I think Stephen Beatty is wonderful for discussing his life in such open terms and giving people who are transgendered a public face who is young and not afraid to say exactly what they feel and think. I have to say though when I start thinking about the sexual things related to all of this and to Chaz Bono it kind of blows my mind. I have written here previously about how when Chaz was Chastity she was a lesbian involved with a woman who is also a lesbian. Chaz becomes a man but the woman is still a lesbian. How does that work? Obviously not well, but I think that was a personality thing rather than a bits and pieces thing.
Now, you have Stephen Beatty who was Kathlyn. So, Kathlyn liked men, but now Kathlyn has become a man and still likes men so as Stephen says, he is gay and transgendered. So, when he was Kathlyn he would not have been attracted to heterosexual men? Just gay men because he was a gay man living in a woman's body?
This makes more sense in the early morning. Try to think about all of this when you are half-crocked at night and it is way more confusing.
Anyway, Stephen has a new boyfriend who made Stephen socks for Christmas and mailed them to him. For some reason Stephen is afraid of socks. If I were him I would be more afraid of making his dad angry and being forced to watch Ishtar and scenes with Madonna from Dick Tracy on a continuous loop in the punishment room.
Good for him. Even better, good for his family by just loving him.
ReplyDeleteBefore anyone says that Chaz has still woman bits, it's official, he stated publicly he's saving money to buy a dick.
ReplyDeleteNow on to Stephen. I like this kid. Love the support his family is giving him. And seems to always stated his opinions while still showing respect to others' differing statements.
I may be the only person in the world who does, but dammit, I liked Ishtar.
ReplyDeleteAnd good for this kid, we need more openness in young people.
Yeah, I have nothing but respect for this kid. He clearly has a good head on his shoulders. And sexuality is kind of a grey area in my opinion!
ReplyDeleteI agree, Rita. As far as I can tell, this kid isn't seeking out fame either. The only time he's really spoken out is when he didn't want everyone to think that Chaz represented what all F-to-M transgendered individuals were like (the anger issues, etc.).
ReplyDeleteWhy would someone be afraid of socks? What would start that sort of phobia?
ReplyDeleteIt is indeed wonderful that he is able to accept who he is. I can say from knowing several transgendered people that it is a hard road to travel (doing a sex change). Some have found happiness but the others are still struggling. Hope he finds happiness.
He seems like a really nice kid...
ReplyDeleteBut I still don't get it....A friend tried to explain it to me, but I must be really dense...
so she was really a gay man in a female body...
Staying female and being with a straight man I guess that wouldn't work but sorry, I still don't understand...
When I lived in Berkeley, I knew a former man who'd gone through a transgender process to become a woman. He'd been a huge man, like 6'5", and I'm sorry, but I'll bet he was a good looking man but as a woman, was rather tragic-looking. AND he was a lesbian, who was actively working to change California law so that he could marry his girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteYou can't get much more socially liberal than I, but even my head spun trying to figure that situation out. ;-)
I'm sorry, I meant to use the pronoun "she" in the post above, when referring to the post-trans, my mistake.
ReplyDelete@MISCH,
ReplyDeleteImagine you are in your body, but are wearing the wrong skin. Something is off. The identity delivered upon you by society standards, is not fitting with WHO you are.
Transgender:
Biological sex is a scientific classification. On the surface it’s made by genitalia and external secondary sex characteristics; like breasts, or facial hair, or things you can see with your eyes but there is variation and there is gradation sometimes and knowing that is important.
Science is showing that more and more. I think people need to start listening to that because it sort of explains what goes on with trans people a lot.
Gender is funny because it’s largely a sexual construct. The idea of what gender is has changed throughout the centuries and throughout cultures and societies. Gender is like blue is for boys and pink is for girls or women should wear dresses and men should wear pants.
Transsexual:
“Trans” is crossing or to cross. And “sex” is sort of the scientific or biological classification of an organism’s sex. So “transsexual” describes someone who is crossing from one sexual classification into another as well as they can, using current medical technology.
So it sort of implies someone who’s having surgery or taking hormones, or doing other medical interventions to align their body with their new sex.
Enty et al;
ReplyDeleteMy prof summed it up perfectly. Write this down and stitch it on a pillow.
Gender happens between your ears, sexuality happens between your legs.
So a fellow dresses a girl (gender) can be completely straight. A girl thinks s/he's a guy could like either or both. Chaz a tg male likes girls wether s/he has a peen or not. Between his ears s/he's a guy.
Only 18k more to go in loans, sigh....
Why do we have to explain or make sense of anything? He is what he is and I wish him the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteThis kid is so cool! I credit Anne for this, her loving nature. Can you tell I love Anne? So underatted!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree. Anne is wonderful. Love how she is nurturing for her quite diverse brood!
ReplyDeleteAt my company one day the IT "guy" showed up in a skirt and long dangly earrings. Not a problem. We had known him as Darren, now Denise, okay, no problem. Our company built her a bathroom.
ReplyDeleteShe worked very closely with my people in the programming department.
As the treatment went on,ie. having to live a full year in your new gender role, things were fine.
After the year I started getting complaints from my employees. Denise would call to talk business then end up on a massive rampage about the souless depraved units that were known as men.
We had all been open, caring and supportive of Denise. I was the one that had to sit her down and tell her that her verbal, sometimes threatening attacks against all things male were scaring my employees. I asked her to talk to her doctor about her desire to maim men.
I had to alert H. R. that in my opinion Denise was in some sort of crisis.
She took a leave of absence and did come back a lovely, mild of manner young woman.
Maybe the med mix was off.
Woops. it should be Annette! Another senior moment.
ReplyDelete@Del Riser - wow! Nice of you to build her own bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI have a lady at my gym going through the transformation. Still a dude, but comes in and changes in the ladies' room.
Didn't know how to act in the beginning, but then thought, "well, there are a lot of lesbians who may be checking my ass too, so who cares, it's the ladies' room. Off with it, enough with the misplaced shyness!"
@The company was good about all of it. She didn't need the shade thrown at her from women, and during that one period, she would have been a danger to men with their business hanging out.
ReplyDeleteDel Riser - so glad she got stable, I bet all those hormones can make one a bit crazed at the beginning.
ReplyDeleteThere used to be a...um...person at the dog park who was in the middle of tg, and I say person because I couldn't figure out wether the were becoming male or female! I thought male to female, but one day he turned up with an older woman, who I asked was she the mother and she glared at me saying she was was his GF. oops! Such a nice guy. Hope he's well wherever he is.
ya the company's great...they even segregated her a bathroom!
ReplyDeletedoes this not strike anyone else as WRONG? did she get her own water fountain too?
no offense to you del riser...it just sounds like no one wanted to share a bathroom with her.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI didn't find this wrong. I don't why the employee would fee segregated. Now a separate water fountain would've ignorant, but I'm guessing you are half-joking.
ReplyDeleteIf they have the budget, and find the spending worthy of keeping an employee happy, why not.
Compared to hateful, judgmental places, who at times bow under pressure of ignorant people, it is refreshing they put in the effort... And maybe saved a few penises in the process!
Pennies for penises if you will;)
Jax- great point. I have heard first hand from trans friends who all talk about that moment where they try to use the bathroom they want but people make them feel so unwelcome they hold it til they get home or plan their outtings around when they will have to go home to use the toilet. No joke, this is a common issue for trans people.
ReplyDeleteI blame the two-and-only-two gender regime. People see someone and immediately have to put them in man or woman categories. Period. When the individual blurs these rigid binaries, people (especially men) get confused, defensive and then angry or worse.
Enty trying to dissect what Stephen identifies himself as is not good. What he is really doing is trying to fit him (and Chaz) into the two and only two gender labels that really do nothing but oppress women and conform men into the masculine unfeeling role they've been forced to occupy for centuries.
I mean, common, why do you think men statistically die sooner than women? Stress from keeping emotions in and having to be the breadwinner, etc.
How about we just stop labeling people and let people live however they want and accept everyone???
^Meant to add Jax's point was great because ostrazing people by giving them their own bathroom isnt the key, rather it's accepting them in common spaces like you would anybody else. Jax is right, it does feel like friendly segregation. Like we know you arent one of us, here's your own facilites.
ReplyDeletebtw- Rita, your explanation of transpeople was spot on. Nice job girl
co-sign Rocket Queen.
ReplyDeleteAwesome posting by all. I worked at a maternity hospital (I was in pathology) and the number of babies that had to have genetic testing to determine their gender really opened my eyes to the fact that not everything is cut and dried. Sexuality for a lot of people is also fluid.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that it's a segregation thing, if there was only a men's room at the facility, perhaps Denise appreciated a bit of a sanctuary in a bathroom that didnt smell like a urinal. Actually, it sounds as if that company was very supportive of her decision and adapted to allow her to do her job in comfort. Good for them. And if people were a bit weirded out for her, so what? Along with Denise's right to live her life as she wants to, others have the right to be uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. Universal acceptance is a great goal, but I think a lot of people are unsure how to react to someone who has made the decision to change their identity completely. I have an acquaintance whose boyfriend is in the process of becoming transgendered and it's been incredibly hard for her, she's now dealing with the fact that he has not ruled out having a vagina at some point. All of her friends are unsure how to best support her through this because it's not an easy thing to talk about. She's going through a lot of counseling and her bookshelf is filled with books about the subject. She loves him/her very much but even she isn't really comfortable with it, so why do we expect a group of colleagues to handle it better?
ReplyDelete@Jasmine: You are indeed correct about the bathroom. This is HUGE for them. Some people really throw shade there for some reason. It is such a personal act.
ReplyDeleteApril never made my 40th birthday party(and she was my best friend at the time)because she had to go to the bathroom and only felt comfortable in hers given that specific task. As much as she has tried to integrate into society being a former very masculine man, it has been incredibly difficult for her to be accepted. Coupled with the fact that she feels the need to "explain" her sitch all the time and it just makes everyone even more uncomfortable. It was too hard to be her friend anymore and I had to walk away.
Actually I am damn jealous of the person who got their own potty. Where I work the nearest female restroom has ONE stall and this restroom is used by 30+ ladies. Try getting in when you have to go. We wish each other luck finding not "in use".
ReplyDeleteI went to a college with coed bathrooms. You never knew who would be in the stall or shower next to you. You get used to it. Not a big deal.
ReplyDelete@everybody here.... Denise requested a private bathroom, the company made a one stall bathroom. She joined the ladies after her one year of living in her gender of choice and after she returned from her leave.
ReplyDeleteI never heard of a problem.
I think the one stall bathroom turned into a male/female lock the door deal afterwards.
I will add I think Denise wanted the private bathroom not so much for the stall but for the mirror.
ReplyDeleteShe told several of us after her first day in heels at work that it was awkward for her to re-do her make up and primp in general when we were calling her Darren the day before.
At the time I felt the company did the best they could do for her. It was a first for them as well.
Stephen Beatty actually runs a blog where he is VERY helpful in educating anyone interested in knowing what to say, what not to say, and pretty much anything else relating to the trans world.
ReplyDeletehttp://supermattachine.wordpress.com/
@RocketQueen - love love love love love love love love.
ReplyDeleteAll of my best wishes and best everything for Stephen.
It really is surprising how my tg people are attracted to the same sex they change to.
ReplyDeleteThe bathroom thing was a problem for a coworker. She had recently become a he and was using both bathrooms which kinda upset people. It was corrected and all was fine.
An interesting aside. He lives with his girlfriend and at one point early in the process suffered an ectopic pregnancy.
I really don't get why men's bathrooms don't have all stalls instead of out-in-the-open urinals. I know it's a problem for men with "shy bladders." Why don't men deserve privacy too? It's just always seemed weird to me. If they had stalls, it wouldn't matter which bathroom anyone used.
ReplyDelete