Ted C Blind Item

We've filled you in on lots of the gross-out goss that goes on behind Vice stars' closed doors, and now one of the stinkiest celebs has finally caught a whiff of his own dirty laundry.

We're sure you can guess who, too...

Super-Duper Cooper, the superstar who likes his nookie with a side of No. 2!

And when SDC caught wind that we were blabbing about his penchant for poo, he wasn't too pleased:

'Cause the dude's going out of his way to make sure hotel insiders don't snitch to us again!

See, Coop was set to make his return to Sin City—and his smelly sexcapades, we're sure—but didn't want to leave a tell-all trail this time.

So like any good celeb worth their A-list status, he had his people take care of it.

We're advised that Coop's assistant called up every million-dollar, high-rise hotel the star has stayed in, including the hotel our partic chatty friend works at, and had a conversation that goes a little something like this:

"Hello! Hope you've been well! How are the kids? Blah blah blah, by the way, have you heard any rumors about Super-Duper Cooper lately?"

Our mischievous source, of course says, "No, why?" And that's when Coop's pal gets sassy, saying:

"Oh, there's just an old gossip columnists who's out to get Coop. They don't understand him because Coop is irreverent."

And when our in-the-know worker said that didn't keep up with the goss, Coop's fellow booked a room on the spot.

Hm, wonder if he'll be sure to clean up after himself this time.

Listen up, Coop, as long as you keep being so careless with your feces fun, I'll be sure to blab it. We can both be irreverent in that way, huh? But thanks for reading the blolumn!

(And for the record, you've kissed women my age and sure seemed to get off on it, dude.)

And It Ain't: Alexander Skarsgård, Charlie Sheen, Kevin Jonas