So, how do you get yourself publicly together without seeming like it is a relationship? Well, you break the ice slowly by going to birthday parties and then you take the next step by recording songs together. Artists who record songs together often show up at concerts and play together and if you play together at a show you should hang out after the show right? If you are hanging out after the show a few times, then people get used to seeing it and you stop flinching everytime there is a sudden move and start to fear less and less for your life although you really should fear for your life every second because you are not the first and will not be the last. Anyway, the public does not see any of that. They just are nauseated that someone who came so close to losing their life is not only willing to talk to and work with the other person but is also willing to be romantic again with that person despite them also seeing other people. Yeah, I used the word people. Make of that what you will. Anyway, Chris and Rihanna are recording songs and this just gets worse.
He is just nauseating. And she's not looking very clever either. Let's see how it ends this time around.
ReplyDeleteI think this will backfire on them but is that wishful thinking?
ReplyDeletebarf
ReplyDeleteShe is so.fucking.dumb. For all of her fronting about being a badass independant woman, she's the complete opposite. I bet she thinks the beating was her fault, just like he told her it was.
ReplyDeleteThe song they did is infuriating. It's like they think they can f%ck the abuse away.
ReplyDeleteGod she's an idiot....
ReplyDeleteWell, now we have an answer to the blind twitter Enty sent out....or do we. LOL
ReplyDeleteyeah, they are idiots. I just hope that Enty's ire does not get him into hot water.
Looking forward to watching this story over time...
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of done with these two. It's not the first time an abused woman has gone back to her abuser. We know he feels absolutely no remorse, and we know he has a temper. He'll beat her again...yeah, she is stupid for going back to him, but that's easy for us to say. An abuser has incredible power over his victim and she may truly believe that he has changed, or that this is the relationship she deserves. I hope she gets out before he kills her. But he has no reason to stop - he is being encouraged by everyone.
ReplyDeleteHere, here, Maja.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, Maja. But I'm still very disappointed in this victim. I wish she would have spent some of her money on therapy.
ReplyDeleteI know I should have some sympathy for Rihanna. She clearly has low self esteem and somehow this asshole has her convinced that she deserves the abuse. Victims go back to their accusers. Yadee yadee yah.
ReplyDeleteBut you know what? I don't have a speck of sympathy for her. Rihanna has *every* friggin' means to get help. She has financial freedom. She has a press and fans that are positively begging for her to get help. She was in the perfect position to come out as a spokeswoman for abuse victims, and could have made a big difference not just in her life,but in the lives of tens of thousands of abuse victims.
And what has she done? Ignored everyone and engineered a way back into Chris asshole Brown's bed. She has sung about liking being beaten in song. She embraces the abusee lifestyle.
So fuck her. And fuck him (because as y'all know, I have *no* love for him). The next time she is in the hospital - and we all know she will be - when her agent asks for sympathy, she won't get any from me. She has made her choice. And I will make my choice - not to support any of her music or watch any shows with her on it.
Anyone read the open letter to Rhianna posted by Billboard as soon as this hit the internet? Worth the read.
ReplyDeleteYes & her response on twitter just proved they are wasting their time.
DeleteSeachica I agree with you. I have a feeling if she takes an extended break,it will be because Brown has beaten her again. I don't think that it will be public. Could you even imagine the shitstorm a second beating would bring?
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or does it seem like she's tryin to destroy her image? Idk if its bc she loves him so much or what but she clearly doesn't give a damn what ppl think anymore and that's sad. The really sad part is that while the general public is disgusted all his young fans and hers just got the message that its ok to forgive ur abuser.
ReplyDeleteBlind reveal.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't care if she gets beat half to death again, because she obviously doesn't! It's her prob.
What people see in him is beyond me, anyway. He ain't all that talented OR cute.
I am done with these two. I don't care if they live happily ever after or brutally kill each other. I think they are both immature, self-absorbed, messed up human beings who continue to have a grand old time doing whatever they want in life while taunting the rest of the world and laughing all the way to the bank.
ReplyDeleteThose bars look good on him.
ReplyDelete@ bnl1016 do you have the link to the Billboard thing?
ReplyDeleteI'm just here to agree with everyone else who's posted. I'm over both of them, never want to see or hear of either of them again. I don't care how talented they are or how beautiful they are, I don't like either one of them. She's a damn fool. She's got the ability to take care of herself, plenty of money, and yet she goes running back to this asshole, who now thinks it's perfectly okay to have beaten her and threatened to kill her, and he will do it again. You can bet on that.
ReplyDelete@Seachica: you're entitled to your opinion. But I think the mindset that you and many have taken on this topic is even more dangerous than Chris Brown could ever be.
ReplyDeleteJust because Rihanna has money doesn't make her impervious to being abused and falling victim to the same mentality of many victims who came before her.
If Rihanna doesn't want to be a spokesperson against domestic violence, that's her choice. It may be disappointing to us who are outside looking in, but we don't know if Rihanna is emotionally capable of handling that responsibility. We are in no place to judge her on that.
I don't think she's embracing the abusive lifestyle. It *seems* that this is the only lifestyle she knows, judging by what is known about her father and Brown. Also, her mentor Jay-Z isn't the sweetest man on the planet. I don't believe he's ever laid a hand on Rihanna, but he helped build her career to what we know today. In essence, she may feel that she owes him, which gives Jay-Z more control than he deserves.
While none of us are in a position to actually help Rihanna, we should be more receptive to her plight, IMO, because having a negative mindset toward her can spill over and prevent us from helping someone that we can directly impact. And while we may think we're better than that--well, let's hope that none of us are put to the test firsthand.
I've said this before, and I'll repeat it: I think the 'no sympathy' card being played is self-misogynistic. Women hating women.
Women will turn on each other at the drop of a hat, it seems. Maybe that's just my own twisted outlook. But reading the negative comments here on this topic has reinforced my beliefs.
We may claim to love other women, to support them. But what has been said here suggests otherwise.
We risk becoming bigger monsters than Chris Brown. He is the danger that we've seen and for whom we can prepare. But how do we defend ourselves against ourselves?
Don't let Rihanna's fame and fortune blind you. Behind the glitz and glamor, she's still a human being who's caught in a dangerous storm.
I will hope that Rihanna can break the cycle of abuse and move toward building a healthy life for herself. I wish that for all abuse victims. I'm sure all of us feel the same, even when we're telling someone to 'go fuck themselves.'
@Big Mama - You can read it here http://www.billboard.com/features/an-open-letter-to-rihanna-it-s-time-to-talk-1006219752.story#/features/an-open-letter-to-rihanna-it-s-time-to-talk-1006219752.story
ReplyDeleteBut I disagree that her twitter response prooved that its a waste of time. Its never a waste of time to speak publicly about stuff like this. Whether she listens or not. You never know who else may read it in the same situation that it actually DOES affect in a positive way. If it helped just one person walk away from a bad situation then it wasn't wasted time.
I hope this ends both their careers.
ReplyDeleteAt one point does supporting her mean implicitly supporting her decisions though? I think it's important to let her know that fans don't send the message that it's acceptable to go back to an abusive asshole like Chris Brown. He's so unrepentant.
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ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is that if they are back together, WHEN he hits her again, I guarantee she'll hide it and no one will know as she won't want the public saying 'I told you so'. The public will only find out when the thug kills her. Tragic really.xx
ReplyDeleteSo true, Christmas Movies. But what will it matter to most? They're already shunning her like a leper. :-(
ReplyDeleteReally, how is it misogynistic for me to have no sympathy for her? Just because I do not choose to support an adult who has every means to get help, but makes her own choice to go back to an abusive relationship, somehow that means that *I* am somehow hating on women? No, I am angry with Rihanna. I have every right not to support her choice to remain a victim. I am not hating on women in general; I am hating on her actions in this particular situation. It says absolutely nothing about my general attitude toward women (and BTW, I'm not exactly being gentle toward CB).
ReplyDeleteYou can only try helping someone so many times. Eventually, you have to cut them off, so their attitude doesn't become a cancer in your own life. In this case, I don't think it's responsible for us -- as fans of celebrities -- to look away and say "oh, poor Rihanna". If she won't embrace her role as a role model -- or worse, because she is now a de facto role model for the victim/abusee mentality -- then I am left having to either sympathize her and passively protect her status as bad role model; or not support her music, and thereby not support her being a celebrity role model.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I have no responsibility to embrace the choices she is making.
Hopefully people close to her will feel more sympathy for her, because they are invested in her life on a personal level. I am only invested as a fan, and as such, I won't go on acting as if all is ok for poor, poor victimized Rihanna.
Im really sick of the "blame the victim" mentality. I'm more angry that Chris Brown thought it was ok (and probably still thinks its ok) to lay a hand on Rhianna then her decision to take him back.
ReplyDeleteThe domestic violence cycle is one sick mind-fuck, and if you don't know about it, do a little reading. Start with "why its so hard for a victim to leave their abuser". Also key search words: low self esteem, fear, and control.
Happy google-ing.
There are ways of being objective about the situation. To empathize with someone while pointing out what's wrong with what they're doing. You don't have to be angry. I don't have to be so sad. There is a medium, one that all of us need to find. Not for Rihanna. But for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIt feels--to me--that because Rihanna isn't living up to what society wanted her to become in light of the abuse, they are willing to cut her off I think that is wrong.
I don't think she's making a choice so much as she's continuing down the conditioned path she's been on for most of her life.
Keeping someone at a distance is right in many cases. No point in passively protecting someone that none of us know.
But believing that anyone worth loving can be saved is right. And I will hold on to that. Again, not for Rihanna. But for myself and those near me.
We are projecting our emotions onto Rihanna. It's not fair to her or us, but it's understandable.
I don't feel that just one person here is being misogynistic. I think it's something that has permeated the mindset as a whole. It feels like we're waiting for Brown to beat Rihanna again so we can throw it her face.
I'm not saying my opinion is the right or best one. But it is different from almost everything else that is being said here. So I'm hoping that it can be respected on its own merit and maybe provide another perspective to what is a difficult topic with no easy answers.
Well most of us here are grownups and take the grownup viewpoint, but go visit some sites where traditionally younger people hang out like TMZ and you will be appalled. They really think it's okay.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that shunning and blaming the victim will do in a situation like this is help reinforce her abuser's words. "No one cares about you but me". If he abuses her again, she will blame herself and she will hide the abuse for as long as she can. This is especially true if everyone has made it clear that they are waiting for her to fail.
ReplyDeleteHave some empathy...a pretty face, talent, and money in the bank doesnt make you immune to insecurities and abuse, especially if it was considered the norm growing up.
I have to say, regardless of what side I'm on, I HATE the way the term misogynistic gets thrown around on this blog. And I've felt that way for a long time. I've been accused of being misogynistic as well simply because I may have disagreed with something a woman was doing. I hate that if you have an opinion that a woman is wrong instantly you are misogynistic. Whatever happened to assessing each situation and looking at right vs wrong. Womean CAN be wrong just like men can be wrong. Just because I can recognize when a woman is wrong doesn't mean I hate women.
ReplyDelete@bnl
ReplyDeleteI read the post, thanks. But what did Rhianna tweet back?
I hate the way a lot of things are thrown around this blog. I have said as much. But it doesn't stop anything. Because, as I've been told, it's an opinion and I have to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteWe have a long way to go to respect ALL opinions around here. My two cents.
But for the record, I wasn't be flippant about my perceived beliefs of misogyny. I think we all hate the idea of Rihanna returning to Brown, rightfully so. I can understand why some would say for him to fuck off. But why her?
Why are we demonstrating any level of hate toward the victim? As Lori said, it reinforces the abuse, making it less likely for her to come forward if and when it happens again.
No matter what your label you attach to it, it feels wrong, IMO. And again--to me--it feels self-sexist and women being against women. But it's open to debate and discussion.
So what's the solution Lanya? Certainly supporting her efforts to collaborate with him professionally will not help. Should everyone stand by and say nothing?
ReplyDeleteHatred and anger are misdirected, but disappointment...I think that's deserved and justified.
The Billboard letter was great, and her Twitter response just proves how fucking stupid she is.
ReplyDeleteHe is a piece of shit, and they are both to blame.
Disappointment, I understand. I have it, too. Not because I need or expect Rihanna to be a role model, but because she appears to be a decent person who's putting herself in a dangerous place.
ReplyDeleteI have no intent of buying the music. I suppose that's a start.
You can argue that the discussion we're having here doesn't impact Rihanna or Brown. They likely won't read it or know it exists.
The anger and disappointment can be channeled into helping ourselves and others we directly encounter every day. I can certainly do more on that end. We can do nothing for Rihanna but hope for the best. But we be positive in our everyday lives. And that's pretty noble.
Diane Sawyer would not approve.
ReplyDeleteI have no sympathy for a woman who willingly goes back to her abuser.....even if it's "just" for a business deal.
ReplyDeleteI gather she has been abused in her younger life. It is a shame that she managed to meet and date a man who would see that vulnerability in her and take advantage of it for himself.
ReplyDeleteHe is a damaged person as well, he can only feel good if he is taking someone else down either physically or through his tweets or other means. He seems to be full of hate.
Abuse is a deadly cycle, I'm sure she believes that he *knows* her and understands her.
She may come to her senses she may not. It may be a case of the good times are very good, and the bad times are bloody.
I would never support CB's music, and don't think I'll be tuning into her either. I hope one or both of them gets some help.
F*ck her, Layna. Because she (intentionally or not) played at our sympathy and then went back to him. I get that she's young and bound to make mistakes. But there is no way she will get my support while she stays with such a douche. I would do the same for any close friend of mine. Peace.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think any of us are saying f*ck her OVER Chris Brown. We've been saying f*ck him since day one. Now they're both in the same boat of idiocy. Good riddance.
@LaynaDay, I think your comments are extremely well-written and the points you are making are valid. I also feel the disappointment from others due to Rhianna being in such a public position, but as someone who had a bad first marriage, you need to make the hard decision yourself. No matter how strong you are, anyone can succumb to an abusive relationship. Abuse comes in all forms, mine was emotional and verbal. I wish Rhianna the best.
ReplyDelete"Womean CAN be wrong"
ReplyDeleteNO. I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IS POSSIBLE.
But seriously, you guys just reminded me why CDAN's comments section is the best.
I just do not understand how she can go back to this douchenozzle. It's not like she needs the money. It makes me sick. Say it ain't so RiRi.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, if a man laid a hand on me,they'd be calling him Stumpy cause he'd lose that hand.
I don't think they ever really broke it off. I think she's addicted to him. It's the only thing that makes sense.
Where's J-Z when ya need him? I'm especially disappointed in the hip hop community for staying so damn quiet about this travesty....
ReplyDeleteabuse can escalate very gradually, too...they re-set boundaries over and over again. It is very rare that an abuser just comes out and hits you without a lot of little events as precursers (an insult, name calling, yelling, a small push, a light slap, etc etc). Most of these women would have said the same as all of you before..."I would NEVER let a man hit me, I would NEVER ..." but the fact is that is is very gradual and sometimes they dont realize how much they are letting them do until it is very far along.
ReplyDeleteRihanna's twitter response was:
ReplyDelete"Chiefin' while ppl spend hrs on letters...*kanye shrug* #phuckit"
This whole thing makes me sick. Physically sick. I escaped from an abusive relationship with NOTHING. Nothing but the clothes on my back and my kids and I counted myself lucky. I did it alone. And I never went back. I still suffer from the after effects and it's been fifteen years.
ReplyDeleteWhat bothers me is she has the resources to make a change and make a difference. The comments I read about how girls wanted to get beaten by this twatwaddle is exactly what I'm talking about. (I had to stop after just two -- too many triggers.) It makes me incredibly sad to think those girls actually think CB's behavior is acceptable in any way. Sad and sick.
I ain't mad at her, because I've been there, but I am disappointed, especially since she styles herself as such a bad-ass independent woman. Because all she is is a little girl who evidently is caught up in a cycle she's not strong enough to break and I weep for that little girl.
@Netta, I'm so glad you and your children are safe and sound.
ReplyDeleteI had two women who worked for me that I believed were abused. Various injuries and unbelievable stories for how the injuries occurred. I took both aside several times and let them know that there were agencies that could and would help. Both thanked me, assured me they would be *okay* and stayed with the abuser.
You are a hero to your children.
Thank you, thank you Del -- that means a lot to me and made me cry. I did for them what I may not have ever been able to do for myself. It wasn't easy, but my girls are happy, well-adjusted, and loving people who have made good decisions. So if I had to walk through that hell again to make it happen, I'd do it a thousand times.
ReplyDelete@Netta, good tears I hope! You're my kind of hero too!
ReplyDeleteWe are presented with so many challenges in this life, and clearly yours was to show your girls how a woman makes the tough call, but the right call and triumphs.
I'm sure your girls know how special you are.
I don't hate RiRi--I'd sad, frustrated, fed up, and disappointed. I don't know if she's going back because abuse is all she's really known, or if she LOOOOOOOOVES him, or enjoys the drama, or just thinks the good times outweigh the bad, and I hope for both their sakes that he never lays a hand on her ever again...but, sadly, I imagine he will. I just hope she finally wakes up and manages to get out alive and safe, and that she doesn't burn too many bridges in her life before then. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to think all the abuse between them was part of their turn ons.Her music hints at it,but in order to be mainstream pop there is a protocol that must be followed. It was not good for her image to be THAT freaky so her handlers had to tweek the details a bit. Instead of it being they both get off by beating the hell out of one another,watching each other abused by other lovers it was "safer" to make him all at fault. Nothing would suprise me at this point regarding these two.
ReplyDeleteWe are a society that forgives ignorance and youth easier than to accept this couple was soo freaky with their sex games it included major bodily hurt to one another.Somethings just don't add up.. Just my 2 pennies..
It makes it all the sicker because of real domestic abuse so many face. I will never buy she was a battered woman. I think Chris Brown is pathetic too.
I'm beginning to think all the abuse between them was part of their turn ons.Her music hints at it,but in order to be mainstream pop there is a protocol that must be followed. It was not good for her image to be THAT freaky so her handlers had to tweek the details a bit. Instead of it being they both get off by beating the hell out of one another,watching each other abused by other lovers it was "safer" to make him all at fault. Nothing would suprise me at this point regarding these two.
ReplyDeleteWe are a society that forgives ignorance and youth easier than to accept this couple was soo freaky with their sex games it included major bodily hurt to one another.Somethings just don't add up.. Just my 2 pennies..
It makes it all the sicker because of real domestic abuse so many face. I will never buy she was a battered woman. I think Chris Brown is pathetic too.
Layna- I get what you're saying and I appreciate your well thought out articulate comments.
ReplyDeleteI DEFINITELY feel a tug to call Rihanna out because she has more influence than perhaps she cares to realize/acknowledge over her young impressionable female fans regarding this issue. I am frustrated, disappointed and fearful of the countless young relationships that might bear ANY influence from these two reconciling.
I was on youtube reading the comments under their new Birthday Cake video remix and the majority of posters said if she is clearly forgiving Brown, then we (the public) should too. What this dum dum is failing to realize is her direct actions ARE sriously influencing the way the fans of either/both singers are willing to view Brown's abusive past.
As someone who had a step-father abuse my mom and then 'find god' and come back 6 months later just to do it all over again...I draw a hard line with male abusers and even if he were repentent, after reading the police report from that night and seeing her little face all bashed in, I doubt I'd forgive him. Im babbling here but my point is, I think even my feminist ass is having a tough time because I do maintain being in her corner and emphathizing with her past and yet I am fucking pissed that she is so publically set on joining forces with him again, if only because im worried about another female fan making this bad decision to take someone back. So while I would always be sympathetic should Brown ever hurt her again, I do have 1/2 a fuck you to her for her part in this public acceptance of Brown's bs "comeback".
I'm never listening to her stuff again.I can't believe she being this stupid.He'll beat her again and again and again.He'll keep beating her until she's dead.This will end very badly,why can't she see that?It's so fucked up!
ReplyDeleteThe sociopath's primary source of enjoyment (according to psychology) is getting away with something, getting something over on someone, winning the game and defeating one's enemies, and causing pain and misery. Here, these two have managed a way to say "F*** you!" to everyone in the world who ever cared about them. It's the ultimate rock-n-roll gesture, saying that they don't care what people think and they're above it all and blah blah blah. To be angry at their psychopathology is to fall into their trap. I say look away. Their careers have been marginal for a few years anyway, so it's not like we have to listen to them.
ReplyDelete