Lindsay: Let's bust out of here. I need a coke.
Friend: Oh, I could use some coke too, but we are in rehab. Plus, where are we going to buy it? Do you know someone?
Lindsay: Not that kind of coke. Coke as in drinking coke.
Friend: Wait, you want to sneak out of this place and possibly get kicked out just to get a coke?
Lindsay: Well, yeah and I'm hoping to meet a pap or two along the way. I could use the money.
Friend: Uh huh.
(Cue the Mission Impossible theme as the pair dodge their way across the lawn, encountering no one, because it is rehab, not a jail)
Friend: That fence looks really big. Why can't we just walk down the street?
Lindsay: Because I like to do my own stunts.
Friend: Oh you are a stunt woman?
Lindsay: No, I'm an actress. A very good one and my mom tells me I'm the best.
Friend: Huh, I have never seen you in anything. What is the last movie you did?
Lindsay: Never mind. I also am a world famous designer and had a show at fashion week in Paris.
Friend: Really? What designer?
Lindsay: Ungaro.
Friend: Really? Did you see that show last year that everyone laughed at. I think that was Ungaro. When was your show?
Lindsay: Never mind. Just get up on the fence.
(they start climbing)
Friend: Lindsay, I think I'm stuck.
Lindsay: Huh?
Friend: Yeah, I can't move. I think I got it caught on the mesh. I still don't understand why we just did not go through the gate instead of climbing over.
Lindsay: I told you. I am a performer.
Friend: Yeah, just get me down please.
(Lindsay tries to help while at the same time chain smoking and wondering if she can steal her friend's watch)
Lindsay:I think you are stuck for sure.
(a guard asks them what is going on)
Lindsay: My friend here got stuck on the fence and I was trying to get her down.
Guard: What was she doing on the fence?
Lindsay: I don't know, but I'm a helper so wanted to help.
Guard: Uh huh. Well, I am going to have to report this.
Lindsay: Don't you know who I am?
Guard: No
Lindsay: I'm a big star. My family says I'm the biggest.
Guard: Uh huh
Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteAnd you got it right. You KNOW it wasn't the coke (cola) she was craving. THAT's not her addiction.
It was the ATTENTION. I swear, that is her drug as much as anything else. She cannot go a week without it. Without the attention, she ceases to exist. Thus the stupid breakout bound to get snapped by a pap.
Are there any rehabs that specialize in that? That might be the first addiction she needs treated, let the substances follow suit.
Oh Enty I love you so!
ReplyDeleteLMAO! I LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteEnty.....i love you. And i just heard the KFC double stacker is coming to Canada. I shall eat one and think of you my bacon loving friend.
ReplyDeleteHow much did Dina make off this story?
ReplyDeleteLohan has a friend?
ReplyDeleteWell said hunter!!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see she's taking rehab seriously.
ReplyDeleteWhat hunter said.
ReplyDeleteAnd how did this story get out anyway?? Good lord, that girl and her family will do ANYTHING to keep her name in the press.
Dammit, now I can't get the Mission Impossible theme out of my head.
ReplyDeletehunter, I think this is the one instance where someone should be forced to wear a burqa and wander through life in total anonymity.
ReplyDeleteAnd i believe she likes a shot of rum in that coke....
ReplyDeletehahaha @.robert - they really need to come up with more specialized punishements, I agree...
ReplyDelete(Lindsay tries to help while at the same time chain smoking and wondering if she can steal her friend's watch)
ReplyDeleteBwa ha ha haaaaa!
Good one, Enty
Great post Enty!
ReplyDeletedoes she think that she's 13 and sneaking out at a sleepover party?
ReplyDeleteLove it, Enty! LOL!
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff, Enty! :)
ReplyDeleteMerlin, I bet it was Michael.
ReplyDelete