Out Of The Country

I will try and post on Facebook today, but I am out of the country and it is difficult to post from my phone

Ewwwwww

So much for Tila Tequila and Dave Navarro being together. Reports last month were that the pair were spending every day and night together and Tila had even managed to kick her constant online posting about herself because she was too busy being in love. Or having sex. Anyway, that appears to be over or at it could be Dave is looking for a third because Tila and Nick Hogan have been knocking boots. Yes, the same Nick Hogan who left his best friend paralyzed and needing 24 hour medical care for the rest of his life while Nick laughs it off, pretends it did not happen, blames the best friend, moves to California so he can get a license to drive, and now f**ks Tila Tequila while his friend has to be fed, bathed, and taken care of constantly.

Oh, and note to Radar. Are these real names you are coming up with for your writers or are they just newsroom jokes?

I'm So, Not Like The World's Worst Driver

Paris Hilton was on Extra yesterday. I don't know why either. I am guessing she probably had sex with Mario Lopez back in the day and one of the two thought it was a favor so Paris was on the show. Anyway, while Paris infected the world with her appearance she also discussed the allegation made by Sarah Shahi (notice the better picture) that Paris is the world's worst driver. I know many of you cannot see the videos, or have no desire to hear Paris speak, so the translation is below.

Mario - Did you see my pecs Paris? I heard you are a terrible driver.
Paris - Did you see my beautiful hair? Oh and here is my new animal. It is an anteater. They are for sale at Parishilton.com. No, I am not a terrible driver.
Mario - My girlfriend better be a size zero before I get home. Someone Twittered you were a bad driver.
Paris - Like, I was I not even driving yesterday. I was at home with Cy. My driver picked me up from the airport and then Cy and I spent all day looking in the mirror at ourselves. I think I saw a wrinkle. On Cy, not me. I don't have any. I am so perfect it hurts. You know, a few weeks ago, I actually took a picture with a black person. Nicky says I should not call them colored anymore.
Mario - I saw a wrinkle on my girlfriend the other day. I called my doctor and had them come over right away for extra botox sessions. If I see another one on her though, I will leave her. So, there you have it folks. Paris is not a bad driver at all.

Beyonce A Christmas Grinch

Although Tyra Banks and her evil Christmas Grinchness is still at the top of my list, if this is true, Beyonce could be neck and neck with Tyra. Yesterday Beyonce was sued for $100M by a video game company and a lawyer who is a horrible speller. Remarkably, not me. The suit accuses Beyonce of being a diva and asking for additional money after she had already been paid a ton of dough. When the company balked at paying her more than they had already agreed to pay her and paid, Beyonce walked. When she did so, she caused the company to shut down weeks before Christmas and for 70 people to lose their jobs. Yes, that's right, while Beyonce sat on a yacht somewhere warm and sunny drinking $500 bottles of champagne, the 70 people she got laid off spent their time scouring food banks and hoping for donations of toys for their children. Oh, and probably had to get their Christmas tree at a lot after the owners went home and left all their not picked out trees scattered on the ground. Meanwhile, Beyonce laughed and laughed while shoving her mouth full with Christmas cake. OK, well maybe it was not that bad, but I will be interested to hear what she has to say about this.

We Already Knew Katie Couric Was Leaving CBS

This is one of the things that is really strange about the internet. It has been almost two weeks since it was reported Katie Couric was leaving her anchor position at the CBS Evening News. We already discussed and dissected it. Apparently though, Katie has not heard of the whole internet thing or is just totally oblivious to what is going on around her because she finally gave an interview to Kneepads where she says she is leaving the show. Huh. Yeah, Katie, we kind of got that already. The least she could have done is to say where she was going. Instead, that will inevitably be leaked and two weeks later Katie will confirm it. Doesn't Katie have young children? Could one of them please explain this thing called internet to her? Perhaps get her hooked up to Twitter.

That Sounds Like Fun

In order to pull off Friday's $34M Royal Wedding you need to practice. There is only so much you can do via paper and simulations though and so sometimes you need the real thing. I don't know who got this job, but it sounds like a story she can share for a lifetime. Early this morning in London. I mean early. Like 4am early, the entire wedding procession was practiced. All the men on horseback, the carriages, everything that needed to be done was done. They even practiced getting inside Westminster Abbey. At the center of all the attention was a brunette woman. Not Kate Middleton, but a stand in. Can you imagine what that felt like to the woman? No, she is not the one getting married, but for a couple of hours she got to be the center of attention and to experience what very few people will ever get to experience in their lives. Not a bad reason to have to wake up so early.

BuzzFoto Blind Item

A star threw a big anniversary surprise party for his wife to celebrate their 5th year anniversary. He invited huge list of guests, an expensive caterer and even more expensive celebrity entertainment. He got a surprise of his own when his wife got home and told him, in front of all of their guests that although it was indeed their anniversary, it was their 4 year, not 5.

Lindsay Is Grateful For Jay Leno

If you say good things about Lindsay Lohan in public then she is grateful for you. If you say negative things about Lindsay Lohan in public then she thinks you should keep your opinions to yourself and not talk about her publicly. Apparently Jay Leno is enough of a kiss ass suck up that Lindsay is grateful for him. Lindsay was on Leno last night and says she is numb about the 12 day sentence. Not cocaine rubbing against her gums numb, but numb.

Jay likes Lindsay so much that he bumped Kristin Chenoweth from the show. You know, someone who actually has some talent. Oh, and reportedly the audience gave Lindsay Lohan a standing ovation. Really? You should all go home and bow your head in shame.

Levi Johnston Writing A Tell All Because He Is Patriotic

I have heard a lot of self justifications for writing tell all books, but Levi Johnston might win the ultimate prize. Instead of admitting he is writing a tell all about the Palins because he wants money, he wants all of you to know he is writing the book for himself, his son and for the country. Uh huh. I don't want to think I am speaking for all of the country but I don't really want to hear the ramblings of some guy who grasps onto his 15 minutes like they are keeping him alive.

Although I am interested in the behind the scenes drama that played out with the pregnancy and the campaign, I get the feeling a book will never see the light of day and that Levi is hoping for a payoff. Either that or he believes this one last chance to be in the spotlight will keep him there permanently. I don't see why it would though.

BuzzFoto Blind Item

This B List actress is silently battling a serious illness that affects her work. She doesn’t want producers of her film to know that she might not be able to do her job so she’s had her publicist fake a family scandal so that she has a reason to have some time off.

Today's Blind Items

So, when this then A list movie star married this then A list television actress it was a big deal. Heck, even though they have been divorced for years it is still a big deal. Apparently the reason they rushed the wedding is that our A list television actress refused to have sex with the A list actor until they got married. Bet he did not have that issue with his current partner.

Random Photos Part Four

Could someone explain to me how Sideshow Bob here keeps getting all the women he gets in life.
AnnaLynne McCord and her sister make a few bucks in Vegas over the weekend.
Anna Wintour at a basketball game?!?
Beyonce still in Paris. Getting ready to sing at the Royal Wedding.
Billie Joe Armstrong's last appearance in American Idiot.
Britney and Nicki Minaj with a tribute to Britney's crazy pink wig days.
Supposedly Carla Bruni is pregnant.
Chris Evans filming Captain America with
Samuel L Jackson.
David Duchovny ponders the meaning of life.
Ethan Hawke playing some soccer with
Andrew Shue.

Random Photos Part Three

Eric Roberts has given up magic mushrooms. Now moving on to sushi.
Some Easter volunteers at the homeless shelter. The Duff sisters.
Zoe Saldana and
The one and only Donal Logue.
Heidi Klum goes all out for every holiday and Easter is no exception.
Hayden P at the premiere of a movie about her boyfriend.
Jessica Alba in actress mode and
in mommy mode.
Speaking of mom's, I am not sure Jenelle is ready for a dog.
What do you have to do to get your hands on Kelsey Grammer's millions? Grab his ass.

Random Photos Part Two

Keira Knightley. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Here she is at her brother's wedding.
Lea Michele does the Glee's Guide To Working The Stroll.
LeAnn Rimes bag matches her dress. Her dress freaks me out though.
It's like her belly button is a little eye staring at you.
Maria Menounos is a NY Times bestselling author? Really?
Mariah has ruined Easter egg hunts for me forever.
Matt Damon and his wife at Disney, but where are the children? How much for the wives?
Mandy Moore might want to get that bug of hers checked out. It's a big one.
Diane Sawyer and Mike Nichols still going strong.
Nic Cage on the way to his son's wedding. No wives were harmed at the wedding and no police called.

Random Photos Part One

Four parts today.

An Osbourne family portrait. Kelly continues to look great and Ozzy is still alive. I wonder how many people would have bet on that 30 years ago.
One of the first times I can remember Olivia Wilde being papped. Being single will do that though.
How much money have these two grossed in their movie careers?
With another Twilight movie coming out, Rachelle LaFevre will probably need more than one drink to get over her pain.
A very happy Easter Sunday in the Witherspoon/Toth household. Do you think Reese will have another baby?
Sharon Stone chases after her child.
These are the two actors in the new Kate & William DVD. They look pretty similar.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were in the White HOuse over the weekend. I am sure it will not be long before
Jada claims they had sex in it.
Zach G getting some love from Spike Lee who ignores Jason Schwartzman and Brian Baumgartner.

Paris Hilton Is Worst Driver - I Love Sarah Shahi

Today must be celebrity driving day. Sarah Shahi used her Twitter to slam Paris Hilton. For that Sarah I will give your show Fairly Legal another try. I watched it once and was not that impressed. Are any of you liking it?

Anyway, this is what Sarah said on her Twitter.

"Paris Hilton- worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign.what if there was a kid around the corner, you dumb b--ch."

Wow, I think I am falling in love with Sarah. If only she could have gone one step further to cement our love. Wait, here it is.

She also called Paris a horrible excuse for a human being and a blonde piece of s**t.

Sarah, if you read this, dinner is on me.

Don't You Get Naked For Your Job Interviews?

Lenny Dyktsra used to be on top of the world. Then his baseball career ended and he decided to become a stock picker and investment counselor. You know, because major league players are good at that kind of thing.

Spits some tobacco juice in a cup
Dykstra - Yeah, I think we should go with the company that makes those things I like.

When he started, anyone could pick stocks and make money. Then the market crashed and Lenny did not know what he was doing. Instead of admitting defeat, he kept at it, wasted other people's money, made the federal government mad, and filed for bankruptcy. He also has some issues when it comes to hiring housekeepers. Most people who apply for a job to clean house think they are just going to clean houses. Well, according to a criminal complaint, Lenny Dykstra had a whole bunch of other ideas.

"A woman told police ... when she arrived to the home, Dykstra explained that she wouldn't just have to clean the home, she would also be required to give him massages as well. The woman claimed Dykstra then took off all of his clothes and told the woman he wouldn't be able to hire her without first sampling her skills."

I think Lenny is going to be spending a long time in jail.