Ever wonder why hunky heartthrob Rick Danger-Zip split with his long-time gf Sunny Sweet-Cheeks? They seemed just perfect for each in that whole Britney and Justin sort of way, which is why it absolutely broke our hearts when they called it splits.
Well, here's the (itchy, crawly) deal:
Like so many superstars-turned-Vice stars do, Rick has it all: fame, money, and—shocker!—a good reputation. The good ol' USA couldn't get enough of his handsome puss and sometimes-charitable ways.
But Rick had something else that Sunny didn't find as appealing...
Crabs.
Yep, Rick picked up a pesky little case of crotch critters while he was out cheating on poor Sunny.
This wasn't one of those open relayshes that T-town horn dogs boast about while banging broads on the side. Sunny loved her dude and had no idea that he was hopping in and out of every bed in Hollywood.
Until his itchy groin gave him away, that is.
Shame, too, Sunny is drop-dead gorgeous and über successful in her own right. What gives with these guys not being happy with the amazing chick they have at home? Typical.
Well the formerly-tight twosome parted ways and Saint Sunny was kind enough not to tattle to the tabloids, but instead told everyone the two were totally cool and she was happy they could still be friends.
Yeah, right.
We're just tres pleased Sunny moved on to a new man who treats her right. She deserves it, after all the crap she put up with. And a kick start in her multi-talented career was an extra nice F.U. to her former beau.
But Rick found himself a new lady, too. One with big boobs and questionable talent (just how he likes 'em) and here's the kicker...he claims she's his one and only these days.
So, now the dim-witted gal is just sitting around on her tight toosh until her main man brings home another case of genital goodies. 'Cause you know Rick is still up to his cheating ways, dontcha?
You didn't think he had actually reformed did you?
And It Ain't: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer and Diana Agron, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian
I'm gonna guess Leo and Gisele. They were together for ages, and their breakup really wasn't scandalous or acrimonious. And he's "with" Blake now, who is CERTAINLY big-boobed and talentless.
ReplyDeleteAs for that multi-talented thing -- Gisele's actually a pretty savvy businesslady. I've read interviews with her, and she's NOT a dummy. And love her or hate her, there are only a handful of women who could be considered drop-dead gorgeous, and she's one of 'em.
I'm only saying that because I have a feeling someone will throw out Zellweger as a guess. ;-)
That said, Leo DID (and probably still does) refer to his group of dudes as "The Pussy Posse." The "good reputation" part throws me a little, but the rest of the clues fit him. Maybe?
ReplyDeleteI thought Leo was a lock for King Schlong though?
ReplyDeleteI like the Leo and Gisele guess, mainly because of the use of the word ÜBER, since she is the only "übermodel" in the world, the titled was coined specially for her since she was so much more than a regular top or supermodel.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Leo and Bar? Not sure if she is what I would call multi-talented though.
ReplyDeleteExcept Giselle Bundchen is married to the quarterback. And I must admit I would love to be his tight end or wide receiver. Or split end. Or ....
ReplyDeleteYou are thinking of Bar...
But I do love this blind.
And Leo is known to be "a little guy" as he has been seen in the film Total Eclipse? Hardly King Schlong.
ReplyDeleteBut how can it be Leo? He's certainly not calling Blake his one and only, and Bar is no longer sitting around on her tight toosh.
ReplyDeleteI would have though Rachel and Ryan. That's the last couple I thought were perfect together. They're also still friends apparently.
ReplyDeleteNaw, I'm not thinking of Bar. Bar was just Gisele 2.0 or something. I think she's extremely beautiful, of course, but I remember thinking that Leo and Gisele just made PERfect sense together.
ReplyDelete@Aly -- "Except Giselle Bundchen is married to the quarterback."
I'm guessing Ted is referring to Tom Brady when he says "the new man who treats her right." Bar hasn't moved on to a steady new relationship, but Gisele definitely has. Also, the use of the word "kick" in that paragraph jumped out at me, but I know I read WAY too much into these things. :-)
Ted's vicey subjects CAN have more than one nickname. He's said so on more than one occasion. I think Leo fits King Schlong, but I also find it hard as hell to believe that he's closeted. He's too much of a serial monogamist, honestly. Or, at least, he's a man with proclivities toward infidelity who gets himself into supposedly-monogamous long-term relationships...
@crila -- Rachel and Ryan were TOTALLY my guess, but Ted notted them this morning.
ReplyDeleteOh...thanks Ida. Didn't see it.
ReplyDeleteHow about Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy? His current gf is Anchal Joseph, with pretty big boobs from Americas Next top model.
@crila -- I LOVE that guess!! Still not sure if I'd call Jenny "gorgeous," but she's an author, talk show host, etc. I don't know how talented she is, but she's certainly busy.
ReplyDeleteShe and Jim were honestly my favorite celebrity couple, because they seemed SO well-matched. Remember when he wore her one-piece bathing suit out in public? Oh my God.
I always wondered why they broke up, and this would explain it. Sad.
I know. They were the perfect couple. I was sad when they broke up...and he's certainly Mr. USA and liked by a lot of people. They both have the same sense of humor and seemed like best friends. I think she was considered gorgeous at one time (she still has a great body). She was once Playboy Playmate of the year, which is how she got discovered.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ida's guess - Leo and Gisele. They were more "longtime" than he was with Bar, and "charitable" gives it away. And everyone knows he's a dog, but extremely likeable nontheless. And "big boobs and questionable talent" is undoubtedly Lively.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking Sandra Bullock and her ex sleaze ball of a biker, up until it states that she has a new man in her life.
ReplyDeleteThe comments regarding ex-sleazeball and new twit that he's engaged to surely fit the tattooed couple (for the life of me, I can't remember their names... and a good thing too!)
I wouldn't call either Leo or Jim Carrey "hunky," but I doubt I have the same taste in men as Ted. :) That aside, I think Jim and Jenny is a great guess - their split up did seem to come out of nowhere.
ReplyDeleteanchal joseph is gorgegous. so, jimbo is dating a woman of color now? if this is jim carrey, i hope she gets more out of him than she gives him.
ReplyDeletemaybe that's why jim bought jenny a house before they split?.
Stuart Townsend and Charlize Theron
ReplyDeleteWhat about Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson?
ReplyDeleteJustin Timberlake and Jessica Biel?
ReplyDeletewhat about Annalynne Mccord and Kelan Lutz?
ReplyDeleteActually, Ted has said that AFTER a Blind Item is exposed, the person from the blind item can THEN get a new blind vice nickname. But only after their old one is known. He doesn't do multiple blind vice nicknames at the same time for the same person.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone needs to get off the Leo train. Leo and Gisele was years ago, and his relationship with Bar doesn't fit any of the clues. This is not Leo. (though I would not be surprised to hear that Leo cheats)
Michael Buble and Emily Blunt?
ReplyDelete