say! I always tell them they're in my thoughts and I send good wishes to them (I'm not religious). It is what it is
If only we still wore black to signify mourning... Just kidding but maybe it would help make it less awkward.
When I lost my dad suddenly, everyone was really supportive for the first 2 weeks and then just expected me to be normal again. That was so hard. I found myself hiding my grief to not upset others around me. I also discovered who my real friends were and dropped those that couldn't be there for me.
@Amy in MI - Best thing you can do is be there for them in a month or two when the denial and shock wears off. You may never have the "right" thing to say, but just knowing they have an sympathetic friend to cry on and vent to will be such a blessing.
@ms cool - Good for you for walking out! That kind of crap makes me so mad. I hope you quit by email or stormed out in a tirade or activated the emergency slide on your way to freedom!
@nunaurbiz & @ms cool - Those folks will receive the same cold treatment in their times of need, dog willing. Eff 'em.
It's unbelievable to me how many "trusted' superiors at workplaces are completely incapable of simple compassion. It's actually quite disgusting & wish there was a "No dick bosses or HR personel" law. Too many GOOD people lose their job or quit because of these people & it's not as if good jobs are easy to come by these days.
Did she have any other love interest other than Bobby and Ray J?
ReplyDeleteeddie murphy.
ReplyDeleteAll of them?
ReplyDeleteAretha Franklin.
ReplyDeleteLindsay?
ReplyDeleteCindy Crawford ;-)
ReplyDeleteBen Affleck!
ReplyDeleteLololol!
DeleteBobbaaaayyy!!! Bobbaaayyy!
ReplyDeleteI second califblondy. Girlfriend wasn't known for dating men who didn't have drug problems. Birds of a feather...
ReplyDelete...smoke crack together?
ReplyDeleteSue Simmons?
ReplyDeleteBobby Brown, probably. His touring contract probably supplies liquor in his dressing room for each concert and his roadies just box it (and everything else in the room) up and take it with them.
ReplyDeleteRobin?
ReplyDelete@Lori - niiiiiiiiccccceeeee one
ReplyDeleteThe way this is written, I'm leaning towards it's a chick. But I have no clue who.
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Lori! Well done. :)
ReplyDeletePet peeve of mine: I hate when people criticize someone who is grieving. People grieve differently. Nobody can tell you how to grieve. Unless it hurts someone else, grieve how you want to grieve.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in deep grief, at one point seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and on tranquilizers just to get through the day, the shrink told me that at one point, people will let me know, very clearly, that they are tired of seeing me grieve, but I just had to learn not to grieve in front of them. I didn't believe him. Within days, my boss let me know that she was tired of me having to take time off work to go to memorials for another family member and was glad they were over. I couldn't believe it, but remembered what the shrink told me.
At one point in my grief, I TRIED to get drunk because I wanted to numb myself, but I couldn't! (Pot helped; and I'm not a toker normally.)
So while drugs and alcohol aren't the healthiest ways to get through grief, sometimes they fill in quite nicely if you don't overdo it or do something crazy.
My point (yes I did have one! hee hee) is, if he's doing this secretly and not hurting anyone, good God, let him do it.
@nunaurbiz- wow, that is really rude of your boss to say! I can't imagine saying that to anyone. I wonder how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
ReplyDeleteThanks, @EleanorRigby. People say the stupidest things to grieving people. I want to write a book someday about my experiences and what I learned :-)
ReplyDelete@nunaurbiz, I learnt that quickly when my husband and I found out we couldn't have children. A different kind of grieving, but no sympathy was forthcoming for the loss of all our hopes and dreams to have a family. The saddest example was another friend who had gone through infertility before us, and we had been really sympathetic and compassionate towards her, and she said not a word to us. People are strange.
ReplyDelete@nunaurbiz - The day I found out my boyfriend was going to die (cancer), I was at work and my manager said "didn't you expect this?" She managed me but I was assistant to a real asshole who had this to say after I came in late the week we buried him, "we need you here on time, Sarah." I quit that job and want back to college.
ReplyDeleteer, went back to college.
ReplyDeleteKelly McGillis
ReplyDeleteFeraltart, some people are really uncomfortable with grieving. I am not saying that excuses your friend, but when a friend of mine miscarried late in her pregnancy, I had a really hard time finding ways to let her know that I was thinking of her and I wished I could take away her pain. We are so alike in being awkward, so I guess that is part of it, too. I always think back to that time and wished I had been more vocal, something I regret because our friendship hasn't been as close since. =/ I am sorry for the sad news, I can't imagine how you felt.
ReplyDeleteMs. Cool, great call! I am so sorry for your loss. Your ex-boss sounds like such a tool.
EleanorRigby, sorry it has taken me a while to respond - I am at work in Australia. I understand that people don't know what to say, but acknowledging it can make all the difference. I don't think you have irrevocably changed your friendship. Even though time has passed, you can always broach the topic. If talking is too hard, why not print out your comment and show your friend. It was beautiful and heartfelt & you wouldn't be alone in finding that conversation difficult. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThis week has been sad for 2 friends of mine..One lost his dad and he's 24 years old, the other is another coworker who just lost her sister in a car accident.... I mean, what do you say! I always tell them they're in my thoughts and I send good wishes to them (I'm not religious). It is what it is
ReplyDeleteRay J
ReplyDeleteIf only we still wore black to signify mourning... Just kidding but maybe it would help make it less awkward.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost my dad suddenly, everyone was really supportive for the first 2 weeks and then just expected me to be normal again. That was so hard. I found myself hiding my grief to not upset others around me. I also discovered who my real friends were and dropped those that couldn't be there for me.
@Amy in MI - Best thing you can do is be there for them in a month or two when the denial and shock wears off. You may never have the "right" thing to say, but just knowing they have an sympathetic friend to cry on and vent to will be such a blessing.
@ms cool - Good for you for walking out! That kind of crap makes me so mad. I hope you quit by email or stormed out in a tirade or activated the emergency slide on your way to freedom!
nunaurbiz-that's a typical response from a psychopath. It's been documented over and over.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be Bobaaaaaaaaaaay. Didn't Celebrity Rehab sober him up?
@nunaurbiz & @ms cool - Those folks will receive the same cold treatment in their times of need, dog willing. Eff 'em.
ReplyDeleteIt's unbelievable to me how many "trusted' superiors at workplaces are completely incapable of simple compassion. It's actually quite disgusting & wish there was a "No dick bosses or HR personel" law. Too many GOOD people lose their job or quit because of these people & it's not as if good jobs are easy to come by these days.
-End rant-