I wasn't going to post anything, but I can't resist because now it's all I can think about and I need to get it OUT of my head. Worst: in University I dated a guy for a while who had huge testicles. Verging on Cisco Adler huge. In certain...positions, the slapping of them up against my legs made me want to burst out laughing and broke any sort of "mood" we were going for. He's done very well for himself since then and is on my facebook, and everytime I see him, that's all I can think about. His massive, slapping testicles.
Best Sex - my husband. Worst Sex - a one-night stand that when he put it in I was close to asking if it was in, that's how small he was, and I am not into big. He was great at foreplay however.
I've not yet had sex. I'm 33 and still a virgin. I'm okay with that. I'm waiting til I get married. I am a practicing Catholic. Since I don't know that I'll ever be married, I may never have sex. And I'm okay with that too.
I've never had sex and never been kissed on the lips. I'm 26 and I'm waiting until my wedding night to have sex and I'm jewish. I don't date because I'm scared too. I don't have any guy friends, even though I would like to. I am a shy person even though I am a sensual person and I do own a vibrator (wink wink).
Best sex - the friends with benefits guy I just ended things with (ended it to be exusive w someone else). And I miss the great sex
Worst - the guy who I serious Did ask if it was in, he was so small. I broke up with him soon after, when he said with a straight face that Jews were the cause of all wars (and I am Jewish). I wanted to tell him no, the re cause was guys with tiny dicks who were compensating.
Worst: The sociopath with the huge penis who fucked me so hard that he tore me to shreds, repeatedly bashed into my cervix, and caused me to pass out cold on my bathroom floor. He took it as a compliment.
Best: The sex I'm gonna have with my boyfriend when he comes back from halfway across the country. It's been two and a half months, he'll probably be gone for at least five total. Five months of build-up = hormone explosion.
No sex, not because of any religious believes, but because of some very visible health issues I've had since I was about 16 until I was about 26/27. After that it just never happened. And that's ok... at least I don't know what I'm missing.
Miranda - That's awful!! wish the guy's dick flesh-eating disease!
Best: This Latino guy, he does it as sensually as he dances the Salsa. 4 nights a week, 4 hours straight, screaming the Lord's name while watching the sun come out.
Worst: Same Latino guy. Was so into it, on all fours, one hand slipped. Banged my face so hard on the bed foot post. Split my lip. Spat goobers of blood. Looked back at him. And we went back at it before he took me to the emergency for my lip. That's how good he was.
Worst: My best (male) friend. The big lesson here? Friendship chemistry DOES NOT always equal bedroom chemistry.
Best: The man who got me pregnant 2months after my ex-husband moved out. I never believed it was possible to completely connect with somebody in mind, body and spirit until I met him. Now 2 kids and several years later, he still continues to surprise and amaze me in the bedroom. Thank you baby, you are truly a gift!
SUPER TMI WARNING: The best and worst was when I was on my period. My arousal level was off the charts and the intensity of pleasure was amazing; however, as soon as it was over it became the worst due to all of the required clean up.
Is anyone else having trouble with this site? It comes up, but all in white and there's no scroll bar. It's been doing it for a couple days. This is the first time there's been a comment thing I could click on.
Miranda -- *gulp* I'm sorry. Nothing about that experience sounds pleasurable at all, and I hope that dude now has some sort of crotchrot.
@RQ -- big balls are HILARIOUS!
Best: probably with my current lovah, in his truck, on the way back from a wedding. Yowza.
Worst: the lying douchebag with the minnow tongue and teensy purple pencil dick back in college. NO skills there. I briefly considered dating girls after that one.
Worst: (and this frequently comes up in my nightmares, as one of the worst things that have ever happened to me and makes me blush every time i think about it) One night stand. Very drunk. In a bathroom. Suddenly, got a strange feeling. Look around and realize I have gotten my period. All over the walls. Absolute, absolute worst.
@Kelly, our wedding night was the same! We only did it because we felt we had to; after all, it was our wedding night. Not my worst sex, but certainly not my best.
Best sex: my husband, hands down, no competition.
Worst sex: an ex-boyfriend, who was my male best friend, and then we started dating. For some reason, he could never come. We could go for over an hour and nothing would happen. Very frustrating, and really no pleasure for me during sex. Absolutely horrible sex.
Worst - I was dating a guy who was 6'3" and his dick was the size of peanut. He, too, could never come. He would have to masturbate while I rubbed Vaseline on his chest. He thought the sex was amazing. I was just grossed out.
Best - Biloxi with my college sweetheart over spring break. We did it 24 times in 24 hours. He could go forever and was like Goldilocks would say, "Just right."
@sunnyside - holy shit, I just spit water on my screen at your Vaseline story, imagining you rolling your eyes and wishing for it to HAPPEN already. Oh man. Hilarious.
but the first (and only) being picked up in a bar by a really hot guy who was just in town for the weekend was really fun! (this was just a couple of months ago...and I'm 35).
Worst: Probably the ex-addict/ex-con I dated briefly a few years ago. One time...it was over before I knew it. Ugh...Not one of my better choices. Oh well. :)
@RQ: Ever hear the story Margaret Cho tells? She said the guy's balls were so big she was on her hands and knees and looked back to see them swinging between HER legs. @Miranda: Marsha Warfield talked about dating a guy who was so big she had to break up with him. "He said,'A woman's vagina can expand too accommodate having a baby,' and I said,'Yeah, but not every time I see you!'"
Thanks for the sympathy, everyone. It was a bad time. Sometimes we do really bad and dangerous stuff when we are feeling bleak. Trust me: karma has gotten the guy back better than I ever could.
Best sex: a random 24 hour explosion with an Aussie surfer who was 10 years younger than me while I was on a surf trip in Mexico. It was all booze, drugs and orgasms.
Worst sex: Tried dating a guy who was 20+ years older than me. First time we got naked I was going down to give him a mouth hug because that's my "impressive them" move. He had the longest, stretched out balls I had ever seen. I still blew him because I didn't want to be rude but I went home and broke up with him via text.
Since I feel like I cheated: Not to sound corny, but the best sex I ever had was the first time I was with somebody I really cared about, my first long-term girlfriend. It was the first time it felt good after the fact. The worst was with a girlfriend who couldn't perform oral sex (hyper-sensitive gag reflex) but was determined to one night, until she threw up in my lap.
worst: don't remember. blocked it i suppose... best; college boyfriend. crazy good, like insane in the brain oh my god can't forget it good. always different; tender, raw, sweet, etc. always smoking hot. wonder what he's up to these days.......
Best- i think it mightbe with the guy i currently have my eye on but if not...i briefly dated this guy who was a few years younger than me. we a had a quick and passionate 3 week tryst. he wasn't huge but the connection was amazing.
worst- fucking my highschool boyfreind WAY past highschool. we had never done it when we were dating because we were kinda young so it really was both of us trying to impress the other.
Best: an impulsive tryst with a casual friend that was home from grad school for Christmas break. I was living with my parents and he was staying with his, so we checked into a cheap motel. We each knew a real relationship wouldn't work due to religious, political and life goal differences. But the sex was amazing, we had great chemistry. We hooked up a couple of times over the next year until he met his current wife.
Worst: My first time. It was my idea and I seduced my first partner, I didn't know what I was doing and I was nervous, I just wanted to have the experience. It was his first time too.
Worst: the first guy I ever slept with (I was his first, too), in our early 20s--a nice enough guy, and I wish him no ill at all, but I really do hope he's learned since that telling someone they're a lot more fun to handle than the gross anatomy cadaver he worked on for the 6 weeks he was in med school. No, I'm not making this up or exaggerating, either.
Best: Still waiting, which is really pathetic at my age (staring down the barrel of 50). Just once I'd really like to get involved with someone and be madly in love with them, and have him feel the same way... *sigh*
Worst: Dated a guy for about 6 wks and finally broke down and we did it..He was incredibly small, he came in 2 seconds,the cops waited so they could ask for ID, he was an insensitive jerk about it, he never called me again leaving me to belive I sucked at sex (he was one of my first). I was messed up for a long time
Best: With my ex who is a total douche. For some reason we just had amazing sex. Although my husband gives the best head!
Best: With my asshole musician ex who made me come 10 times one evening. Worst: With a guy that was the best kisser I have ever met. We had great chemistry but dude could not f*ck to save his life.
Hmmm...best. Two come to mind. The three-way that my gf gave me for my 21st birthday. And the last time my ex-wife and I had sex. A few weeks after we broke up, and I had moved out of the house. The house was up for sale, and I was still packing up my stuff. I came over to get some stuff, and we ended up having sex. Hard, fast, rough, funny sex. Twice.
Worst-We, short version-ruptured disc in my back...
Worst: my husband, we were both virgins and he thought a very significant part of a woman's anatomy was located INSIDE when it's actually OUTSIDE and I didn't know what he was talking about (it was 1962, people, we didn't have as much info) so he never did learn. He's remarried, I hope she taught him.
Best: George, and I don't know why. Just couldn't get enough of him and fortunately he had plenty to share with me.
Oh god, Astrid, I think I dated your worst guy. Best kisser ever (and I have kissed my share), he could almost bring you to orgasm kissing, which was fortunate because he couldn't with his penis...he'd get it up, get it in, and lose it. Again and again. By the time he got transferred to the Keys, I was so tired of his attitude that he was a good lover and was glad to see him go.
Best sex- I had to fly to my home country (which probably explains my at times horrible use of English... not my first language) after my grandmother died and was gone from my then-fiance (now husband) for nearly a month... when I got back to the States we didn't leave our bedroom for an entire weekend, haha. It was amazing, and we've been married and having great sex for 8 years since :)
Worst? A guy I dated my freshman of college who literally cried right after and told me that it had been his first time. AWKWARD.
Worst: Extremely drunken one night stand in the hot tub. We damned near drowned.
Best: Guy I had the hots for in college but was too shy to tell him. I ended up telling him years later and we had a fling. That was 14 years ago and we've recently reconnected. There's always been electricity between us out of bed but in bed it's unbelievable. He is tender, sweet, loving and it's truly making love with him but we can be really nasty together too.
My shy German boyfriend. Best lover ever, put me first and made me come at least 5 times before he even let me pleasure him. The most tender and wild man.
Best: the guy I dated last summer. Significantly younger than me and said he could count the number of times he had sex before me on one hand. I cured him of that, and one weekend we went through 18 condoms. I think that weekend accounts for the most orgasms I've ever had in one big session.
Worst: Big Scottish guy I picked up in my local pub whose penis was smaller than my pinky finger. Didn't have the skills to even make up for it either.
Best Sex-guy from high school that I ran into in my bowling league. The drunk one nighter has been going on about 2 years now.
Worst sex-Oh, so many..I think I have to go with the guy who ejaculated before getting in the vicinity of my vagina. After spooging onto my thigh, he said "oops, my bad" put his clothes back on and left without another word.
Robert, I confess that I did the same thing to my first boyfriend.
sunnyside - you had to rub Vaseline on his *chest* to get him to come?
Worst: Chilean guy I met. I knew he was short, but didn't know until he was naked that his clothes were bulky and he really looked like a 12 year-old boy. I almost told him to put his clothes back on but, like *girl, I did the deed to be polite. I also couldn't tell if it was in. Terrible "sex". And he even insulted me afterwards, saying I was unimaginative. LOL!
Best: Tie. One night with a guy with a very large penis. And he knew how to use it. And the first night my husband and I had sex. He hadn't had it for 3 years prior so he got it out of his system. 8 hours, with small breaks between.
I've been reading this blog for years and have always felt like RQ was my polar opposite but now I know for sure because I LOVE "massive, slapping testicles"!!! They work overtime if you get right :)
Best: Oh hell, I'll be honest.. I had a 3some in 2006 with 2 hot, young, Persian Jews that I met on MySpace. Not being rude, but it's hard to find a super babe in that category let alone two! I still think back on that when I need some rubbing-one-out material.
Worst: First time I had sex with the love of my life. Circa 95'. He'd never been with a fatty & I was sooooo nervous because he was a major babe. The second time was much better and it just kept getting better & better after that!
Worst Sex - A very drunken one night stand last year I had liked the guy for over a year. When it came to the sex though it was so rough, and I realised he had positioned us so he could look at himself in the mirror through out. The next day I could barely sit down and he got model scouted.
Best Sex - With my best friend last summer, I lost my virginity to him years ago its amazing how different the two experiences were.
WORST - Drunk encounters with ex/babydaddy...disgusting & upsetting. Asshat.
BEST - ex/babydaddy...tossup between one dead of summer night in a Brooklyn park and the more staid encounter in which we conceived our daughter (serious, there was magic). Lots of our sex was great, tho. Ex was very well equipped, I still feel somewhat spoiled, but then again I'm purposefully abstaining these days.
Can't let him remain the best, though. I've got some good ideas to top Asshat... Have a ferris wheel/Coney Island fixation...
Worst: In high school, a guy got me so worked up, had there been walls I would have been crawling up them. He finally started to do the deed and lost the ability. Told everyone it was because I was so big. He turned out to be gay but Im still feeling the sting.
Best: thank goodness the best fades away so we can keep having new bests otherwise it would always be downhill after a great one.
Here's my virginity loss story: http://virginityproject.typepad.com/the_virginity_project/2010/08/i-dont-mean-to-be-flip-but-this-story-reminded-me--of-the-time-that-i-stood-perched-over-the-kitchen-sink-thinking.html
Worst - guy who came on my face and I started gagging. I realized too late that he had a camera set up to record us.
Most Disappointing - the last guy I was with is such a sweetheart, but not too exciting in bed. Boring, in fact. And he always came so fast, I really didn't get much out of it.
Best - my ex, who is now deceased. We were together for years, and I realized that the best sex is with someone who you truly care about and have a deep connection with. I guess it helped that we were pretty well compatible in bed. We both enjoyed the same things. I really miss him.
I'm past the time for adventure but I've had my moments. Mutltiple partners. Two women. The range of activities.
But all that aside, I agree with Ells - the best sex is far more than just the physical. It's that moment when your eyes lock and there is an intensity that is almost holy.
In order to protect the parties, let's just say she was active in the community and very well known locally. Not a stunning beauty - sort of Diane Keaton cute.
We had been working on a local project for several months. Everything was focused on deadlines and presentations with a sense of intense urgency. We spoke daily - often several times a day. A few days earlier, I stopped by her house to talk about something. She laughed and touched my arm. It was electric to me but I tried not to show it.
The next day, I stopped by again. We had coffee in her kitchen as we went over some issues. It was May and the morning sun was bright. After 20 minutes, I got up to leave. For whatever reason, I stopped in the middle of the room. She also got up and went to take the cup from my hand. As she walked by, I blocked her way and slipped my arm around her waist. We had that Gatsby-moment when we just looked at each other and waited for the signal that it was right and true. The she leaned forward and kissed me.
I can't honestly recall what happened next. I believe that our clothes spontaneously combusted. What I do remember is that we ended up on the living room floor.
It was extraordinary. And it lasted for 10 years.
The worst sex?
My last. Outside of the fact that she was a lying, cheating, high maintenance pain, when she came... she hyperventilated. So whenever and wherever we were, we had to have a paper bag. Otherwise her hyperventilating would trigger a migraine. So no matter what, sex with her was an ordeal.
sunnyside - I had an experience once where bf and I were parked in a lonely parking lot and a cop rapped on the window to ask if I was a willing participant. Bf answered for me. Cop got pissed off and smartly retorted, "I was asking HER, not YOU." As soon as I said yes I burst out laughing.
Maybe Sherry had something similar. It would be embarrassing if the cops had to wait.
Reviewer - heal in the way that gives you peace of mind. That is so much more important.
worst sex: I was 18, had only slept with 1 other person in my life prior to him and it had been at least a year since the last time i had had sex. we were going at it and he kept humping me like a dog but i couldn't feel anything inside of me. i finally asked what he was doing bc i was confused and he responded with "making love" and then i asked if he was even inside of me. let's just say that he quickly got up put on this pants and left. oops.
A few years ago I hooked up with a little cutie pie I had met the previous day. He was Hawaiian and adorable and there was just something about him begging to be taken home. Long story short..in the middle of sex I stopped him..and it was like something moved through me I couldnt explain. I told him (paraphrasing here ) to stop..that I had to tell him something. I told him I was never going to see him again but there was something he needed to know..that he was planning on doing something and he had to not do it. I didnt know what it was or when he planned on doing it but some THING that I will never be able to explain started begging him to not do that thing he was planning on doing..
He started crying and told me that he had planned on killing himself. He was in so much pain inside and he just didnt want to live anymore..we ended up talking all night into the morning.
I never saw him again, but his sister came into the bar I worked at and thanked me. I dont know what he told her..but she said I helped save his life.
I know...super weird and totally unbelievable unless you were there...which I was of course...
I don't know where that boy is now...but Keoni <3<3<3
Best sex: When I was younger, I bartended at a restaurant on the Florida Intracoastal in Pompano Beach. Randy West was a common visitor - he had a home not too far away. He asked me to bartend for a party that he was having to intoduce some of his new "girls". One of them, and for the love of me I can't remember her name, and I hit it off and ended up doing it the rest of the night in one of the upstairs room.
Worst Sex: A guy I dated. He was 3 inches of "no joke" pounding like a rabbit. It was so fast, i saw smoke coming from down there due to all the friction. I had to make him stop and never let him touch me again.
@Grape -- ditto. :-) I have to confess that I click on your profile sometimes just for that little soundclip. I love it when Jerri talks about being a streetwhore! *wipes away tear*
@Crila -- until I met my current boyfriend, the best sex I ever had was with my vibrator, too. I even had a name for him: Vlad the Impaler. He died a sad little death about six years ago, but he kept me sane throughout college and beyond. Awww.
I guess I did not make it very clear did I...We were doing it at the spot where kids would go to make out and such (ours being the nekkid such) and, unbeknownst to me until the knock on the window, the cops were waiting to check my ID to make sure I was old enough. And by the way doing' it in your car isn't exactly legal I guess. But rather than adding insult to injury they let it slide since I was 18. I mean I didn't even have my pants up when they knocked..So embarrasing!
Best sex - my hubby
ReplyDeleteWorst sex - my ex-hubby
Worst Sex-First time...ughhhhhhhhh
ReplyDeleteBest Sex-?? Still waiting
I wasn't going to post anything, but I can't resist because now it's all I can think about and I need to get it OUT of my head. Worst: in University I dated a guy for a while who had huge testicles. Verging on Cisco Adler huge. In certain...positions, the slapping of them up against my legs made me want to burst out laughing and broke any sort of "mood" we were going for. He's done very well for himself since then and is on my facebook, and everytime I see him, that's all I can think about. His massive, slapping testicles.
ReplyDeleteBest Sex - my husband.
ReplyDeleteWorst Sex - a one-night stand that when he put it in I was close to asking if it was in, that's how small he was, and I am not into big. He was great at foreplay however.
I've not yet had sex. I'm 33 and still a virgin. I'm okay with that. I'm waiting til I get married. I am a practicing Catholic. Since I don't know that I'll ever be married, I may never have sex. And I'm okay with that too.
ReplyDeleteI've never had sex and never been kissed on the lips. I'm 26 and I'm waiting until my wedding night to have sex and I'm jewish. I don't date because I'm scared too. I don't have any guy friends, even though I would like to. I am a shy person even though I am a sensual person and I do own a vibrator (wink wink).
ReplyDeleteBest sex - the friends with benefits guy I just ended things with (ended it to be exusive w someone else). And I miss the great sex
ReplyDeleteWorst - the guy who I serious Did ask if it was in, he was so small. I broke up with him soon after, when he said with a straight face that Jews were the cause of all wars (and I am Jewish). I wanted to tell him no, the re cause was guys with tiny dicks who were compensating.
Let's make long stories short.
ReplyDeleteWorst: The sociopath with the huge penis who fucked me so hard that he tore me to shreds, repeatedly bashed into my cervix, and caused me to pass out cold on my bathroom floor. He took it as a compliment.
Best: The sex I'm gonna have with my boyfriend when he comes back from halfway across the country. It's been two and a half months, he'll probably be gone for at least five total. Five months of build-up = hormone explosion.
No sex, not because of any religious believes, but because of some very visible health issues I've had since I was about 16 until I was about 26/27. After that it just never happened. And that's ok... at least I don't know what I'm missing.
ReplyDeleteMiranda - That's awful!! wish the guy's dick flesh-eating disease!
ReplyDeleteBest: This Latino guy, he does it as sensually as he dances the Salsa. 4 nights a week, 4 hours straight, screaming the Lord's name while watching the sun come out.
Worst: Same Latino guy. Was so into it, on all fours, one hand slipped. Banged my face so hard on the bed foot post. Split my lip. Spat goobers of blood. Looked back at him. And we went back at it before he took me to the emergency for my lip. That's how good he was.
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ReplyDeleteRita, that needs to be in a rom-com script somewhere, lol
ReplyDeleteWorst sex: First time i had sex (i still cringe it was painful and bloody TMI i know)
ReplyDeleteBest sex: Yet to happen
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ReplyDeleteWorst: My best (male) friend. The big lesson here? Friendship chemistry DOES NOT always equal bedroom chemistry.
ReplyDeleteBest: The man who got me pregnant 2months after my ex-husband moved out. I never believed it was possible to completely connect with somebody in mind, body and spirit until I met him. Now 2 kids and several years later, he still continues to surprise and amaze me in the bedroom. Thank you baby, you are truly a gift!
Best Sex -- Make-up sex with my husband (even though we only have had one fight bad enough for make-up sex)
ReplyDeleteWorst Sex - Our Wedding night, we were both exhausted but felt pressured to "consumate" it -- don't even like to think about it yuck.
SUPER TMI WARNING: The best and worst was when I was on my period. My arousal level was off the charts and the intensity of pleasure was amazing; however, as soon as it was over it became the worst due to all of the required clean up.
ReplyDeleteO/T
ReplyDeleteIs anyone else having trouble with this site? It comes up, but all in white and there's no scroll bar. It's been doing it for a couple days. This is the first time there's been a comment thing I could click on.
Kcqueen, just refresh your page.
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn this your turn was done before?
ReplyDeleteMiranda -- *gulp* I'm sorry. Nothing about that experience sounds pleasurable at all, and I hope that dude now has some sort of crotchrot.
ReplyDelete@RQ -- big balls are HILARIOUS!
Best: probably with my current lovah, in his truck, on the way back from a wedding. Yowza.
Worst: the lying douchebag with the minnow tongue and teensy purple pencil dick back in college. NO skills there. I briefly considered dating girls after that one.
Also, I think Enty should have to answer this Your Turn - he usually does, doesn't he? ;)
ReplyDeleteAnother superTMI:
ReplyDeleteBest: W husband.
Worst: (and this frequently comes up in my nightmares, as one of the worst things that have ever happened to me and makes me blush every time i think about it)
One night stand. Very drunk. In a bathroom. Suddenly, got a strange feeling. Look around and realize I have gotten my period. All over the walls. Absolute, absolute worst.
@Kelly, our wedding night was the same! We only did it because we felt we had to; after all, it was our wedding night. Not my worst sex, but certainly not my best.
ReplyDeleteBest sex: my husband, hands down, no competition.
Worst sex: an ex-boyfriend, who was my male best friend, and then we started dating. For some reason, he could never come. We could go for over an hour and nothing would happen. Very frustrating, and really no pleasure for me during sex. Absolutely horrible sex.
Rocket Queen - thanks for now implanting the image (now with added sound effects) of slapping balls! Yikes!!
ReplyDeleteAs for Miranda - I agree with other posters - sorry about that experience but hopefully that douche develops leprosy on oversized dick.
Some much to chose from....
ReplyDeleteWorst - I was dating a guy who was 6'3" and his dick was the size of peanut. He, too, could never come. He would have to masturbate while I rubbed Vaseline on his chest. He thought the sex was amazing. I was just grossed out.
Best - Biloxi with my college sweetheart over spring break. We did it 24 times in 24 hours. He could go forever and was like Goldilocks would say, "Just right."
Nu's woman:
ReplyDeleteI've tried refreshing the page several times. There's this stupid "drop and pop" pop up that seems to be the problem.
best: my asian bf, mr. hitachi ;)
ReplyDeleteworst: any sex is better than no sex right? especially when it's been many, many moons except for a drunken hook-up.
@KLM - sorry, I really am!
ReplyDelete@sunnyside - holy shit, I just spit water on my screen at your Vaseline story, imagining you rolling your eyes and wishing for it to HAPPEN already. Oh man. Hilarious.
Try using firefox, if you have it. That's what I am on, and the ad today seems to be behaving.
ReplyDeleteA lady never kisses and tells, but Jesse, you cannot f*ck.
ReplyDeleteWell it was nice getting that off my chest. :-)
Sunnyside - That was damn funny. You, too, RocketQueen and Awesome Balla.
ReplyDeleteI thought this would be a weird thread but I am still laughing!
@awesome balla., I wish I could agree that worst sex is better than no sex, but in my case....no sex wins.
ReplyDeleteSunnyside: burst out laughing, tears streaming down face - HIGH-larious!
ReplyDeleteMan you guys are funny!
I agree, sunnyside. No sex/vibrator sex is better than bad sex. I can still hear those slappy balls sometimes....and I shiver a little.
ReplyDeleteWow...love these stories. :)
ReplyDeleteBest: Still waiting...
but the first (and only) being picked up in a bar by a really hot guy who was just in town for the weekend was really fun! (this was just a couple of months ago...and I'm 35).
Worst: Probably the ex-addict/ex-con I dated briefly a few years ago. One time...it was over before I knew it. Ugh...Not one of my better choices. Oh well. :)
...those that know me in real life still can't believe either one. lol
ReplyDelete@RQ: Ever hear the story Margaret Cho tells? She said the guy's balls were so big she was on her hands and knees and looked back to see them swinging between HER legs.
ReplyDelete@Miranda: Marsha Warfield talked about dating a guy who was so big she had to break up with him. "He said,'A woman's vagina can expand too accommodate having a baby,' and I said,'Yeah, but not every time I see you!'"
@Robert - let's just say....I know EXACTLY what she's talking about.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the sympathy, everyone. It was a bad time. Sometimes we do really bad and dangerous stuff when we are feeling bleak. Trust me: karma has gotten the guy back better than I ever could.
ReplyDeleteBest sex: a random 24 hour explosion with an Aussie surfer who was 10 years younger than me while I was on a surf trip in Mexico. It was all booze, drugs and orgasms.
ReplyDeleteWorst sex: Tried dating a guy who was 20+ years older than me. First time we got naked I was going down to give him a mouth hug because that's my "impressive them" move. He had the longest, stretched out balls I had ever seen. I still blew him because I didn't want to be rude but I went home and broke up with him via text.
I am taking a page from Stacy's book:
ReplyDeleteOy, Pierre....a)size means nothing if you don't know how to use it b) you don't c)I faked every orgasm d) that bend to the left IS weird
Thanks, Stacy. :)
Oh, and Stu...you rock.
ReplyDeleteAAAAHAHAHAHA @*girl, something about the "I didn't want to be rude but I went home and broke up with him via text" made me LOL.
ReplyDeleteSince I feel like I cheated:
ReplyDeleteNot to sound corny, but the best sex I ever had was the first time I was with somebody I really cared about, my first long-term girlfriend. It was the first time it felt good after the fact.
The worst was with a girlfriend who couldn't perform oral sex (hyper-sensitive gag reflex) but was determined to one night, until she threw up in my lap.
worst: don't remember. blocked it i suppose...
ReplyDeletebest; college boyfriend. crazy good, like insane in the brain oh my god can't forget it good. always different; tender, raw, sweet, etc. always smoking hot. wonder what he's up to these days.......
SFG i lol'd at that too.
ReplyDeleteBest- i think it mightbe with the guy i currently have my eye on but if not...i briefly dated this guy who was a few years younger than me. we a had a quick and passionate 3 week tryst. he wasn't huge but the connection was amazing.
worst- fucking my highschool boyfreind WAY past highschool. we had never done it when we were dating because we were kinda young so it really was both of us trying to impress the other.
fail fail fail. to quote Dr.Evil, "it got weird."
Best: an impulsive tryst with a casual friend that was home from grad school for Christmas break. I was living with my parents and he was staying with his, so we checked into a cheap motel. We each knew a real relationship wouldn't work due to religious, political and life goal differences. But the sex was amazing, we had great chemistry. We hooked up a couple of times over the next year until he met his current wife.
ReplyDeleteWorst: My first time. It was my idea and I seduced my first partner, I didn't know what I was doing and I was nervous, I just wanted to have the experience. It was his first time too.
Worst: the first guy I ever slept with (I was his first, too), in our early 20s--a nice enough guy, and I wish him no ill at all, but I really do hope he's learned since that telling someone they're a lot more fun to handle than the gross anatomy cadaver he worked on for the 6 weeks he was in med school. No, I'm not making this up or exaggerating, either.
ReplyDeleteBest: Still waiting, which is really pathetic at my age (staring down the barrel of 50). Just once I'd really like to get involved with someone and be madly in love with them, and have him feel the same way... *sigh*
Worst: Dated a guy for about 6 wks and finally broke down and we did it..He was incredibly small, he came in 2 seconds,the cops waited so they could ask for ID, he was an insensitive jerk about it, he never called me again leaving me to belive I sucked at sex (he was one of my first). I was messed up for a long time
ReplyDeleteBest: With my ex who is a total douche. For some reason we just had amazing sex. Although my husband gives the best head!
Best: With my asshole musician ex who made me come 10 times one evening.
ReplyDeleteWorst: With a guy that was the best kisser I have ever met. We had great chemistry but dude could not f*ck to save his life.
Hmmm...best. Two come to mind. The three-way that my gf gave me for my 21st birthday. And the last time my ex-wife and I had sex. A few weeks after we broke up, and I had moved out of the house. The house was up for sale, and I was still packing up my stuff. I came over to get some stuff, and we ended up having sex. Hard, fast, rough, funny sex. Twice.
ReplyDeleteWorst-We, short version-ruptured disc in my back...
Worst: my husband, we were both virgins and he thought a very significant part of a woman's anatomy was located INSIDE when it's actually OUTSIDE and I didn't know what he was talking about (it was 1962, people, we didn't have as much info) so he never did learn. He's remarried, I hope she taught him.
ReplyDeleteBest: George, and I don't know why. Just couldn't get enough of him and fortunately he had plenty to share with me.
Oh god, Astrid, I think I dated your worst guy. Best kisser ever (and I have kissed my share), he could almost bring you to orgasm kissing, which was fortunate because he couldn't with his penis...he'd get it up, get it in, and lose it. Again and again. By the time he got transferred to the Keys, I was so tired of his attitude that he was a good lover and was glad to see him go.
ReplyDeleteBest sex- I had to fly to my home country (which probably explains my at times horrible use of English... not my first language) after my grandmother died and was gone from my then-fiance (now husband) for nearly a month... when I got back to the States we didn't leave our bedroom for an entire weekend, haha. It was amazing, and we've been married and having great sex for 8 years since :)
ReplyDeleteWorst? A guy I dated my freshman of college who literally cried right after and told me that it had been his first time. AWKWARD.
Best - one night stand in Jamaica. Yes, I had my own Taye Diggs and it was glorious!
ReplyDeleteWorst - an ex boyfriend who just didn't know what do....
@SFG & Jax: What can I say? I have to be polite, I'm Canadian!
ReplyDeleteWorst: The very first guy I went down on - I was caught off guard by the ...uh... end result, and I ended up spitting it in his face :P
ReplyDeleteBest: my husband- we've been together 5 years and I always think every time is better than the last :)
Worst: Extremely drunken one night stand in the hot tub. We damned near drowned.
ReplyDeleteBest: Guy I had the hots for in college but was too shy to tell him. I ended up telling him years later and we had a fling. That was 14 years ago and we've recently reconnected. There's always been electricity between us out of bed but in bed it's unbelievable. He is tender, sweet, loving and it's truly making love with him but we can be really nasty together too.
My shy German boyfriend. Best lover ever, put me first and made me come at least 5 times before he even let me pleasure him. The most tender and wild man.
ReplyDeleteBest: the guy I dated last summer. Significantly younger than me and said he could count the number of times he had sex before me on one hand. I cured him of that, and one weekend we went through 18 condoms. I think that weekend accounts for the most orgasms I've ever had in one big session.
ReplyDeleteWorst: Big Scottish guy I picked up in my local pub whose penis was smaller than my pinky finger. Didn't have the skills to even make up for it either.
best sex - my current bf. before him, I never knew what it was like to have a vaginal orgasim.
ReplyDeleteworst sex - pity sex with guy who really liked me and I was moving away so thought "What the hell?" and did it with him. Yawn.
@*girl
ReplyDeleteI EXPLODED with laughter at your politeness.
Thanks!
Worst: A brutal idiot who really hurt me. When I asked him to go down on me, he licked my thighs.
ReplyDeleteBest: That Frenchman... O lala. Four times in one night. Couldn't get enough of him. Great kisser, too.
Best Sex-guy from high school that I ran into in my bowling league. The drunk one nighter has been going on about 2 years now.
ReplyDeleteWorst sex-Oh, so many..I think I have to go with the guy who ejaculated before getting in the vicinity of my vagina. After spooging onto my thigh, he said "oops, my bad" put his clothes back on and left without another word.
Robert, I confess that I did the same thing to my first boyfriend.
ReplyDeletesunnyside - you had to rub Vaseline on his *chest* to get him to come?
Worst: Chilean guy I met. I knew he was short, but didn't know until he was naked that his clothes were bulky and he really looked like a 12 year-old boy. I almost told him to put his clothes back on but, like *girl, I did the deed to be polite. I also couldn't tell if it was in. Terrible "sex". And he even insulted me afterwards, saying I was unimaginative. LOL!
Best: Tie. One night with a guy with a very large penis. And he knew how to use it. And the first night my husband and I had sex. He hadn't had it for 3 years prior so he got it out of his system. 8 hours, with small breaks between.
@ shakey, yes it had to be Vaseline and he liked lots of nipple action. Gag inducing.
ReplyDelete@ Sherry, for your worst, why were the cops there?
ReplyDeleteWorst: Oh, college.
ReplyDeleteBest: Friends with benefits. The man has a gifted mouth, fantastic hands, and a great c*ck. Ngh...
I've been reading this blog for years and have always felt like RQ was my polar opposite but now I know for sure because I LOVE "massive, slapping testicles"!!! They work overtime if you get right :)
ReplyDeleteBest: Oh hell, I'll be honest.. I had a 3some in 2006 with 2 hot, young, Persian Jews that I met on MySpace. Not being rude, but it's hard to find a super babe in that category let alone two! I still think back on that when I need some rubbing-one-out material.
Worst: First time I had sex with the love of my life. Circa 95'. He'd never been with a fatty & I was sooooo nervous because he was a major babe. The second time was much better and it just kept getting better & better after that!
Worst Sex - A very drunken one night stand last year I had liked the guy for over a year. When it came to the sex though it was so rough, and I realised he had positioned us so he could look at himself in the mirror through out. The next day I could barely sit down and he got model scouted.
ReplyDeleteBest Sex - With my best friend last summer, I lost my virginity to him years ago its amazing how different the two experiences were.
I love you, Tempestuous Grape. Anyone who digs big balls *and* Jerri Blank is a stellar gal in my book.
ReplyDeleteBest: When my then SO (later husband) and I went to one of those sex motels. We did it maybe 10 times in a couple of hours.
ReplyDeleteWorst: Drunk anal sex, also with my husband.
As my old man always used to say:
ReplyDelete"A man may think he's king of the castle, but in bed, the queen comes first!"
Words of wisdom.
WORST - Drunk encounters with ex/babydaddy...disgusting & upsetting. Asshat.
ReplyDeleteBEST - ex/babydaddy...tossup between one dead of summer night in a Brooklyn park and the more staid encounter in which we conceived our daughter (serious, there was magic). Lots of our sex was great, tho. Ex was very well equipped, I still feel somewhat spoiled, but then again I'm purposefully abstaining these days.
Can't let him remain the best, though. I've got some good ideas to top Asshat... Have a ferris wheel/Coney Island fixation...
Worst: In high school, a guy got me so worked up, had there been walls I would have been crawling up them. He finally started to do the deed and lost the ability. Told everyone it was because I was so big. He turned out to be gay but Im still feeling the sting.
ReplyDeleteBest: thank goodness the best fades away so we can keep having new bests otherwise it would always be downhill after a great one.
Never had sex. Still healing from childhood trauma. Maybe one day, but the older I grow, the more I doubt it.
ReplyDeleteHere's my virginity loss story: http://virginityproject.typepad.com/the_virginity_project/2010/08/i-dont-mean-to-be-flip-but-this-story-reminded-me--of-the-time-that-i-stood-perched-over-the-kitchen-sink-thinking.html
ReplyDeleteWorst - guy who came on my face and I started gagging. I realized too late that he had a camera set up to record us.
ReplyDeleteMost Disappointing - the last guy I was with is such a sweetheart, but not too exciting in bed. Boring, in fact. And he always came so fast, I really didn't get much out of it.
Best - my ex, who is now deceased. We were together for years, and I realized that the best sex is with someone who you truly care about and have a deep connection with. I guess it helped that we were pretty well compatible in bed. We both enjoyed the same things. I really miss him.
Interesting challenge from Enty...
ReplyDeleteI'm past the time for adventure but I've had my moments. Mutltiple partners. Two women. The range of activities.
But all that aside, I agree with Ells - the best sex is far more than just the physical. It's that moment when your eyes lock and there is an intensity that is almost holy.
In order to protect the parties, let's just say she was active in the community and very well known locally. Not a stunning beauty - sort of Diane Keaton cute.
We had been working on a local project for several months. Everything was focused on deadlines and presentations with a sense of intense urgency. We spoke daily - often several times a day. A few days earlier, I stopped by her house to talk about something. She laughed and touched my arm. It was electric to me but I tried not to show it.
The next day, I stopped by again. We had coffee in her kitchen as we went over some issues. It was May and the morning sun was bright. After 20 minutes, I got up to leave. For whatever reason, I stopped in the middle of the room. She also got up and went to take the cup from my hand. As she walked by, I blocked her way and slipped my arm around her waist. We had that Gatsby-moment when we just looked at each other and waited for the signal that it was right and true. The she leaned forward and kissed me.
I can't honestly recall what happened next. I believe that our clothes spontaneously combusted. What I do remember is that we ended up on the living room floor.
It was extraordinary. And it lasted for 10 years.
The worst sex?
My last. Outside of the fact that she was a lying, cheating, high maintenance pain, when she came... she hyperventilated. So whenever and wherever we were, we had to have a paper bag. Otherwise her hyperventilating would trigger a migraine. So no matter what, sex with her was an ordeal.
She's your's now, Colorado. Good luck.
sunnyside - I had an experience once where bf and I were parked in a lonely parking lot and a cop rapped on the window to ask if I was a willing participant. Bf answered for me. Cop got pissed off and smartly retorted, "I was asking HER, not YOU." As soon as I said yes I burst out laughing.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Sherry had something similar. It would be embarrassing if the cops had to wait.
Reviewer - heal in the way that gives you peace of mind. That is so much more important.
worst sex: I was 18, had only slept with 1 other person in my life prior to him and it had been at least a year since the last time i had had sex. we were going at it and he kept humping me like a dog but i couldn't feel anything inside of me. i finally asked what he was doing bc i was confused and he responded with "making love" and then i asked if he was even inside of me. let's just say that he quickly got up put on this pants and left. oops.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Vanessa, I've been there.
ReplyDeleteAnd Marcie, your story is hoooooottttttt.
LOL Vanessa. That is just... unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteWeirdest sex:
ReplyDeleteA few years ago I hooked up with a little cutie pie I had met the previous day. He was Hawaiian and adorable and there was just something about him begging to be taken home. Long story short..in the middle of sex I stopped him..and it was like something moved through me I couldnt explain. I told him (paraphrasing here ) to stop..that I had to tell him something. I told him I was never going to see him again but there was something he needed to know..that he was planning on doing something and he had to not do it. I didnt know what it was or when he planned on doing it but some THING that I will never be able to explain started begging him to not do that thing he was planning on doing..
He started crying and told me that he had planned on killing himself. He was in so much pain inside and he just didnt want to live anymore..we ended up talking all night into the morning.
I never saw him again, but his sister came into the bar I worked at and thanked me. I dont know what he told her..but she said I helped save his life.
I know...super weird and totally unbelievable unless you were there...which I was of course...
I don't know where that boy is now...but Keoni <3<3<3
Amoteafloat, thank you! You're a wonderful addition to this group, I always dig what you have to say :)
ReplyDeleteHmm...
ReplyDeleteBest sex:
When I was younger, I bartended at a restaurant on the Florida Intracoastal in Pompano Beach. Randy West was a common visitor - he had a home not too far away. He asked me to bartend for a party that he was having to intoduce some of his new "girls". One of them, and for the love of me I can't remember her name, and I hit it off and ended up doing it the rest of the night in one of the upstairs room.
Worst:
Any experience in High School.
Worst Sex: A guy I dated. He was 3 inches of "no joke" pounding like a rabbit. It was so fast, i saw smoke coming from down there due to all the friction. I had to make him stop and never let him touch me again.
ReplyDeleteBest Sex: My vibrator.
@Grape -- ditto. :-) I have to confess that I click on your profile sometimes just for that little soundclip. I love it when Jerri talks about being a streetwhore! *wipes away tear*
ReplyDelete@Crila -- until I met my current boyfriend, the best sex I ever had was with my vibrator, too. I even had a name for him: Vlad the Impaler. He died a sad little death about six years ago, but he kept me sane throughout college and beyond. Awww.
@Tempestuous Grape - ha! Send me a private message if you like, he's single :) If it helps, I really really love wine?
ReplyDeleteI guess I did not make it very clear did I...We were doing it at the spot where kids would go to make out and such (ours being the nekkid such) and, unbeknownst to me until the knock on the window, the cops were waiting to check my ID to make sure I was old enough. And by the way doing' it in your car isn't exactly legal I guess. But rather than adding insult to injury they let it slide since I was 18. I mean I didn't even have my pants up when they knocked..So embarrasing!
ReplyDelete