Ted C Blind Item

As we told you a while ago, Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off were developing a couple of cracks in their very liberal (and licentious) love agreement. And we're not just talking random butt crack, babes.

Nope, Secretia was becoming a bit careless in her private hookups, even though the two had agreed to have an open relationship—which often included swinging orgy sex. How psychedelic '60s, love it! However, Chester was not at all pleased with his gal's borderline-public liaisons with other men, so he decided to...

Start being indiscrete himself!

And handsome Chester (who, if you ask us, isn't quite the hunk-muffin so many folks say he is, but whatever) did his sex-hungry honey one better: He started getting emotionally attached to his sex partners. Going out, having lunch and dinner, you know, hanging.

OMG, the nerve Chester had to not just have sex with these women! And anything that went beyond the bedroom, Secretia had warned, would always be considered the ultimate no-no numero uno.

People are such idiots, really. Do they think multiple orgasms with multiple partners isn't going to eventually lead to some kind of psychological—if not affectionate—connection between the players? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

But Chester was pretty dumb himself when he thought Secretia would just lie back and take his one-upmanship. Hardly this bitch's style.

So Ms. Ohio is currently deciding her options. Does she dump Chester and demand a bigass piece of his financial pie in the process—and risk exposing her own sexual goings-on in the process? Or does she stay with Chester and make the best of it?

But plan C, which involves only Chester being hung out to dry—for an agreed-upon monetary arrangement between the two cheaters, of course—would probably be far more likely.

It Ain't: Kevin and Christine Costner, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, Michelle and Barack Obama