Shocker!! Ellen Barkin Is Not Actually A Wax Doll

Despite what I have thought for the past few years, it turns out that Ellen Barkin has not actually turned into a wax doll from all of her plastic surgery and is able to move, and talk. Yes, I know she is nominated for a Tony Award, but in that play she is in a wheelchair and I figured there was some gadget that wheeled it around the stage while some woman off stage read the lines. I mean this is the same woman who is wheeled out on a cart and propped up by some production assistant when she has to appear on a red carpet. Ellen is posed for pictures and then carried back to her box and shipped to the next press stop.

But, what made me realize that Ellen is capable of moving a little is that she showed off her apartment to Page Six. Umm, hang on. Page Six has nothing better to do than take personal Cribs tours? They must owe her one. Anyway, they did take the opportunity to say what they were really hoping to see was Barry Levinson's son Sam, who is half Ellen's age and apparently has a thing for f**king expressionless older women. I have discovered (or created) a medical term for it. Bougar. No, not the Harry Potter term. This is a hybrid of Botox and Cougar. Bougar. It is defined as an older woman who injects herself with so much botox and has so much plastic surgery that she is incapable of any physical expression and only enjoys being with younger men. To qualify for the purposes of the medical definition, you must not be able to move your mouth more than 1 inch in either direction and be forced to eat your meals through either a straw or confine yourself to yogurt and soup. The man in question must be at least 15 years younger than yourself and in many cases is blind or a virgin.