Ted C Blind Item
Before you start feeling too sorry for poor, mixed-up, closeted celeb Butter Pussy and how the babe's scared coming out will affect her and her loved ones' incomes, listen up. Butter's hardly a saint.
Far from it.
Sometime ago, Ms. Pussy, who's really fabulous at her very celebrated career, came home from a hard day's work and her man happened to be home. But he wasn't alone:
Butter found the partner she genuinely cared for—but whom she also conveniently used (a lot) to help sell her fake heterosexuality to the gullible public—in bed. With company. And it wasn't another chick, either!
Butter's man was in bed with...one of Ms. Pussy's employee's. How awful! How humiliating! How déclassé!
So, Butter-babe did what any megastar worth her very butch reputation would do: She got a knife and threatened to "cut" the philandering partner. And guess what?
She did! Badly. So much so, the sliced-up dude had to be taken to the hospital—and his recovery took some time.
Now, to make up for things, the cheating dude who got knifed by the always well-coiffed and formidable Butter Pussy gets regular paychecks, per their postknifing financial arrangement.
And some folks think the guy's sticking around (and getting to enjoy the fancy life), just to help Butter parlay that straight-chick image.
Well, maybe a little—and maybe a little because both players here do still care for each other. But trust, those aren't the emotional ties than bind them.
It's blood. Literally.
AND IT AIN'T: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Dolly Parton, Diane Lane
Oprah?
ReplyDeleteOprah Winfrey. Yeah, I know she's denied it already.
ReplyDeleteHer name fits the syllable scheme Ted often uses.
I think the greater secret is that she could be related to Stedman. I don't think the "literal" blood refers to the attempted Lorena Bobbit, but genetics.
You guys are good. I could totally see it being Oprah. "Butter Pussy" cracks me, too.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely Oprah, but the part about finding Steadman in bed with one of her employees is an old, old, story. Supposedly it was Andre, the hairdresser and that's when Steadman became rarely seen and Gayle became more visible.
ReplyDeletePink.
ReplyDelete{how the babe's scared coming out will affect her and her loved ones' incomes, listen up.}
ReplyDeleteOprah isn't scared of a loss of income. She also does not take care of many of her family members. Just mom and dad.
Pink is an interesting guess.
I'm trying to actually picture Oprah actually doing this.. cracks me up!
ReplyDeleteSecond on Cheryl: If this is Oprah, it is an OLD-OLD one. This goes way back with Steadman, Opie and the hairdresser.
ReplyDeleteThe timing on this is just too convenient. Previous Butter Pussy blinds have all but revealed it as Oprah, so to release another one at this time is really pushing it.
ReplyDeleteso who's wanger got whacked? the significant other or the employee? I'm so confused.
ReplyDeleteThe last Butter Pussy blind was about how she was encouraged by Ellen's coming out.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I just can't get past the words, "Butter Pussy."
ReplyDeleteOprah and Stedman were my first thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMariah Carey?
ReplyDeleteBeyonce and Jay-Z? Though married, I never bought into them being a true "couple". Also, B has already revealed she has an alter-ego: Sasha Fierce. She is truly mega-star status with singing, dancing, acting, modeling, etc., etc. The "loved ones' incomes" could refer to her Mother and her House of Dereon clothing line, her sister Solange's music (cough) career, her Dad's music management business, and also Jay-Z's Roc-a-fella records. Recent news also has Beyonce spending $2 million (!!!) on a Bugatti sports car for his birthday.
ReplyDeleteThe richer the person is, usually the greedier the person is, too. That's why I believed a woman who I met who said Oprah Winfrey worried more about her income than anyone she had ever known.
ReplyDeleteI think he wants us to believe that this is Oprah, still don't think she's gay.
ReplyDelete@Cousin, I like your Beyonce guess.
ReplyDeleteI still think Butter Pussy is Martha Stewart. Her empire would be a lot more shaken than Oprah's would by coming out. I figure the core of Stewart's fan base is a bunch of upper middle class, conservative, type A perfectionist types who would be unlikely to be ok with her as a lesbian. I don't think Oprah's world would be rocked by coming out. She MIGHT lose five to ten percent of her audience. Martha would lose about 75 percent of hers. Plus, a bitch learns how to use a shank in the joint.
Crazy, but Jessica Simpson was the first person that popped up in my mind.
ReplyDeleteKimora Lee & Djimoun Hounsou
ReplyDeleteI wish it was Steisand, but the big O makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Halle Berry?
ReplyDeleteAlicia Keys and Swizz Beats
ReplyDeletePaula Dean. She well known to love butter.
ReplyDeleteOh
ReplyDeletemy
god.
My mom LOVES butter. Should I be worried?
Yeah but the blind takes about a "very butch" reputation. Who is very butch? And always "well coiffed"? Makes me think of Jessica Biel. Everyone calls her she-hulk and she always looks put together. I can't think of anyone else.
ReplyDeleteMartha Stewart is butch and always has everything perfect and well coiffed. Syllables work too. Also doesn't her daughter have income off her? She did that show and on the radio because of Martha but don't follow the family to really know for sure. Maybe there's a clue with the aint's...I'm sure there is, I just suck at figuring it out.
ReplyDeleteI think Martha fits this one more than Oprah. But who's her man?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Martha's audience being more shocked and dropping her like hot potatoes than Oprah. My mom, for one! She actually watches Martha's Hallmark, is it? show. I'll but the magazine once in a while, but that's it.
ReplyDeleteThere is no way Pink would be afraid to come out she is admittedly bi and for a while took her then gf to all the awards show & held hands.
ReplyDeleteThis blind is well-known to be Oprah. I definitely believe Ted is talking about Oprah with these, I'm just not sure he's telling the truth. Kinda the same way I feel about Toothy Tile.
ReplyDeleteThen again, Oprah was an Oscar-nominated actress for the Color Purple. She knows how to work her audience. I can see her being this deceitful.
It's not Martha per Ted today 12/16/2010:
ReplyDeleteDear Ted:
The only fabulous, perfectly coiffed female media mogul my two rescue dogs can think of in conjunction with the words "butch" and "butter" is Martha Stewart. I think they might be on to something because who else would always have a knife handy for cutting some "bitch"? Hugs from me and big, sloppy kisses from the dogs.
—It's Parkay
Dear Prison Butter:
While Marth may have the street cred from her time behind bars to shank a be-yotch, the Vice is much more delish because Butter seems like the oh-so-innocent type. Until you hop in bed with her fauxmance fellow, that is.
Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b216508_bitch-back_miley_cyrus_causes.html?cmpid=sn-000000-twitterfeed-365-awful&utm_source=eonline&utm_medium=twitterfeed&utm_campaign=twitterfeed_awful#ixzz18Hm2SFhy
On the Beyonce train.
ReplyDelete