They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:
Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.
Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).
Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.
Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.
Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!
All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney
have to work this weekend. someone please translate this for us mere humans?
ReplyDeleteWhat?
ReplyDeletei think it is either straight people having sex with gay people. Or gay people having sex with straight people.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there a Ted cheat-sheet out there somewhere? Fey is supposed to be James Franco, right? And Fake is Angelina?
ReplyDeleteFake=Angie, Topher=Bradley, Trent=Brad Pitt, Chuck=Rooney, Fey=Tommy Boy.
ReplyDeleteThese are the general consensus thoughts. The only one being debated is Trent/Brad.
Fake = Angelina Jolie
ReplyDeleteTopher = Chase Crawford
Charlotte = Rooney Mara
Trent = Brad Pitt
Fey = Tom Cruise
I think this is right.
I have this fantasy of some super hacker getting Ted's list of code name/real name list and posting it online.
ReplyDeleteOr Ted finally cracks and goes bat shit insane and posts it himself as a swan song.
Best available cheat sheet Cheat Sheet
ReplyDeletehttp://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2009/08/list-of-reveals-and-those-ted-says-is.html
EmEyeKay - Chase Crawford is Crescent Kumquat; Topher is Bradley Cooper.
ReplyDeleteI speak English and have studied Spanish, Italian, French, ASL, html and Mandarin. To those of you who can understand Tedese, I bow to you.
ReplyDelete@Cathy, thank you. I typed too fast.
ReplyDeleteWhitout the cheat sheet, the only one I guessed right was the Angie one, and that;s only because of the hints that Enty has been dropping.
ReplyDeleteEmEyeKay I think you got it, just not sure about Chance
ReplyDeleteBrad was always a serial monogamist, even Paltrow cheated on him.
ReplyDeleteI really like Angelina, maybe because I wanted to adopt big family at one time, and I hate to believe anything negative about her. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteI dont think its much of a secret angelina still uses but apparently not as much so good for her. hope she gets off completely. btw whens the contract up with katie? its been awhile. & im already over mara, speak your mind but shes goin overboard. angelina was much better at it.
ReplyDeleteI dont think its much of a secret angelina still uses but apparently not as much so good for her. hope she gets off completely. btw whens the contract up with katie? its been awhile. & im already over mara, speak your mind but shes goin overboard. angelina was much better at it.
ReplyDeleteThis may be a dumb question... But when gossip sites post BI's from other sites do they know the answer to the blind? ie-- does Enty know the answers to the blinds he posts from Ted or BG, etc?
ReplyDeleteJust wondering :)
Fake is Angelina.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking Fey might be Mickey Rourke.
Chuck could be Charlize Theron.
Every time I read a Ted post I'm afraid I'm going to go blind.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
Fey is Tom Cruise....there were a few blinds with him and if you put all the clues together it adds up to him...@alyssastinks that site is so cool!!! those girls are very meticulous and it's a great place to check who has been eliminated...I love blind items...it's my version of crossword puzzles...such a great way to de-stress and I am LOVING this Saturday reveal stuff Enty!!!!
ReplyDeleteCrescent Kumquat is definitely Chace Crawford...gotta love "Kumquat"....that's one of Ted's better ones.
ReplyDelete@nola got it all right.
ReplyDelete@Candice - I read an old blind item that said the Katie/Tom contract was for 5 years but Enty always says 10 so I'm thinking she's still got a little while left. I hope the money's worth it! She used to be so pretty but now she just looks... empty.
ReplyDeleteHey, Brad wasn't always monogomous. Maybe with Paltrow he was, but with Jen, he cheated on her a few times, both with men and women apparently.
ReplyDeleteFake is Angelina, but Ted C has been hinting on a break-up with Brad FOREVER.
ReplyDeleteChase wouldn't be going to the Oscars, so that settles that.
ReplyDeleteThese are pretty easy to understand for a change! Translation:
Angelina is cutting back on the synthetic heroin.
Bradley Cooper(???) is cutting back on online gay hookups, but he will relapse eventually.
Brad Pitt used to be bisexual but is now monogamous.
Rooney Mara uses sex to further her career, but she treats people like crap, so she is in for some trouble. As for the "not just professionally," do you think he means her boyfriend will be dumping her soon?
Tom Cruise is too busy with his career comeback right now to engage in his same-sex hookups.
If Tom Cruise is Fey, what are the A-list projects? I don't think I have heard of any.
ReplyDeleteThe Jack Reacher movie. As furious as I am that he was cast, that is definitely an A-list project. :(
ReplyDelete(And Ted might also be talking about the recent Mission Impossible movie - Tommy Boy might have been neglecting sex on his publicity tour.)
ReplyDeleteBrad and monogamous? Oh please.
ReplyDeleteTed is the men trying to sell Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as straight or at least bi and according to him have the most fairytale relationship imaginable, just like their awful characters from Twilight.
Pitt and Jolie broke up in early 2009, the News Of the World outed them and they suid, not for them writing lies but invading their privacy. How could NOTW know that they contacted their lawyers to settle about the separation, now people know that they probably wired taped their phones since the scandal several months ago.
Both look absolutely awful, especially Jolie, there's no way that women is getting off the heroin and Pitt has aged 15 years in the last 7 he is with her.
Before I'm accused of being an Aniston fan, I'm not she is just an opportunist of the Triangle as the other two are. All three use it to stay in the media.
@pr787 So, you're saying that Pitt and Jolie broke up 3 years ago and have been faking it for the press since then?
ReplyDeleteDoes that seem absurd to anyone? 1 year, maybe. 2 years, ok you have your career to think about? But 3 years of pretending to be a couple in public? Why? They obviously do not care at all what people think of them, how could they after the (ongoing) sensation of how they got together?
Doesn't make sense. With all due respect, I call bullshit. (Not on you!!! But to NOTW) ;)
I guess you are right Mooshki. I just don't connect Tom Cruise to anything A-list in my own mind.
ReplyDeleteHate to get bent out of shape about casting in a film since the book[s] will always be there, but i am still ticked off about Cruise being cast as Jack Reacher. He's a million miles away from Reacher's character, and that's too much distance to allow a suspension of belief.
ReplyDelete