A little something different now. According to The National Enquirer, Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis, is having a baby. Kind of. Apparently Alexis has found a surrogate to have the baby for her. Apparently the woman chosen is married and lives in rural Pennsylvania. I can't believe the woman is married. Do you think they do this as a career? I am trying to think about what it would be like to be married to someone who was carrying a baby for someone for pay. It is all the drama and ups and downs of pregnancy but at the end you just get a paycheck and not the baby.
Do many women do this as a career? The article says that a Stewart family attorney found the woman and Alexis needed a surrogate because she has been unable to conceive. Is this expensive? I mean it is a 24 hour a day full-time commitment for 9-10 months.
I would surrogate for my friend who just miscarried her second baby which was done through IVF. My partner isn't as thrilled with the idea but it is my body.
ReplyDeleteIn Canada it is illegal to pay for a person to surrogate but you can pay for health care and cost of living for the surrogate.
Um, it's Pennsylvania. What else are they going to do up there?
ReplyDeleteI know a couple who has used a surrogate twice - same surrogate. I don't remember exactly how much they paid, but it wasn't all that much, considering. She was in her 40's and liked being pregnant.... Anyway, I thought she was too old for the second pregnancy (48) and had a lot of problems/delivered early. Apparently it's not legal everywhere in PA, and since she delivered as an emergency, she did not make it to the county where it was legal and then there were a lot of legal issues to much through.
ReplyDeletegood for alexis! you gotta do what you gotta do.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sure it's expensive. Especially since she's Martha Stewart's daughter.
ReplyDeleteYes, there are women who are career surrogates. Oftentimes, they are unmarried. I also see nothing wrong with women choosing this.
ReplyDeleteGood for Alexis.
ReplyDeleteAnd totally agree, r, c & n. Why not?
So you can't buy a white baby but you can pay a white woman to have your white baby.
ReplyDeleteBTW enty, you can sell your eggs also. Here in NY they go for about 10K a pop.
Oh to be rich.
Where was an article about army wives doing this to make $$ when the husbands were away. As far as I am concerned. it is a win/win!
ReplyDeletehey if it results in a happy,healthy loved baby,who am i to judge.
ReplyDeleteAs long as she's going to create a productive member of society, I could care less how she got the baby.
ReplyDeleteJust don't go mental like your Ma did. ;)
A former coworker of mine was paid $30K to carry a baby for a couple who couldn't conceive. She was married w/2 kids and needed the $ for a downpayment on a house. There was a thorough contract spelling out who was responsible for what, and guaranteeing that the couple couldn't back out in the event of multiple or birth-defective (?) babies. As far as I know it all went smoothly. She did it again a few years later. This was 10 years ago -- probably she'd get paid more now.
ReplyDeleteI think there are so many things that could/do go wrong with this situation, and the fact that *personally* I think adoption is a better route, but I think people who would go this far to have a child/would carry another person's child (even for money) are probably kind and loving people, so I'm sure the baby is well taken care of.
ReplyDeleteOK, the people I know used a surrogate because the female has multiple mental issues and couldn't take her meds while pregnant. Since they wanted kids they used a surrogate but some (all?) of her issues tend to be hereditary - why not use donor eggs too? They didn't. It really hasn't turned out all that well for all involved. They didn't go through an evaluation like one does when applying for adoption.
ReplyDeleteAre Martha and Alexis speaking again?
ReplyDeleteI'm married (with 3 kids) and I've contemplated being a surrogate, specifically for a gay couple. I love being pregnant, but don't really need any more of my own. I went through the application process a couple of years ago and it was quite involved (criminal background checks, physical, mental health evaluation, interviews with spouse, etc.). I ended up changing my mind because I decided to have one more of my own (I had 2 kids at the time), and now I'm considered too old for most of the surrogate agencies (though I guess I could just find a couple on my own, but that seems like a lot of work). The agency I applied through paid about $25,000 for a full-term pregnancy, and an additional amount if you ended up with twins, triplets, etc. They also paid for your travel expenses (it was based in California, and I'm in Texas), maternity clothes, medical expenses, etc.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.davethomasfoundation.org/Home
ReplyDelete"114,550 U.S. children are in foster care, waiting to be adopted. They have been removed from their homes as victims of child abuse, neglect or abandonment and are left without a family."
I certainly don't judge anyone for how they plan their family, but would love more people to consider fostering to adopt. It's sad how so many people preach about recycling paper products and plastic bottles, yet ignore these children who just want a family.
How would you guys feel about donating eggs? I once considered it, when in college, and my mum just gave me such an earfull about how i didnt want to have any kids around that I didnt know about.... At the time I thought it ws bull, now I am not so sure.
ReplyDeletere: linnea's question
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could. I also don't know if I could adopt either. I think I am slightly too selfish for either of those things.
Truth.
Whatever happened to Martha's ex husband?
ReplyDeleteI have two beautiful boys I adopted from birth and a beautiful girl I fostered for 2 years prior to her official adoption. I live for these 3 children and wouldn't give them up for all the gold in the world. They are my life and it doesn't matter one bit to me that they don't have the same genes and my husband and me. Love isn't genetic. Just look around at some of your extended families for proof. (LOL!)
ReplyDeleteIce Angel, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. You're my hero for real. I am a huge supporter of adoption.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Also, re: selling my eggs
ReplyDeleteI just could not do it. I mean, you have a half genetic carbon copy out there some where and you don't even know. It gets kinda creepy if you think about it.
I have been wanting to donate my eggs. I won't beat around the bush, I need the money. I was told NY was the best place for it paid more. However, I am in LA. Any suggestions? Advice?
ReplyDeleteI've read thoroughly on it and it's a win win situation. A family gets their baby and I get to pay for college.
Ice Angel, that is great! My friend and her hubby are going to start the adoption process this summer. They initially wanted a toddler but found out that it could take up to 2 years to foster adopt during which time the mom would have several chances to get the child back. Friend's hubby just couldn't bear the idea of having to give up a child he's come to love so they are looking at adopting an infant. They can have children but just feel they should give a good home to a kid who needs one rather than bringing their own kid into the world. Ice Angel, I'm sure they'd love to hear any thoughts you have on this. If you don't mind. :)
ReplyDeleteRE: selling my eggs. If I had known I wouldn't be using them, I would have sold them. Now its too late. :(
I considered donating eggs. I had no problem with the whole knowing there was someone with half my DNA thing. I just didn't want to take the meds required to harvest them.
ReplyDeleteYes a surrogate costs quite a bit. Adoption is an option but if you have the means, why not go with a surrogate and leave the available newborns to people who dont?
To those who are considering donating/selling their eggs. Yu should know that it is an EXTENSIVE process that is often times more painful than giving birth. You have to go through multiple rounds of hormone injections that do craaaaazy things to to your body and you have to take these hormones on a very strict schedule. hen it comes time to harvest the eggs, oh God, the pain, The. Pain. The doctor must scrape the eggs from your ovaries. I can NOT over stat how painful this is. Scrape. Your. Eggs. It is sooooo not worth it. Also, a lot of the hormones are not exactly safe for you in the long run.
ReplyDeletePlease reconsider and do not think of this as an easy or quick way to make a chunk of change. It is not. And you will more than likely be very sorry.
My husband & I are still fence sitting about having kids at all. The only thing I am certain about is that if we do, I want to adopt at least one child.
ReplyDeleteI can't fathom being a surrogate based on the possible complications that could occur. I also don't see me being a lady who "loves being pregnant". I think I will be more in the "raging b****" category of pregnancy.
I don't know about making a career out of it...a la "Baby Mama" but I do know of some people that have talked about doing it b/c they felt bad for those unable to conceive.
I love Martha Stewart!
Most surrogate agencies require that surrogates have at least one successful pregnancy before becoming a surrogate- I do think that some surrogates do it more than once.
ReplyDeleteIt can cost upwards of $50,000 just for the surrogacy, not to mention the IVF (which is around $10k-$15k per round). There is a growing movement of using surrogates in India, which is of course much less expensive.
I'm a huge adoption proponent, but adoption is expensive as well. International adoption is generally between $25k-$50k, and domestic infant adoption is about the same (the agency fees, medical costs, sometimes a living stipend for the birth mother all add up).
Adopting out of foster care is generally under $1,000 but being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart- there are a lot of issues in navigating the foster system, the birth parents are prioritized, the process is very slow, and there are no guarantees about anything.
I love adoption, I believe in adoption, but I get upset when people casually say, "Just adopt!" because it is an expensive, lengthy (averages 2-3 years), and at times heartbreaking process.
Long time lurker, first time poster.
ReplyDeleteThis topic hits a nerve with me. Please do not assume that adoption is as easy as celebrities make it appear (to those that have not adopted, or gone through the process).
Not only did my husband and I start the adoption process (we were open to any race), I have watched my sister and her husband try to adopt for going on 3 years now.
An international adoption went terribly wrong for them, they did not find out they had been lied to by the foreign government until they were in that other country at the orphanage (I don't want to bad-mouth a country in case a reader is adopting from that particular country). They are now are waiting to be selected for a domestic adoption. (It is the birth mother that selects the couple they want to give their child.) They too are open to any race.
Not only is it a long process, it is also very expensive. Before the process is over, my sister will have spent well over $50K, and when I was in the adoption process the agency budgeted $30K-$40K for the adoption.
Foster to adoption is not an easy solution either. The laws differ in each state. For my sister, who prefers to adopt an older child, and not necessarily a newborn, the laws in her state will not allow her to foster only children that are eligible for adoption. Therefore, she must foster whomever the state selects for her and her husband, if they eventually receive a child that is adoption eligible, then they could adopt. Again, this could be a short process, or a very long and heart breaking process.
So from what other commenters are saying, the surrogate route doesn't seem much easier or cheaper than adoption, just another option for those longing to be parents.
Who da daddy?
ReplyDeleteWho cares?
E- I have gone through IVF several times where they use the same process to retrieve eggs as they would for an egg donor. Although it is extensive and you are subjected to many hormones, the egg retrieval is rather simple. You are put under general anesthesia and they use a needle to withdraw each individual egg. It is painless. You are bloated and uncomfortable for a few days. But it is NO where near giving birth. I've done that too. Not even comparable.
ReplyDeleteMy exboyfriends mother was a professionla surrogate in OR where it is leagl to get paid for the process on top of health care maternity clothes etc etc. It was before we dated but according to him she loved it, and made quite a bit of money from it that she used to help support her family and be a stay at home mom. To him it was not weird, just another career choice. And while she was abit eccentric his mom was a perfectly wonderful lady, who just LOVED to be pregnant. Also there are very strict contracts that both parties sign covering everything from birth defects (adoptive parents must take the baby as is) to the diet that the mother will eat.
ReplyDeleteThey cover their bases.
I have considered surrogacy for a few select people who have asked. My sister for example and some close friends. We have never gotten past the conversing stage but for the right people I might. Pregnancy is rough (I have two, soon to be three children) and not something that I would do for just anyone but I think it could be a tremendous gift for someone.
Donating eggs is not like sperm donation. There are a lot of drugs to take for more active egg production ,and those drugs are questionable. Is ten grand worth the possibility of cancer later?
ReplyDeleteAs an adoptive mom 3 times over, I am very aware of the difficulty and expense of the adoption and foster-to-adopt processes. But having a child other ways is also costly and can be emotionally difficult. I remember my doctor clearly stating to me at 19 that I would never have children and that I was "lucky." He said I would agree later. Well I do. I know many couples who have gone through all of the money to do IVF, surrogacy, etc...which are all not without risks. I have seen many friends suffer multiple miscarriages and even have seen marriages fail due to infertility.
ReplyDeleteHaving a family is never easy or simple, no matter which way you choose to build it. There are health risks to moms and of course the pain of childbirth. We all have our hurdles to overcome in order to build a family. No one said it was meant to be easy.
For my 2 boys, we went through Catholic Charities and they had a sliding scale. I spent under $10K for each of the adoptions all in. They were both healthy white infants. We received my daughter as a foster child prior to her turning 4. She was what they refer to in this state as "legal risk." In other words, they felt that the situation was such that it would eventually lead to adoption, as she had been in care for 2 years and mom wasn't progressing and they were planning a move toward termination. It took 2 years and yes, it was a bit scary, but I felt confident that everything would go OK. She is African American. We finalized her adoption last month.
Everyone must weigh the risks, but if foster-adopt seems like it may be a way to go, I would suggest you pray about it if you are a person of faith, or really soul search. You really need to accept in your heart that you are doing this for the child and not yourself. It's a difficult concept and easier said than done, but I thank God that nothing did go wrong in our case and we ended up finalizing everything smoothly.
I have a friend who is a surro-mom. Her husband had a heart transplant at age 31, so she was trying to find a way to give something back to the world. Finally, they decided she would become a surrogate. They had a great couple - everyone was involved with all aspects. It was the bio father's sperm and the egg was from another donor because the wife was barren. The surro baby is almost 3 and they still remain friends to this day. They wanted my friend to do it again, but something happened in the lab and all the samples thawed.
ReplyDeleteMy friend is very special to do something like this because she was/is grateful her husband got a new heart.