It is all well and good to forgive your spouse or significant other if they cheat. I mean it is your own personal choice and each situation is going to be different. However, when you just come right out and say that your significant other can cheat even if they have not and that you will forgive them, umm, will they just run right out and cheat? Are you giving them a free license to be Ashton Kutcher or Tiger Woods. Katherine gave an interview to Cosmo UK and said, "As much as I would kill him if he cheated because it would destroy me, I have started to question whether, if a mistake were to be made and it was a one-time thing, I would forgive him. Because look at the life we’ve built together. We have history, we have a child...But at the same time, it would be really hard to ever fully trust that person again."
I think she probably would have said something differently pre-child. Once you have a child together it kind of changes the whole dynamic and what you would put up with or do to make your relationship work. Maybe people should work that hard on their relationships even if they do not have children. So sayeth the man with six ex-wives.
The problem is, saying it and doing it are 2 different things.
ReplyDeleteYou can try and be mature about it, and say many other marriages have gone through infidelity and have survived, some have even thrived. But when it happens to you, well... You just want to cut the motherfucker's balls and never see him again... So yeah, there is that trust issue.
I see more as a veiled threat from her to Josh---cheat and I'll make your life a living hell by staying with you.
ReplyDeleteI thought that was LiLo in that photo.
ReplyDeleteThink maybe he already cheated ?
ReplyDeleteAt no point did she say it's okay for Josh to cheat. Just that she would consider forgiving him if it was a one-time thing. For goodness sake, Enty.
ReplyDeleteI'm with MISCH. I think he's already cheated and in case it comes out, she's putting this story out.
ReplyDeleteOr is she a cheater and easing her guilt?
ReplyDeleteShe also said "If it is a one time thing...". I think that says it all. I loves my husband and if he did a one time thing I would also consider forgiveness. If it was serial or long time then that would tell me everything and forgivness would be very hard.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have both said that we would PROBABLY forgive the other person if they cheated, obviously totally depending on the circumstances. Well what we said is that given that we've built a life and a family together, it would take an awful lot for us to walk away, and I can't see there being too much that we wouldn't be willing to TRY to work through together. That being said, neither of us has run out and cheated on the other just because maybe we can. (and really, that's probably not one of the circumstances that would be forgiven - "you said you'd forgive me if I cheated so I did" doesn't really point towards valuing your relationship too much)
ReplyDeleteThe road through life is not a straight and easy one..... having children does frequently complicate things.
ReplyDeleteI know many people cheat and get caught. You do know that many people cheat and don't get caught. They are very discreet and with someone who also does not want to be caught. Long term or short term, it happens. Doesn't make it right, I'm just saying.
I'm in my 50's and most of the couples I know, who are still married after 25 years or so, at least 1 of them has cheated in more than 1/2 of those marriages. Notice I said still married.
What ms snarky said. That is NOT what she said, Enty. "I have started to question whether..." is what she said. And in my experience anyway, once you don't trust someone anymore....that's it.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I totally agree with you ms Snarky. Once you start doubting someone - you cant overcome that
ReplyDeleteI understand what she is saying. I would never want my husband to cheat, but if it was a one night stand, one off thing, then having been with him for almost 13 years, weathering the infertility, and knowing that he is a truly decent person, then I might be able to forgive.
ReplyDeleteAn ongoing affair, he would want to move to the moon and take the other woman with him.
She does say that pre-child her answer was different. They both said it was a deal breaker. That always sounds so childish to me. If you think you're going to be married for 50 years with no cheating from either party you're living in a dream world!
ReplyDeletei use to say something similar. thinking that my marriage wa "bigger" than a cheap piece of ass onthe side. But....when i discovered that he had a string of both men and women that he was screwing, turns out i was not okay w/ it at all.
ReplyDelete"Pre-child" really doesn't mean shit if you have millions of dollars with which to raise them "post-child.".
ReplyDeleteI stayed with my POS-ex for a couple of years after I knew he was cheating so I could afford to leave him WITH my 2 kids.
JK would have ALOT less $$$ sans KH; he knows that and will behave. AND...
as much as a bitch as I'm sure we all know KH can be, Nayleigh (sp?) is one of the cutest babies I've e'er seen (and I'm so not a baby lady!).
My boyfriend and I had a big discussion about this the other day. We agreed that cheating is not a deal-breaker because NOTHING is a deal-breaker (besides abuse and danger and all that).
ReplyDeleteWe're not naive. We're blissfully happy, but we know that we are going to go through a LOT of crap over the next several years, no matter how good our relationship is, and that we're going to work on our relationship and work through whatever shit is thrown our way. THAT is the mature thing to do.
Marriage isn't something that you just throw away at the first sign of trouble.
For me, cheating is most def a dealbreaker. Throwing away everything is horrible and I dont even want to consider it, but the other option - staying with someone I can no longer trust - is even worse.
ReplyDeletePrior to this exact quote, she talks about how initially she and her husband were both absolutely dead against any kind of cheating but that she's seen couples where one is unfaithful and they find a way in to forgiveness and that now, having seen that, she and her husband wonder if... and then that quote.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's that big of a deal, I think it's what most of us would say at a certain point in our lives.
The mature thing to do is not to cheat. If you can't do that then you don't need to be married in the first place. Cheating for him at this point is not only cheating on her but also cheating on the child. You can check yourself at yourmorals.org
ReplyDeleteI think $$$ and kid status are always a huge part of this discussion.
ReplyDeleteIMO she's afraid he'll leave for other reasons and hoping this proffer will reel him back in, at least for now.
ReplyDelete