It's one thing if the person you're in love with does something considerate for you -- you adore that person ANYWAY, and sex is just a way of expressing those emotions, and maybe your gratitude. But if some guy takes you out to dinner and a movie, that doesn't mean he's earned access to your ladygarden. I don't care if he drops 500 bucks on the date.
In my single days, I'd hit the bars with my female friends, and we'd sometimes have men offer to buy us drinks. We'd tell them up front that we had no interest in talking to/sleeping with them EVER, but they were welcome to blow their money on us, anyway. And most of the time, the dudes STILl bought us drinks, and STILL persisted. And we shrugged and ignored them. Whatever. They were warned.
Do the nasty if you WANT to. No one should *ever* do it out of pure obligation. It makes me sad that this is even a debate for some people.
@Vicki -- I know. I do. I've had pointless hookups in my past, trust me, but I think they mostly resulted from sheer boredom and loneliness -- definitely not obligation or duty. And obviously, there's just zero comparison between those drunken experiences and romantic sex or whatever (I refuse to use the word "lovemaking"; it makes me want to retch).
Ain't nothin' wrong with a boyfriend who requires batteries, though. Quick pleasure with no chance of contracting STDs? WAY better than a meaningless encounter with another person.
True. But that male Real Doll is creepy and expensive. Sometimes you need a human form. I don't know what I'll do when my bob (battery-operated boyfriend) finally dies. I love the hell out of that thing.
Actually I do remember a guy in Korea that guilted me into sleeping with him. He said if I didn't I was racist because he was black. He and his whole fucking group pretty much put a verbal gun to my head. Fucking Marines.
Absolutely not. In fact, true story: I've never even accepted a drink from a person in a bar, ever, because I think that somehow indebts me to them...now I owe you a conversation or something? Not to mention I've been working since I was 16, and can afford my own drinks, thankyouverymuch.
I did a little "snort" at the ladygarden. I don't think I have ever heard it called that.
I would never let a guy guilt trip me into having sex with him. If he started anything I would just give the gift back and say I didn't realize it came with strings attached. Thanks, but no thanks.
When I was 19 I went out on a date with a guy--dinner and a movie--and he paid for everything. I wasn't comfortable with it but I didn't want to make a scene so I went along with it and quelled my inner voice that said, 'You regret this, Helly.' At the end of the night, rather than drive me home after the movie he pulled a 'I'm going to park on a street in a sketchy neighborhood three miles from your apartment and trap you in my car,' move. He locked the doors, and tried feeling me up which prompted me to pulled out the pepper spray my Dad had given me when I was 16, and demanded to be let out. Needless to say, I walked the three miles home with him following me the entire time screaming things like 'whore, tease, bitch, cunt, ungrateful slut, you owe me, etc.'
After that night, I never put myself in that position--I paid my own way, I met up with dates at the venue, and I never left home without a cellphone or a can of pepper spray. So no, I've never felt obligated to have sex with someone after they've spent money on me.
Hell to the no! Vicki, sounds like you wanted to have sex, not felt obligated to. And there is nothing wrong with that at all! There's a big difference between buying a drink as part of the mating ritual, and doing it as some sort of bribe. Ugh.
As for the S.O., as others have said, having them do something nice for you makes you feel sexy towards them, but if you really aren't in the mood, they can take a rain check.
Uh, no. I didn't want to sleep with him. He bought me one fucking drink and then went on his whole "you racist bitch" rant with his buddies right there egging him on.
Pretty much one of the reasons I don't date anymore. I'm a hermit and I'm proud.
Gifts don't do it for me, but a guy who loves animals, is nice to old people, can talk in-depth about meaningful things and cares about social justice can have his way with me any time. This is probably one of the reasons I rarely get laid these days...
yes, it has happened. Now, I'm to hateful and set in my ways. I completely act like I don't know what guys want. I get tired of being harassed, its JUST DINNER!!No you can't come up!!!lol I suddenly have a headache, and I'm gonna wash my hair or do laundry.
No, but I know I've done it to my hubby. I brought him a very rare book last Christmas and I'm sure the nookie was obligatory on his part. He just could not deny me after getting that book. He knew I spent a small fortune on it and spent a long time tracking it down. I don't feel bad at all!
Yes, but the "gift" was when he traveled from so far to see me. At the time, it was a case of him being more into me than I was into him. We did have a long-distance relationship for a few years.
I've never understood why some men think paying $20 for my meal = I owe them sex. Not only am I not a prostitute, if I were one I damn well wouldn't make less than a crack ho.
well many times i have felt it was expected. but never did i actually have sex in those circumstances. im kind of different that way. never had a one night stand, never had pity sex. i only have sex when I WANT TO and really feel it.
Hell no with a date. But definitely yes with my husband after he had gotten me a really thoughtful and/or expensive gifts. Not out of any sense of obligation but from the feeling of feeling loved and special
If I get the feeling that this is what is going on, I won't accept the gift - which takes the pressure off and puts them in a position where they may be transparent. It puts me in a position of neutrality. I hate when I think there is a transaction going on that isn't honest to both sides.
Not obligated, but if it was something really sweet and thoughtful, I would want to. If you love someone, you want to make them happy if you can. : )
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in obligatory rompy pompy. If it happens it's because it's coming straight from the heart ;>
ReplyDeleteNo,I would never feel obligated to. Are you trying to get laid Enty?
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger I felt obligated a couple of times but it wasn't worth how I felt afterwards I quickly realized.
ReplyDeleteJeez, Enty, how else will I get laid? Batteries aren't cheap!
ReplyDeleteIf (IF) the birthday gift is from The List and again--only if the Xmas is Big, wrapped pretty and from The List. Why else put out?
ReplyDeleteNo...
ReplyDeleteFUCK NO. I have high self-esteem, however.
ReplyDeleteIt's one thing if the person you're in love with does something considerate for you -- you adore that person ANYWAY, and sex is just a way of expressing those emotions, and maybe your gratitude. But if some guy takes you out to dinner and a movie, that doesn't mean he's earned access to your ladygarden. I don't care if he drops 500 bucks on the date.
In my single days, I'd hit the bars with my female friends, and we'd sometimes have men offer to buy us drinks. We'd tell them up front that we had no interest in talking to/sleeping with them EVER, but they were welcome to blow their money on us, anyway. And most of the time, the dudes STILl bought us drinks, and STILL persisted. And we shrugged and ignored them. Whatever. They were warned.
Do the nasty if you WANT to. No one should *ever* do it out of pure obligation. It makes me sad that this is even a debate for some people.
Ida, in all seriousness sometimes it's the only way some us get to feel any kind of intimacy.
ReplyDelete@Vicki -- I know. I do. I've had pointless hookups in my past, trust me, but I think they mostly resulted from sheer boredom and loneliness -- definitely not obligation or duty. And obviously, there's just zero comparison between those drunken experiences and romantic sex or whatever (I refuse to use the word "lovemaking"; it makes me want to retch).
ReplyDeleteAin't nothin' wrong with a boyfriend who requires batteries, though. Quick pleasure with no chance of contracting STDs? WAY better than a meaningless encounter with another person.
True. But that male Real Doll is creepy and expensive. Sometimes you need a human form. I don't know what I'll do when my bob (battery-operated boyfriend) finally dies. I love the hell out of that thing.
ReplyDeleteWhich reminds me. I'm out of batteries.
ReplyDeleteActually I do remember a guy in Korea that guilted me into sleeping with him. He said if I didn't I was racist because he was black. He and his whole fucking group pretty much put a verbal gun to my head. Fucking Marines.
ReplyDeleteIda, I agree with everything you've said 100%.
ReplyDeleteLOL @ "Ladygarden" Ida!
ReplyDeleteNo for me now, back in the day I think I did a few times, but mostly I wanted to have alot of sex too anyway, soooooo that worked out well mostly!
Absolutely not. In fact, true story: I've never even accepted a drink from a person in a bar, ever, because I think that somehow indebts me to them...now I owe you a conversation or something? Not to mention I've been working since I was 16, and can afford my own drinks, thankyouverymuch.
ReplyDeleteYes, and it was creepy.
ReplyDeleteI did a little "snort" at the ladygarden. I don't think I have ever heard it called that.
ReplyDeleteI would never let a guy guilt trip me into having sex with him. If he started anything I would just give the gift back and say I didn't realize it came with strings attached. Thanks, but no thanks.
When I was 19 I went out on a date with a guy--dinner and a movie--and he paid for everything. I wasn't comfortable with it but I didn't want to make a scene so I went along with it and quelled my inner voice that said, 'You regret this, Helly.' At the end of the night, rather than drive me home after the movie he pulled a 'I'm going to park on a street in a sketchy neighborhood three miles from your apartment and trap you in my car,' move. He locked the doors, and tried feeling me up which prompted me to pulled out the pepper spray my Dad had given me when I was 16, and demanded to be let out. Needless to say, I walked the three miles home with him following me the entire time screaming things like 'whore, tease, bitch, cunt, ungrateful slut, you owe me, etc.'
ReplyDeleteAfter that night, I never put myself in that position--I paid my own way, I met up with dates at the venue, and I never left home without a cellphone or a can of pepper spray. So no, I've never felt obligated to have sex with someone after they've spent money on me.
Hell to the no! Vicki, sounds like you wanted to have sex, not felt obligated to. And there is nothing wrong with that at all! There's a big difference between buying a drink as part of the mating ritual, and doing it as some sort of bribe. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteAs for the S.O., as others have said, having them do something nice for you makes you feel sexy towards them, but if you really aren't in the mood, they can take a rain check.
Oh, and forget the batteries, the Magic Wand is the way to go. Much better for the environment. ;)
ReplyDeleteUh, no. I didn't want to sleep with him. He bought me one fucking drink and then went on his whole "you racist bitch" rant with his buddies right there egging him on.
ReplyDeletePretty much one of the reasons I don't date anymore. I'm a hermit and I'm proud.
Tell me more about this Magic Wand you speak of.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Vicki, I was responding to your earlier comments - somehow I missed the one about the Marine. :(
ReplyDeleteIt's the Hitachi Magic Wand, available on Amazon. It's a massager, and you can buy attachments for different applications.
No, but one guy wanted sex after he bought me a rare Beatles album. I laughed him out of the car, and out of my life. Oh well...
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I'm sure I have. I just don't recall off the top of me' head.
ReplyDeleteGifts don't do it for me, but a guy who loves animals, is nice to old people, can talk in-depth about meaningful things and cares about social justice can have his way with me any time. This is probably one of the reasons I rarely get laid these days...
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Ida
ReplyDeleteFrom this point forward, my VJJ shall be referred to as....LadyGarden. ;)
I've definitely had guys insinuate that I should, but I've never felt obligated. But also agree with what bluebonnetmom said.
yes, it has happened. Now, I'm to hateful and set in my ways. I completely act like I don't know what guys want. I get tired of being harassed, its JUST DINNER!!No you can't come up!!!lol I suddenly have a headache, and I'm gonna wash my hair or do laundry.
ReplyDeleteI wish guys weren't such assholes about sex or there was a 3rd/alternate sex for those of us who are not gay.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately yes. Once. I married the Alien.
ReplyDeleteNo, but I know I've done it to my hubby. I brought him a very rare book last Christmas and I'm sure the nookie was obligatory on his part. He just could not deny me after getting that book. He knew I spent a small fortune on it and spent a long time tracking it down. I don't feel bad at all!
ReplyDeleteYes, but the "gift" was when he traveled from so far to see me. At the time, it was a case of him being more into me than I was into him. We did have a long-distance relationship for a few years.
ReplyDeleteI've never understood why some men think paying $20 for my meal = I owe them sex. Not only am I not a prostitute, if I were one I damn well wouldn't make less than a crack ho.
ReplyDeletewell many times i have felt it was expected. but never did i actually have sex in those circumstances. im kind of different that way. never had a one night stand, never had pity sex. i only have sex when I WANT TO and really feel it.
ReplyDeleteHell nooooooo.
ReplyDeleteNo pity sex, no TYVM sex.
I might kiss 'em hard and send 'em home harder, but that's as far as it goes...
fudge no!
ReplyDeletemy 'lady garden' ain't being landscaped or maintained out of obligation for 'anything'.
the doors open when i feel like it.
Hell no with a date. But definitely yes with my husband after he had gotten me a really thoughtful and/or expensive gifts. Not out of any sense of obligation but from the feeling of feeling loved and special
ReplyDeleteNever. And it surprises me that some guys still seem to think that they should pay for everything and that paying for everything entitles them to sex.
ReplyDeleteI have, however, been called a "prude" on several occasions. Doesn't bother me.
If I get the feeling that this is what is going on, I won't accept the gift - which takes the pressure off and puts them in a position where they may be transparent. It puts me in a position of neutrality. I hate when I think there is a transaction going on that isn't honest to both sides.
ReplyDelete