What Is Engaged?
If you ask someone to marry you, isn't that supposed to mean at some determinative point in the future? If it is an open ended thing are you really engaged? Jason Mraz announced he and his fiance' broke up. However, they were not going to get married until marriage was available to everyone. As much as I would like to see that happen, I don't think it is going to happen for a long time so he is basically saying we are going to get married maybe. In the meantime, you really are just boyfriend and girlfriend, but someone has a ring.
Are you engaged if you are not planning a date to get married? Let me know what you think.
I am pretty good friends with some people in his crew, and I can say firsthand that he is 100% gay and in a serious relationship. The fiance thing was made up by his p.r. team (shocking, I know.)
ReplyDeleteIf you're engaged and have no reason NOT to get married, then I say you should pick a date. But if you're taking a stand about marriage equality, then I think it makes sense to be engaged but not set a date. It makes a stronger statement than being boyfriend and girlfriend and standing for marriage equality.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need to set a date in order to be engaged.
ReplyDeletewhat susan said.
ReplyDeletePM, really? i heard that a while back, but you hear it about so many artists, i just blew it off at the time. it's true?
This is the cause du jour when one can't commit.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't set a date for 6 months because we had to figure out when I would be finished school. I am not paying for school and a wedding at the same time. But seriously, we were still engaged without the date.
ReplyDeleteIf you are planning to get married at some definitive point in the future ("We want to save for a house, so we are thinking about getting married in two years"), then you are engaged. If you are not in the process of thinking about setting a date, etc., then you are boyfriend and girlfriend and the boyfriend bought the girlfriend a nice piece of jewelry. You aren't engaged.
ReplyDeleteBTW, that whole "we aren't getting married until everyone can get married" excuse is a totally lame cop-out. Please.
You can be engaged without a set date, as long as you plan to set a date at some point in the future. If you become engaged, you have the full intention of getting married. Like Sue Ellen, I became in engaged in college and didn't set the date till I knew when I would graduate. And that was soooooo long ago.
ReplyDeleteSaying you are engaged and basically saying you won't get married until some cosmic event occurs is, well as Susan said, bullshit.
So weird...I was watching him on Sesame Street with my son yesterday and said to myself...he's so cute he shouldnt get married...I have no clue why I thought that...and then I read this. And then PM says he's gay...which I kinda figured anyway...all the cute ones are
ReplyDeleteAlso, to me Jason will always be the tool who wrote "it's our Godforsaken right to be loved" when he MEANT to write "it's our God-given right to be loved," and then when asked about it spouted some bullshit about how his lyrics are organic and free-flowing blah blah blah ...
ReplyDeleteI knew he was gay! I knew it!
ReplyDeleteNot that there's anything wrong with it...
PM - I know his crew as well, I lived with one of them. I have met him and heard of other love-triangles (involving women... my friend) and I have seen him with Tristan. He is not gay. He is a very low-profile person.
ReplyDeleteHe would not fake a relationship for publicity reasons. He is not that kind of guy.
He is humble and grounded and genuine.
@Texshan -- LOL! THAT is hilarious! And proof that hipster douchebag songwriters really need to consult a dictionary before they begin spouting their ~poetry.~
ReplyDeleteHe's still nowhere near as awful as James Blunt, though. Or Buble, for that matter. But I still kinda lump all those dudes together.
To me, the point of an engagement is to say you plan to marry in the future.
ReplyDeleteI was engaged for three years before getting married b/c of money & family drama, so not everyone has to set the 6-12 month "rule."
But the statement that they weren't going to marry until everyone could? Sweet thing to say, but that also says to me he never planned on marrying her.
Well, engagement has become such a publicity stunt for celebrities now, that in lowers the value of the anouncement. It's like mini-wedding, but easy to break and with zero legal consequences. In fact, I have become very sceptical about any of them. Especially, with no date or timeline involved. It's not like they need money for college or buy a house first
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ReplyDeleteI can't imagine a long engagement. As soon as we decided to be married, we wanted to just DO it and BE married asap.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, when Jason Mraz was starting to blow up he played a show at UVA that was supposed to be just for students; however, I was in high school and unable to get tickets, which I explained to him in an email. He wrote me back and said he would put my friends and I on his guest list so we could go to show, which was really awesome. It was a great show; he hung around and talked to us afterwards which was cool and nice. Gay/straight/illogically engaged he's a really decent dude.
ReplyDeleteIt's called being terminally engaged, and it is a legitimate status IMHO
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need to have a specific date in mind (or even a specific timeline, but something for the couple to decide themselves). I view it as sort of a promise ring - promising ourselves to each other, no matter how long it takes to make it "official" or whatever.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I got engaged in January, and I never had a date planned -up until 2 days before we got married, in fact, which was less than 6 months later. We decided to go to the courthouse, called a few friends as witnesses, and it was done.
Treesap..., that's cool to hear. I wonder if that was before or after I was at U.Va...
Honestly, who cares, either way? Set a date, don't set a date....everyone's different. There's no "should" when it comes to relationships.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you need to set a date right away. Eventually, yes. But right away no.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I got engaged- he asked because it was the perfect moment, he didn't even have a ring. But we were still in college and wanted to wait until we were out of school to get married, so we didn't set a date until he was in his last year of school.
However, what he was doing was clearly an engagement for the sake of publicity.
If you are engaged, you are generally setting a date and planning a wedding. But, that is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteTo me you are engaged if you plan on getting married in the near future. If you really have no plans to get married, then you aren't engaged to be married. What is the point? To wear a ring? What exactly are you engaged to do if it isn't get married? I think a lot of people just throw the word engaged and fiance around like it really has no meaning anymore.
ReplyDeleteI used to be in that same situation - was engaged but waiting for marriage to be available for everyone. However I got so aggravated at the conservative right making rules about marriage and amendments and claiming it as "their" dominion, that I decided I didn't want to be involved and that no one should unless they're similarly socially conservative or have some pressing tax or health care needs where it helps. So, we're still together but adamantly not married, not planning to be, nor are we planning to break up. 15 years in.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I'm trying to get out of a too many years engagement deal now. Why do they wait until we try to run before doing anything? It's too late baby...
ReplyDeleteI am crazy for Jason's song Butterfly, now those are some lyrics my friends!
"I'm your pole and all you're wearing is your shoes."
Classic.
Lian, I think it was spring of 2002. BTW, always nice to know of another Hoo out there.
ReplyDeleteI may never want to get legal again but would want the commitment of an engagement (i could care less about the type of ring but would want one) To me it says we're committed and would get married if we needed to - but since I am 47 and can't have kids that legal stuff is extra bs. My opinion and I don't feel any one way is correct - what works for the couple is all that matters
ReplyDeleteInteresting discussion...I'll throw a wrench into it. My boyfriend formally proposed in Jan 2010. We still aren't married, don't have a date set, and I am not in the midst of planning. So not *really* engaged, based on some lines of thought, right?
ReplyDeleteWell. A month after the proposal we moved 1100 miles away. We didn't have jobs, and for 6 of the last 12 months, we've lived with family. So our reasoning is a. need to get jobs to pay for the big party we want to throw (which I just did yay!), b. let's not live with other people when we come back from the honeymoon, and c. we're doing a destination wedding, so maybe fewer details, but we need to give plenty of notice on the date.
We've been together 14 years this October-commitment isn't really an issue! I'll tell you what drives my best friend crazy--I rarely if ever wear the engagement ring. I despise jewelry and told him not to bother wasting money on a diamond. But he insisted on designing something and it turned out beautiful and special and really personal. It's not a diamond, which I love, but I still cannot stand wearing jewelry. So I keep it in the box most of the time. Now we argue about wedding bands-I say no, he says yes! I'm weird, I know.
I'm actually pretty optimistic about same-sex marriage in America. I read that when interracial marriage was legalized, 70% of Americans were against it. 70%!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIf that can happen, I think same-sex marriage can happen nation-wide. It has to be permitted at the national level or it will never happen in Utah or Oklahoma.
@redfishbluefish
ReplyDeleteMy engagement ring main "jewel" is a massive pearl which I can't wear frequently because it's so delicate, so I feel you on that. Personally, I think some girls are crazy/insane when it comes to getting married, and some are super relaxed. I guess you are just relaxed. So am I. I don't care about a lot of stuff that others do. I think it's best to do what works for you (and your man). I think a lot of women forget about their man in all of it.
Adventurous Kate - I agree, that's what happened up here. All provinces were pretty much for it except Alberta (of course), who threatened to invoke the Notwithstanding Clause in our Charter of Rights and Freedoms to exempt themselves from it, which, to my recollection, was only enacted once (or twice?) in history before or since. Pressure was too much and they backed down, but lord, did they look like children. And so....it is legal across the country, by order of our federal government. <3
ReplyDeleteWe were engaged for 5 years before getting married (which just happened 2 months ago). It really wasn't super important, which I know sounds bad, but we are committed and good with how things are. What drove me crazy was people asking if we had set the date yet and his mom's fiance betting their friends that they would get married before us.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a wedding band either! Just my engagement ring, which a lot of people thought was weird.
A "firsthand" knowledge of someone gayness would involve at least getting a blowjob from the person in question.
ReplyDeleteI am a firm believer in not getting married until it is available to all. If the powers that be want to say that a civil union is acceptable for my gay friends, then it is acceptable for me and my straight friends. I have decided that I wouldn't marry until we could say marriage without having to tack the designation 'gay' before it.
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