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To spank or not spank a child? Were you spanked as a child?
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spank is an understatement for me as a child!
ReplyDeleteWas not spanked and do not spank. Physical violence never the answer.
ReplyDeleteIt was awful. I don't have children, so I can't say. I don't hit my dog though.
ReplyDeleteI was spanked with hands and belt. I don't spank now, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm with sunshine, my folks were old school and not having it. I am a firm believer in the old adage "Spare the rod & spoil the child", it worked for me and I am fully functional successful adult thanks to it. Yet my cousins who never got hit, ended up in prisons, go figure.
ReplyDeleteI was spanked. I have spanked on occasion. The "spanking" I do in my house reduces my daughters to giggles rather than tears. I prefer time out or a "good talking too". My eldest has said that those talks were so annoying that she corrected her behavior rather than sit through another one. :)
ReplyDeleteWe weren't ever beat, but if we did something really bad, we got a swat on the butt. It wasn't so hard as to leave a mark, but hard enough to know it was punishment. This was usually after a monster of a temper tantrum, usually in public. They stopped when we got to be school age and understood time outs and being sent to our rooms better.
ReplyDeleteI can't say if I'd spank my child. I guess it depends on my emotions when the situation should arise. I don't see harm in doing it, but I'm not saying its okay to hold down your toddler and wail on his poor little bottom. Sometimes yelling can go ignored, and a quick little thwap can shock them into really understanding.
I was spanked - I refuse to do so with my child(ren) (my son is only 5 months old, so it's obviously never even come up). It made me angry & resent my parents - it was never a "good" punishment for me.
ReplyDeleteSpanked? That's an understatement.
ReplyDeleteI do however, understand the use of and don't underestimate the value of a single quick open handed smack on the tush.
Well, I think @ the age of 3 ~ 4 is when a child figures out that you will love them no matter what AND that pissing off your parents is fun! (Terrible 2's is wrong, it should be terrible 3's)I gave my son a (light)spank on the butt maybe twice, and that was it. He got the message that he better listen. If you find yourself doing it over and over, it is NOT working.
ReplyDeleteI was maybe spanked 3 times in my life. I don't spank my own kids( they have to sit in the Time Out Chair if they're small and lose priveledges if they're older) but I also don't think the gov't should outlaw spanking for those that do; it takes parents' rights away, but by spanking I don't mean abuse, either.
ReplyDeleteYes, we were and now it seems abusive. But, the sibling and I turned out to be productive adults probably out of fear of the Mum. Yet my Father never ever hit us, he softly asked and we jumped.
ReplyDeleteNow, I don't believe spanking or out of control violent whacking like we got is necessary.
Got the belt & hand/fist as well. I believe words are much more powerful & effective. I never understood that garbage of 'this hurts me more than it hurts you' from my mom or step-dad. Too me, that meant I was obviously missing the point & Mom was just too pissed too care.
ReplyDeleteMy middle school also administered paddlings with parental consent. Thankfully (I guess??) my mom wouldn't let the school do it for her.
^and my daughter is 9 now but she has not & will not get spankings no matter what she's done.
ReplyDeleteI was spanked and was traumatized by it. I will not spank my own children.
ReplyDeleteCongrats @Meg :)
ReplyDeleteI got a quick one hand pop to the tush for outright disobedience.
ReplyDeleteI gave one of those to my daughter once after she willfully darted to the street. I think it was more out of fear on my part, I grabbed her and gave her an openhanded pop on the tush. She was shocked, it got her attention about something very important.
I used the sit down and talk it out for everything else. With the loss of privileges for punishment.
I much prefer to attempt logic and reason with a child to TEACH them why their behavior/actions/deeds were wrong and let them see WHY it was wrong. (Examples of kids in juvie and adults in prison can help teach a child amazing lessons!).
ReplyDeleteWhen the child can answer those reasons and admit to understanding the logic, truthfully, they have learned why NOT to do it again. Granted this may not work ALL of the time with ALL kids, but with some it's far more effective.
Thus, if they repeat the offense again - you know they did it on purpose and then deserve punishment. Maybe a Father Knows Best kind of old-school way to parent - but isn't the purpose of parenting to TEACH them to REALIZE ON THEIR OWN how to be a better person? I wish my Dad would have tried that approach (then maybe I'd not have been such an enfant terrible!).
Spank.
ReplyDeleteYes.
I was sat in the corner and threatened with spanks.
ReplyDeleteI'm against spanking children.
AND--I don't mean "beat." Just spanked with either a hand, switch or fly-swatter on the butt and upper rear thighs. Not to death, either. Just enough to get the attention of some wild-ass younguns. We needed it, and apparently so do many kids I see.
ReplyDeleteOh, and only ever by Mom, never by Dad. He didn't need to use discipline once she got through with us.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid I was always scared of it. I'm British so we call it 'smacking' - I don't recall it but I was apparently only smacked once and was sick straight away! My mother said this made my parents too scared to do it again - and at the same time I was so scared of it happening again that I was a very well behaved child! Horses for courses though!
ReplyDeleteI work with kids now and I would never tell a parent how to raise their child but my concern is hitting in anger - I know how they can try your patience.
I was spanked and a couple of times even got the shit kicked out of me. I hated it at the time and I hate thinking about it now, but boy it sure made us behave (until I got into my teens, of course).
ReplyDeleteWe were spanked as kids - me less often than my sister. It wasn't for minor things, mainly for willful disobedience. We knew we were doing something wrong and did it anyway. Nothing major, definitely not beating, and not really past the age of 6 or 7. After 7yrs we lost privileges.
ReplyDeleteI don't have children, but if I did, I wouldn't have a problem spanking my child should the situation warrant it.
I wasn't spanked, but I was raised by a nanny and not by my parents, so that makes a difference. My mother was too busy hosting charity balls to care what I did.
ReplyDeleteYes, I spanked my kids when they are too young to understand that running into traffic, etc. is dangerous. Sometimes you just have to get their attention.
I was spanked a few times as a child for disobedience (and there's a big difference between spanking a child and beating one). I was spanked with a bare hand, never beaten, and I would never condone beating a child. I never had kids, but once I gave my 3 year old nephew a few swats on the rear for letting go of my hand (after being told to hold my hand by his mother) and he ran into traffic and almost was run over. And yes, I'd do it again. (He ran in the house after that and told his mother "Aunt Susan spanked me!" She asked me why, I told her and she turned to him and said "Well, you deserved it.")
ReplyDeleteWas spanked, and spanked my daughter maybe 2 or 3 time, she never needed it again. It works when you aren't beating them black and blue, but just normal spanking.
ReplyDeletePeople that thinks sitting them in a chair works are delusional.
My mother would have been jailed by today's standards with her brand of parenting. She spanked with a belt, and used many, many other cruel and unusual forms of punishment on us.
ReplyDeleteTook me 43 of the 46 yrs I've been alive to move past it.
I spanked my children a couple of times when they were young. But soon discovered it did me no good and stopped.
I was spanked as a child and have never done it to my kids. Instead they got things like standing in the corner. Sometimes it was extremely hard to keep them there.
ReplyDeleteWhipped with a belt, but not often.
ReplyDeleteI really didn't have the heart to beat my kids but I did slightly not with a belt just a shocking swat every once in a while.
My husband did the spanking and he sucked at it.
I wish there was time out when my kids were growing up.
If i had to do it over I would never hit...now I think it's barbaric and should be outlawed.
Hitting is lazy parenting.
ReplyDeleteYes I was spanked, and no I do not spank my child. For me, and only me, I do not want to teach violence as the answer to the challenges of life.
ReplyDeleteI was spanked a few times, but more often was punished with the time out in the corner. Wasn't allowed to talk and noone was allowed to talk to me for 15-30 minutes, depending on the "crime" (5 extra minutes each time i talked)...totally effective for a super social kid. If I did something really bad, then I had to do some kind of manual labor, like pulling weeds in the garden for a length of time. It was only when I did something that was extremely bad, or repeated and willful acting out that were met with the spankings. They were open handed on the booty spankings, though...nothing abusive. I think that I was more ashamed that I was being spanked, than hurt by the actual spanking.
ReplyDeleteSign with merlin bear on all unfortunately. I think a swat on the butt gets attention and is enough.
ReplyDeleteI think my parents someones forgot where the spanking as a punishment ended and their anger at me (and whatever else) started. I dont think I would necessarily be above that as a parent, so I won't throw rocks against them for it, but I hope I know better than to ever start the full on spanking of any of my (future) kids.
Spanking teaches the child nothing but violence. There is no reason to spank a child or punch an adult!
ReplyDeleteYes I was spanked. I have 5 children of various ages, and have never been tempted to spank. Never. We talk. Sometimes I yell but not often. This works for us.
I was spanked frequently throughout my childhood, even into puberty. Had an extremely “religious” upbringing and got it with a paddle at my “Christian” school with parents consent; then when I got home would get a second spanking to reinforce the first. I was spanked often at home as well, both with hand and paddle. The severity of force used would certainly be considered abuse by today’s standards. And I wasn’t a bad child at all – precocious, excelled academically, but sadly the adults around me only cared about strict conformity/ religious indoctrination and did not support my social or intellectual development. Additionally I was punished in numerous other ways; grounding, writing sentences by the thousands, I could go on and on. I felt more pain when they shut my point of view out and refused to discuss things.
ReplyDeleteHere’s what I learned from it:
1. There is never a reason to use a belt or stick on a child, period. I can understand a few smart smacks with a hand on the butt, especially when children are very young, but once they get to the age where they can reason and communicate, they must be made to understand why their behavior is unacceptable with more intelligent means than physical violence.
2. Spankings taught me stoicism and coldness -never let the enemy see your pain.
3. I had and continue to have strong sexual feelings associated with spanking, and other violent sexual fantasies. This is not the place to discuss it, but it bears consideration. I am certain THIS consequence was unintended!
4. Although I feel that my parents and those around me did what they thought they should have at the time, I have suffered ongoing issues with it in my life and have undergone a lot of therapy for it. I have an extremely distant relationship with my parents and never had children. I do have a wonderful and understanding husband, thankfully I met him later in life after I’d worked through a lot of this.
I was raised Wisconsin Synod Lutheran; a ridiculously extreme sect who thankfully excommunicated me at 18 (when I moved out of my parents home) for non-attendance of church. Really! I regret that I was not the one who severed the tie first. I am happy with myself and my current life and know this is part of what made me the person I am. But who knows what I could have been if I had been raised by reasonable, non-fanatics?
I was spanked as a child, swore I'd never do that to my own.
ReplyDeleteI have never spanked my child. I use time-outs and loss of toys/privileges, which worked/works very well.
I don't want to touch anyone with the intention of causing them distress, pain, or discomfort, and I'm trying to teach him the same.
Nope, and never.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was spanked. Not often, but when I got spanked, I damn well deserved it. I was much less fond of having my mouth washed out with soap.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read the abuse stories. You may have prevented abuse to future children by writing your truth. Thank you for your honesty and courage.
ReplyDeleteSmacked a couple of times and hated it. Don't think I would have smacked my children if I had been able to have them. I try and talk to my friend's children when I am out with them and they misbehave. I think it is harder these days to raise children because most of the time both parents are working. I don't care who stays home, but I believe there is a benefit to having someone home so both parents aren't exhausted at the end of the day when trying to deal with disciplining children - part of that is having the strength and energy to say no. I have a friend whose children are going wild. Been told by another friend she just doesn't have the energy at the end of the day to deal with them, so gives into them rather than fight. Massive rods on her and her husband's backs. Her husband keeps taking shifts that have him out of the house at night, so she is like a single parent.
I was spanked with the wooden spoon until I was 8 1/2 years old...then I was molested by my step-dad and no one ever hit me again.
ReplyDeleteSpanked, dragged by my hair and hit with hairbrushes and kitchen utensils. My mom was small, but she was mean, LOL. One time she got so mad at the sis and I she threw her hairbrush at us and it crashed through the window.
ReplyDeleteI spanked my daughter when she was 3 once, and never did it again, because while I was spanking her, I realized I was doing it because I was angry, not because it would help her behave. She turned out quite well in the end, after those horrible teen years. I did throw an empty tupperware at her when she was a teen. The shock look on her face was sort of worth it. Kids are smart and while they should be punished, they should never be hit, IMO.
I never spanked my kids - if they did something that deserved punishment, taking their toys away from them,making them sit quietly or denying them access to their friends usually did the trick. If you teach them correctly, there is no need for spanking. They knew to be polite to their relatives and friends parents, that stealing or breaking things is wrong, and that if you throw a hissy fit, you won't leave the house. I took them everywhere as children with no problem. In fact, their friends parents used to tell me how well behaved they were. If you think it's okay to hit a child, for the love of God, get your tubes tied. There's no law that says you are required to have kids. Save your money. Travel. Have fun. But stay childless.
ReplyDeleteYeah I don't think I was spanked but I certainly got dragged along the floor by my hair by a mother completely out of control. I never spanked my son - altho now I wonder if maybe I should have, ha! Seriously, I can see hand slapping a young child on the butt for very dangerous things, like running out into the street - it gets their attention to never do that again. And never ever in anger. But most often it's just so hypocritical - you hit a child because the child was hitting while you say no?
ReplyDeleteMy mother never spanked us -- she worked on the "I'm so disappointed. I thought I raised you better than that" school of thought. My father, on the other hand, beat our bare asses regularly. With a leather belt. And for the most minor of transgressions -- accidently knocking over a glass of milk, for instance. He beat me with a belt until I was 13 and my mother finally told him I was too old for him to be doing that. He was also emotionally and verbally abusive, and ramped that up after he couldn't spank me anymore. He wasn't as hard on my younger brother, though. And he's the immature, irresponsible screw-up in the family!
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes it's OK to pop a kid on the butt with your hand to get their attention, but I don't believe in using paddles, belts, switches, etc. That's abuse. But I also don't believe in "reasoning" or "bargaining" with kids. You are the adult. You are the boss. The kid needs to realize that, and what you say goes, no arguments. I see the results of lax, lazy parenting every day, and it has made me vehemently childfree. No, thanks. I don't need the aggro.
Was spanked, and slapped by my mother. Ashamed to say I hit my children extremely rarely-like maybe 3 or 4 times til age 6 or so. Endlessly sorry now. Mostly did alot of talking to znd yelling.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I still remember the humiliation of being hit, but I guess thats what parents did then.
I was not spanked, and will not spank. Where I grew up, it's not socially accepted like it is over here, and there is no line between a smack on the butt or a slap on the cheek - it is all child abuse. Not saying it doesn't happen, but there are laws against it. I think spanking should only happen between consenting adults ;)
ReplyDeleteI believe in spanking as it's the only way to really get a child's attention and make them realize you are serious. I was spanked as a child by my father with an open hand, or a hairbrush, when I disobeyed. I guarantee I never repeated the action for which I was punished. And I didn't turn out to be an ax murderer from being spanked.
ReplyDeleteI was spanked a few times growing up, but not for anything minor, and never without ample warning that if I repeated a bad behavior, then I would be spanked. It didn't take many spankings before I realized that my parents didn't make empty threats, and I was for the most part, a very well-behaved child. As I got older, taking away tv time or my allowance was punishment enough for me. Then as a teen, grounding me would do the trick. I don't have kids, but if I did, I would probably use spankings as a punishment for very bad behavior. I want to stress - spankings, not beatings. There is a difference. I think a firm smack to the rear or upper thigh works with children who are old enough to understand what "No" means, but maybe aren't old enough to be reasoned with about appropriate behavior. My friends who have kids and don't spank have brats that I can't stand (with one exception, but she is extemely strict in ways other than spanking). My neighbors who have kids and do spank, have wonderful children who are very pleasant to be around.
ReplyDeletewas spanked and worse as a child, was seriously afraid of parental rages, and did not spank my own kid much. A little, but not often. And definitely NEVER slap in the face. It's so demeaning to a small child, you're so big and they're so little. I don't think making them afraid and crushing their little spirits is the way to go. Teaching them responsibility for their actions, yes. Fear of parents, no.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've seen, way too many kids today are shrill, bratty, spoiled, entitled little monsters whose parents are too busy negotiating with them to conduct any sound and lasting discipline. Whenever I encounter a polite kid in public, I ALWAYS thank the parents for raising that kid right.
ReplyDeleteI know I sound 84 years old right now, but I am consistently horrified at the behavior I see exhibited by kids of all ages in public: screaming during movies and staged performances, making huge messes for sales associates and servers to clean up, spitting and swearing loudly in public, rudely interrupting their parents and other elders, dressing like greased-over shit at a nice restaurant, causing a ruckus in the library and other formerly-quiet institutions, etc, etc. And sorry, parents, but it's teachers who receive the brunt of my sympathy. They have it the absolute worst, as far as I'm concerned. A brat at home is probably a billion times worse in the classroom -- and kids know that teachers nowadays are largely powerless.
I don't know if this is some sort of rite of passage I'm going through -- this whole headshaking "kids today!" mentality -- but I truly believe that it's a result of parents who somehow feel guilty for causing their children any consternation whatsoever.
That said, I don't believe in spanking. I wouldn't hit my cats, and I wouldn't hit a kid. I just can't justify physically abusing a more vulnerable creature, human or not. I believe in hitting a kid where it *really* hurts: take away his/her iPod, video game console, soccer practice, laptop, books, T.V. privileges, sleepovers, stuffed animals, and whatever other material possessions he or she might hold dear.
I was spanked a few times as a kid, and I was hardly traumatized. Taking away my books and favorite stuffed animals was WAY worse than having my bare ass smacked.
I also have to say that I'm really sorry for those of you who suffered genuine abuse. Mere words fail me.
I was spanked, and abused. I do not nor will I ever spank my children.
ReplyDeleteSpanked after warnings to not repeat bad behaviour with hand or belt on butt/legs. Turned out fine.
ReplyDeleteI tried spanking my daughter when she was younger and it backfired on her. Didn't make a difference. Too headstrong. Never spanked her little brother and won't ever spank again.
I'm sorry about others' abuse. Thank you for being honest and you're in my thoughts.
discipline isnt the same thing as abuse. There is no empirical evidence that children who are moderately spanked grow up to be violent, antisocial, or criminals. Spanking can be totally effective, the problem is that some people do it when they are super angry/frustrated/stressed and go too far. At that point, the spanking isn't about the actions, but about the parent's emotional state. Sometimes parents can use it as a way to vent, and that is NOT the purpose of spanking. There are studies that show that selective spanking is effective, however. Spanking shouldn't be a first resort for any minor infraction and it shouldnt hurt the child/leave a mark, should be used as a form of communication followed by a clear message and a restrictive consequence for further actions. they should understand the reasons for the action.
ReplyDeleteFirst, my heart goes out to all of you that have had abuse in your life. You're a very strong group of people, and it's one of the reasons this is my favorite site.
ReplyDeleteNo, I could never spank a kid. I don't think it's necessary for having a well behaved kid.
My mom was an emotional abuser, not a physical one, and my dad would never have thought to do that. My mom did spank me once when she was upset at my dad and taking it out on me. It was a weak "spanking" on her part (one hit, not hard), and so ridiculous that I accidentally let out a little laugh. She was initially pissed, then burst into tears & didn't talk to me for a week. At the age of 9. Ah, good times...
only 1 person in my family didn't hit/spank me. My paternal Grandfather and I worshiped him for not hurting me.
ReplyDeleteMemories are long and kindness is never forgotten.
Like some of the other readers said, I only spanked my children when they still had diaper-padded butts and their attention was needed, like when they were running in the street. We lived on a busy street and one mistake could be fatal. But I only did it a couple of times and they got the message. After they were out of diapers, I never did it. Too many other ways to discipline (time out, privilege revoking, etc)
ReplyDeleteSpanked and abused, had anger mgt after my daughter was born to NOT hit out of anger (pre-emptive work as that was what I grew up with). I have swatted her on a few occasions when she was small, to really drive the severity of the situation (running out into a parking lot, playing with electrical outlets, something that could hurt her or worse). Thankfully she has always been a kid you can give a good talking to and she gets it the first time.
ReplyDeleteA smack on the bum with a hand is fine. But no more than that, it's not about harming your child just something to snap them out of it. I don't believe in yelling at your kids, that doesn't breed respect. BUT I'm not a parent so I can't judge.
ReplyDeleteNot very often. Maybe once or twice was I spanked. My father was an alcoholic and once when I was 11 he took off his belt and whipped me like Carlo whipped Connie Corleone in The Godfather. I never forgot it. He's the reason why I never touch alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI have no kids but I don't think I would.
I was spanked a few times and i deserved it.
ReplyDeleteI don't plan on having children but if I did and they turned into the entitled litte shits I see ALL THE TIME, they sure as shit would get a swat on the ass.
Hey even at 15 I got one and the humiliation was enough to not get in a car with a stranger ever again.
As others said, parents are too scared to damage their friendship they have with their children and cause them heartache to punish anymore.
Problem is you don't need a friend ship with your child, you need to be the parent and raise them properly so when they are out of your house and in the world they aren't throwing tantrums in the Apple store because the Genius said "No."
I had the crap beat out of me as a child, and my dad called it "spanking." Yeah, when it leaves blue whelps, it's not just a spanking.
ReplyDeleteAll it did was piss me off and make me even more careful not to get caught.
Yeah, I was spanked and without reservation. HOWEVER my parents didn't spank me because I interrupted their endless cell phone conversations or because I messed up their video games or whatever selfish things parents do nowadays. They whipped my ass cause I was a shit and a smart alec! I didn't spank my kids and they've turned out beautifully without those regular beatings...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYes and I turned out fine. I would spank my own kids but also include other punishments like time out. My exs 3 boys were not spanked and they're all lacking discipline and horrid
ReplyDeleteClearly this is a big issue. There are degrees of "spanking" from swats to abusive beatings.
ReplyDeleteI was hit on the butt and it was called spanking. I was also threatened with a "switch" (tree branch to be hit with like a whip) but never got it. I maybe was hit with a belt and def a hair brush.
I was emotionally abused so being spanked was never a big deal.
I caught myself swatting at my childs butt and hand a couple times and it scared the living s*** out of me. I do not want to ever spank or abuse in any way but i am strict.
I want my kids to behave in a certain way and at this age (toddlers) they are super frustrating sometimes and awe inspiring other times regardless, I find removing them from
the situation (very social kids), counting, and then
explaining back to me what they did wrong works quite
well.
We will see when they are older. Plus, i will be the mean n video game console mom and computer has to be in living
room! Hopefully my kids are into music and art ;)
I was also spanked (mother's open hand, nothing worse) for repeated, willful disobedience if it involved danger. Usually for playing in traffic or something else that could get me killed.
ReplyDeleteOnce, when I was 13, my mom made me (along with the rest of the family) some extra yardwork, and I called her a bitch. She gave me a (wet) open handed slap. It stung, but I deserved it.
I always preferred a spanking because it was fast, and the sting went away quickly. Taking away toys or grounding, etc took a long time to complete, and my siblings and I used the time for pity parties.
The worst as my dad's yelling, a Navy Master Chief, he could make your bones shake with his volcanic yelling. Often it was for petty things like failing to pick up a lego from the floor. To this day (I'm 40 now), I can't stand yelling.
We lived on base and went to school on base in the 1970's, and the teachers had paddles in the rooms. They called them "hacks" and you had to get your name written on the board, plus 3 checks for repeated misbehavior, before you got a hack. No parent permission was required. Most kids feared a teacher calling home to report misbehavior, because they'd get double punishment at home. Many of the Navy dads had married Filipino wives. I think the wives all went to Catholic school, because a lot of kids were punished with rulers at home.
Honestly it seemed perfectly normal at the time, I don't remember many "entitled" kids, no one got $500 ipads for Christmas, we all got mail ordered toys from the Montgomery Ward catalog, or the PX toy department.
These stories are very sad. My heart breaks for everyone that had encountered some form of abuse.
ReplyDeleteI shared my two cents earlier but forgot to include how I 'turned out'.
I'll be blunt - I've done some seriously fucked up things to people and had some seriously fucked up mental issues. I have no idea if this has anything to do with my spankings but I DO know that I vividly remember every time I was hit and literally couldn't bring myself to physically retaliate against my mom. I remember every time I retaliated in crazy, rage filled, shoulda-killed-the-mother-fucker with fists flying, against my step-dad (who has only been gone for 6 years now). I pretty much hate Christmas b/c the last Christmas I spent with my mother involved me smashing a full plate over that fuckers head because (long story short) he was "better than" me.
Blah blah blah. Fucking cowardly parenting and fucking beating yours or any child. A pop on the bottom is a pop on the bottom. I don't feel like those that swat or pop or administer an open-hand spank that doesn't leave marks, is wrong. It's the parent that leave the physical marks that leave emotional ones too.
I know that both me and my little sister have spent hours upon hours discussing how much we hated childhood with our therapists.
I'd like to say that now, at the age of 29 & finally off all meds, I am doing fine. It took me 29 years to get here and has been hard as hell. I can only hope I stay 'O.K.'.
I apologize for the strong language and such.
^Meant to say *fuck cowardly parenting & *fuck beating your or any child.
ReplyDeleteWas spanked (smacked?) maybe 1-3 times as a kid. I only remember one. For me, I don't carry any resentment about it (but then again, the severity of my spankings were no comparison to some of the other posters).
ReplyDeleteI grew up in an environment where most kids seldom got spanked & it was used in extreme circumstances. My line of thinking has changed a bit since getting older. I was obsessed with watching SuperNanny & her discipline techniques (which never involved spanking), but I always wondered about the kids where NOTHING works. Not loss of privileges, time out, etc. What do you do then? I remember someone telling me about their kid LAUGHING when they got a pop/smack.
Very interesting to read everyone's thoughts on this.
@Ida - My husband and I often have the "kids nowadays" conversations, so I am in complete agreement with what you said.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time then? When you're feeling festive? (Roseanne)
ReplyDeleteWe were slapped as kids with open hands, punched, pinched, hit with belts, hair pulled, and bars of soap shoved down our throats...my mother used to stand over my brother holding a knife saying she would cut his heart out. I never knew what would set them off. Now my parents deny ever laying a hand on us.
ReplyDeleteOn my daughter's third birthday I asked my mother to join us in going out for some frozen yogurt. It was a horrible year for us. I spent weeks in the hospital due to pregnancy problems. My son was finally released from intensive care after being in an incubator. My daughter was only two, and really handled everything going on around her without a peep. She also had surgery on her leg that year. That was hard for a toddler to go through. Anyway, we go out for yogurt and I got a large one to split with my daughter. She started to cry because she wanted her own small cup. My mother reached across the table and smacked her across the face, leaving welts on her cheek. For months every time we drove past the frozen yogurt cafe my daughter would blurt out "That's where Grandma hit me!"
I have never touched either one of my kids.
Physical violence never the answer.
ReplyDeleteLots of sad stories here. I won't add to that. Nobody deserves to be hit. Ever.