This is like the episode of Jerry Seinfeld when Kramer was the assman. That was the episode where a doctor said no one gets anything up the butt by accident. So, when Gareth Durrant says that a high pressure air hose accidentally got up his butt and caused him to inflate, one has to wonder how exactly it got there.
"I was reaching up to finish the wiring on a caravan at the factory. I knew this air hose was being used close behind me but I just carried on the job as normal.
The next thing I knew I felt this strong air being blown on my legs from behind, and then something went up my rectum through the shorts I was wearing.
It felt like I had been blown up, it was the biggest shock of my life. There was air fizzing around inside my back passage and stomach, it was so weird."
Uh huh. Sounds like Gareth and his friends probably had a wager about something or he wanted the sensation but did not want to tell his wife. Gareth has not been able to work since.
Let me guess and now he sues and ends up with a nice settlement??
ReplyDeletewhy the long face?!? hahahaha...you can't make this stuff up!
ReplyDeletei have no idea wth this is about, but his face in that picture is priceless!
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see that workers' comp. application.
ReplyDelete"The next thing I knew...something went up my rectum through the shorts I was wearing."
ReplyDeleteMmmm hmmm.
Yeah. SOMEbody either lost a bet, got reeeeeeeeeally wasted at work, needs to invest in more traditional aids, or has a big bombshell for his wife.
or maybe he shouldn't have stolen his co-workers subway sandwich that was in the fridge....
ReplyDeleteLOL@BigMama
ReplyDeleteSounds fishy to me lol.
@BigMama...LOL
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone believe this happened randomly? Hysterical.
LOL...yeah. that thing "accidentally" got up his butt through his shorts. That hose has great aim and should play golf. Hole in one.
ReplyDeleteLOVE that I just woke up and the first thing I read this morning is a good rectum story.
ReplyDeleteYou know its gonna be an awesome day when ass stories are involved when you wake up :-P
btw-I think what he meant by it feeling 'weird' was it felt 'delicious'
ReplyDeleteAnd am I the only one who read the words High Pressure Air Hose and just knew that ass play had to have been a factor in the story?!
Or maybe my mind is alone in just going to the gutter automatically. I mean Air Hose? C'mon.
Hahahaha, i LOVE this. Can you think of any other objects that might be reaching up people's behinds?
ReplyDeleteI am going to go first and say
"I was just playing around in the park, then I laid down for a bit and suddenly, i felt someone gently parting my cheeks and running into my butt. It was a small gerbil, probably looking for shelter. Now, I can't work due to the the itching of his fur in my rectum"
I actually had a case when I was a DA of a person who OD'd on meth with a turkey baster up his butt that was attached to a high pressure air hose.
ReplyDeleteIt was the bulbous end up his butt.
Meth cases always had the weirdest things in their houses.
We can only hope drugs were involved!
ReplyDeleteI love this guy's name. "Gareth Durrant" Sounds right out of a novel.
ReplyDelete@Kara - great, now I am going to have to find something else to baste my turkey with this year cause I will NEVER be able to look at that thing again the same way. Back to a laddle I guess.
ReplyDelete:)
@Jasmine...felt delicious, HAHAHA! oh my, that made me spit diet pepsi!
ReplyDeleteI used to work in the GI dept. This sounds like any other Saturday night in any town. Believe me.
ReplyDeleteok, another thing, this dude looks like one of the guys off the kids show The Upside Down Show.
ReplyDeleteI love that look on his face. Moron.
ReplyDeleteThis is about as accidental as when my friend's boyfriend "accidentally" tried to go in the wrong hole.
ReplyDeleteI worked for many years with prisoners and had lots of experience with men ending up with things in their rectums. One would actually steal things and conceal them there. One night he had put 3 Zippo lighters up there. Then to top it off he had wrapped 2 Pork Chops in foil and used them for a plug, "Midnight Snack". I swore that we would find "Jimmy Hoffa" up there. Of course, according to procedure we had to videotape him removing them. I laughed so hard, I thought I would wet my pants. This was just a normal day for him.
ReplyDelete"Rectum?! Damn near killed 'im!"
ReplyDeleteOMG - I NEVER GET TO USE THAT JOKE and it is so perfect for this.
@Maja, my friend's boyfriend did the same to her so the next time, three of her fingers accidentally found themselves in his rectum. I called it the Three Fingers of Justice Salute.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, a perforated colon, which could have easily happened is no laughing matter.
I have a story about this topic.
ReplyDeleteMy mom (who used to be a triage nurse) told me one night a man came in from an accident who had a cucumber shoved right up his arse. Turns out he was on his way to a first date and he wanted chick to think he was packing heat down below, so he put a cucumber in his underwear. Driving to the date he got into a slight fender-bender wherein the cucumber got lodged in his butt.
She told me that while it was being removed everyone had a smirk on their faces and as soon as they left the room, everyone burst into laughter.
My BIL is an electrician, so I cannot WAIT to ask him if something like this has ever occurred on a job site.
ReplyDeleteHe looks like Beaker from the Muppets.
Ha haaaaaaa, RQ!!!
ReplyDeletePriceless!
@Maja- OMG HAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteY!E!S!
Beaker!!! Yes!!
ReplyDeleteHis upside down smirk makes me think he grew up getting away with bullshit excuses like this.
"Gareth, why is the dog in the freezer?"
"Well, see. I was cooking dinner for you and while I was getting a steak out of the freezer for you, the dog tried to jump from the dining table to the freezer."
"Oh, okay."
-----------
"Gareth, where is your homework?"
"Well, see, I had just finished doing my homework last night and I was double-checking the answers when there was a bright light outside my window and these aliens just FLEW into my bedroom and took my homework!"
"Oh, well then."
----------------
"Gareth, baby, why are you wearing my underwear?"
"Well, see. I had just taken a shower and I was drying off when there was this earthquake and the dresser drawer just flew open. I was so scared by the earthquake that I blacked out and when I woke up I was lying on the bed with your underwear on."
"Oh, wow! An earthquake!"
And, yes, MontanaMarriott, he is suing the company.
ReplyDeleteWait...this hose BLOWS air out??? It doesn't suck, right? Soooooooo...there is no way that was an accident.
ReplyDeleteGross people doing gross things...
"A million-to-one shot, Doc, a million-to-one shot!"
ReplyDeleteMaybe somebody goosed him with the air hose, for whatever reason...
If what he is saying is that a hose attached to an air compressor with compressed air coming out of it, jumped into his shorts clad butt, nozzle first and blew up his rectum of its own accord then he is full of more than just hot air.
ReplyDeleteThat cant happen anymore than water can flow uphill. In other words, neither of these things can happen.
The pressure of the air blowing would cause the hose to repel away from anything solid. Think of a balloon that youve let go of before tying.
Nature intended that port as exit only. If you want something to enter, you have to put some serious effort into getting it past a set of strong rubber bands. Some may find that quite enjoyable but nothing is going to leap from a table and crawl up your ass no matter how much you make a frowny face.
it happens:
ReplyDeletehttp://abcnews.go.com/Health/man-impaled-air-hose-enjoying-inflated-reputation/story?id=13693534
Beguessin, the difference is that the truck driver in the article fell onto a fitting that pierced through the skin on his bottom (not rectum), and inflated under the skin. Beaker here, had an air hose, that if switched on, would be flying around (like a garden hose does when no one is holding onto it) and "amazingly went through his shorts and entered his rectum". I work with high pressure air hoses, with tyres, and I don't believe that can happen, unless someone helped it along.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Anotheramy!
ReplyDeleteBeguessin, that's an interesting story, but there's a big difference between falling on the nozzle, and having it supposedly creep up on him from behind, LOL! I supposed his friends could have done it as a joke? Which reminds me of the funny video of the kid sneaking up and putting shampoo on the other kid in the shower.
I used to process medical claims and read many reports about emergency room visits. One gentleman went to the ER to have a flashlight removed from his rectum. He told the doctor he fell down the cellar stairs and accidentally fell on the flashlight ass-first. o-O
ReplyDeleteApparently he was the victim of a prank.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-14671546
Ha, I called it! :)
ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who questions why he has to take his wife down in this humilation with him? I mean, why is she in this photo?! I would be hiding from the world knowing what a jack@ss I married!! No way would I be posing with a pic with him and that stupid look on his face.
ReplyDeleteHave mercy on the wife!!! That is all.
The article Netta cited above indicates that he was indeed the victim of a prank gone wrong by a co-worker who blasted him with an extremely powerful air hose as a joke and caused some real damage (surgery required.) If it was some stupid sex play that caused this, that's one thing, but this guy wasn't responsible for his injuries.
ReplyDelete